Did you deliberatley sabotage your breastfeeding?

(96 Posts)
NewYearNewHat Thu 27-Dec-12 01:13:33

Am curious. Am bf my toddler still, but I don't want to bf any future children. However, I come from a very pro-bf family so I would feel the pressure.

DH is pro-bf but more along the lines of not seeing any other alternative iykwim. He just sees it as the natural next step and has no idea about bottle feeding/formula etc.

So I was thinking with my next baby I would start out bf and then sabotage it as much as I could, introduce formula/dummy/bottles etc.

Has anyone done the same?

TanteRose Thu 27-Dec-12 01:17:47

goodness, no idea why you would want to do that - but I suppose you must have your reasons.

Just bottlefeed if you want - its no-one else's business but yours, really

although, you will have to get your DH on board properly - as I would imagine one of the reasons is for him to do feeds etc.

NatashaBee Thu 27-Dec-12 01:18:01

You shouldn't have to 'sabotage' anything. You are the one who will be doing the breastfeeding so it should be your final decision as to how long and whether you BF.

NewYearNewHat Thu 27-Dec-12 01:28:03

Yes I know it would be my decision.

But my family is very pro-bf and choosing to bottle feed would not go down well at all.

I am envisioning a scenario where I try wink and then for some unfortunate reason do not have enough milk so reluctantly have to start supplementing with formula on the midwives instruction and bf goes sadly downhill from there wink

I cant be the only person to have planned or done this surely?

NatashaBee Thu 27-Dec-12 01:36:34

Well, DS had a tongue tie so I expressed and topped up with formula. My supply dwindled off after about 6 weeks. Very sad you feel so pressured into it though.

ProtegeMoi Thu 27-Dec-12 01:40:31

Sorry just you, most people are adult enough to make a decision and follow it through without playing silly games.

jaggythistle Thu 27-Dec-12 01:45:10

pretending to not have enough milk is firstly insulting to women with genuine difficulty and secondly just adds the general myth about bf always being difficult and it being common to have 'not enough milk'. (as opposed to the loads of people who receive little help and/or poor advice to top up without reason)

once you have made the decision to change to FF, surely it won't be an issue long term and family will concentrate on baby once he/she is born? <hopeful>

jinglebellyalltheway Thu 27-Dec-12 01:45:30

that would be very odd behaviour OP!

and don't you think that secretly sabotaging it so that your child isn't gaining weight so that the MWs/ HVs advise bottles is both wasting already stretched HCPs time and a bit cruel to the baby?

It would be cruel to deliberately sabotage your supply in some way so that the child wasn't getting enough so that you could get professional permission to bottle feed

If you decide to bottle feed, do, but don't fake it and waste HCPs time on you when they can't get around everyone who is having genuine supply/weight issues and so your baby gets its milk straight away one way or another

BFing is the norm in both my family and the ILs, noone has bottle fed not even wider family like cousins but I would never consider doing what you are considering! and I hated BFing with no1 and may well bottle feed

you especially need to be honest about it with your DP

your post would be disturbing and cause for concern if you actually had a DC2 that you were doing this to, as you don't yet I hope you don't really mean it!

GTbaby Thu 27-Dec-12 01:51:05

I am feeling the same as u.
I tried to bf my LO. And for various reasons it didn't work And my supply became non existent.
I felt hugely guilty about this and spent many hours crying. But part of me now is starting to think ff has its advantages, regular feeds, no cluster feeds, feeds don't last hours. I still have moments of huge guilt. However keep the good things in my mind as much as possible.

I have always thought ill try again with nxt LO n my family are supportive in that I should try again. But part of me thinks its too hard n because I know ff is easier ill give in or not really try as hard,

It's a tough one as u have lasted so long previously n done well. I think keep an open mind until u have nxt LO in ur arms.

NewYearNewHat Thu 27-Dec-12 01:54:39

No, I would never not feed my baby. I would just start giving formula wile in hospital and say that the the midwives said I needed to.

My family don't know about the difficulties many mothers have establishing bf, sisters, cousins, aunties all managed to bf easily so they don't have much understanding of what would happen if things do go wrong. I would just do it quietly and tell them we failed.

Interesting jaggy I didn't see it as insulting to women with genuine difficulties. However, they wouldnt know I was pretending of course.

NewYearNewHat Thu 27-Dec-12 01:57:59

GTbaby I am glad I am not the only one to feel this way, was starting to feel like the odd one.

scottishmummy Thu 27-Dec-12 02:07:09

feed your baby how you wish, you shouldnt feel so pressured
shame youre getting detractors.you see its a best balance situation
you and baby it's what's best for maternal health and baby.best wishes to you

ThreeWheelsGood Thu 27-Dec-12 05:09:46

I can't believe no one else in your family had trouble getting started with breastfeeding, or at least doesn't understand the difficulties a lot of women have.

Anyway, why not take ownership your decision, be confident and assertive - don't enter into in depth discussion unless you want to - just tell them (if they ask) you've decided not to breastfeed this time. Playing games/pretending as you're suggesting is really immature and not healthy.

LadyWidmerpool Thu 27-Dec-12 05:26:50

Just tell your family you've made your decision and don't wish to discuss it. Acting out a charade only validates them in thinking they have the right to criticise your choices - they don't.

You need to be honest with your husband. A new baby can be tough enough on a relationship without actively deceiving each other.

Iheartpasties Thu 27-Dec-12 05:32:37

I cannot imagine your situation - maybe because I dont want to iyswim. No one should pressure you one way or the other. You as a mother must do whats best for you and your family. Tell the rest of your family whatever you like - they can all go take a running jump really. tell them a lie or tell them the truth, ask them for their support though!!!

FamiliesShareGerms Thu 27-Dec-12 07:00:55

Are you planning to lie to your family about other aspects of child rearing they don't agree with? Sounds a bit of an odd way to behave, IMHO, OP. Your baby, your body, your choice - if you want to bottle feed, then bottle feed, but fgs don't concoct some bizarre plot and cover story why.

Herrena Thu 27-Dec-12 07:09:47

I felt a bit like this op. I really didn't enjoy Bf. Struggled with it and it was a relief to have an 'official' reason to be allowed to give up. Society in general seemed much more accepting of 'HCP says' rather than 'I just don't want to, okay?' as a reason....

Tinselandchocolates Thu 27-Dec-12 07:51:33

Must admit I don't understand why you're sill bf a toddler if you hate it so much you wouldn't want to do it even for a short time for another child. Why don't you stop?
No prob with anyone choosing formula, just make your decision and stand by it. But why are you still bf dc1?

exoticfruits Thu 27-Dec-12 08:08:10

It seems very odd. If you don't like bfeeding, it would seem sensible to do it for all for a shorter period than do it for one for a long time and not bother for others! There is no need to carry on with a toddler if you don't want to.

QTPie Thu 27-Dec-12 08:21:53

I think that it would seem odd of you do it the way you propose (unless your acting skills are Oscar worthy...). You are likely to get disbelief/flack anyway, so why not come clean?

You know that - since breastfeeding was easy for you first time around - you may find that (although you are against the idea), nature/ hormones take over and you want to feed your future DC when he/she is born...

May I ask why you are against BFing again? I BF'd (very successfully) for 11 months: loved it, but incredibly glad (although sad) to finish... BFing is definitely a mixed blessing. So I do sort of see where you are coming from. I am aware of downsides of bfing if I conceive again (start IVF/ICSI in Feb), but I couldn't not do it again...

QT

PetiteRaleuse Thu 27-Dec-12 08:29:49

I hated bf'ing first time round. Ddn't find it hard, baby had no trouble latching etc - I just really hated doing it. Decided (and told people) from the off with the second one that I would mix feed expressed milk and formula milk until my supply dwindled. I suppose in your eyes that would be deliberately sabotaging my supply?

In your position I would make a decision, tell your family and quite frankly if they decide to judge you on it they can take a walk. You can't live your life worried about what others think of you.

PetiteRaleuse Thu 27-Dec-12 08:31:55

Oh and if you tell them you are having problems you will get masses of well intentioned but ultimately very annoying advice about how to solve the problems. Tell them the truth, briefly, for your own sanity and then don't siscuss it. It really is no-one else's business but entering into discussion with people makes it their business.

OpheliasWeepingWillow Thu 27-Dec-12 08:34:11

You are a grown woman. Why all the bizarre subterfuge? Just woman up and say you don't want to BF.

All you'd be sabotaging is your self respect.

Plus all the bf advocates on your family would feel sorry for you and try and help and you'd have to just lie lie lie lie to get out of it.

Weird.

AlbertaCampion Thu 27-Dec-12 08:35:57

Personally I would have loved a pro-BFing family; my anti-BFing family did their level best (albeit with the best intentions, and unwittingly) to sabotage my BFing. But having faced this kind of opposition, albeit from the other side, I can see why you're stressed before the baby's even born.

That said, the need to plot and deceive bewilders me. Why are you frightened of them and what they think? Why should you give a fig? Stand up for yourself, lady!

AnnIonicIsoTronic Thu 27-Dec-12 08:38:32

It won't work.

I 'failed' at bf - it takes weeks to happen. You'll sign yourself up to a lot of well meaning interventions.

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