I have children of 4 and 2 and I find it incredibly difficult at times, to stay patient and in control with my 4 year old particularly. I do all the things you are not supposed to - shout, cry, withdraw affection - then feel awful about it afterwards. It ruins my day and I worry about the long term effects. Is this what you are finding? When I am being reasonable, I think to myself well at least I'm there, I'm consistent, I am responsible and I do love them so much.... and I hope they will know that on some level and feel safe, secure and loved. It's the most difficult job ever, isn't it....!
I just have the one toddler at the moment (dd is 22mo), so nowhere near the same levels of tiredness and stress I'm sure, but we have our days and I get where you're coming from. We do kind of attachment parenting too and I hate it when I feel grumpy and angry with dd.
Sometimes 'topping her up' with attention pre-emptively (I think that idea came from 'playful parenting') works well - if I can see she's got out of bed looking for mischief/if she starts getting a bit grouchy in the day we sometimes have half an hour of chasing around/reading/whatever activity she fancies, with lots of attention an cuddles, and quite often then she is more amenable. But not easy to do with a baby to feed/carry round as well.
You are only human and it will do her no harm to see that you get angry/grumpy/annoyed sometimes (just like she does - we all have bad days), try not to feel bad about it!
If you can get hold of a copy read "Buddhism for mothers" one of the most unexpected emotions of parenthood for me was anger. I'm not usually a book advocate but have read this over & over (I have 3 dcs) and it helped me deal with my stress & impatience honestly I recommend this to everyone I know & they have all loved it too! But don't feel bad we have all been there!
One the majority of the good days its amazing, and then the bad days are horrid. I have been parenting my own way using a lot of attachment theory. And then the bad days where I'm also feeling tired from feeding dd2 in the night. Dd1 (2.3m) challenging days I end up shouting lots and hate myself for it.
Then I take it out on dp. Because as soon as he comes through the door she's happy again and I can't help but feel she bloody Hates me!
It's just a bad day... Just wondered how you cope on the stressy days..
Ps. I'm trying to embrace it all, they're not small forever and I'll miss it. It's just in that moment when I feel like everything I'm doing is flaming wrong!
She's usually a happy girl. Tiredness gets the better of her like most toddlers. I always try to talk with her ask her what's wrong etc ( she's very forward and intelligent, speaks full blown conversations) but then like yesterday she goes out of character and gets angry