If I leave the room

(9 Posts)
Fifi2406 Thu 22-Nov-12 23:26:02

At night time if I leave my son (15 months) in his cot he will go totally mad to the point where he is throwing himself around into the bars and controlled crying is just not getting me anywhere I've had night after night of him waking up at 12...crying and crying if I leave the room and as soon as I come back he stops and puts his head down again then I leave and it happens again he goes mental crying it continues for hours and we then just get up at 6...he can cry that whole time! I put him in my bed for ease as I was getting about an hour and a half sleep! I'm literally pulling my hair out! He also try's to force himself to be sick when he's crying!!! Desperate for help! I need super nanny!!!!!!

QTPie Thu 22-Nov-12 23:30:21

Can you put a bed/mattress next to his cot in his room? Sleep next to him, but in his room (so he stays comfortable and secure in his own room). This is what we did with DS when he was teething (13 to 19 months). Then at 19 months he stopped teething and started sleeping through again, just like that.

QT

Fifi2406 Thu 22-Nov-12 23:33:12

So you slept in the room with them for 6 months??

GrimAndHumourless Thu 22-Nov-12 23:42:48

yes I slept on mattress next to cot when DS1 was between about 12 and 24 months, we all got sleep and no stressyness (I also got PG, and then we moved house lol)

your baby needs to be near you, this won't be forever, why not take into your bed (read up on safe co-sleeping) or mattress into his room

QTPie Thu 22-Nov-12 23:43:13

What we did was:
- put a mattress, duvet and pillow on the floor next to his cot.
- if he woke during the night, one of us would go into his room, lie on the matress, shush, hold his hand through the bars etc and sleep/doze/whatever.
- if we woke and DS was sound asleep, then sneak back to bed.
- we took turns. DS didn't wake up every night, but probably most nights (for those 6 months). I would do one night, DH the next night he woke up.

We still keep the mattress there now: DS very very rarely wakes (unless seriously unwell or maybe jet lagged), but if he does then we go and lie next to him. He goes back to sleep and so do we (comfortable enough). He has a virus ths week (he is 34 months now) and is having a disrupted sleep week: it is survivable smile.

It isn't an instant or magic solution, but it is comforting to DS, keeps him secure and happy in his own bed, keeps us rested and sane (and you do get to sleep in your own bed some times).

Fifi2406 Thu 22-Nov-12 23:54:01

Ahh this is looking like its going to be my solution! Camping in his room!! My mother keeps banging on about I just need to get on with it and he will stop crying but I really don't think he's going to! I feel awful that I left him crying so long! I kept going back at regular intervals every 5 mins but he doesn't have any of it! 6 hours of non stop crying thats just ridiculous! that happened for a week and 2 days with zero improvement! Fed up of people telling me I look tired! The nice way of saying you look like shit! I feel like shit to! I have been bringing him in my bed but even then I don't sleep because he's all over the place and trying to rest his head on my face with a big thud throughout the night!

QTPie Fri 23-Nov-12 00:15:36

Oh yes, we did try bringing him into our bed, but he saw it as "play time".... And NONE of us got any sleep sad

Some people get controlled crying to work, but I didn't like the idea: if DS is in pain, upset and frightened, then it didn't seem right to let him cry. If I felt like that, would I want to be ignored and left to cry or would I like to know someone was there for me? That is how I looked at it.

DS did naturally grow out of the wakings (when the teething stopped): so although it was 6 months, it wasn't a lifetime bad habit. He is also the most confident, independent "almost 3 year old" you can imagine (so not a clingy person dependent on mummy).

If you can get your partner to help out (alternate nights or maybe just weekends), then you will get some quality time on your own bed too (and his bond with your son will grow too -DS will know that daddy is there for him too...).

Would suggest "giving it a go" sleeping in his room (prioritise getting yourself comfortable and warm for the medium term). The only thing that matters is how you feel - not what other people think or say. If it does work for you, that is all that matters ;)

Fifi2406 Fri 23-Nov-12 08:07:58

I don't have a partner I think that's why I'm finding it so hard cos I have to do it all the time so don't get a break! Last night I waited in his room until he fell asleep took about 15 mins and then I left and he didn't wake up again until 7! Ahhhhh we will see if this works all the time but deffo should have tried this before!! Feel awful that I let him cry! Woooo had the bed to myself without getting smacked in the face!! Controlled crying is just not for him obviously

QTPie Fri 23-Nov-12 09:04:37

You are a amazing woman: being a mum is tough, being a single Mum would be far tougher.

Parenthood is all about finding what works (with trial and error along the way). Personally I would be prepared for sleeping in his room, then every night/hour in your own bed is a bonus. If you are prepared, then sleeping in his room isn't too much of a hardship and it won't last forever smile.

QT

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