Further freakingly fantabulous adventures of the 40+ Mummies

(1000 Posts)
10000Fireflies Thu 17-Jan-13 20:13:44

For gorgeous, frolicking and fabulous 40-somethings to share the joys of becoming a Mummy, just a little bit later than most!! grin. Park your zimmer-frame next to your baby buggy, put your feet up, and come and join us in the snug.

blueblackdye Tue 22-Jan-13 22:45:35

Just finished baking honey amd pistacchio sponge for DH. Unfortunately, I asked him to dry the pans while he was waiting for me to finish the cake, I mean, he was standing in the kitchen staring at me, he might as well help, right ? His answer was that I was b*%#$ bossy and unpleasant ! I don't think I will ever bake at 9pm again. Moan over. Thank you for reading.
Good night all.

bytheseaside Tue 22-Jan-13 23:19:37

bbd shock have you read 'the little red hen'? there's a relevant moral to that story!

BadMissM Wed 23-Jan-13 19:26:43

bbd Shoot him? Cake mix over the head? smile

blueblackdye Wed 23-Jan-13 20:06:35

Thanks Seaside, BadMiss, I could hardly swallow the cake today. He has tried today to make peace by behaving as if nothing happened. I am not sure I want to ! Very stubborn I am. Especially when I don't think I am wrong.
Our relationship is a bit weird atm. He comes back home, doesn't talk very much, bathes DS, puts him to bed while I feed Anastasia, watches movies or reads the FT and sleeps. I feel a little bit part of the decor. I have not got lots to say as I am house-bound and seeing only 2 or 3 mums a week (thanks God, I have them and also you, Ladies, I don't know how I would cope otherwise). When I try to say that I feel not ok about this lack of communication, he doesn't react or snores in return. sad and I resent him for doing that. We have been together for 12 years, married for 7, Is it just a cycle in a couple's life ? Is it the arrival of the second baby that turns our life upside down ? I don't feel I exist as a person, I am only his DCs mum... Sad, no ?
BadMiss, how did your appointment go?

BadMissM Wed 23-Jan-13 21:51:35

bbd Think it may well be a part of the cycle of relationships... or he might feel displaced by the second baby? When was with ex, at one point I felt like the wallpaper, that noticeable sad. I think some men feel you are subsumed by baby-things until the LO is a little bit older. I spent a year at home doing my CAPES when DD was about 2, and felt the same. It's hard when you are at home all day to feel you have anything new to bring to the conversation... I have never not worked for so long in my life.

As I'm not working, I don't see anyone really...less and less people still want to talk to me, small town and with the Employment Tribunal and what my ex-employers have said, no-one wants to talk to me. Lovely 40+ mummies keeping me sane(ish) too.

They have decided I have gestational diabetes already...so diet advice and medication. They have also finally referred me to the physio (yay), but that was after they put me in a room and forgot about me for an hour and a half, and had nearly all gone home when they remembered, so they felt a bit guilty, I think smile

Midgetm Wed 23-Jan-13 22:56:47

bbd I am afraid often men are a bit stupid. They need it speed out how you feel and what you want them to do about it for them to get it sometimes. Of course then we Are annoyed with them that we had to tell them and don't want them to do it in the first place. we are all as bonkers as each other, no wonder they get confused, bless. Sorry he is being a nobber. I think it is a normal fluctuation in a relationship though, hope soon it will pass.

I am also in a baking frenzy, DD and I make stuff together and this week she chose a Sachertorte. Very classy for a 5 year old! Of course I now have to eat it. Any news on Eagle?

Midgetm Wed 23-Jan-13 22:57:55

Spelled it speed..... Damn you autocorrect

bytheseaside Thu 24-Jan-13 01:08:28

bmm what is CAPES? sounds
like you have been having sh** time sad

bbm sounds like a chat is in order. i don't think dads get just quite how restricted and small our lives have to become for a while, but doesn't mean we have nothing to say. funny thoughtful chat on here is testament to that.just feels like dp is my link to outside world sometimes: like you i need him to talk to me when he gets home! he tells me about work, i tell him about what baby s has been up to and discuss baby clothes at some length ...

midget mmm id like to come round for sachertorte

Midgetm Thu 24-Jan-13 08:46:23

We are having a wonder week here. Not that wonderful, just a pain in the arse.

blueblackdye Thu 24-Jan-13 11:33:03

Thank you all, I might be overreacting, boredom, lonelyness...
BadMissM, what CAPES did you prepare for ? Seaside, I think CAPES is a diploma which leads to teaching secondary students. Glad the diabetic consultant was more helpful, although GD is not excatly great, but at least, someone heard you. You are so brave BadMissM, really like your sense of humour against all.
OMG Midget this sachertorte looks so delicious. I am hungry now.
Anastasia seems to have changed her pattern, waking up at 5am for the past week for a feed and sleeping again. This morning was 4am, sleep again, until 8 for another feed, sleep again until 11am. My day is a bit screwed !!! Had time to have a long shower, dry my hair, laundry done and on the radiators... Hope she will leave me time to cook this afternoon although I planned to go shopping for her brother, he needs track suits and trainers for his tennis lessons next week in Marrakesh, pffff It seems that we will have to go shopping over the week end, yeah !

BadMissM Thu 24-Jan-13 12:30:12

bytheseaside CAPES is the certificate you take to teach in secondary school in France. At the time they didn't accept British teaching qualifications...

Midget Sachertorte sounds wonderful but won't be allowed to eat it now. My life has just been on some sort of lunatic hold while this stupid thing at work and tribunal went on and on and on....five years now. Theoretically, will be finished in 2 weeks....maybe. If my ex-employers don't waste all the court time with their expensive barrister like they did last time.... Has been in court for 2 years now... Might be easier if my union had backed me, or if I could afford a solicitor, but just me and DH... On the up side, is the thing that brought me and DH together! smile

bbd Secondary, did the first part but before could finish the practical year, left my husband and came back to UK... Is not bravery, just madness complete idiocy and not having a choice to do anything else!
You are not over-reacting, it's not easy being isolated, especially when you are not used to it. I had some practice in France as ex-husband was horribly jealous so I had few friends....hmm

Have also been given a sheet to get meds for the diabetes, but have to see how long my GP takes to actually do the prescription....

Tonight, options evening for the GCSE/EBacc for DD. Hours of standing around waiting to talk to the poular teachers...when she already knows what she wants to do.... But also working out what she needs to do to go on to the International Baccalaureate- her school is an international one and they do that...

blueblackdye Thu 24-Jan-13 13:27:34

BadMissM, international baccalaureat ! Not many school prepare for that, well done to your DD.

Fishandjam Thu 24-Jan-13 13:30:29

Can I join? I'm not 40+ but don't fit anywhere else (have DS3 and DD0.7, I'm 39).

blueblackdye Thu 24-Jan-13 14:24:22

Welcome Fishandjam, of course you can join,and be the youngest ! smile how are you finding the second baby 's arrival ? Another tsunami ?

BadMissM Thu 24-Jan-13 15:02:51

Want to cry now. Just got a letter (less than 2 weeks before the event) that the Buggering tribunal is to be postponed AGAIN. Judge apparently needed for something more important than me. Just wanted it resolved before was too pregnant to deal with it. Now to be heard from March-July (whenever they feel like....). Was hoping to actually have a settlement before LO arrived.... really want to cry now...

blueblackdye Thu 24-Jan-13 15:22:05

Oh BadMiss, I am so sorry. Have a tea, sit down and cry, let it go. I understand the waiting game is nerve breaking but try to enjoy pg instead and forget the employment tribunal for a few months, there is nothing you can do. Hugs

BadMissM Thu 24-Jan-13 15:31:53

Was kind of hoping for the £50,000 plus they owe me, even without settlement, to be able to buy things for LO... Also, struggle sitting in court all day even with medication. 6+ months pregnant with no painkillers will be nigh-on impossible. Rang court and they don't give a damn that I'm pg. Even insisting I give 'exact date' for birth so can't attend 'on that day'. Attempted to explain to idiot that babies come when they want, to no avail....

Luckily we hadn't yet booked hotel, or would have lost that too....

bytheseaside Thu 24-Jan-13 16:52:03

bbm I'm so sorry. thats really awful - can you find a way of mentally taking yourself away from it all, perhaps for now your dh can be the one who badgers the court (what an idiot shock ), finds our their policy on pregnant women, and gets your obs to write a letter explaining about childbirth ... sounds like none of it is in your control, which is probably partly why it is so stressful. do as much as you can to be kind to yourself.

BadMissM Thu 24-Jan-13 20:06:44

bytheseaside Just terrified they'll throw the case out if I can't be there....ex-employers have tried everything to get it thrown out from beginning, and I can't go through this hell for nothing...

bytheseaside Thu 24-Jan-13 20:35:02

hmm. worth posting in legal for advice on getting reasonable court date when heavily pg? i really get why you are so stressed. sounds like they have being bullying you to make you back down, hell for you, easy for them.

bmm what a truly horrible time you are having. I hope you have some support as well, and can take time to do some nice things for yourself. I think you deserve the best spot on the sofa at the moment. If you are ever in London again do come and see us all!

bbd confused about your DH. Think I agree that men can find this baby lark harder than we do - we might over analyse and wallow, but we are pretty good at finding support networks, while they manfully struggle along get short tempered and narky the cake sounded great.

Welcome fish ! Please join us and bring snacks!

seaside you could decorate the nasty cheap swing?... We just bought BG a jumperoo which he absolutely adores, but the living room is now tastefully decorated with a cartoon rainforest theme, what with the play mat and bouncy chair hmm the purpose of the jumperoo is to tire him out so that he sleeps at night. AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Sorry, am a bit delirious after last night. Didn't settle until 9:15, up at 12, 12:30, 1:30, then 2:30 for good. I gave up and took him intoned where he thrashed around until 7 this morning, while I snatched a couple of dozes in between all the shushing and patting.

midget is that sachertorte out of the oven yet? for when shall I time my arrival? wink

Ok, now off to a music class. What's the betting BG will fall asleep? closely followed by mum

BadMissM Fri 25-Jan-13 12:33:37

Bytheseaside Not helping that have no legal representation but me.... Will have to get Obs someohow to write letter explaining high risk etc. Court also 70+ miles form home, so if go into labour there, would be complicated.... Court Clerk seemed to think date of birth was an exact art!

Easy for them, large employer with 42,000 employees, legal dept and still they have an expensive employment barrister (looked him up, £5,000 or so a day). They are just bullies who think the law doesn't apply to them.

bbd DH and I had a row over this yesterday, with me crying, him saying 'well, what can I do?', and me saying 'Wel, who the hell else can I talk to?' It's the whole isolation thing....and what goat said, they don't go and find support, just get narky....

Goat I'll be back in London...was hoping sooner rather than later when win ridiculous amount form tribunal tribunal is over. Just try keeping me away! Was hoping if tribunal finished could go away for half-term before go too pg to fly...not going to happen now!

bytheseaside Fri 25-Jan-13 16:04:13

bbm wish i was a hotshot lawyer - id come and represent you - this makes me so cross - so exploitative and damn discriminatory just in terms of the court appearance stuff - a man would not be disadvantaged like this re court appearance sad re your dh - i think men often want to fix stuff and get frustrated when (not surprisingly) they can't do much about sleepless nights, legal battles etc. i'm always telling dp what i really need from him is a hug and a cup of tea. hope your obs can help you. could lawyer free half hour be enough to advise you on fighting the court date issue? must surely be a straightforward health / equal opps court policy in case of illness / pg you may just need access to info to put the jobsworth right. talking out my bottom though - have no knowledge of this, sorry - just fired up and cross you have to worry about this when pg.

BadMissM Fri 25-Jan-13 18:04:31

bytheseaside I know... it's just so damned unfair.... DH does just want to make everything OK, and gets frustrated if he can't. Might try the free lawyer re court date. Anything worth a try....!

blueblackdye Fri 25-Jan-13 20:20:02

Bmm, agree with seaside, maybe a slicitor could help you write a letter to get a court date asap ? So sorry this happening in general, going to employment tribunal is not easy, and during pg, it is even worse. I was announced I would be made redundant when I was 24 week pg, it was hard to fight back but eventually it took 3 months to agree on a compromise, I can feel a little bit of what youare going through, I chose to let go even if I knew the employer took advantage of the pg as my mind was set elsewhere, but it wasn't the same kind of money so it was less difficult to make the choice. I can tell you I still sometime feel hatred. Take care of yourself and the LO.

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