dd massive earring dilemma!!(107 Posts)
Dd2 is 7 and had her ears pierced 7 weeks ago after much begging and pleading. Last week they were meant to come out. School need her to take them out for pe. Anyway she flatly refuses to let anyone touch them and cannot get them out herself. I have spent countless hours over the last week pleading and bribing but nothing has worked. I simply cannot just leave them in any longer. She has missed weeks of pe so far and school will not accept plasters over them. Short of pinning her down does anyone have any suggestions? We are getting desperate!
When I read posts like this, I realise how different parenting styles can be.
This is very very different from mine. There would have been no peirced ears in the first place, but that is not the issue.
Missing p.e. for weeks
I can confidently say that it would never have got this far, but if it for some bizarre reason it had got this far, I would limit every treat going, everything. There would be no tv, no playdates, no sweets, no after school activities, no treats whatsoever in any form or fashion at all.. until those bloody earring are out. Added to which, I would say, if I take them out before the end of the day, then she can get her ears peirced when she is 13. Otherwise it will be much later.
As for ruling the roost? It makes me feel anxious even thinking of that ever happening in my house. Just like my parents, they were most parents rather than friends. My goodness, you did not play around with them. On the other hand, they were the most wonderful, loving, consistent,msupportive parents I could have hoped for. Don't get bogged down in thinking that your daughter will love you more if you don't discipline her firmly. As my mother used to say, I am your mother first and foremost, your friend a distant second.
OP, the first earrings have really thick posts and can be much more stiff to take the butterflies off
Some thoughts :
Give her another pair of studs to practice with the butterfly on and off - it's hard to visualize what's going on in your ear lobe / round the back
If you help or do it for her, let her hold a mirror to see what you are doing
Have another, new pair of studs ready to put in straight away
Consider buying a new pair as bribery
Try an ice cube in a hankie to numb her lobe (probably just be a distraction but worth a try!)
If at all possible, have someone trusted but not you to have a go - only because we tend to respond better to someone less 'close' in situations like this (eg driving lessons from your parents...)
Have something intensely distracting on tv while you have a go at getting them out
Explain that if they don't come out she's obviously not ready for earrings etc etc.
Ears are quite sensitive. I gave up wearing earrings for pierced ears years ago as they hurt sometimes. I think the best solution out of all these is to take her back to the place that did the piercings and get them to remove the earrings and leave them out till she is 21.
If they hurt then they are not healing well. More reason to get them out and not put them back in.
My daughter was 5 when I got her ears pierced. I had to wait 8 weeks before she'd let me near them. Even then, it took me two nights of loosening them and taking them out (whilst she was asleep). It was no fun. But like you say op, it's more the fact that it hurts them rather than playing up. I do agree with other posters though, that you will have to stand firm in the end if she is missing so much PE because of it. My daughters school were fine with pierced ears, so thankfully I had less pressure to take them out.
Just to add, I had to hold the head of the stud firmly while I twisted and gently pulled the butterfly clip at the back.
I am a head of year. Earrings can cause injury to others or be ripped out of ears no matter what the size and that's why many schools ban them. Most schools publish their policy on earrings and it's no difficulty for a parent to check with school before letting kids have ears pierced. I have had my fair share of girls in my office refusing to take newly pierced earrings out. We had a fab school nurse who took no nonsense and had them whipped out in no time! If you can't face doing it your self then go to the school nurse, nurse at your gp or some other gutsy professional. Your daughter is playing on your anxiety and your reluctance is only feeding her fear.
How completely weird.
A parent and a school that thinks missing seven weeks of pe in favour of twinkly ears is the way to go and entirely appropriate.
<I thought everyone in the sane world got their ears pierced on the first Saturday of the summer holidays?>
You live and learn.
Hope you get them out op.
I found it really hard to get my dd's first earrings out and my dd was also quite scared of it hurting, but the backs seemed firmly attatched. So what i did was, you know the the bit on the backs that curves round to hold onto the earring post? I pushed my fingernail between the curvy bit and the post on both curvy sides so that it didn't hold the post so tightly. Then it was really easy to get the back off. Does that make sense?
With my daughters you twisted the back and front in opposite directions and pulled. She could do it herself fine after the first few times.
I think with DD's she had to push (not too much) and twist until they sort of clicked. They came with an instruction booklet, they were quite tricky!
Why would they not come out when she was asleep, its concerning that they don't come out easily I think, have they healed properly.
Hi, no they weren't done at claires but look very similar to those that are. DD1 had hers done at the same place and managed to remove them fine. I've advised dd2 to pull and twist not push and twist. Is pushing and twisting the way to go then? I'd be so much happier if she could get them out herself!
I had a bit of a drama with my DD this summer getting her earrings out for the first time. She had tried a few times herself and couldn't do it, then got herself into a bit of a panic.
It turned out that there is a bit of a knack to getting the first ones out, you had to kind of push and twist at the same time, which we didn't realise at first. Once we did it correctly they came out quite easily, but it was tricky to get right at first.
Once she changed to normal earrings there was no problem at all. Could this maybe be the case with your DD? Were they done at Claire's?
I'm guessing that the ones that are currently in her ears are the type that click into place, rather than you just pushing them as far on as you need to. The second type would be much easier to get in and out, if you don't have to pull hard to remove the back. Do you think it would be easier to get them off if they were lubricated somehow? maybe while she was washing her hair, the shampoo might help them come apart.
I do feel mean withdrawing privileges but do feel that may be the incentive needed.
Thanks for the kind replies. I was a bit scared to look on here after yesterday! I tried to be firm last night but she is genuinely scared. I cannot pin her down, much as I'd like to as that approach feels really wrong to me. I tried while she was asleep with no luck. We are now down to withrdrawing ALL privileges, TV, pudding, WII, absolutely EVERYTHING until they come out. Thing is she really does want them out herself. She is adamant she will sit calmly tonight while I do it. Next PE lesson is Wednesday so they will have to come out by then. She is aware of this and I have told her that we will be straight down to the ear piercing place on Tuesday if not out by today. She does have some new earrings to put in which are much easier to remove but I am reluctant to put any more in. Thanks again for the kind words.
Those first studs that are put in with a gun are a bugger to get out as the backs kind of need twisting at the same time as pulling.
I too would hate pinning her down but if you can't negotiate with her the n that's what needs to be done.
I would start by giving her a spoonful of Calpol as a placebo and then apply some bonjela or Emla cream. You need to be quite forceful taking the studs apart though and have another pair that are easier to get apart ready to put straight in (give the lobes a wipe with surgical spirit first though).
I think if you can do it with her as calm as possible it has to be better than when she is hysterical - it could hurt her more otherwise. It seems shame to let the holes close up only to be redone later so find a way round it.
My dd's school have banned earrings on PE days altogether so yours is not unusual. I remember getting the top of my ear pierced as a teenager then getting pulled into a bear hug by a huge lad
that I fancied and the back of the earring got pushed into my head. That hurt. A lot. I got a kiss off him though as an apology
I'm horrified at how harsh some people have been in their replies. I got my ears pierced at 20 and still found it really hard taking them out the first time as they were so stiff and hard to get hold of, and when I tried doing it myself I came over all faint, though I'm not normally squeamish. My boyfriend had to help (with 2 pairs of pliers in the end!). I think you'll have to be honest and say the first pair can be hard to get out, but that you'll get some that are easier to put in next. Maybe you could both go to the place that pierced her ears as others suggested, and see if they're able to help? And if she has a friend with pierced ears see if they can lend some moral support? Once the initial trauma is over and she sees that new earrings are easier all will probably be fine and she'll get the hang of taking them out. I think those who have suggested withdrawing privileges and pinning her down are cruel - it's perfectly reasonable for her to be freaked out and she needs encouragement now, not punishment.
To be fair, they can hurt when you first take the studs out.
I let my mum do one and then screamed the place down (age 14) she tried to pull the back off without holdin the front.
In those days you were advised to go back to the piercer to have them removed the first time.
Tell her it might hurt, but not for long. They have to come out. They need to be cleaned, as does her ear lobe.
Give her some calpol first and then take them out.
Could you take her to where she had tjem done for them to take them out, would she be less likely to scream for them to do it, then by some studs that come out easily so se can remove them easier on her own? Plus the thought of getting new ones may be an incentive?
My friends daughter had the ones that click shut on and she was playing and it got ripped out as the back didn't come off and now she has a split in her ear.
We weren't allowed earrings till we turned 16 - my father is a surgeon and did a lot of repair work on young girls who got their earrings ripped out - often simple things like taking a jumper off too fast did it, as well as sports and messing about in the playground. I remember him showing us pictures when my sister and I were whinging about not being allowed them...
OP, why not ask the GP for a prescription for EMLA cream - she won't feel a thing then. My DH has it as he's needle phobic. Stick it on an hour before and bingo.
I would say that she sits nicely and has them out now and she can have them back in again. She refuses/plays up in any way then they come out anyway and stay out.
If you won't pin her down, then remove all privileges until she consents or do it while she is asleep.
If she lets you the first time but plays up again, then then come out and stay out.
Where did she get them done? By daughter had her ears pierced last year (at 6.5), her school has no issue with studs being worn for PE. After the initial 6 weeks we had a nosy at getting them out, my daughter was a bit "No, No you can't" etc but we did it together but there was a knack to doing it. It wasn't as simple as I remembered - you didn't just push them the back in then pull it out. The front and back had to be twisted in opposite direction and then pulled. She couldn't have done it herself. Have to say she's had no bother since we learned how to take them out.
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