DS: 'Mum can I marry a man?'

(26 Posts)
anothercuppaplease Wed 05-Dec-12 14:45:14

There's a lot of chats in the playground about 'being in love' and boys teasing girls and girls wanting to kiss boys. All normal play in the playground I think.

DS has a 'girlfriend' in his class and sometimes the other boys tease him because of it. It's a girl best friend and they play really well together, but DS gets a bit teased for being best friend with a girl.

Now last night, he said to me, completely out of the blue, 'can I get married to a boy when I grow up?'

My answer was 'yes of course. It doesn't happen often but you can. But you have many many years before you get married so you don't have to decide now'.

That was the end of the conversation, he carried on eating, and we talked about his day at school.

I don't want to debate the rights and wrong of gay/lesbian marriage, but I'd like to know what your answer would have been. Did I say the right thing?

lisad123 Wed 05-Dec-12 14:46:22

I think your answer was fine, and the right thing to say given his age too.

Indith Wed 05-Dec-12 14:47:21

Sounds like a good answer to me!

First time dd said she was going to marry a girl ds told her she couldn't so I told them both that we can marry whoever we choose except mummy, daddy or each other. Now he just tells her she has to wait until she is grown up grin.

Sounds good to me!

Lesbeadiva Wed 05-Dec-12 14:50:15

Sounds like a good answer to me. My kids have two mummies and DS asked if he could marry a women like I did grin

Indith Wed 05-Dec-12 14:51:46

"DS asked if he could marry a women like I did"

Love it!

DeafLeopard Wed 05-Dec-12 14:51:47

Sounds perfect to me.

DewDr0p Wed 05-Dec-12 14:53:16

Yes that's a great answer. I did the same.

CMOTDibbler Wed 05-Dec-12 14:54:43

Sounds fine to me, apart from the not very often. When ds asked me I said 'of course'. Now he tells me he will have 2 husbands and 2 wives hmm

MineOrk Wed 05-Dec-12 14:55:30

When my PFB DS was about 6 he asked the same question and got much the same answer, but he then insisted he was going to get married to his best friend, and told everyone. Some people were not amused <shrug>. Ten plus years later they are still BFs but are both most definitely interested in girls. They have gay friends and see no big deal. These are the days of Bromance, apparently.

Ephiny Wed 05-Dec-12 15:00:34

If you're in the UK then I guess the correct answer would be 'no', though the law might well have changed by the time he's grown up!

It sounds like a good age-appropriate answer though.

StarOfLightMcKings3 Wed 05-Dec-12 15:02:00

Oh DD is always asking if she can marry various girls in her class.

I always reply that getting married is for grown-ups but if she still wants to marry x, and x wants to marry her then of course she can.

Coffeeessential Wed 05-Dec-12 16:15:35

My daughter asked a couple of weeks ago if she could marry a girl when she grows up and my answer was the same as yours...I think you said the right thing.

It's never come up really with my boys (their uncle is gay and lives with his partner and the boys don't remember one without the other) but if it had done I think I would've just told them they can marry whomever they wanted. I'm glad that its never been asked though because it means they see it as totally normal (because it is).

BobbiFleckmann Wed 05-Dec-12 16:27:39

my 3 yr old told me at the weekend she's going to marry a girl so that she doesn't have to have babies because nappies are horrible.
The only time I've ever had to tell them they can't marry someone is when they're thinking of marrying each other or their daddy

NagooHoHoHo Wed 05-Dec-12 16:37:59

I think he's a bit young to understand the unfair distinction between marriage and civil partnership, so I reckon your answer was the same as what mine would have been smile

Dozer Wed 05-Dec-12 20:41:20

i'd have added that he doesn't necessarily have to marry, or live with, anyone!

vladthedisorganised Thu 06-Dec-12 10:07:44

Yes, DD came out with 'I'm going to marry (girl)' and my answer was about the same as yours.
I was surprised at my initial shock when she then added another three boys and a girl to her list of people she was going to marry, but just said "Well, in this country you can only marry one person, when you're older."
DD insisted that she wanted to marry lots and lots of people, eventually gave me a withering look and said "I'll stand in front of them with a big book and say 'you're married' and then everyone can take a photograph and clap."

I'm already preparing myself for the 'where do I come from' fiasco...

NagooHoHoHo Thu 06-Dec-12 10:21:47

I'd love to be a registrar. I think it would be a lovely jobsmile

Ixia Fri 07-Dec-12 11:50:10

DD asked me if she could marry a lady when she grows up. I just said yes, she could if that's what she wanted. Good she said, I can marry you then Mummy shock grin

CleansLate Fri 07-Dec-12 11:58:14

My DSs have asked this before. They also want to know if they can marry each other, my youngest has asked if he can be a girl when he grows up...

(I had to be quite technical with that answer because I didn't want him attempting any home surgery)

I think you said the right thing, sure, I would've left out the "not very often" personally but that's just me. I usually say they can marry a man or a woman (but not a relative!), but only one at a time and etc etc.

Cachaca Fri 07-Dec-12 11:58:35

Aged about 3, my dd1 asked if she could marry a girl. I told her that she could, if she wanted to, when she grew up. A year or so later, when she announced her engagement to her baby sister, I had to clarify things a bit grin.

SoldierKatnissEverdeen Fri 07-Dec-12 12:24:58

Perfect answer I think.

When ds was about 6yrs, he came to me sobbing his heart out. I gave him a cuddle and asked him what was wrong. He told me he was worried about how he'd know whether to marry dd1 (older) or dd2 (younger) when he's a grown up. smile

I told him that part of growing up is learning the answers to all these questions, and that he would know by the time he was a grown up he would know the best person for him would be. they all act married though with all the bickering

ChippingInAWinterWonderland Fri 07-Dec-12 12:32:54

They are so sweet aren't they smile

I don't even tell them they can't marry Mummy, Daddy, siblings etc - they'll work that out before they're old enough to actually do it grin

My friends little boy & his best friend have been 'going to get married' and tell each other they love each other - it is so sweet, this has been going on since they were 3 - they are now 8. Just this week he's decided he's not going to marry him now... because the friend likes to play rugby at lunchtime and he doesn't grin I also think he's discovered girls, there's one little one who gets mentioned all the time and he gets that little funny smile when he says her name - it really is adorable.

orangepudding Fri 07-Dec-12 12:37:00

My four year old last week asked if he could marry marry - I said yes, he'll work it out in his own time!

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