Just lost it with DCs, I can't cope with any more f***ing poo

(73 Posts)
iwouldgoouttonight Thu 15-Nov-12 18:32:10

DS, age 6, never been reliably dry or clean since potty training, pants wet every day, poos in pants couple of times a week. Been several times to doctor, referred to hospital, scans on kidneys and bladder, nothing wrong with them. Now being referred to enurologist (sp?) to see if she can help. Also waiting for appt with school nurse continence team on 21st Dec.

Have tried reward charts, drinking more, alarm to remind him to go, Eric, nothing works.

Told him he can't go to friends after school because I can't expect other parents to change him or risk having him wee on their sofa. He doesn't seem bothered.

Just picked him up after school and he'd had to be changed twice, once after wee in pants and once after poo. Then got home and he had only been inside for less than ten minutes, I was in kitchen trying to wash his filthy clothes, went back into living room and both him and DD (age 3) had pooed in their pants. DD had been reliably dry/clean for about a year until recently when she has for some reason started to occasionally poo in her pants.

I just lost it, yelled at them both that they know full well that you do not poo in pants and if they do it again I will be very angry. They both looked terrified and burst into tears.

I've cleaned them up and apologised for shouting but said i'm still cross and upset that I have to clean their poo up.

I'm just fed up of it, I don't seem to be able to remain calm about it any more, why can't they just use the toilet?? Why do hospital referrals take months?? Why does my house smell permanently of wee?? Where have we gone so wrong???

Kittycatcat Thu 15-Nov-12 18:50:02

I don't have any answers for you but wanted to give you a hug. Hope you get the support and answers you need. I can only imagine how hard it must be. I'm sure I would react the same if that's any consolation to you.

iwouldgoouttonight Thu 15-Nov-12 18:57:00

Thanks kittycatcat, unfortunately after this going on for soooooo long i've realised there probably aren't any answers. I think I just need to talk about it.

mamij Thu 15-Nov-12 18:59:10

Really sorry to hear that. I can't even begin to imagine how frustrated you must feel. I hope something "clicks" for the two of them soon.

cloudpuff Thu 15-Nov-12 19:22:57

It must be so frustrating for you, do you think your three year old may be copying from her older brother.
Hope your referral comes through soon.

IWillOnlyEatBeans Thu 15-Nov-12 19:47:01

In this situation I don't think there is anything wrong at all with letting them know that you are cross and upset. I can only imagine how frustrated you must be and how demoralising it is.

Can your DS explain why he wees/poos in pants?

I also think your DD is probably copying your DS.

Hope things get better soon and that the enurologst can help. Could you afford to pay for a private consultation in the meantime? We did this for physio for DS while waiting for the NHS appt to materialise...

trixie123 Thu 15-Nov-12 20:20:24

oh god, my condolences and if its any help, just to know you're not alone, I was thinking this very thing today. My DS is only 3 but has been PT for about 6 months. Is pretty much dry but REFUSES to poo except in his pants. He absolutely understands the process and can control it, just won't and I am sick to DEATH of flicking / scraping poo into the toilet and washing out the pants and having the house smell. I just don't want it to be part of my life anymore. Would an ed psych be of any help maybe?

iwouldgoouttonight Thu 15-Nov-12 20:46:51

Thanks for the replies. I agree I think DD is probably copying DS, and I feel really bad for shouting at her about it, if it wasn't for the situation with DS I wouldn't have minded her having the occassional 'accident' at all.

It's been over two years since we first saw the doctor about it and during that time we've been referred to paediatrician, who we've seen three times with about five month wait between each appt. He's now referred us to the enuresis clinic, we've been to a meeting with a lady there (without DS) and have now been waiting for five months for her appt to see DS. It may be that she then refers him onto a behavioural psychologist because nobody can see a physical reason for it.

We keep asking DS how he feels about it and he really didn't like taking about it. He will say he's not bothered but it's clear he is because if his pants are dirty his personality changes and he is withdrawn. But he won't tell us he's done it, he'll just sit there with dirty or wet pants. If we ask him if he needs the loo, eg before we go out in the car, he'll always say no. But then he'll more often than not have wet pants when we get out of the car.

An ed psych is possibly the right person to see, do we need to be referred to them? I've looked into paying privately but unfortunately we just can't afford it.

IWillOnlyEatBeans Thu 15-Nov-12 21:24:37

I'd start making toilet trips before car journeys etc non-negotiable (if you are not doing so already). And maybe start using a timer set at specific intervals during the day when he is at home - and he has to go when the timer rings. I'm sure you have tried this already though.

It sounds like it's been such a long, drawn-out process sad

3littlefrogs Thu 15-Nov-12 21:32:15

Has he had an ordinary abdominal Xray?

It sounds like classic encopresis.

I agree with you that 5 months wait for appointments is absolutely appalling.

When he soils his pants, what is the consistency of the poo? Is it runny? Hard, small lumps?

Did he ever have an episode of constipation resulting in a large, hard poo that was painful to pass?

2011november Thu 15-Nov-12 21:54:41

have sent you a pm

iwouldgoouttonight Thu 15-Nov-12 22:03:56

I've asked the paediatrician if he could be constipated and he's examined him by pressing his tummy and said he doesn't think he is. The enuresis lady asked us to fill in a chart to say what each poo looks like from the Bristol stool chart. His poos have nearly always been like a sausage (squashed if in pants!), occasionally a bit looser but normally they look the same as mine and DP's (i'm told!). Sometimes when just a tiny bit comes out in his pants it is drier but I don't know whether that's because we haven't noticed it and it's been there a while.

Could it be encopresis even if he is doing normal looking poos each day? Would that also make him wet himself?

He had constipation for a short time a couple of years ago as a result of having to take iron medicine, but then went back to normal when he stopped the medication.

I don't blame you for shouting it's really frustrating, isn't it? DS had problems with pooing in the toilet, but he had problems with pooing too because he was constipated. We began to confiscate a toy every time he did a poo in his pants (which was every other day) and put them on a high shelf where he could see them. He would hide to poo so we knew when he was going to do it but stopping him meant he would withold poos which was worse. If he had dirty pants I told him it was silly and remained calm (which was very tough!) and just cleaned him up.

After 3 weeks of toy confiscation he announced that he wanted to poo in the toilet, and he went. Then he got a toy back each day he had clean pants, (and lots of praise) which was every day after that. He hasn't had a poo accident since. Maybe you could try that? Seeing the toys and getting one taken off him seemed to help. And the reward every day for three weeks of getting a toy back helped too, he goes regulary now and I spend a lot less time on washing. Hope you get an appointment soon too smile

WipsGlitter Thu 15-Nov-12 22:15:53

I've nothing to add but my sympathy. We've had battles with DS re poo. With movicol and making him go on the toilet when he "smudges" we are getting better. But it's heartbreaking. I've shouted and ranted too.

Only suggestion is to take DD aside and talk to her, it might have been a one-off, three is still pretty young.

3littlefrogs Thu 15-Nov-12 22:25:01

Unfortunately, pressing the tummy is extremely unreliable, and an Xray is the only way to diagnose impaction.

I think you have been badly let down by all this waiting for various appointments and referrals.

This is a really serious problem, and absolutely dreadful for your poor DS. Have you considered a walk in centre or going back to a different GP and asking for an Xray?

Ilovemydogandmydoglovesme Thu 15-Nov-12 22:28:35

Totally sympathise. We are currently having this with dd2 3.5. She's been toilet trained for about six months too and she has suddenly decided to wet herself and poo herself on a regular basis. It is utterly frustrating. I too am sick of the sight and smell of poo.

Dd1 6yo also still wets the bed on occasion. My washing machine is sometimes on three times a day what with the duvet first thing in the morning and then all the clothes.

Bizarrely dd2 never wets her bed. She gets out of her bed and wees on the floor.

You really have my sympathy. Let's crack open some wine.

3littlefrogs Thu 15-Nov-12 22:29:37

Encopresis causes wetting because of the pressure on the bladder, so the two frequently go together. UTIs are also very common because the impaction stops the bladder emptying properly, so germs multiply. This can also be a cause of wetting.

Generally though, a child with this problem will feel uncomfortable, unwell, miserable and embarrassed all the time. I don't think health care professionals take it seriously enough, and the length of time you have been trying to get help is shocking, and totally unacceptable. sad

iwouldgoouttonight Thu 15-Nov-12 22:33:01

We have seen three different doctors at our surgery, one was the one who referred us (although he has now left) and the other two both said we need to relax and not make a big deal about it and DS will grow out of it soon enough.

I don't know of any walk in centres near here, will look into it. Or we could try going back to our surgery to ask if they will refer for an xray, although I don't hold out much hope.

myhandslooksoold Thu 15-Nov-12 22:33:50

Oh my god there's about 5 poo threads on the go this evening (including my own)
It's a nightmare isn't it
<Takes the bottle, has a long hard swig and passes it on>

Indith Thu 15-Nov-12 22:33:51

My ds1 is nearly 6 and Dr about to turn 4. De had constipation and withholding issues, lots of soiling and wetting as he couldn't feel when he needed s wee due to the poo problems. He is mostly ok.nowbit still wets a few times a week. Dr toilet trained at before 2 yrs old but as she got older she realised how Michelle it stressed us out and started soiling for attention and she still does it.we can have a month fine then daily accidents for a month. Drives me mad.

iwouldgoouttonight Thu 15-Nov-12 22:37:30

I feel really awful for getting so cross with DS if it is impaction. It's been going on for so long i'm finding it so difficult to remain calm when cleaning up poo yet again. Especially when everyone says they can't find a physical reason for it so we're thinking it's a behavioural issue. I hope we've not done him lasting emotional damage sad

iwouldgoouttonight Thu 15-Nov-12 22:39:34

Are there really five poo threads?! It's all I ever seem to talk about!

You are not alone. I've been there, I've shouted, I've tried everything. DS1 (6) doesn't care and whilst he doesn't soil himself as regularly as he did a year ago, it's still too often. We still have to lift him and put him on the loo before we go to bed otherwise he wets it (this is irritating enough because he used to be dry all night). I lost it the other day because DS2 (almost 5) who has never had toileting problems since he potty trained, has started copying his brother. I want to weep. I can't cope with the poo either. Especially when I know they can control it when they want to. Argh. You have my sympathy.

Ilovemydogandmydoglovesme Thu 15-Nov-12 23:14:32

Dh has just come down to say dd1 has got out of bed. I've stomped through the house muttering 'she'd better not have pissed the bed again, I've just put the bloody duvet back on the bed' and dd1 is sitting on the bottom stair. She heard what I said and looked like she was about to burst into tears.

She had wet the bed though. It's all gone in the machine again and we've dug out the spare blankets. Bloody hell.

We had a big hug. I told her I didn't mean it.

[bad parent]

lelait Fri 16-Nov-12 09:12:03

Feeling for you - what about buying loads of really cheep pants and just throwing them straight in the bin if poo-ey to give yourself a bit of a break? Wet wipes by toliet etc so he has to start cleaning up a bit himself...

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