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When to try for baby no.2?(12 Posts)
My DS is 18months old and i've started thinking about baby no.2. I can't decide when would be the best time to start trying (i.e what age my DS should be). I def don't want my son to be an only child but then the thought of another baby scares me - my DS is an excellent sleeper and always has been and I didn't lose a night's sleep when he was teething and he's a great eater as well. Everyone always commented on what a pleasant baby he was. I know how lucky we've been and I'm scared that baby no. 2 would be a maniac that doesn't sleep or eat! I also can't help but think that i's easy getting one baby minded but 2 might be a different story (selfish I know). I'm thinking when DS is about 2.5, that would be a good time to start trying, but then other times i think i should just bite the bullet and go for it now....
I don't have the holy grail answer, though I'd be very wealthy if I did! It's a opt pondered question isn't it?
I only have one, and we're "talking" about trying for next one when he is about 14 months old.
I have heard as a vague rule of thumb that a small age gap is harder at the start (of course) but has big benefits later on (e.g. if you had a 7 and a 9 yr old to entertain they'd probably like the same activity on a weeked or school holidays)
With a large age gap it's easier at the start and DC1 can "help" with the baby and isn't as demanding but its harder later. You might have a 4 year old and an 8 year old to entertain at weekends and they probably will be into different things.
Obviously 20 people are going to come on and be the "exception that proves the rule" but I'm just saying what i've heard.
How easy was it to conceive DC1? How old are you?
We started trying to conceive DC2 when DC1 was 2 years exactly, but almost 10 months on no luck. Infact we started fertility investigations early and are heading towards IVF in Feb. DC1 may have turned out to be a bit of a miracle baby...
Anyway, my thoughts are, if you want one, then "get on with it". Some people do conceive at the drop of a hat every time (some of my friends do), but not everyone is that lucky.
Well thats another thing to take into account, I'm assuming I'll get pregnant quickly. I'm 29 and with my first, it took 14months from me stopping taking my contraceptive pill to getting pregnant. Also that has me thinking about my mum - there is 9 years between myself and my brother (I'm older) and i always just assumed my brother was a 'mistake' but in actual fact thats just how long it took my mum to get pregnant the second time! Hmmm....maybe i should just 'get on with it' lol
If you do, I would
You may "get lucky" or it may take 14 months or it may take longer (and with assistance) - you just never know until it happens.
Whatever, you will cope just fine when DC2 comes along (age gap may or may not be perfect, but you will make it work)
Very good luck
Thank you! And the best of luck to you with the IVF etc
Just wanted to add, I have a 5.5 year gap. Waited 3 years deliberately then when I wanted to get pregnant it took over 18 months and I worried it was never going to happen as 1st time was, well, instant.
Basically I am so glad to have got no 2 and feel very for people when it doesn't happen as we got a taster of secondary infertility (had to have some treatment but not ivf).
I say don't hang about unless there is a very very god reason (like you need medical treatment). You can aim for whatever gap you like but no guarantee that's what you'll get
We've got DS who'll be 3 next month and I've been banging onto OH since the start of the year about having another. At the moment he's having none of it, as he doesn't think we'll be able to afford it (I think differently) I can't imagine DS being an only child, but then I'm starting to panic about actually getting pregnant as it happened on the 2nd month the first time around.
Also, I'm 33 and OH is 44, and I just don't want to wait for much longer...
So, if you're both on board with another baby, I just think get on with doing the deed!!
I have an 18mo DD and am 2 months pg with #2. I wanted to get all the baby bits out of the way, DD is an awful sleeper and I didn't want to get to the stage of having good sleep again and then having it all wrecked by the second. My thinking is that by having them close together I'd be used to the lack of sleep.
There is no right answer though, just different choices!
don't over think gaps between siblings. we thought we'd try timing it, and started trying when dd turned 2. i got pregnant straight away, but nature had other ideas. 2 m/c's later i got pregnant for a 3rd time and luckily this one was ok, but the age gap had expanded.
there is only 10.5 months between me and one of my brothers, my mum says it was great as we always had a playmate.
If only there was an answer.
We started trying for DD when DS was 3. She was born when he was 6 1/2. Like a previous poster I didn't need IVF but some treatment was necessary. They are 10.9 and 4.2 now and bloody hell this is proving to be the hardest part. Drive each other mad, no common interests.
Rubbish advice probably but I would say go with your gut. There is no right time.
I've got 2.5 yrs between mine (they are 3 and 8months at the moment) its a popular age gap for lots of reasons.
Eldest child is past the baby stage, they can walk, understand lots and cooperate
You're still geared up for babies, it's fresh in you mind all the cots/clothes/toys are to hand.
My two have just started playing together and it is wonderful. They can share toys and will hopefully be able to share interests as they grow as they are a similar age.
As everyone else has said there is no ideal answer and everyone makes their family work.
If you do it now you won't have to worry about fitting the new baby in with school runs and life can be a bit more relaxed for the first year.
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