what would you do.....

(71 Posts)
goralka Tue 13-Nov-12 20:15:09

if your 13 year old son had been on a sleepover and there had been drink taken and someone engaged him in oral sex (ie he was giving it to a boy) and there was a webcam in the room and the video had been passed around and it was now very hard for him to deal with school? in a very small/close area?

Emigrate.

goralka Tue 13-Nov-12 20:20:10

hahahah exactly my reaction....;)

Right well seriously. I would be very worried about the company he was keeping but not know what the hell to do. It isn't your son is it goralka? Please say this doesn't really happen or am I really naive. sad

girliefriend Tue 13-Nov-12 20:22:22

omg what Sparklingbrook says shock

StrawberriesTasteLikeLipsDo Tue 13-Nov-12 20:24:09

Id wonder what type of company he was keeping. Premeditated to record it

goralka Tue 13-Nov-12 20:28:34

well yes it is my son, it all came out this evening, I am freaking you can imagine. Thank God he no longer keeps this company. We live in a very rural area where some of the ....things that amuse teenagers I have found quite shocking, being a simple London girl. Yes it really happened, it was back in the summer...but my son has just rejoined the school after some time at a tutorial centre, and it is all kicking off again.
My reaction is to move right away, he needs to get his GCSEs above all.
His dad is so homophobic it is unreal (from a more ...er...traditional country) and theres no way I can share this with him so MN advice gratefully received.

Oh goralka I really don't know what to say. You must be upset (understatement) angry, confused, just everything.....

Is there any way he could move schools, he really doesn't need this, it's just horrible.

<useless emoticon>

goralka Tue 13-Nov-12 20:33:25

not that I am with his dad, been a single mum for ages.

Totally understand you not wanting to tell his Dad. All v difficult. Is your DS ok?

goralka Tue 13-Nov-12 20:35:05

kind of limited choice on schools here.....and everyone knows everyone. bleeeee

goralka Tue 13-Nov-12 20:37:46

well he was crying earlier and I gave him a hug and told him not to worry and now he is upstairs watching tv with his sister and they sound quite happy.....
He was at pains to assure me that he is not gay...I did kind of know he might have ...er...kissed a boy...i told him that was the least of it and not to worry.

I'd report it to the police - that it had been videoed and that it was being distributed and who by - because of the legal implications. It's still classed as distribution of child pornography.

goralka Tue 13-Nov-12 20:45:57

oh fuck I hadnt even thought of that angle

goralka Tue 13-Nov-12 20:47:19

I would have SS on me like a ton of bricks

oreocrumbs Tue 13-Nov-12 21:02:47

I really think you need to report this to the police. And speak to the head at school asap.

Your poor son, this must be awful for both of you.

But what would SS do? It happened in the summer.

I do agree with reporting to the Police. Sorry.

Beamur Tue 13-Nov-12 21:19:23

My first thought was that you need to report this to the police.
I may be naive too, but I wouldn't consider this normal teenage behaviour either, for your son or his friends.
I'd maybe see if there is a bit more to this story - he may not be ready to reveal all in one go.

goralka Tue 13-Nov-12 21:24:30

SS round here are scary.
It's not normal is it?
I have quizzed him a bit more, it sounds like a set-up - there had been two other boys in the room who disappeared while it was happening. My son was drunk, they were all drunk.
he doesn't see them any more (or drink since another incident, also in the summer when a neighbour bought him a load of beers and he got sick and was taken to hospital. I thought that was bad at the time.)
fuck I am sitting here crying.

alexw Tue 13-Nov-12 21:25:26

Whoever videoed it could be in trouble for distribution of indecent images of children. Also there's the underage thing with regard to your son.

goralka Tue 13-Nov-12 21:26:34

they are all underage - the other boy is in his year at school.

Beamur Tue 13-Nov-12 21:28:58

You've done nothing wrong, but your son has possibly been the victim of a particulary horrible exploitative joke, which may also be breaking the law.
I think you need some advice from people with more experience and knowledge to go forward with how to approach and deal with this.

Well it isn't normal but they are teenage boys and drink had been consumed and the details are obviously sketchy. There is also the other lad who was receiving IYKWIM. What does he think or is it not obvious who that is?

So many questions goralka. None of it makes sense but it has happened. I am no help I know but I really feel for you. Don't cry.

I think that's the way to go Beamur you can't deal with this on your own goralka, you need some good advice.

goralka Tue 13-Nov-12 21:34:30

thank you sparklingbrook and everyone - the one who 'received' is known as 'Gay XXXXX' and blanks my son if they meet in the corridor at school. Several children have the video on their phones - my daughter knew about it for example because it was sent to her friend's phone. Quite apart from the legal ramifications he will never live this down.

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