Why can't I get DS to sleep when other people can?

(5 Posts)
Cosmo89 Sat 24-Nov-12 05:52:33

I used to think this came under mum powers

When DS wakes up at night (he's 5mo) I go into settle. I go in, he's usually kicked off his swaddle (ie. arms are disturbing him and is cold) or has done a major poo so those things wake him up.

I've started changing nappy as matter of course (stealthy poo went undetected once!), but then I just feed him (bf- he's always quite enthusiastic) and hope he falls asleep. If he comes off he's normally windy and I wind and try shush patting at the same time, then he goes back on the breast. Repeat for a good hour and a half and he's still not asleep. In tears now, I get DP up, who usually manages to settle DS in half an hour with a shush pat on his shoulder.

I know the odds are in DP's favour (ie, DS has already been up for a while by the time he gets to him) but I can't help feeling like a gigantic failure that I can't be comforting and soothing enough for DS to fall asleep on. DS will also fall asleep on others -my Dad and a family friend, if they just walk him about a bit. Doesn't with me.

There isn't a solution to this- I guess I'm either going to have to sleep train or wait till he learns to self settle- but I really wish that I could get him to sleep by myself. I just don't know where I'm going wrong. Naps are different of some reason- but I still only have a 50% success rate.

It's making me feel really glum.

HecatePropylaea Sat 24-Nov-12 06:32:52

Don't start to feel like that.

My eldest woke up every two hours every single night from the day he was born until when he was 15 months old.

Which is when my next was born (I know, how the HELL did I find the energy, right? grin )

He slept right through from day one. He loved his sleep! In fact, my husband became so alarmed by the number of hours he was sleeping, he woke him up because he was convinced he was too weak from lack of milk to wake up grin

They then decided to get together and do shifts. So they both slept but they ensured we didn't grin

some babies sleep and some don't. Try things that people recommend. It can't hurt to try.

re the pat - is it possible your husband has a firmer pat than you? Or that you're stressed about it and the baby is picking up on that and so when your husband comes and is calm, it calms the baby?

When my kids were babies, they liked being swung so fast and patted so hard that it was bordering on child abuse grin and if I was upset or cross - I didn't have a hope of settling them.

Stop giving yourself a hard time. don't wind yourself up about it. Babies do this sort of thing. It's normal and you are doing just fine. x

CarpeJugulum Sat 24-Nov-12 06:34:51

When I was still managing (just) to feed DS, I had this, and my lovely midwife told me it was all about associations.

In effect, you're his mum, you feed him and he can still "smell" milk from you. Your DH (and your dad) doesn't have this smell so it's less interesting for your DS.

He may just still be hungry; or overtired as you've missed a cue - and they are so easy to miss at that age. My DS had one teeny sign (he rolled his head side to side twice) and if you didn't watch him all the time, you missed it.

Sadly it was only time and bottles that solved this for DS & I, but DH felt quite proud of his settling skills so it was nice bonding for them.

Bearwantsmore Sat 24-Nov-12 06:45:33

I agree, you must not take it personally. DS (now 7 months) used to just fall asleep on DH's lap, after I'd spent what seemed like hours pacing and jiggling etc.

One thing I'd consider is that as your baby is getting older you may need to adjust the way you settle him. so for DS, the thing that works at the moment is to put him in his cot and shush-pat him lying on his side. I think it's less stimulating for him. Maybe try that immediately after you've fed and briefly winded him?

Your DS can just smell the milk on you - my DS was the same. It's why we couldn't co-cleep, he'd have just been feeding constantly. DH could get him off to sleep in half an hour, I'd be still at it after 90 minutes. Could your DH have him after you've fed him at night to get him off to sleep so you can go back to sleep and he can get him off quicker?

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