Fantastic 40+ Mums

(1000 Posts)
Hpbp Wed 10-Oct-12 19:57:03

Mum of 2, DS1 nearly 4yo and DD2 almost 11 weeks. I hope to find here advices from experienced mums so that I can avoid mistakes... I made some with DS1 and my life sometimes is hell, it is hard to unlearn wrong behaviour, so hard.
At the time being, DD2 is a very sweet baby, she is easy to decipher, cries are always related to some kind of discomfort and I managed to learn what they mean, or almost. Only one issue with her ATM is that she rejects bottle feeding even with expressed milk. I'd like to be able to escape a bit from the house to get a haircut or a facial. And I am sure DH would like to feed her sometimes too.
I struggle a bit more with DS1, who is usually a good boy, energetic, happy and loving. But after school, getting him to take his bath is a battle and falling and staying asleep all night are big issues. The problems did exist before but now with the recent arrival of his sister, the intensity has increased. Or maybe they are the same but to me they seem bigger and need to be addressed quickly so that I can look after both without raising my voice.
All advice are welcome. I need help here.

Also I'd like to invite all the graduates from the Fantastic 40+ Mums to be thread to join. You have been truly fantastic and so supportive during my pg. I hope to be able to keep on sharing with you this wonderful parenting adventure.

bytheseaside Sun 04-Nov-12 10:49:23

Lrm yep, im getting really good at knackered chic look haha, rarely brush hair these days and often find myself walking round house bleery eyed with a boob out .. only a matter of time before i answer the door like that...

cat you've done amazingly with bf, im inspired! Excellent sentences too smile midget take good care of that cold how very annoying. just waiting for our first one to strikes. family descending en masse today sad and i bet some silly person will come with a cold

Hpbp you are so organised with christening plans. And good pushchair choice, my sister has that one and loves it. its back to the drawing board for me, my versa gt order has been cancelled at last minute as they are being recalled- aargh!! 6 weeks old and still no pushchair! Can't face doing all the research again. tempted to throw budget overboard and get lovely icandy strawberry just so we can leave house. so expensive, but one of few that does tick our boxes, and im reluctant to get a compromise pushchair now and have to replace it in 6 months/year... strawberry would cost more than our old banger car is worth, so clearly not a sensible plan! A yummy mummy chair may mitigate some of the 'looking an old fright' though

Vq hello!! Congratulations on arrival of baby Jacob, sounds like you have had a rough time. how is bp now? Mines been rubbish too. Well done to you and midget too for sticking to guns re bf, thank goodness you were experienced enough to go with instinct that if baby is clearly fine, then why not. All that faff with expressing and bottles would surely have made bp worse.

Hi to all other old biddies. Im going back to finishing off whole pack of dairy milk biscuits now , mmmm. Think bf isn't quite keeping up with my enormous calorie consumption

ValiumQueen Sun 04-Nov-12 12:26:28

Well, I am not sure I should bring biscuits as most of you seem to be over indulging. I bring fruit, and lots of it.

I am sorry people have been struggling with poor advice about feeding, and low mood.

I am finding it easier with three than two in these early weeks, as the older two have each other, the PFB has already had her nose put out of joint, and middle child has always had to share me.

Sodding midwives who discharged me yesterday want to visit tomorrow to weigh the little prince. I told them politely but firmly to fuck off. I said that weighing him 4 times in 7 days was taking the piss, I am an experienced feeder, and my son is fine, plus they have made me ill with stress. DH is in agreement thankfully. I am guessing the MW yesterday had a bollocking for discharging us. Yesterday she had no worries, today there are concerns. No doubt I will have uncooperative on my file now and be flagged up to MH services. Grr! He is the best feeder of the lot!

ValiumQueen Sun 04-Nov-12 12:27:27

Oh, and BP was stabilising but has no doubt shot up again after that phone call.

bytheseaside Sun 04-Nov-12 13:31:39

VQ I am in awe of your confident handling of the mw! I often felt like I was at boarding school in hospital, constantly told off by bossy mw and nurses - completely disempowering. They wouldnt discharge me until bp kind of stabilised, but I didnt care as baby seaside was in nicu then anyway, so I didnt exactly want to be sent home. anyway, try to put your feet up, deep breaths (slow yoga breathing very effective for bp), enjoy bf little jacob (cuddles also very effective, I found) and shut out theworld. Are you on bp meds? i tried all sorts of things!

ValiumQueen Sun 04-Nov-12 14:03:31

No meds thankfully just rest. I swear it was brought on by the midwives and the trip to hospital for assessment. It was not easy saying no, and no doubt I will feel guilty about it, but they should look at the child more, and the scales less.

Hpbp Sun 04-Nov-12 18:44:25

VQ, totally agree with you, sometimes medical staff forget the big picture to focus on details, if baby Jacob latches well, is alert, peeing and pooing, there s no need for him to be weighed every day, this only brings additional stress, you are right to follow your instincts. Stick in there, I love your style !

Seaside, sorry to hear about the cancelled order of the Versa, how annoying. I won't be able to wait for it as I am back in London early Dec and need a pram straight away to deal with my ID paperwork and school visits. So we chose to go for the City Mini GT. But you should get a sling and go out for short trips, I have a garden here so I take Anastasia out twice a day, weather permitting. I have the school run, fortunately, otherwise I would be in my pyjamas all day. It is important for me to look good, in DH's eyes, and in my eyes too. Is it being French ?!

Must run, Anastasia just woke up.... Be back soon

I lost you all for a while there! Just found you again tonight.

Greetings to everyone from the midst of feeding flurries, sleep deprivation and lack of hairbrushing... I have long given up looking in the mirror, and thank goodness for our cleaner who is an angel in disguise and does the ironing, so that the only wrinkles are on me rather than my clothes, otherwise DH might scream in terror when he sees me! Fortunately Kid does not seem to mind as yet.

I too am having bp problems after the HELLP syndrome. Not helped at all by trying to express every few hours and getting even less sleep. So I have had to make the decision to stop, reluctantly (to coin an understatement). Bf never got off the ground properly thanks to horrendous advice, and I have now spoken to several mums from the same NNU who had exactly the same experience that we did. seaside I have plenty of meltdowns, usually in the middle of the night!

So many posts since my last - I will try to keep up now!

ValiumQueen Mon 05-Nov-12 03:11:58

Five hours. 9.30 to 2.30. Yay. Must be a fluke, but not complaining.

bytheseaside Mon 05-Nov-12 10:14:59

vq do you mean you / he slept for 5 hours?? Can't imagine what that's like!

goat sorry its been so hard. what did nicu do? Several nurses in.mine tried to persuade me that bf would be too tiring for baby to try too often, whereas i wanted to try each feeding time before tube feeds, even if for a couple of mins. luckily there was an expert bf adviser on hand who agreed with me, otherwise no way I'd have been confident or even allowed to do what i wanted. But, you've already made the biggest difference getting some breast milk into kid when tiny and prem, please don't feel bad (although feeling cross with hospital sounds healthy and reasonable)

hpbp you sound so glamorous! Today im in regular outfit of black top and preg leggings, step up from pjs, but dp calls this my mime artist look, do clearly not that hot. must get my pre- preg clothes out of storage.... getting showered and dressed at all requires enormous effort to get up before dp leaves for work instead of grabbing extra hour sleep .

ValiumQueen Mon 05-Nov-12 10:33:25

DH says it was 10.30 to 2.30, so 4 hours (my head is a bit f****d). Still bloody good. He was feeding from 5, so I was hoping he was working up to a sleep. We both slept.

I am living in pjs. I don't care how I look, so long as I do not smell bad. I am not French, clearly.

vq four hours is amazing! Could you get your LO to have a chat with mine?...

seaside if I start on nicu and bf advice I may never stop... I could mention the three witches who descended on me with a pump 48 hours after the emcs and stood at the end of my bed screaming 'don't stress! You won't get any milk if you stress!'; or the comments I got when my milk didn't come in, then when it finally did three weeks later, being told not to express despite my LO being so tiny he couldn't possibly empty a breast; or not being allowed to bf him before 34 weeks and never during a tube feed; or being told the latch was right when a withdrawal from the stomach showed no milk content at all... angry oops, I had better stop now, though I could go on! midget had it right, a first time mum just can't stand up to it, I thought I knew nothing.

But my LO is gorgeous and funny and can make me laugh at 4:30 in the morning even when I am at my most sleep deprived! I am enjoying being a mum finally!

ValiumQueen Mon 05-Nov-12 20:59:08

It may be a fluke, if not I will ask him. If only the four hours were in his basket.

10000Fireflies Tue 06-Nov-12 00:12:23

Evening all
This post is a bit out of date as I started writing it before I’d read all your latest posts, but not going to edit it now I’ve written it!
Congrats Valium on the arrival of baby valium. Sorry to hear about the hospital being arses about his feeding. Stupid idiots telling you to express and measure. Doesn’t work like that, does it. Also, v sorry to hear about your BP. Mine was a prob and I was readmitted too. Hope they find you some meds and it goes down soon. (I bet the stress re his feeding is not helping – I see Midget is thinking along the same lines as me on this).
The conflicting advice from MWs is very frustrating. I can see now how much of it was plain rubbish. Glad I ignored most of it!!
I am sorry to hear about all the bad experiences people have been having generally. Hope that all improves soon.
Bytheseaside I found myself in the early weeks leaving house with vest pulled down over bra… surprised I didn’t have boobs out as I was also wondering around the house with them out most the time too!! I did answer the door while BF once or twice. Postman v sweet and discreet!! How is your BP now?
Could you all stop the choc/cake/biscuit scoffing comments to a minimum please??!! blush. I am trying to cut them out of my diet now in preparation for weaning. I have been enjoying stuffing my face up until recently, but want to benefit from last few weeks BF to lose a bit of weight. Started going to ex class. Hope to go twice a week. Ah VQ, fruit! What is that strange stuff??!!
Tried dressing up a bit last Friday – wore a smartish outfit, long, flat boots, a-line skirt etc. Total pain in the butt –couldn’t pick up DS off the floor without flashing gusset of tights… Skirt waaaaaaay to tight too. Back in civvies after that – nothing like a pair of well worn jeans and converse to run around in.
DS slept through night with no feed last Friday. Amazeballs. Haven’t managed a repeat of that, but have transitioned him from his baby bay to a cot without too much fuss, so I will forgive him a few night feeds while he gets used to cot!! Actually, poor poppet is suffering quite a bit with teething. He’s been desperately ramming things into his upper gums. Two or 3 more teeth have popped through.
Gotta go. He’s fussing for more food. Love to all. FF xx

ValiumQueen Tue 06-Nov-12 02:57:42

Hello FF lovely to hear from you, and thank you for your kind words.

DS again slept 10.30 to 2.30 so very happy. Can cope with that. Completely saturated nappy though. Awaiting some more absorbent night nappies. Did not dream I might need them so soon.

goat I am so glad you are enjoying being a mummy now. I am so lucky all three of mine have been full term. I expected better treatment on the NICU. I am quite horrified that they were not kinder to you.

DH being an arse. I wish I had got a night nanny. Not that we can afford it. My SIL was going to come and stay to help, but as she and DB separated, it was no longer appropriate. She would have been ace.

My parents have helped as much as they can, but in their 70s it has worn them out. DH has no such excuse. He is tired apparently. And sore. And wants a bit of time to himself occasionally.

He is upset he cannot get his daily paper and read it in peace, and resents doing stuff for the elder girls. As for me making noise in the night.... I suggested he piss off downstairs, but wants to be here to help. Wake me whenever he says, but he is so bloody grumpy and slow, it is easier not to.

ValiumQueen Tue 06-Nov-12 12:25:34

DS has put on 6oz since Saturday, thank fuck!!! No more weighing until 6 weeks. Such a relief.

littleredmonkey Tue 06-Nov-12 19:30:47

Hi ladies
Need some support please. Getting quite stressed with lack of sleep. Dylan is sleeping a couple of hours in the evening and wakes us every 2 hours. I am breastfeeding and worried he is not getting enough and wakes up hungry. I am feeding for about 30+ mins and on both boobs. He is gaining weight as he should said the health visitor Monday. I would kill for a three or four hour sleep session. Am I being a butter thinking he will sleep that long at 5 weeks. Must admit I have a cold and feel like shit which doesn't helped feel great. Just wonderif there is anyway to encourage longer sleep patterns. I dont have a routine just feed when he asks or at least every two three hours. I keep thinking should I feed him more. Worried I may not be doing this right. ;:

ValiumQueen Tue 06-Nov-12 19:45:17

LRM you are doing everything right, but maybe as you are not feeling well, it would be worth your hubby giving him a bottle feed as a one off so you can try to get your head down? Are you expressing? Would expressing be an option so that he could have your milk instead of formula? It would take a couple of days probably to get enough milk off for a feed. You are feeding him enough as he is settling, be it only for a couple of hours at a time, and he is gaining weight. Could you try to give him just one breast at a time so he is getting more hind milk and therefore likely to stay fuller longer? Are you napping in the day when he naps? Are you co-sleeping? Maybe asking on the feeding threads would be an idea. They go through a growth spurt around six weeks too. Hope you get some rest soon x

bytheseaside Tue 06-Nov-12 21:23:18

lrm i'm feeling just like you - my sympathies. I have a cold / sore throat / mouth ulcers and last night was a shocker, only a couple hours sleep for me - baby seaside feeds every couple of hours eve / night, and feeding / changing / winding / settling can take at least an hour and half, longer if we cant fix the wind, and she WILL NOT (usually) sleep in her cot! we are trying co-sleeping in desperation. You aren't meant to with prem babies - but the alternative is all night yelling, or her sleeping on one of us, and being so tired we drop her ... She was only due this week, so I think way too soon for stern sleep training, but maybe this is our 6 week spurt?
Like vq says I'm trying to nap in the day with baby in cot - but this means short nap, and therefore feed cycle reducing to hour-and-a-halfly. Swaddling with mixed results - if we get the swaddle on while she is asleep she sleeps in cot like a dream for 2 hours, otherwise she fights it with a passion, grunting with the effort, and punching herself out of it! Can't help but be impressed by her strength for a teeny prem baby, though. what keeps me going is the fact that she is feeding and growing really well, and chocolate cake and biscuits (sorry fireflies), and the feeling that this will pass and we will soon be sharing the experience of fireflies and VQ. I should try the expressing thing, I did buy a medela swing pump, but haven't been able to face it after the grim early days on nicu. aargh ... sorry, long offload, but makes me feel better to get that off my chest, (haha) let me know if you find something that helps
goat what a hideous nicu experience - how can they think that helped?? Makes me feel lucky by comparison. we had some great support on the whole although had a shockingly bad bf lesson from an old guard neonatal nurse in first couple of days - she was panicky and patronising. luckily dp was with me, so we smirked at eachother, until it got so bad I told her to 'back off' and leave us to it.
fireflies if occurs to me that my pre-preg wardrobe just wont work with bf, too many dresses. need to shop, but am spending all our money on baby stuff.

littleredmonkey Tue 06-Nov-12 23:43:20

Thanks lovely ladies for the advice. I think I will start expressing from tomorrow and build up a supply ready. I know this is a dumb question but how long till he gets to the hind milk? Also could I do boob one then do bottle then boob two or is that too much. Or would u just give him the bottle as a whole feed and also how many ounces would u do?
Bythesea. Hope u feel better too bloody shocking sleep deprevation as it is never mind coughing and sneezing eh! Thinking of u honey.
Valium thanks for your words of wisdom. Dont know what I would do with out u. So pleased baby has gained weight and no more midwife drama for u xxx.
Breastfeeding is hard work but so worth it so I will keep chipping away.

littleredmonkey Tue 06-Nov-12 23:51:19

Ff none of my pre baby clothes fit. My jeans were a size 12. I bought a pair last week size 22. Ahhhhhhh! That was my pre diet weight two years ago. Can't get my head into the thought of exercise but I need to. Got my 6 week check up next week if all ok may have start something.
I am having to smile ladies as dp is sleeping next to me mouth wide open catching flies with baby sock stuck to his face must have fallen off Dylan at some stage.

lrm hope you are feeling more positive about the bf. It sounds as though you are doing a fantastic job, lucky Dylan! I think the 2 hour wakings are par for the course - Babygoat went from having to be woken for feeds to waking all the time demanding input. We seem to have settled a bit now, though he likes to ensure that I don't get complacent by throwing a 90 min spanner in the works at times!

And argh about pre-preg clothes. Those midnight raids on the cupboards have not exactly helped the weight melt off blush and I caved last week and bought jeans in the new (but temporary!) size. At least they weren't maternity jeans! I am determined to have lost it by the time we take Babygoat home to visit everyone next August. Svelteness here we come!

Good news vq I hope you waved that gain under their noses!

seaside Hope you are feeling a bit better! We co-sleep, despite my swearing black and blue pre birth that I never would, and despite not being supposed to with a prem. We just would never have slept at all, otherwise. And already he is beginning to retreat out of his own choice (except in the last couple of nights when he has been under the weather) so hopefully will be back in his cot permanently before long. We tried the Moses basket but he hated it - perhaps a legacy of the transparent NNU cots?

littleredmonkey Wed 07-Nov-12 02:39:38

Hey goat. Thanks for support it means alot honey thanks. Baby monkey will lucky go in his basket but he has to be virtually a sleep first. He does put himself back to sleep if he wakes sometimes.
The only way to get him to sleep at night is after a feed he falls a sleep on his pillow next to me then after a few mins I move him very carefully then fingers crossed he sleeps and does not wee all over if /mummy gets the nappy on right.

ValiumQueen Wed 07-Nov-12 06:53:27

I am a co-sleeping convert too. Never did it with the girls, but after a very interesting talk with the HV yesterday, I have given myself permission to go with it. I got out of bed once last night to change his nappy. We went to sleep around 9.30, he woke at 1, fed until 2, nappy changed half way through, slept until almost 6.

All babies are different, and each mum needs to find their way. Also, the babies change so frequently, I am certainly not going to get complacent. Growth spurts, increased mobility and awareness, all these things will require adaptation. But for now, I am co-sleeping, and enjoying it. Did not wake grumpy DH either, so why is he still grumpy? Default position probably.

littleredmonkey Wed 07-Nov-12 07:31:45

Valium. I envy your sleep last night. I would love to co sleep but I am a terrible sleeper. I move and roll over constantly. Dp is use to it now. Drove him nuts at first but twenty years of me he takes no notice. So to risk for us. Maybe I should strap myself down. Ha ha :-D
Well managed the night coughing up all over. Good job I stopped smoking years ago. Going to have a super bed rest day today. Fed him change him and hoping for lots and lots of sleep for both of us '

vq we have a magnet on our fridge that says 'sometimes I wake up grumpy, sometimes I let him sleep'...

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