On becoming Mary Poppins... Toddler and newborn support thread #2

(883 Posts)
ThePinkNinja Thu 08-Nov-12 09:38:53

A place to continue the complaining conversation about the hair pulling days and sleepless nights fun and frolics of life with a toddler and newborn

badkitty Thu 18-Jul-13 22:50:47

Hi can I join please! Have only read a bit but it is nice to know I am not alone in facing the madness! I have Ds1, who is 4 and has cerebral palsy so needs a lot of extra help, Ds2 who will be 2 on Sunday, and DD who is 2 weeks old today... At the moment I have my parents staying during the week thank god (DH back at work after one week and is usually out of the house from 7.30am to at least 8.30pm) but even with three of us, one per child it is challenging so god knows how I will cope when it is me on my own!

Although Ds1 requires a lot of physical help, actually DS2 is the most difficult at the moment, quite understandably as he has been my baby for the last two years and had me to himself a lot while Ds1 is at nursery so his little world has been turned upside down and he is obviously stressed. Has been taking three hours to get him to bed the last couple of weeks but tonight we seemed to have a breakthrough and he went down without trouble... I don't know how to deal with his constant "no's" though - for instance he will ask for something - eg shoes on or the potty or something, then when i oblige just stands there saying "no" - so i then remove the offending object only to result in increasingly hysterical "no's". Sometimes he just stands there saying "no" repeatedly at me for apparently no reason. If I'm really lucky he might then emphasise the point by flinging himself on the floor and smacking his head a few times... sigh

debbie1412 Thu 18-Jul-13 23:34:31

We have week long patches of dd sleeping through then it reverts back. I'm always more tired after a good night then a piss poor 1. X

crazypaving Fri 19-Jul-13 09:06:15

hi badkitty, wow you have your hands full! sounds tricky with ds2. remember things can change quickly so don't panic about coping alone just yet - hopefully things will get a bit easier first. can you try offering him a choice to offset the 'no'? I'm not sure what you could offer as an alternative to the potty, but maybe you can think of something? you must be shattered!

badkitty Fri 19-Jul-13 16:35:49

I hope it will get easier soon - it's just these first weeks of breastfeeding are such hard work when there are other children who want attention as well. And I feel like crying for DS2 as he is obviously really confused and hurting even though I am trying to give him as much one to one time as possible and lots of cuddles and stuff sad

crazypaving Fri 19-Jul-13 19:24:47

I was the same with my ds1 - felt so so guilty and he was utterly miserable. it will get better - hang in there, and have a hug.

badkitty Fri 19-Jul-13 22:12:39

Thanks - I see you have about the same age gap between your two DS's - how long before Ds1 started coming to terms with it do you think?

crazypaving Sat 20-Jul-13 11:59:25

hmm tricky to remember! it all happens so gradually doesn't it. it also goes in waves, so each time ds2 gets more independent/interactive, ds1 gets unsettled again.

I think maybe it was the first two or so months he was miserable, and then the new status quo sort of settled. it may not have been that long, I find the newborn weeks such a blur and really struggle to remember!

debbie1412 Sat 20-Jul-13 21:56:18

Bad kitty it took my son 9 weeks to chill out abit then. I think that's when he accepted her and would kiss her good night. He was 26 months when she was born.8.5 months in he adores her although he gets abit over zealous with her but on the whole I love them being close. Only good times ahead x

debbie1412 Sat 20-Jul-13 21:58:02

Hey girls got myself into the 2ww if any of you know what that means. Think I've had a badly timed night of passion. Hoping for a bfn

debbie1412 Sat 20-Jul-13 22:28:15

Also had big time guilt that was worse then the sleep deprivation actualy. While its warm can you manage a few trips to the park baby might sleep better in pushchair and give you 40mins to play with son. I now know that actualy even at its worst my ds had a dam sight better time of it than alot of children get and my emotions got the better of me. Just keep ploughing through. It's all we can do x

crazypaving Wed 24-Jul-13 08:34:23

argh my toddler is so naughty!! and at nearly 2.9 we are nowhere near potty training - he flatly refuses to sit on the potty, no negotiation possible. do I just take him out of nappies and deal with loads of accidents for a while until he decides to try the potty/toilet seat? or will he be in nappies when he starts school?!confused

Offcolour Wed 24-Jul-13 14:03:15

I'd definitely wait. I don't think 2.9 is particularly late and if he isn't ready, it'll just be horribly stressful and make your life unnecessarily difficult. Once he's at pre-school he'll see the other children using the potty and will probably want to do the same.

Debbie, did you get your bfn?

Ds has continued to sleep through which is kind of weird, I should feel really happy but I don't think I was ready to stop the night time cuddles! Feeling much better for a decent sleep but he's being really trying during the day, he's desperate to be mobile but just not there yet. If in near him he tries to pull up on me and then tries to let go and walk off! He doesn't seem to get that he is nowhere near able to walk.

debbie1412 Wed 31-Jul-13 17:10:58

Hey girls got my bfn thank Christ im now safely back on the pill. Although not really needed at present as dp has broke his arm so that's pretty much put at stop to any funny business for the nxt 6 weeks x

Mummy2NJ Thu 01-Aug-13 20:51:51

Hi ladies,
Sorry I've not posted for so long.

Please please tell me it's not just us!
Do any of you get really frustrated with DCs and end up really lashing out followed by extreme guilt! sad
Sometimes walking away for 5min just never happens.

Please someone tell me I'm normal. Don't get me wrong I have loads of fun with my kids and love them dearly, but somtimes I get really frustrated with DS1 when he won't listen/do as asked.
I've never done it in public places apart from the Odd telling off and serious mummy face with a consequence for bad behaviour. i.e no treat /time out/ privilege withdrawals
Sometimes behind closed doors I even manage to surprise myself when I shout really loudly STOP IT!! I don't even recognise myself when I get like this.

I see people out and about with their kids, everyone behaving well, mummy talking sweetly and I wonder If they ever have red red moments and it makes me feel like the worst mother in the world.

Please excuse the spelling and grammar written at a crisis moment sad(

#intears#

Offcolour Thu 01-Aug-13 21:37:51

Hi m2nj,
I have those moments a lot. I don't feel good about it, feel guilty about it, but we're only human.... It's bloody tough looking after 2 kids all day on your own.

Are you getting any time to do stuff for yourself?

Don't beat yourself up, I'm sure you're a lovely mummy :-)

X

debbie1412 Thu 01-Aug-13 22:38:46

M2nj
Same here hun the guilt ruins my evenings.
I never thought I would smack my child. In the past 2 months my dc1 nearly 3 has had 3 smacks on the bum. For not listening and being down right defiant .
Don't worry the push buttons unimaginable !

Mummy2NJ Fri 02-Aug-13 00:22:03

Debbie!!! I could kiss you hug you squeeze you!!
Thank goodness there are some honest people out there. some mums will never admit that!
Instant healing!! I am healed from my guilt.
Why do we have such great times with our kids?, and speak fondly of then when they are in bed, but could also easily feel like jumping out the ground floor window when they missbehave and drive us potty?!!

We had a wonderful family day out today both boys had a great time and were extremely knakered but Ds1 fought and fought at bed time so after 2 hours of constant shouting chattering, singing and crying in his room we finally gave in and let him stay up. At 23:55 precisly he lost his battle to stay up like an adult!!
but!!! where is mine snd DH's lovley kid free evening after all we did for them today?!!
It all comes with the job I suppose smile

Mummy2NJ Fri 02-Aug-13 00:32:27

Offcolour
I have absolutely no time to do anything for me. Today I saw a skinny woman wearing wedges and looking very well maintained with her husband and two DCs
I asked myself why the heck do I look so run down and shabby! How do other people do it?! I don't understand or get it?! Is here something I'm missing? What do I do with the baby and toddler while I take time to spruce myself up for a trip to the supermarket?!
I literary take 2min showers I only shave my legs and armpits when I start looking like a cave man! I basically have to platt my nini the hairs are so long "that's a joke" lol!! But I'm pretty sure I probably could lol!!

crazypaving Fri 02-Aug-13 09:03:45

I'm another one who seriously snaps sometimes. I have smacked ds1 once in the heat of the moment and go through phases of being really shouty. and feel utterly utterly hideous about it. sad

Offcolour Fri 02-Aug-13 10:23:52

Can you try and get some time? Can your dh look after the kids or a couple of hours while you go out to lunch, or go for a quick drink/coffee/run/swim when they're in bed? I think your kids are a bit younger than mine, I've only really started getting "me time" since he hit around 6 months, but I think it's really important to try and get some time for you if you possibly can. You need to look after yourself and believe that you're well being is important too. With dc1 I didn't look after myself at all and with dc2 I've tried to ensure that I do get to do some fun stuff. Not much, but some!

Mummy2NJ Fri 02-Aug-13 13:24:32

I do get a bit if time away sometimes just movie nights or a drink down the pub with other mummy friends....during that moment I feel great. But once I return home and it all kicks off I feel like crap again!
I just feel like when I'm at home I never just get 5min to myself, there is always feeding, nappy changing, washing, cleaning, cooking, entertaining kids, bathing, shopping etc the list is endless. Even when dh is home I still do more around the house!!. How do you all retain your sanity?!

Offcolour Fri 02-Aug-13 13:36:19

I don't, tbh. I shout a lot and often feel like crying.

Things I do to attempt to retain sanity:
Get out of the house and see people, or have friends over
Have time doing stuff I enjoy
Running
Still taking some time on appearance (sheer cover is good, takes two seconds, then concealer, blush and mascara, makes me look less like living dead)
Remembering that this is a phase
Trying to enjoy the good bits

I'm still usually a dribbling wreck by the time it's 6:30 though....

Offcolour Fri 02-Aug-13 13:37:41

Oh, Internet shopping saves tons of time too.

Mummy2NJ Fri 02-Aug-13 18:36:56

Ahh the feeling like crying is always there. When does this all get better!
Some days I think yessss we are finally there at the better place and then.... the next day is SHIT!

I tried Internet shopping and just found I was getting frustrated as sometimes my delivery will come with a bunch of things missing like nappies etc or fruit that's about to go off. But maybe it's time I gave it another go I think.
Definitely going out and seeing people helps. Even if I was crying early on in the day once we get to playgroup and chat to others I feel tons better.

Thanks for the sheer cover tip, may have to try it. As for the running I would love to have that stamina and motivation, but once the day is over kids in bed etc I just don't want anything but a glass of wine or chocolate and the couch.
Where do you get the motivation to go jogging? Seems like you have it all figured out I should take a leaf out of your book smile what a great mummy you are x

Offcolour Fri 02-Aug-13 20:25:20

Ha ha ha ha I really do not have it all figured out. I really really don't. Was just sharing some stuff that's helped me retain my slim grip on sanity in the hope it might be helpful.

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