Fantastic 40+ Mums

(1000 Posts)
Hpbp Wed 10-Oct-12 19:57:03

Mum of 2, DS1 nearly 4yo and DD2 almost 11 weeks. I hope to find here advices from experienced mums so that I can avoid mistakes... I made some with DS1 and my life sometimes is hell, it is hard to unlearn wrong behaviour, so hard.
At the time being, DD2 is a very sweet baby, she is easy to decipher, cries are always related to some kind of discomfort and I managed to learn what they mean, or almost. Only one issue with her ATM is that she rejects bottle feeding even with expressed milk. I'd like to be able to escape a bit from the house to get a haircut or a facial. And I am sure DH would like to feed her sometimes too.
I struggle a bit more with DS1, who is usually a good boy, energetic, happy and loving. But after school, getting him to take his bath is a battle and falling and staying asleep all night are big issues. The problems did exist before but now with the recent arrival of his sister, the intensity has increased. Or maybe they are the same but to me they seem bigger and need to be addressed quickly so that I can look after both without raising my voice.
All advice are welcome. I need help here.

Also I'd like to invite all the graduates from the Fantastic 40+ Mums to be thread to join. You have been truly fantastic and so supportive during my pg. I hope to be able to keep on sharing with you this wonderful parenting adventure.

Midgetm Tue 04-Dec-12 05:18:30

VQ so sorry j Is so poorly. You must be demented with worry. I know it is tricky with the girls but if you feel discharged too early then go back in. As I can do nothing practical to help have flowers

I think I am on the mend a little. 2 days of sweating in bed, massaging and constant feeding. Typically the baby has slept well and I've had to wake him to Empty my poor throbbing boob. Had this several times with DD, it is the work of the devil.

Very impressed with the cross trainer lrm especially if you use it grin

Goat my DH also running around getting everything for me whilst I lay on bed - the only positive thing from mastitis!

Right best go before I wake up too much.

littleredmonkey Tue 04-Dec-12 06:29:35

Midget so glad dh is looking After u and baby midget is helping too by emptying those boobs. Hope u feel better later. X

ValiumQueen Tue 04-Dec-12 18:40:43

Awful night with J. Awful day too. I wish he was still in hospital, but they knew he was like this when they discharged him. He seems slightly better this evening, took a big feed, then promptly puked it all up. He started feeding again though. No temp, and breathing slightly easier. It is a horrible virus. Sorry this is all about us.

littleredmonkey Tue 04-Dec-12 18:49:34

Vq. Sending u hugs and hope j is better very soon. Thinking of u x

Midgetm Tue 04-Dec-12 18:51:00

Oh poor you vq, so difficult to see such a little man so poorly. Here's hoping he is on the mend.

littleredmonkey Tue 04-Dec-12 19:09:01

Ladies not having a good day. Feel very down. Strange feeling. Cant say exactly why I feel like this. Just blue and fed up had it since lunch time. I dont like it. A sleep will shake it I hope. I had a cry with dp earlier. Hormones.

Goatbongohohoandjinglejingle Tue 04-Dec-12 19:39:05

Wounds like people are having a crap time. So sorry to hear. I send lots of hugs and sympathy.

Goatbongohohoandjinglejingle Tue 04-Dec-12 19:39:32

sounds like. Though maybe the typo is accurate too.

Midgetm Tue 04-Dec-12 19:54:48

LRM how are you feeling now? I think the fact that motherhood is so non stop, full on mental is enough to drag you down sometimes. We are always here for you even when we have big red sore boobs grin

Goatbongohohoandjinglejingle Tue 04-Dec-12 20:46:33

The other night when I was truly exhausted and at the end of my tether I said to BG, 'remind me why I had you!!' and he gave me a heart meltingly sweet look. And I thought bugger, I'm not even allowed to be annoyed properly.

lrm it's allowed to be human! And it is still all so new. I hope you can do something nice for yourself.

vq hoping that baby vq is feeling better. I remember being really sick with chicken pox when I was about 5. Don't remember how bad I felt but I do remember feeling safe with my mum - I think that's what they take from these times, we take the angst. Hope you are ok.

midget how are the boobs doing?! Any better?

ValiumQueen Wed 05-Dec-12 05:45:23

goat one comfort I do have is he will not remember any of this in ten minutes probably as their brains are so weeny, but as you say the feeling safe and loved stays with them.

Had another bad night. He vomited back the last two feeds yesterday and would not feed until about 5am so I was getting worried. He was having restless sleep in his cot with big coughing fits. I have napped at best. Now holding him in a hope to keep the feed in. Nappy wet and dirty which is encouraging. Breathing seems slightly easier.

LRM hopefully the feeling blue will pass. If not, talk to HV or GP to rule out any depression. It is still very early days, and it is a major thing for anyone to have their first child, especially for older parents for a multitude of reasons. We will have good days and bad days, but especially if you cannot identify why you feel low, it is best to get it checked if it persists.

Last night I said to DH I wish I could go back in time and stick at two as life is so very hard. It feels like it is one thing after another and I am shattered. I do not mean that, but at the time I was covered in vomit holding a howling baby who I had not been able to put down all day, and had a long lonely night to look forward to.

J is my joy. I know he will be my little baby always. I adore my girls, but he is my bonus baby I never thought I would get. They are all special in their own way. I would not change anything and cannot imagine life without him, but I am still tired beyond belief with a sick baby and a twat of a DH!

I am waffling now, but LRM feel free to talk about any fears you have, any worries etc. It is ok to be less than delighted, but as goat demonstrated, hopefully there is joy too x

blueblackdye Wed 05-Dec-12 09:20:47

Good morning Ladies.
I am so sorry you are having a hard time, bronchiolitis, tonsolitis, mastitis, tiredness and blues. Really hope every thing disappears soon and you can have a bit of a break. I find sleep deprivation is the worst ennemy ever. With a good night sleep, the horizon looks brighter, doesn't it ?
VQ, do you elevate a bit J's mattress under his back and head to help him breathe at night ? Do you use humidifier in the room ? Poor baby and poor Mum. sad
FF has the tonsolitis gone ? Is your brother feeling better ? How about you ?
Midget, do you still have fever ? How s the physio going ? I realised when travelling to London that I can hold my bladder more than before, the exercises have given some results, so hang in there.
LRM, so sorry you are a bit down. First baby is hard work. A bit of hormones, a lot of sleep deprivation and a huge life change for you and your couple. People tend to forget to mention that life is not pink all the time with a newborn, yes we have joys but also worries and no more control over anything, it s ok to feel sad. To a certain extent. We are here if we can help. I had a few pointments with the shrink because I was not sure whether my sadness was just a long baby blues or the beginning of a kind of depression. I did not have any drugs but talking to a professional helped put things back in their context and felt less overwhelmed by the smallest thing.
Goat, very happy you are seeing the light at the end of the tunnel ! Well done

ValiumQueen Wed 05-Dec-12 13:58:39

bbd cot elevated, but no humidifier. I will look into that. Apparently a bowl of water on radiator helps. Thank you x he seems a bit better today.

blueblackdye Wed 05-Dec-12 15:47:47

Yes VQ or wet towel on the radiator can do the trick too. Hope you have a better night tonight. Xxxx

ValiumQueen Wed 05-Dec-12 15:50:13

Excellent idea about the towel. Thank you.

blueblackdye Wed 05-Dec-12 16:19:23

At your service VQ ! Seriously, very glad if I can be of some help, even from far away !
Back in London, spending days sorting cloth, toys, school.... Hope will be able to catch up properly soon. BFing atm and then nursery pick up....
Goat, BJCM GT is a buggy, Baby Jogger City Mini GT, it has a one hand fold, wonderful to push, good resell value, nice basket, handbreak, big hood, No puncture tyres. I love it.
Bought today a bath tub, a bath support and sleeping bag for £15, second hand but good condition. Think made friend with the mum too, her daughter is 8 mo and lives nearby ! And her partner is French...
Ladies, shall we try to meet up next week ? Marylebone ? Or elsewhere ?

littleredmonkey Thu 06-Dec-12 08:28:22

Morning. Thanks for all your support and kind words. I was a bit down in the dumps. Lack of sleep worrying about if bm gets a enough boob milk. If I can get him to nap. Hormones are all consuming. I got up yesterday after a shocking night. We made an error and feed little fella at 6 he woke at 3 so knackered. Rang mum and she popped over so I had a break while she had him. I had a free hand to express some milk.
The last two evenings bm woke up scteaming not crying as babies do but a terror filled scream. Once was on bp chest I thought he dropped him. The next night in his basket. Its like he had a nightmare it was so scarey. He calmed down within a minute but took me ages. Anyone else ever experience this! I was waiting for him to do it last night but peaceful. I managed from 7:30 - 6 nearly 7 hours sleep so feel better for it. Dp Havre him some expressed milk. He gulped it down. I expressed yesterday but got sod all. I thought it would flow out but only got an ounce after 30 mins. Any tips to get more.
I also got a dummy yesterday to settle him which worked. Not for bed time as he started to use his thumb the last few days. What does everyone else do with dummies?

Midget. How's the boobs honey. Hope u feel more comfortable?

Vq. How is your little one today? I can't imagine the worry and exhaustion.

littleredmonkey Thu 06-Dec-12 08:31:17

Bbd. Welcome home! Have you got your christmas tree up ?

bytheseaside Thu 06-Dec-12 14:00:16

Hello 40s friends, I find if I slack off reading for a few days I get sooo behind! Sorry not to pick up on everything

vq sorry you have had such a frightening and stressful time - how is the little man today? I have no idea how you are managing to juggle everything

goat I think you have a new festive name ...? I like it! Or perhaps you had it already, and I was just not observant. Thanks for your encouragement the other day. Things do seem to be getting gradually easier, although still very much a velco baby, baby seaside is sleeping a lot better at nights (mainly as I am trying to ignore my fears about cosleeping with a prem and do what she clearly wants to do)

blueblack welcome home! I am envious of you London ladies getting to meet up - although I hope to be more mobile and confident by the spring and am planning some London trips then.

lrm the blue days really get you down don't they. I agree with goat, the smiling really picks you up! baby s has started smiling this last week or so, the most gorgeous tentative little smiles, but they completely melt me. Remember what we are doing is really hard - and often people don't give you credit for is, as having a new baby is supposed to be a really happy time, which it is of course, but also massively challenging, not least the tiredness, loss of anything resembling a life, and hormones.

midget boo to mastitis - the last thing you needed. How do you treat it? is it very painful to keep feeding?

ff and fjord all ok?

We are still engaging in project leavethehouse! - not managed it today yet, but we are both dressed and poised for action as soon as we have both had lunch. Our surestart groups are fantastic for getting me out of the house, and there are some really nice women, although I've yet to knowingly meet someone in their 40s. I just need to follow the thread plan, dye my hair, and I'll be able to go undercover as a youngster. Cake in a cafe is even better than cake at home! Those of you that are also leaving the house - how well do you wrap up your babies if you are pramming it? It seems so cold out. I'm sure if I was lying still in a pram, I'd be chilly never mind how many blankets were piled on top.

project unpackandtidythehouse! going much less well

bytheseaside Thu 06-Dec-12 14:07:00

ps LRM babyseaside doesn't know how to use a dummy - we keep trying every few days but she spits it out scornfully, even if it has some breastmilk on it. expressing meant to be more successful if you are cuddling your baby / looking at a very cute photo of them as you do it. I did the latter when she was in hospital without me (made me cry loads, but did work) Do you use hand expressing then? You can often borrow / hire electric from midwife service / surestart and much better than hand. Perhaps you just meant you had a free hand to work the pump!

blueblackdye Thu 06-Dec-12 15:11:17

LRM, xmas tree not up yet, too busy with little Anastasia to think about decorating, bouh, bad mummy.... I have been sorting cloth, toys, papers. 5 months and DH just left everything piling up !!! My cleaner brought new orchids, that is so sweet of her and also means that DH left the old ones to die....
Expressing wise, I was told to wait and do it one hour, or so after the feed. Don't worry if you don't get a lot, baby's sucking gets morethan the machines. Agree with Seaside, electric pumps are better, quicker, easier at the beginning.
Went to a soft play group this afternoon, any excuse to force myself to go out. Anastasia wears a velvet sleepsuit, a all in one jacket or whatever it is called here ! And I have a footmuff as well in the pram. She seems ok with all these on her outside but as soon as we get inside a shop or library, she screams, too hot I guess.

Goatbongohohoandjinglejingle Thu 06-Dec-12 15:59:00

Good afternoon all. Is everyone keeping warm? I was in two minds about going to our prem group this morning, then decided to brave the elements and venture forth, as BG does enjoy it, and he was getting a little bored. Kept him warm with tights, long sleeved vest, trousers, fleece suit, padded jacket, bootees. He still fitted in the sling too, so body warmth from me! He was lovely and toasty but not overheated. It is a shame that UK boys aren't supposed to wear tights. I need more! I think the Next blue/red/cream ones will do the trick.

vq I hope baby J continues to improve. And that you are feeling w little less stressed. Of course when we say we want to go back to before it is nothing to do with our LO not existing, it is to do with being in a place of familiarity and coping with day to day life.

lrm Hope you're feeling better too. There is so much to worry us and sometimes I think that the hcps bank on us being new mums and a little unsure of whether we can trust our own judgement. I am swiftly coming to the conclusion that we can, and was brave enough to slightly tell off my doctor yesterday. He definitely backed off a bit! It is such a roller coaster, this experience. I feel a little more ons equilibrium now,although talking about breastfeeding can still plunge me into the depths. Or talking about the NNU time. Or...

seaside did you get out this afternoon? It can be such a mammoth undertaking, especially in ths weather. (yes, new festive name!) I like your projects! grin your second one of unpackandtidythehouse is not going well here either, and we moved in in July... Hope you find some good friends soon. Funnily enough, in my post natal NCT group, three of us are in our forties, and at 43 I am not even the oldest!

bbd welcome back to London! And congrats on the bargain bath etc, if you made a friend too then that is priceless! Meeting up would be wonderful - and Marylebone would suit me perfectly, as I could then come in on the Met line.

Made another kitchen present this afternoon. Tomorrow is hopefully apple and cranberry chutney, to use up the many many apples given us by PILs. I have to stay in to accept a couple of deliveries, so hoping that BG will allow me kitchen time. He is still a bit Velcro after being ill.

Goatbongohohoandjinglejingle Thu 06-Dec-12 16:00:19

Oo, sorry for epic post!

bytheseaside Fri 07-Dec-12 05:50:22

Spoke too soon about the sleep improvement: its been a shocker of a night, screaming, feeding, pooing and NO SLEEP! She seems ok in between, so think she's not ill, maybe comic? Ugh

littleredmonkey Fri 07-Dec-12 08:38:39

Bythesea. Same as u with the ahhhhhhhhhhhh! been up since 3:56. Which also is crap. I went to bed at 9 and dp did bottle at 10 and did not wake me thought he would treat me to a layin till next feed which would have given me 5 hours sleep but when he went to put baby sleep my cat had got in baby basket so got up lifted cat out changed bedding and cat can't sleep with us and he is grumpy today.

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