I need different views on my DS's behaviour

(10 Posts)
cory Wed 23-Jan-13 19:39:04

Yy to the advice to teach him to call out loudly but not to retaliate.

And btw don't worry about the future or picture him as someone who will always be taken advantage of. Ds was exactly the same: sitting there sadly whilst other children bit him or took his toys off him. He is perfectly capable of looking out for himself at school- or more often, of getting his friends to look out for him. It was a passing stage.

AMmyBoys Wed 23-Jan-13 19:12:53

Popperdoodles I know that there is a mum that was asked to leave last week as her kid is always, and I mean always, getting in trouble with the others. I haven't seen her this week though. The biter's mum was actually mortified she apologized a few times and made her son to apologize to mine and anyway I didn't make a big deal out of it just took him around to do something else and eat some snacks... but some parents just seem to be ok with their children pushing or hitting as it was part of the 'toddler stage'.

Iggly Wed 23-Jan-13 19:05:17

If he's made friends can you have playdates with them instead? It's easier to teach how to play and defend yourself if there's only a few. I'd also say something to the offender especially if there was biting involved!

AMmyBoys Wed 23-Jan-13 19:00:09

Thank your for your quick replies!

Iggly It does happen all the time in playgroups (we go to three different ones around the area) he normally has a good time as even if he's got any confrontation he just leaves the toy or the table to go somewhere else and he has made some good little friends to play with, so I would be kind of sad to have to leave the playgroups. At nursery, as long as I am concerned it does not happen, maybe just with the toys, not sure.

HillaryClinton he has got a bit of delay in speech, as we are bilinguals at home, but definitely I will start teaching him to say 'don't push me' or just to complain!!! He actually doesn't even complain at all, just stands there looking at me for reaction.

popperdoodles Wed 23-Jan-13 18:56:05

I would teach him to say "stop" or similar very loudly. I really wouldn't tell him to push or hit back. It is normal toddler behaviour to hit or even bite as they learn how to interact with other children and solve problems. That is not saying you should tolerate it but understand it is very common and most toddlers grow out of it by quickly. Is it being dealt with by nursery and other parents at groups? The parents of the hitters and biters often feel just as bad about ten hole thing.

Yy to Hilary's post, I forgot to say that. We explained to DD that she didn't have to give up a toy she was playing with (she had become a bit confused about the etiquette of sharing I think) and that if someone pushed her she should say "Please don't push me!" nice and loudly. This had the dual effect of letting the other child know that their behaviour was not ok and alerting any adults in the vicinity.

DD was the same at that age and I had exactly the same worries. We stopped going to the playgroups with the worst offenders for a while, and as she got a little older she became more confident in herself and more assertive.

She's 3.6 now and will happily stand up for herself if need be.

HilaryClinton Wed 23-Jan-13 18:47:37

Biting is absolutely not on.

You can teach assertiveness. A firm 'No Thank-You, do not push me' or whatever is appropriate to the situation is something he can do. This is what my kids were taught and I think it is great.

Iggly Wed 23-Jan-13 18:47:11

Does this happen at playgroup only?

If so stop going. I wouldn't put my ds in that situation (I stopped playgroups at a similar age as didn't seem to suit ds).

If at nursery then they need to be dealing with this.

AMmyBoys Wed 23-Jan-13 18:43:15

My son is nearly 2.4 yo, he's honestly such a good boy, I normally take him to different playgroups and he goes to nursery three mornings a week so he interacts with other children very often. The thing is that he's very very shy and often he gets pushed, the toys he's playing with stolen, kicked and today a kid bit him so hard in the arm that he was bleeding.

Everybody is telling me that I should tell him to defend himself and stand always next to him, which I do, but sometimes these situations occur so quick that I have no chance to stop them.

I don't want to teach him that it's ok to hit back or something like that but on the other side, I am actually sick of seeing how other children take advantage of his good temper and he stands there heartbroken.

What would everybody do in this situation? I know that this happens to kids in this age, maybe I am just overreacting?

Thank you in advance.

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