do you feel guilty about leaving your baby?

(11 Posts)
cloudhands Sun 30-Dec-12 14:12:20

does anyone else have a kind of mild guilty feeling whenever you leave your baby behind? Mine is 15 months, and I know she's fine staying with her dad, but I still feel it. I also know for my own sanity, that I need time doing my own thing!
It's just because whenever I'm around she always chooses me, so I feel a sense of guilt, whenever I leave her, and also because she is still pretty much non-verbal, it's hard for her to understand, exactly how long I'm going for and when i'll be back!! I know I'm making a fuss about nothing, but it would be nice just to be able to leave the house without having a nagging sense of guilt in the back of my mind. I guess this is just how being a mum feels!

PetiteRaleuse Sun 30-Dec-12 14:16:00

Yes. DD1 is current,y in hospital and DH is staying with her. I am ill plus looking after nb so can't go in. I miss her so much and feel stabbed with guilt whenever I think of her wondering where I am.

DD2 is currently showing signs of having caught the same bug, and if she follows the same pattern will be going in when DD1 should be home or almost. DH will have to go back to work and I will have to look after DD1 and DD2 is 10 weeks. It hasn't even happened yet, might not happen at all, and I am already tearing myself apart at guilt for leaving her in hospital alone (other than a daily visit from dh)

I think guilt is part of parenthood.

PetiteRaleuse Sun 30-Dec-12 14:16:47

That said I have never felt guilty about leaving either of them with friends or DH when they have been healthy. Mums need breaks too.

IrisGirl Sun 30-Dec-12 15:50:44

always feel guilty leaving my dd, no matter what the reason..evening out with friends, other half, work. i think guilt is part and parcel of being a parent and nothing will ever change that smile
x

christmosschops30 Sun 30-Dec-12 15:53:25

I don't think it's 'how being a mum feels'
It's not healthy to think you can't leave your child or that they will somehow be lacking if left with another caregiver.

Sorry I just don't think it's a good way to feel or think

Zimbah Sun 30-Dec-12 15:59:49

I feel a bit guilty and really miss my 18mo when I leave her. On the other hand I don't feel remotely guilty or miss my 4yo if I leave her for the same amount of time! I think it lessens as they get older - 4yo is perfectly happy without me, can express her needs and wants etc, so I don't worry about her. On the odd occasion she's stayed overnight with GPs I miss her a little bit by the next day, but tbh I'm just grateful for the break. I haven't left DD2 overnight yet and won't do for some time. I think the reason I miss her/worry more about her is she's still very needy and can't express herself so I worry she'll miss me even though GPs are more than capable of looking after her.

Petite that sounds horrible, I hope your DD2 doesn't end up too poorly.

Mrsrudolphduvall Sun 30-Dec-12 16:01:28

Never.

Dh looked after her every Saturday afternoon from 6 weeks old. I would have gone mad otherwise.

lola88 Sun 30-Dec-12 21:26:51

I leave DS quite often and do feel guilty about it but not to the extent it would stop me leaving him. My guilt comes from others who never seem to need or want a break from there kids i have a friend who loves to tell me she's never left her 9mo for more than 2 hours and questions me about how i can bear to leave my child but then i hear him screaming in the back ground as she's left him in his room to cry because she 'needs a break or she'll kill him' that usually squashes the guilt pretty quickly.

fairylightsandtinsel Mon 31-Dec-12 09:26:49

nope, so long as they are with a competent carer, DH, GPs or the childminder usually, then its fine. I love my kids and they are the first thing in my life but they are not the only thing and I need my work, time with DH and friends and time alone also.

Svrider Mon 31-Dec-12 09:52:22

Yes, even tho mine are 8,6 and 4yo!

SantasNaughtySack Mon 31-Dec-12 10:06:21

I don't feel guilty, because I'm not doing anything wrong smile We all need our space occasionally, and luckily DD is never bothered when I leave hmmgrin
The thing that bothers me though is other people's comments. I go out maybe once a month, and invariably get a remark along the lines of 'DH babysitting again I see...' from some dickhead middle aged man hmm

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