Fantastic 40+ Mums

(1000 Posts)
Hpbp Wed 10-Oct-12 19:57:03

Mum of 2, DS1 nearly 4yo and DD2 almost 11 weeks. I hope to find here advices from experienced mums so that I can avoid mistakes... I made some with DS1 and my life sometimes is hell, it is hard to unlearn wrong behaviour, so hard.
At the time being, DD2 is a very sweet baby, she is easy to decipher, cries are always related to some kind of discomfort and I managed to learn what they mean, or almost. Only one issue with her ATM is that she rejects bottle feeding even with expressed milk. I'd like to be able to escape a bit from the house to get a haircut or a facial. And I am sure DH would like to feed her sometimes too.
I struggle a bit more with DS1, who is usually a good boy, energetic, happy and loving. But after school, getting him to take his bath is a battle and falling and staying asleep all night are big issues. The problems did exist before but now with the recent arrival of his sister, the intensity has increased. Or maybe they are the same but to me they seem bigger and need to be addressed quickly so that I can look after both without raising my voice.
All advice are welcome. I need help here.

Also I'd like to invite all the graduates from the Fantastic 40+ Mums to be thread to join. You have been truly fantastic and so supportive during my pg. I hope to be able to keep on sharing with you this wonderful parenting adventure.

littleredmonkey Wed 02-Jan-13 19:52:29

Hey. Thanks ladies appreciate kind words just gets a bit much sometimes.
I am walkimg an hour a day which is great he sleeps I love my giant ass. Hot chocolate oh that sounds good. I will have one by our open fire. Wearing jim jams. Sleepers. Chocolate brownies and more lemon drizzle cake. Sounds fab. X

scarecrow22 Wed 02-Jan-13 21:27:26

When I have LO perhaps I can join you properly by the fire in my new Christmas PJs with some homemade brownies or shortbread?

10000Fireflies Wed 02-Jan-13 22:02:23

OMG BBD. A week in Marrakech? If I had the cash I would book it right now!!

I need to get cracking with this evening sleep thing. Suspect I have been getting it v wrong. I have been following my instincts and not reading any books. I guess they are best-sellers for a reason. We had to get over the colic, then teething, then tonsillitis/cold/bronchiolitis and now he's 6.5 months and doesn't know how to get himself to sleep. sad He seems to have tummy troubles tonight. I wonder if it's something to do with the gut getting used to solids?

Hey, there's room for everyone by the fire. Snuggle in. Hot choc, brownies and lemon drizzle cake a plenty. There is also a lovely crèche for babies with expert nannies armed with vast supplies of sleepy dust. Best of all it's free. smile I think I will have a good, deep snooze...zzzzzzz

Midgetm Thu 03-Jan-13 00:25:28

Evening ladies sorry I have been AWOL, Christmas festivities stopped play.

Missed important business like birthdays - happy birthday HP and the blues - big hug LRM. We all feel a bit bored sometimes I think. We do give so much of ourselves but in the long run it is all very worth it. Doesn't feel that way though when they are crying or poohing or puking all over us --or just being a bit boring--I want my body back and I so appreciate now any moment I get to myself. Nothing wrong with wanting time for yourself or a little more excitement or just being plain bored. It's all part of motherhood. I think I am a bloody good mum and I want all of those things. Ditch the guilt it gets us nowhere and there will be plenty more of that to come with your journey into motherhood grin.

I have no need for the virtual snug currently as until tomorrow I am still at PIL's eating like a pig. Just had an Irish coffee and 1000 chocolates, mince pie and brandy butter blush

Been at PIL's, then Scotland for NYE, back to PIL's as heading for London tomorrow. Will be strange to be back home. Diet starts properly Monday honest guv.

Midgetm Thu 03-Jan-13 00:26:39

envy week in Marrakech

bytheseaside Thu 03-Jan-13 03:39:20

happy birthday bbd !

i too get down sometimes (everyday) about state of house, sleep deprivation, too tired tobe bored yet but im sure it will come! im also the happiest I've ever been, such a rollercoaster of emotions...

you know what? im.just not fussed about going on a diet just yet, im way too tired to exercise, need the carbs and sugar to stay awake and really don't care too much about the flab (or greying scarecrow hair) i did loose a fair bit last year, but was only motivated by trying to get pregnant. now baby s is here it doesn't seem to matter anymore

up still in the early hours again, we must get sleeping sorted; so demoralising

bytheseaside Thu 03-Jan-13 04:51:08

...still up. thinking of running downstairs for christmas tree chocolates...

blueblackdye Thu 03-Jan-13 08:06:41

Yeah Midget, you give me the strength today. Had a very bad night, with Anastasia waking up at 1.30 then DS up from 2 to 3.30 and Anastasia again at 6, and DS 15 min later. He will be the first one at nursery I believe at 7.30. I am going back to bed now. Until Anastasia wakes up, hopefully around 9.
As I mentioned, sleeping is still an issue with DS and he is now 4.3 yo. Wish we did tackle the pb when he was very young, the longer we leave it, the worst it becomes. fF, I quite like the Baby Whisperer tips, they are in connection with the way I see baby care. Although I picked a few ideas from Gina Ford too.
Have decided to find excuse to go out every day, groceries shopping or handing supplementary forms to schools, anything to get out from the house, although I hate the idea of letting Anastasia sleep in the pram.
Hols in Morroco, the first real one since last Jan, looking forward to it. We know the concept of this resort and we love it. Babies are welcome, the only thing one needs to bring for baby is nappy and formula milk if FF, they provide weaning food, potty, bath tub, cotbed, pushchair and daytime care if one wishes to drop baby for a few hours to get some me time ! For toddlers, there is a nursery where they have lots of activities. For adults, sports all day long or idle time by the pools or beaches and spas in some villages. This is the last year we can go off peak, as DS starts school in Sept, so we will make the most of it.
A quick question on starting solid food, do I need to wait until baby can seat properly to introduced yogurt or puree food ? I tried a spoon of yogurt yesterday with Anastasia in her highchair in a reclined position, she kind of chokes. But she is still to weak to be seated more high up, she slides down. I can't remember what I did wth DS. On the pics, I started when he was 5 months, and he was sitting properly. Maybe I should wait a bit more.

Midgetm Thu 03-Jan-13 08:25:53

bytheseaside you still have chocolate decorations? Very restrained grin

Goatbongohohoandjinglejingle Thu 03-Jan-13 08:59:15

Oh can I join you on that sofa... Though after the last couple of nights if you don't mind I will curl up in a corner and have a little nap before joining you for refreshments.
Wow bbd Marrakech, how fantastic. We will want a blow-by-blow account of the food when you return! Though I am lost in admiration of you flying with two LOs.
lrm sorry you had a bad day yesterday. Are you feeling better today? Please do come to NZ with us. Anyone else? Best beaches ever and great walking! Plus almost universally good coffee in cafes and the best pies and muffins in the world. (now can you see why I want to have lost baby weight by then?!)
I think I am lucky with how BG sleeps. It has really never been much of a problem (just occasionally) and when we crack the feeding I think he will do even better at night. Naps during the day, usually has two short and one long, thiugh is maybe having a growth spurt at present as would sleep hours if i let him, without it interfering with night sleep. Just with the rolling thing he now rolls over onto his tummy as soon as I put him down. Of course the general consensus is that this is ok, as if he can roll back to front then he will be able to roll front to back as this is easier, and extricate himself from tummy sleep if he so desires. Trouble is he can't read yet so doesn't know he should be able to do this. No front to back rolling yet. Cue me waking every few minutes last night to check he wasn't suffocating or anything. Am knackered.
As for state of house, we have a goddess of a cleaner to whom I have built a shrine at which I worship daily. This makes it possible to keep the house in a state in which one can actually walk unhindered from room to room, and one can see the bench tops in the kitchen. I just would not have coped at all without her, especially in the first four months. And when I go back to work in April she will be even more of a necessity.
seaside I think night feeds are exercise - I am always starving after them anyway!
midget my diet is still hiding and I will have to join you in starting on Monday. We had visitors last night, and DH has made bacon and eggs and sausages and beans for brekkie. I can't resist.

bytheseaside Thu 03-Jan-13 12:41:59

midget i bought lots more posh ones in boxing day salesas reinforcements as needed

to.keep the tree loaded up! i.know that seems wrong somehow ...

goat ill come too - sounds utterly amazing, especially beaches and pies.

bbd i like sound of baby whisperer approach and have it in mind for later when we get colic/ reflux pain under control, but find the 'nanny knows best' tone so annoying i want to chuck the book across the room. im getting on much better with the unsettlingly risque sounding 'three in a bed' at the mo. its so gentle, reassuring and mummy-affirming, although will probably have us doing the hippy all-in-together thing and feeding hourly for ever. sleeping cuddled up with baby seaside is utterly magic, she nestles under my arm, and we often sleep holding both hands (well fingers in her case) just the cutest thing! finally got some sleep between 5 and 11 in a couple of batches smile

blueblackdye Thu 03-Jan-13 13:18:31

Seaside, your description is so full of love, this is to me pure heaven and worth all the gold of the galaxy. The 2 approaches have their advantages and drawbacks, the difficult thing is to find the limit, when to start switching the nanny method. Of course, one should go with what is comfortable. At the end of the day, baby feels every emotion mum has, so if mum is ok, baby will be ok too. Also, I think because I am not a native English speaker, the tone of the book doesn't get on my nerves, but I can understand you smile

Re Marrakech, no beach this time but hopefully Morrocan souk will fill my mind of bold and vivid colours I can bring back and share with you on a grey day ! Hope the weather will allow me to let Anastasia bottom less and DS to learn tennis outdoor with DH. Looking forward to tagines and lamb couscous and baklava type pastries... Pistacchios and honey, hum .....

Goat, when are you flying to NZ ? You are the brave one, it is such a long trip. But I know a couple of families with very young kids flying to Auckland without any major pb. In comparison, my trip is like a 5 min taxi journey, Marrakech is only a few hours away, pretty much no jetlag, I am sure to it is easier to fly now when babies are not mobile yet, boob is enough to keep them happy !

bytheseaside Thu 03-Jan-13 15:39:02

blue i think its a hangover from being in hospital with her for those early weeks when the nurses were in charge of everything, i just bristle at the case studies patronising silly mummies that have done all the wrong things by following their instincts ( even if she's right ....) i do however like her idea of 'reading' your baby and gently introducing baby-focused routine, my life is currently very chaotic in terms of upside down daily schedule and parlous state of house large shed with moving boxes , i would like things to be calmer, and am very heartened to hear that the 'easy' approach works. i just need to prioritise staying vaguely afloat for now! i will ask you for tips when im ready smile

blueblackdye Thu 03-Jan-13 16:07:10

Seaside, poor you, I almost forgot about your move. I am by your side. When I returned home after 5 months spent at my Mum's, my spare room was so messy I could barely access anything, DH just piled up everything for 5 months in there. I could have screamed and that was only one room, I still have not finished clearing it. I can imagine how you feel. Don't be too hard, one day at a time, enjoy your cuddles with your beautiful daughter, they change too quickly. I don't mean to give any advice, it is my experience I am relating, some stuff worked for me, others did not, I just feel more connection with the Baby Whisperer than other super nannies ! I envy you though to cosleep with LO, Anastasia wants her bed, she has stopped falling asleep on me, bouh ! Very very very sad

bytheseaside Thu 03-Jan-13 16:18:57

oh sorry i expressed that badly! i meant ' i need a routine and will soon need your advice about baby whispering' not a rude 'don't give me advice until i ask for it' blush haha our whole house is like your spare room, still not found the teatowells ...

eagleray Thu 03-Jan-13 16:22:00

Seaside - regarding the '3 in a bed' thing... Did you ever get Baby Seaside to buy into the Babybay concept? At the end of the day, you have to do whatever works for you, and I expect I am about to find that my cot will have to be a changing table or a bookshelf or something...

Mine is assembled (although DP managed to break part of it when putting it together and I went nuts) and wondering how it will be received by Baby Eagle. Am not sure it clamps onto the bedside terribly well due to bed design (and have been too lazy to buy the bridging part and am hoping to stuff the gap with a towel if need be).

Am feeling shocking today! Normally as right as rain but had funny dreams last night and slept badly and been feeling tired and nauseous all day. Had a panic attack while trying to sort out the babygro mountain and don't fancy eating (very unlike me). Also getting surges of adrenaline in my lower regions as if my body is trying to open up (can't think of how else to describe it) confused Thought I had weeks to go but really getting the heebie jeebies today! No pains really, but the BH did start very early in the day today.

BBD - holiday sounds awesome. The Yves Saint Laurent gardens in Marrakech are lovely if you fancy some tranquility away from the hustle and bustle.

LRM - sorry you have been feeling down - you have been on such an incredible journey and I have nothing but admiration for you.

<waves hello to everyone else> keep a space on the sofa warm for me smile

bytheseaside Thu 03-Jan-13 17:31:34

eagle no luck with the baby bay yet, but isnt it lovely? I am still hopeful! baby seaside is only c.9lb still so plenty of growing room. she is being very pedantic really - its about 20cm from where she is sleeping now, but she cant get into her cosy under-mummy's-arm nest i guess. I'm going to try again now she is big enough for grobags, so she can cuddle and feed, then take her own warm sleeping bag with her rather than getting startled by cold mattress / banging hot water bottles about. sounds like you might be getting ready smile and as for the babygro mountain - it will only get worse when its a laundry mountain of babygros with poo, wee and sick on them ...

blueblackdye Thu 03-Jan-13 17:33:57

No, no, Seaside, I did not think you were rude ! No worries !
Eagle, baby will be in your arms before you know it ! So glad you join the sofa team
Xxxx

Goatbongohohoandjinglejingle Thu 03-Jan-13 18:50:38

I am afraid the three in a bed here is actually two in a bed - DH is so scared of squashing BG that he sleeps in the spare room. But now that BG is rolling over I am determined to get him into at least the travel cot, as he rolls towards me. Today he did nap in the cot for the first time! And settled himself to sleep! So hopefully will not be too difficult. And then DH can come back to bed for the first time sinc last May (I was an extremely difficult pregnant bedmate!!)

eagle it does indeed sound like you are getting towards D-Day... smile

bytheseaside Thu 03-Jan-13 19:01:29

goat omg - napping in cots? settling self to sleep??? wow!

ValiumQueen Thu 03-Jan-13 20:51:38

Gosh you ladies can talk!

J has good days and bad days. Still sleeping with me although he is in his cot against my bed. I lay in with him, just top of body obviously, and feed him to sleep (rod, meet back) then retreat and repeat hourly!

He is 10 weeks now, and being ill has put him back so much. I am closest to stopping feeding as ever have been, but I am very stubborn and failure is not an option in this respect.

I cannot comment on everyone, but love to all. I will not join you on the sofa, but will do star jumps and chew celery to make you all feel guilty. Yeah right.... Shove up, amd pass the cake and hot choc with all the toppings x

Goatbongohohoandjinglejingle Thu 03-Jan-13 21:10:34

vq shhhhhhh with the crunchy celery, you might wake the sleeping beauties! grin

ValiumQueen Thu 03-Jan-13 21:12:22

grin

Small one is asleep so I have nipped downstairs for supper. A minor miracle.

Goatbongohohoandjinglejingle Thu 03-Jan-13 22:07:16

By the way seaside we just finished moving everything into the new house a couple of weeks ago and you should see the garage! Actually you would have a problem seeing it as you can't even walk into it. Don't even know where to start...

knottyhair Fri 04-Jan-13 08:46:38

Just put a mammoth post on the Mums to be thread, so will boringly repeat part of it here. DP took Rosa for the first part of the night as normal but didn't bring her in to me for 2am feed as he normally does, so I woke up at 5.45 when I heard him get up for the next feed. He said he thought I deserved a good sleep, bless him! I feel much more human, and left DP in bed at 6am, where he remains! We're going to SIL's today for a belated Christmas as they were all ill for the big day, so DS should have a great time going ballistic with his cousins. I just hope Rosa naps OK over there!
VQ, I think you're doing amazingly well, and have earned the cake & hot chocolate 10 times over! Goat, hope you get your DH back in your bed soon. DP & I have slept separately for a couple of years now, due to completely incompatible sleeping habits (I like to go straight to sleep, he likes to play on the laptop, I like a window open, he can't stand it, I like to get up early, he doesn't and hates being woken... you get the picture!). The only place we have slept together successfully is when we visit his family in Austria - they have massive bed frames, with 2 separate mattresses & separate duvets. For some reason this makes all the difference and we sleep OK. So the long term plan is for him to make a frame like the Austrian ones (he's a carpenter by trade), and for us to have a similar set up here. I must admit though, we're both very used to having a kingsize bed each now, so we'll see. Rosa's existence shows that separate rooms don't affect our relationship too much - ahem blush.

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