DS has just had 3 settling in mornings so far at nursery. He is 2.7. He is only planned to attend on Friday mornings (we have other childcare arrangements for the rest of the week). This is to give him independance and to get him to used to not being the centre of attention with either me or the nanny.
The first was an hour (and I left him completely alone and sat in the staff room for that time), that was fine, the second was 2 hours (again, completely alone as I came home) and that was fine. Then last Friday he went for 3.5 hours including staying for lunch. He seemed fine when I left and was engrossed in playing with a train set, so much that he didn't even say goodbye. However when I collected him at 1pm he was very tearful, swollen faced, and it was clear that he had spent a large part of the morning crying.
The nursery staff said he got upset about half an hour after I'd left and then at lunchtime when it all gets a bit noisy because all the nursery groups come together for lunch.
They said children are often like this and he'll get used to it.
Yesterday, when I was talking about today (I have wednesdays off) - he said "and we're not going to go to the nursery are we?".
So I'm now worried that when I take him to the nursery on Friday morning (its his first full morning this week) he will kick off and not want to go, or get upset when we get there.
What do I do if this happens? Do I stay and defeat the whole object of him going? Or should I be ruthless and leave him?
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What do I do if DS freaks out at going to nursery on Friday morning??
zebedeethezebra · 05/09/2012 14:17
Sorry, just meant about normalizing it, really, rather than implying you were doing it wrong!
Tis dead common though.
The quicker you can normalize the routine, the better, so staying and whatnot is counterproductive.
Dd aged 2.7 wept for about 6 weeks.
It was awful, but I just persevered. She once fell asleep there, she had cried so much.
However, that was in the April, and ds had just been born.
By September when she was 3 , she was fine.
She didn't like crowds, loud noises...we put her in a little nursery of just 12 children.
She is now nearly 16 and the loudest, most confident six footer you coukd ever wish to meet.
Just meant to say 'unless it's exciting things like holidays'.... That's exactly how you should be viewing it, and introducing the concept.
Woooo! Ds, you're going to nursery on friday! What fun! all those children/ toys/ whatever his thing is to play with! Cooooool!
No, ds, it's not Friday.
Four more sleeps to Friday!
I do sympathise - we have always moved a lot and so mine have had to get used to changes etc (dd2 also has cp and so transitions have been v hard for her. Ds1 has ADHD and aspergers traits, so similar. Dd1 didn't care where she went as long as she could play.
But the preparation and constant bigging up of the change to be something to look forward to (just like a holiday) has always been one of the most important aspects of successful transition.
No matter how much you are hurting on the inside you just don't show it, be very matter of fact, remind him that you will be back to collect him, he is clearly used to you leaving him with the nanny so he should get that you go and return.
Ds2 had only ever been with me, I put him into a playgroup aged 2.3. He went two mornings a week and did kick off, I called him the suffragette behind his back as he would literally hang onto the railings with his hands.
I would prise his hands off and march into playgroup with him crying, hand him over, repeat I would be back for him and left. This is what the staff wanted, they don't want you to linger as then he doesn't know when you will leave.
Once outside and out of view I would sob my heart out I knew that he had to do this as he would start nursery at 3 and then start school at 4.
He did have a whale of a time, made friends, played beautifully. I just wanted him to get used to being away from me.
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