So, its been 10 years, come and tell me what has changed. I NEED to be prepared.

(6 Posts)
minicc Wed 05-Dec-12 17:01:23

Please share your worries with your midwife- they will have seen this many times before and should have policies in place to support you. You don't need to deal with this on your own and even though last time was very hard it doesn't need to be the same this time round.

nananaps Tue 04-Dec-12 09:15:03

Thanks.

I am actively avoiding other "mums" and "expectant mums" as i have little tolerance for competition and superficial aquantance.
I do not have friends who are mummy friends, i have lifelong friends who i have had for ever.
They all work, have kids (coincidentally) but my friendship with these folk are not based on the fact that we all have kids.

I would say that i am probably antisocial and that i will be making the lonliness/isolation worse.
Currently, that's ok with me but i know it will be bad for my state of mind when the baby is here and DH is back at work.

I attribute some of my depressionw ith these people at play groups making me feel worthless and shit for just being there, so i wont be putting myself through that again.

I dont have family that would be interested in us either. Although they all live within a 5 minute drive from here, and i have a large family, they are not people i can just drop in on, or that will come anywhere near us.

I am anxious about what is to come.

shoesontheglasslamp Mon 03-Dec-12 20:45:21

The first part of your post sounded so familiar to me.

PND is a bitch. Have you looked up APNI? I have email contact with a fabulous volunteer who is an ex sufferer. She is someone to share experiences with, and ask advice from, and she really gets it.

Hopefully you have a support network of mums around you now, maybe you could try meeting other pregnant mums so you have a group to chat to once your LO is born?

Good luck, and I think that you are much better prepared this time around because you know the signs.

R2PeePoo Mon 03-Dec-12 13:24:57

I found it all went much faster the second time around even though my second child was harder than my first. I guess its because I was a bit more relaxed and with two children I couldn't focus solely on the baby, it had to fit in with my oldest (who was 4.5 and at school).

Second time around I was also much more aware of what was essential and what wasn't, plus I knew it wasn't going to last forever. So I pretty much just did basic housework, didn't go to every clinic and class, didn't beat myself up if I took the baby on the school run in pajamas. I didn't spend hours making purees but spent that time with the DC or giving myself some free time. I also don't go to many playgroups, DS didn't get much out of them until he was 12 months plus and I hated that awkward/competitive chatter.

We went out almost every day however, even if it was just to the library or shops and Dh and I discussed the above before DS was born. I had PND and PTSD after DD and we were both eager that I didn't put myself under too much stress. DS's birth was much much easier and I healed much faster the second time around which helped too. Taking the pressure off really helped me relax and enjoy my baby.

minicc Mon 03-Dec-12 12:57:48

Talk talk talk. Don't let it be something you ignore as its too easy for it to get out of hand. And try not to over think things, Easier said than done I know. I hope it all goes well and you enjoy your bundle of squish!

nananaps Mon 03-Dec-12 10:55:09

I remember:

Lonelieness/isolation everyday.

Bordem, trying to fill each day with something to make the day go quickly till bed time.

The bone drenching exhaustion and trying to function.

The utter horror of being ignored at playgroups. Trying to make conversation, but getting nothing back.

The dread of illness, sickness, colds, clocks changing, routine upheaval, teething, immunisations affecting what minute sleep ds had at night, dwindling down to nil.

PND is a bitch. BUT i know what to look out for, so will get the tabs early, but can you tell i did not enjoy any of my son.
He is nearly 10 now and an angel/gorgeous/funny/self sufficient.

Expecting number 2 now and determined to do things differently as i SO want to enjoy this LO.

Give me your top tips please on how to survive smile

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