DH not bonding with DS

(8 Posts)
AlexanderJohnsMummy Fri 23-Nov-12 07:26:59

I have concerns about the relationship between my DH and my DS.
My DH does as little as possible with my DS. Rarely gets up with him in the mornings, speakers to him like he's a teenager, is grumpy with him, says negative things all the time, shouts at him for the smallest things....
My DS (understandably, in my eyes!) isn't keen to spend time with his dad and usually clings to me, but not always.
I've threatened to leave if this continues (yes, it's really that bad!!) and my DH said he doesn't know if he would continue to see my DS if we split up....or if he cares.
My DS is a live wire, he's nearly two but is lively and fun to be around but isn't very obedient. I don't expect him to be, although I do discipline him if he's naughty.
My DS has not been very supportive from day one, then injured himself when DS was 3 months old and was entirely out of action until he was 11 months old - around but unable (physically) to hold/carry DS. DS didn't sleep well until 13 months and DH was not happy about this.
Am I being unfair? Does anyone else have experience of this?

AThingInYourLife Fri 23-Nov-12 07:38:12

It's pretty much T the stage where your DH needs to leave because of the effect his abusive behaviour will have on your boy.

Do you even need to ask? It's all in your op. your h has told you he doesn't know if he'd keep in touch with ds if you split. Says it all to me.

ArkadyRose Fri 23-Nov-12 07:50:32

Your post does make me wonder why you still stick with him, to be honest. It sounds like both you and your DS would be better off without him and making a new life with just the two of you. Your DH is being actually emotionally abusive to your DS.

Goldenbear Fri 23-Nov-12 07:52:10

I really feel for you- what a terrible situation to be in. TBH I think it us very worrying behaviour especially if your Ds is barely 2. As your DS gets older this will get worse as he will be answering back and your DH doesn't sound the tolerant type. I don't think you should let this rejection from your DH develop into something that will damage your child's life and ultimately his adult life.

Adviceinscotland Fri 23-Nov-12 07:58:32

Yes without sounding flippant if he acts like this to a two year old i dread to think what he will be like with a 5 y.o who has learned how to be cheeky and answer back.

How was he before his accident? Could he be depressed? Sorry I know that's the mn answer for everything but I find it so hard to understand how anyone can be like that with their own dc

reddwarf Fri 23-Nov-12 07:59:59

Actually, the other stuff I'm not so sure about, but this sentence
"I've threatened to leave if this continues (yes, it's really that bad!!) and my DH said he doesn't know if he would continue to see my DS if we split up....or if he cares."
as the others have said is the HUGE worry.

You're not being unfair, but what do you want to do about it?

AlexanderJohnsMummy Fri 23-Nov-12 18:42:56

Thanks for your replies.
I'm glad I'm not the only one who thinks its unreasonable odd behaviour.
I don't know what to do. He is depressed and on medication, which he's been on for about 6 weeks. I keep thinking I should wait and see if it improves. We've been together 10 years and he used to be the most caring, loving husband.
He's got another child from a previous relationship and he's always been really tolerant and almost a push over with her. The only positive thing I've ever heard his ex say about him is what a hands on dad he was when she was little.
He had an awful childhood - parents split up when he was 8, lived with his dad, dad used to lock him in his bedroom and not feed him, mum had him back and his step-dad used to physically beat him with a dog chain so I can understand he's not had a very positive experience of parenting but he's so good with his daughter.
I rare up at him and give him what for about the whole situation and he's better for a while - more positive and loving towards us both - and then it starts to slip again.
My son is usually pleased to see him when he's been out, but soon gets fed up when he gets shouted at for every little indescretion.....
I don't want to be a single mum and I don't want to split up with him (he can be a really nice guy a lot of the time!) but I'm not going to allow my innocent child to suffer and I'm not going to feel miserable for the rest of my life either!!
I guess I'm just going to have to see how things pan out for a month or two as the antidepressants should be kicking in now. If its no better by feb/march then I'm outta here! sad

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