Too much 'handling'

[stargirl1701]

Can you 'handle' a baby too much? Both sets of GPs keep saying that we 'handle' the baby too much and she'll get sore.

We play with her, read with her and always pick her up when she is crying. We use a Kari Me sling as well. She does spend some time on the floor both on her back and front as well as in a rocking chair.

She is 18 weeks old.

[ClartyCarol]

Balls! Same school of thought as my mil who said I'd spoil my babies by cuddling them too much. How would your baby get 'sore' unless you were manhandling her in a practically abusive way?!

Sounds to me like you're doing fine.

[Longtalljosie]

Sore??

Well, that's a new one on me. No, you're doing it perfectly. And you won't "spoil" her either. There certainly were some odd ideas about last generation, weren't there?!

[Longtalljosie]

X-post Carol!

[Bluestocking]

What rubbish. My mother said something similar - apparently DS would never learn to sit up because I almost never put him down. I had my response all ready - I said "that's an interesting idea" and took absolutely no notice. She didn't say it again. DS (who's now eight) sits up perfectly well, by the way, in case you were concerned.

[GoldPlatedNineDoors]

hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha......no, wait... hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah

[Bluestocking]

Oh yes, and what GoldPlated said.

You are clearly doing a fab job, OP, and your DD is a lucky girl!

[AngelDog]

No! Lots of people would argue that we've been designed to be a 'carrying' species. Researchsuggests that babies who are quickly and consistently responded to in their first 6 months cry less than others in their second 6 months.

Some babies can get stressed from too much handling by other people and not enough from close family though.

Our parents' generation was much less 'involved' with their babies - own room for night sleep, naps in a pram at the bottom of the garden etc. My DS2 naps / travels / hangs out in the sling and co-sleeps with me at night. My parents were a bit at first at our parenting practices but my mum has wistfully commented that it would have been wonderful to have had slings available when we were tiny so we could have been close to her more often.

[FelicityWasSanta]

No,no you can't.

And if anything you are aiding her development.

[Conflugenglugen]

I've never heard such bull in my life. (Okay, I have, but it's still ridiculous.) ... And they get away with this? How many other people have they given this gem of advice to, I wonder, who haven't thought to question them. Honestly!

Sounds like you're doing great, OP.

[Bagofmashings]

Oh god, we got this all the time. Please ignore them, you know what's right for your baby and what works for you.

[SquidgersMummy]

What???? No such thing as holding the baby too much. You carry on.....what bollocks stupid people say .

[mummysmellsofsick]

Most babies much prefer to be carried/ held by a parent for most or all of the time. They know they are helpless and evolution has programmed them to fear being eaten by wild animals if they are put down.

Your baby won't get sore!

[stargirl1701]

Thank you, everyone. That's what we thought but they keep banging on about it.

Now, how to respond when they bring it up...

[JiltedJohnsJulie]

Just say "oh that's interesting, we'll bear it in mind", smile sweetly and carry on as you are

[JiltedJohnsJulie]

And if that fails give them a copy of this or this

[stargirl1701]

I've got the second one. It was part of the reading list for my Forest Schools course

[DoubleLifeIsALifeHalved]

My mother got told by her gp not to pick up her baby or the baby would become too dependent! My mother didn't answer when I asked her if she had done what the doctor advised... So suspect she did. Can't get her off her grandson though so suspect she likes the change in attitudes!

[JiltedJohnsJulie]

Things have just changed so much. When my mum had me and my aunties were having my cousins they were told to ff every 4 hours and leave the baby in the garden in between feeds.

We parent in a similar way to you and my mum is very supportive. I think a traumatic birth, trying to stick to a strict, imposed regime, and the fact that I had cows milk allergy that was undiagnosed for a long time nearly sent my mum over the edge. She was so, so let down by the HCPs at the time.

My aunties however think there is nothing wrong with the way they parented, how can you clean, cook and keep your husband happy if you bf and don't leave your baby to cry? I just smike and ignore, ignore and ignore some more. One of my aunties can get really offended if we don't take her advice, but it includes adding rusks to bottles and putting babies on solids at 6 weeks!

[stargirl1701]

Yeah my MIL is NOT impressed. She left DH in the pram in the garden, 4 hourly feeds, own room from day 1, didn't attempt bf, puréed food.

I have let DD sleep in her pram in the garden quite often but I'm out there with her. Tried bf for 3 weeks now relactating. Co-sleeping. Planning BLW.

My own Mum died 6 years ago. I think she would've supported me more. She tried to bf me in the 1970s. I can't imagine how hard that would've been. No rooming in, scheduled feeds, no skin to skin. Sad.

[JiltedJohnsJulie]

Star so sorry to hear that your Mum isn't around to see your lovely new baby and to support you, it must make Mils comments harder to ignore.

How's the relactating going? Haven't met many people who have even tried it so have to admire you.

My Mils views sound just like your Mils but if ignoring her means that I have a better relationship with my DC at they don't turn out like DH then I'm all for it. DH can not remember being hugged, kissed or told he was loved at home ever.

[Notquite]

My mum breastfed us but was told by the doctor that her milk would only come down every 4 hours ( how she didn't feel it or leak everywhere I've no idea). She now realises that it might explain why my great big brother cried so much until he went on the bottle at 3 months. I was bf for a year, but was smaller, more placid. I was a 'good' baby.

We were aired at the bottom of the garden and left to cry, etc. My grandmother didn't approve at all, incidentally, and yhought mum was very hard with hs, but mum did what she was told to do by the 'experts' and what her peers were doing. It wasn't from any lack of affection; she thought she was doing what was best for us.

She's always been as soft as butter with her grandchildren and thought my velcro DD2, who wasn't so much a baby as a body part for the first year, was the sweetest thing ever.

[stargirl1701]

Relactating is hard! It's a pretty punishing schedule of pumping. I still have to get up overnight even though DD sleeps through most nights

I'm trying to entice her back at the moment. I have milk again which is great. I'm trying a Supplemental Nursing System and lots of skin to skin. She has latched on twice but mostly it's just licking.

I gave up bf after being hospitalised for blood poisoning from infective mastitis. It all just got too much to cope with. I had a serious allergic reaction to one of the 3 IV antibiotics (stopped breathing). The milk in the infected breast came out in green strings then red clumps. I freaked tbh. I was in 8 days and kept bfing but I couldn't keep going once we got home. I was instructed to feed her for 30 min on the left, feed expressed milk in a bottle, feed formula top up, express for 30 min from right. That took 90 min and she only slept 120 then.

So I stopped, got better and I'm giving it another go. I've got RL help and the LLL helpline has been a god send. I feel I have to try. If it doesn't work out I know I did everything I could.

I'm feeling more positive about bf after trying again. I had such negative associations. That alone should help if we have another baby!

[JiltedJohnsJulie]

Star you truly are a star

[stargirl1701]

Aw. Thank you. I'm crying here

[Loislane78]

Wow star! Good for you on the relactation )big gold (.)(.) badge) . Hope it works out.

On the over-handing, just [no comment] really