Baby staying away two nights a week

(82 Posts)
blushingmare Sat 10-Nov-12 21:21:16

Id really appreciate people's opinions on this as I'm in two minds.

DD is currently 5mo and my PFB. I'm going back to work two days a week when she will be ten and a half months. My parents have offered to look after her for those two days - amazing as I won't have to pay childcare and I know she will have the undivided attention of people who love her as much as I do and share my values and priorities for bringing her up.

BUT - my parents live an hour and a half away. They have proposed that they have her to stay with them, so I would take her down on a Sunday evening and they would bring her back on a Tuesday. I'm really not sure about this. I don't know if I could bear to be away from her for two nights every week and I don't know how she will cope with it either. It will be enough of a wrench being parted during the day, let alone at night and she's bound to find it very confusing at that age surely? Also practically speaking I don't know how it would work with feeding. She is EBF and I know she'll be on solids by then, but she will still need milk and I really would rather not give her formula at that stage and want to keep on BF on my non working days. It wouldn't surprise me at all if she still wasn't sleeping through the night by then and I hate the thought of her waking up upset and me not being there for her.

As she's my first I don't know how I'll feel by then and how different she will be then - at the moment she is so dependent on me it's hard to imagine it being different. So I'd appreciate others' thoughts on it, particularly if you've been in a similar position.

TheonlyWayisGerard Mon 12-Nov-12 09:03:03

I would have loved this. But I had crippling PND and DD was ff. In your circumstances it's probably not a good idea. It will be nice for your DD/DPs when she's a bit older, but not this early.

mycatlikestwiglets Mon 12-Nov-12 10:29:54

OP, just to add a bit of experience as to how this sort of thing can work - my DS has been staying overnight with his GP for one night per week since I went back to work when he was 12mo. He absolutely loves it, and has built up a fantastic relationship with his GP as a result. I do really miss him on the night he's away, but it was by far the most practical option for them to keep him overnight given they look after him for two days. Two nights for me is a bit too much though - he's done it once, and I was desperate to get him back!

I think others on this thread are right when they say that at 5mo it is probably too early, and 2 nights is probably too long. There is a big difference though between a 5mo and a 1yo and you might be able to do something along the lines your parents have suggested later if you can come up with a better short-term arrangement.

SilverSixpence Mon 12-Nov-12 10:37:41

Don't think this is a good solution for childcare. DH left my DS with his sister for a night when he was 18m while I was on nights at work, there was awful snow and he ended up staying another night then I insisted we had to get him. When he saw us he was so upset that he hit me sad I felt so guilty at leaving him - even though he had been fine with them all weekend he must have felt distressed or wouldn't have reacted like that. I would not have wanted to put him through that regularly.

crescentmoon Fri 16-Nov-12 06:53:03

I actually did this whilst I was working after having dc1. My parents lived 2hours away so they would pick him up on Sunday and bring him back Thursday. I was totally happy with the arrangement as I was feeling completely swamped with work and hated the drop off pick up constraints I had. But DH absolutely hated it and steadily got more and more miserable about ds being away half the week. After 2/3 months my mum decided to stay with me half the week and the go back herself. It was lovely for us as she usually cooked everyday as well as taking care of ds1 but then my dad got steadily unhappy. Then I got pregnant and we had to move for a new job and we all breathed a sigh of relief when I took a career break!

ajandjjmum Fri 16-Nov-12 07:09:03

DS stayed away from us regularly with my DP, although they were only a few minutes drive away from us. It was probably about once a week on average. Later on both DC used to stay over at their nanny's house every Wednesday, to give us a night to ourselves. Worked for everyone, but it was only one night.

Would it be feasible for you to take DC to your parents on a Sunday evening as planned, and for your parents to return to yours on a Monday, and stay over? I think the key to success is that you all agree to be completely open, and if something isn't working, that you can talk about it and sort it out, without hard feelings.

Good luck!

AThingInYourLife Fri 16-Nov-12 07:23:27

Just pay for childcare.

This is a ridiculous arrangement for all concerned.

ajandjjmum Fri 16-Nov-12 08:49:00

I don't believe that encouraging a close relationship between DC and GP is ridiculous. My 20 yr old DS still talks about the evenings after school that he used to play indoor bowls with my DF, and other things they did together. That's 10 years after DF died, and I'm so glad that my DC have such happy memories of my Dad. It worked for everyone - although I appreciate that every situation is different, and I certainly wouldn't judge anyone for whatever decision they made.

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