Is my dd overweight(67 Posts)
I've had another thread going here recently and thanks for the help with that. I have another question if that's ok. My dd is 114cm tall and weights 3 stone 7.5pounds. She likes her food a lot to be honest, and it can be a struggle to get her to take her mind off food. She is looking chubby round the face recently and although has a tiny waist, she is definitely chunkier than her friends.
Can anyone here tell me if those figures are too high? Thanks a lot.
Just wanted to empathise - I've read this thread with interest. My DD2 is 9 and gaining weight at an alarming rate. Like your DD she seems completely obsessed by food and it rules her every waking thought. I cook almost every single night and am really mindful of what we eat as a whole family - loads of fresh veg/fruit, fish and white meat, wholemeal everything etc. She isn't obsessed by junk food, just food generally and I am really strict with her because she's been on this spiral for several years. Her diet is far better than any of her peers (I know - I've seen the lunchboxes) but, and there's no getting away from this fact, she is fat. The main problem is lack of exercise as it's a vicious circle, overweight=less energy/motivation to do anything.The rest of the family are a healthy weight (probably even the lighter side of healthy) and it worries me, not from a looks perspective but for her health. The fact you are not in denial that your DD has weight issues will stand her in good stead for the future. Results are not instant, but so long as you are doing all you can to keep her healthy, you're not doing much wrong. Tell your xh that his interfering is only making the situation worse - you need solidarity and co-operation, not opposition.
Thanks everyone, I really appreciate it. According to her stats and what other posters have told me- she isn't overweight yet but I can see that it could head that way given her fixation.
The thing is, I seriously doubt it would be this way if ex hadn't caused her to be so fixated. He has been obsessed by it since she was around 10mo and there is every chance in my opinion that she has developed issues because of it
In essence, I blame him.
My ds1 is six and I've had similar problems, but things are sooo much better. I have also been in tears over eating. I highly recommend the book by Ellyn satter, think it's called helping without harming, your childs weight. Please buy it, honestly without this book I think we would have serious problems. Got it about a year ago and it's turned things around for us.
I actually never thought of a book because I can't quite work out what dd's issues are. Thanks so much, will look at this.
Cheers everyone for the help x
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Did you misspell netmums in the address bar "hun"?
Kathy you are clearly a dick.
Use this child bmi calculator with your DD's measurements it says she is overweight, but at 1lb less it says she isn't, so she is very much borderline. It could mean she is due a growth spurt, so I would check her again in a few months to see if she remains in the overweight category. Children's BMI works by calculating the BMI and comparing this to the BMI of other children of the same age. The to 3% are categorised as obese and the next 6% are categorised as overweight.
I think you should keep records of what your ex feeds your DD (obviously not detailed records) so that if he tries to use your DD's diet as an issue in residency proceedings you can point out that he has fed her unhealthy stuff himself.
Breathe that's a good idea. I need to write down the weird stuff he does, like pizza hut every weekend, baking cakes, choc in her lunch box, he gives her Sunday roast when he knows she has one with me later on. It's like he is deliberately trying to over feed her? I'm sure he isn't - that would be extreme, but he is certainly contradicting himself. I'm going to get that book.
I saw on the calculator that she's is borderline, and is either healthy or overweight depending on a pound or so. This means it would depend on the day or time you weigh her that she is healthy or overweight as we all fluctuate. I think this is what annoys ex, he wants dd well within the lower ranges and hates that she's not 'lean'. I am overweight myself so I think he sees that as the proof that I am unable to care for her properly. He literally will not leave the issue alone.
Don't forget too that muscle weighs more heavily than fat. If she is getting more exercise, her weight might not go down, I'd look at the shape of her more as an indicator.
We have the opposite problem with our dd who is a fussy eater but also goes on about food all the (because she won't eat certain things). If she is asking me what's coming next, I say well discuss it at the time and change the subject. By not talking about it or giving her attention when she talks about it she has started asking much less.
Don't agree with the mini fridge either. My DS is looking a little tubby. I've stopped buying biscuit and go to the market once or twice a week and buy loads of fruit. He knows that if he's hungry, the fruit bowl is the place to go.
Do agree though that your ex sounds like a complete knob. If you don't want to seek help because of the residence order, maybe the book suggested will help or try the change for life website.
Both of mine were like this at that age. Dd had a round belly too (still does at 10) but their faces aren't rounded and they have stretched so much. At 5 mine were smaller than their peers and quite chunky but are amongst the average to taller group now.
I think it may be worth having a frank conversation with your ex, and yes I know this will not be easy, about how you do not want to cause future eating problems for your daughter. He needs reminding that he is an adult and a parent and to stop being so manipulative. You have to find a way to provide a united front for your daughter or she is going to get so confused emotionally. Maybe some mediation? He needs to realise his attempts to hurt you are damaging his daughter. I think he's the one with food/weight issues! Your only other option if this is impossible is to work at getting your daughter to eat healthily and do more excercise without making a huge deal about it, not enter into too many conversations with her about food. Literally change the subject or calmly ignore. The same goes for the ex if he won't listen to reason. He probably only says it to upset you!
Well I will be sitting down with ex soon and trying to make him see sense, it won't go down very well but I have to try. Thanks for the great advice- I appreciate it
He is doing it to push your buttons. She doesn't have a weight problem currently - she was born on the 91st and has maintained that so she is always going to be one of the bigger children in her year group. However, at the top end of normal she doesn't have far to go before she is overweight. You do need to avt now to avoid abnormal food associations though. Don't go for the mini-fridge and try as much as possible not to use treats as a reward. If she obsesses about food it is easier to have one rule eg fruit only as a snack between meals but remember even then that fruit is high in sugar. When you have her try and have an engaging physical activity planned for between meals - boredom is a very common cue to eat. Tell X that you feel his behaviour is giving her mixed messages. A food diary is a really useful thing (but don't let her know about it). Might also be useful to note down the times of day she nags about food the most. That way you can see exactly what you're feeding her and when are the most problematic times. You could tell x you're doing this and I would certainly keep a note of when he gives her high calorie fast food if he is trying to use this to manipulate you. Good luck.
Tolly I admit that she probably would be overweight if I let her- she just doesn't have an off switch when it comes to sugar and bread. Take last night for example, we ate out at a restaurant. She chose cheese pasta, I chose a curry with nan bread. She asked to try my bread, so I gave her a small piece. The rest of the meal was spent pushing her hand away from my plate where she tried to take more. She obsessed about it, begging and pleading, totally ignoring her full plate of food.
I find this kind of behaviour completely and utterly wearing. It often reduces me to tears because I just know that once her eating is no longer under my control - she will go crazy
Really really do empathise. Have you swapped her over to more whole foods like wholwheat pasta and whole wheat bread? Regular pasta and white bread can give her almost the same highs and lows as sweets and chocolate. The whole wheat will also keep her feeling fuller for longer. There might even be sone low gi cookbooks in your library.
Restaurant choices for
Kids food are crap, buylt switching whole foods is a good idea. We went to soft play at the weekend with a group of friends and their kids. They all had the usual fish fingers and chips for lunch, but I ordered dd sandwiches with a few chips on the side. She was happy with that but kept eating long after she was full - I could see her visibly struggling and the other kids had long since stopped or their parents were nagging them to eat more. I was quite cross with my dd inside- for ploughing away at a meal she no longer wanted. I gently reminded her to listen to her body and only then did she stop. The other parents had brought a small chocolate bar each as a treat and she devoured that, then unbelievably, went back to the cold chips. I had to pull them off her, and she just laughed. I could feel all the other parents looking at me, it is embarrassing, I know that's wrong to say - but I can't help it.
It's a minefield isn't it. My DS is quite greedy but I try not to confront him over this. I think asking her to listen to her body is a really, really good idea. Did she go off to play then? Perhaps you could distract her and
eat throwaway the unbeaten chips?
With DS I will try to let him have what everyone else is having if we are out though and just try to keep things sensible at home.
I was exactly the same as a child and I ended up as a fat teenager after being a plump or 'big' child. I lost weight as an adult but still have 'ishoos' with weight/food.
My mum just let me eat what I wanted and so there was no limit and food was not restricted. I agree that it is an addiction but I have no idea what causes it, if indeed there is a cause or whether some children/people are born that way.
I would stop all snacks other than fruit personally and up the exercise. I also don't think there is anything wrong with telling a child that eating too much is bad as it makes you fat and unhealthy. I know I will be flamed for saying that but I suffered horrendously as a fat child/teenager and would not want any child to go through that.
Have you considered asking your GP for a referral to a paediatric dietician?
I really don't want to go down the route of a paed because this is what my ex would love and would use it as a stick to beat me with. He is truly awful and I could not tell you how much glee he would get from a referral like this. I think a dietician would only tell me what you guys do. I know what to do to keep her a healthy weight - am in healthcare myself. The issue I have is dealing with dd's behaviour around food - she just seems to think about it all the time, although only in terms of crap food. She does not obsess over good food and its a nightmare at meal times to get her to eat well from a plate of 'healthy food'. She picks, whines, negotiates, cries at the table- anything to avoid a decent meal. Even something like spag Bol which she does like- is only ever nibbled at. You wouldn't catch her 'devouring' a meal like this and see real enjoyment from her. The only thing that will get that kind of reaction from her is chips, bread products and sweets.
I wish I could just sort it out, take her mind off it, see her being relaxed at a party rather than being dragged off the food table and made to join in. I wish I didn't get stared at by other mums who wonder why their kids are playing and mine is sitting with the adults in the hope of getting one of their biscuits.
the thing that has jumped out at me from your last post is that, knowing she is fixated with bread, you ordered bread (a naan) when you went out for dinner. Why? It sounds like you knew exactly what would, and did, happen, but let it happen anyway? Your XH sounds like a prick and I don't know how much you can do about that, but what you can do is monitor your own actions. Maybe start to make a note of what she, but just as importantly, you are eating, what's in the house etc etc. What does she do at home, is she distracted enough by toys and games and activities?
Do you really think other people should restrict what they eat around her though? Im trying to change her attitude to food, not make everyone including myself hide it. I agree I should be doing more to distract and entertain her though- thats something I'm working on recently.
I think jilted is right. Offer plenty of good healthy food but no crap with added sugar. I must admit I think playdates can be hard but just tell them. Your ex sounds vile btw.
If you eat badly then she will think it's normal. It's not about restricting its about her seeing you make the right choices.
I agree about making the right choices in front of her, totally. Not sure nan bread is considered a bad choice, I'd be happy for dd to have it herself if she could be moderate with it!
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