Are you a fun parent?

(33 Posts)
molly29 Sat 25-Aug-12 23:37:34

Hi,
I am so upset after a little cat with my dd who said i wasn't fun like Daddy!
It really hit a chord as this is something i sort of already knew.
I am a good parent, people comment on how good the kids are(blowing my own trumpet), the kids know they are loved, lots of kisses and cuddles.
But somehow i have turned into the parent i never thought i'd be! My DH(big kid) comes home and throws them around and chases them and plays with them,the house fills with screams and giggles and always feel like the meany saying "come on bed time" ect.
There doesn't seem enough time in the day for me to do all the mummy jobs for example,school runs,play dates, cleaning house,cooking tea for me to have fun too? Am i stuck in a rut or do we naturally fall into these roles?

Advice please.x

BabylonPI Sat 25-Aug-12 23:40:24

I am not a fun parent, but am trying harder to be IYSWIM

I am a good parent but my DCs definitely view daddy as the fun one sad

I'm starting small with regular quality time with each of them smile

Pochemuchka Sat 25-Aug-12 23:54:44

I'm like you OP. My DC know they are loved and looked after by me (they always want me if they're ill or hurt) and do fun activities with me but their dad is the 'fun' parent. It grates on me a little as he is a big child and never seems to take responsibility for the discipline/chores/boring stuff. It's not how I envisaged things but I've also started to spend one to one special time with each of them every day.
I know DD particularly looks forward to spending time with me now and even though I don't throw her around and let her eat endless amounts of crap she loves 'mummy and DD time' and always checks her brother and daddy definitely aren't coming! grin

LemarchandsBox Sun 26-Aug-12 00:00:48

Circumstances and the roles we decide upon as parents can lead to one or the other being seen as the 'fun' one.

The day to day stuff is immensely important but from a child's point of view the parent who comes home and makes the most of their time with them with games and tickles and laughter is going to be a one of the highlights of their day. That's understandable, but can be quite hurtful when it's pointed out as your DD did.

I would try to set aside an amount of time each day for silly fun stuff. messy stuff and laughing, without an eye on the other things that need doing.

Let your DH come home and cook tea sometimes and you have a pillow fight, or go for a walk in the rain or have a Nerf Gun Fight/make a Bed Den etc.

Margerykemp Sun 26-Aug-12 00:05:58

You need to
Get your DP to take on some of the shotty jobs giving you time and energy to do the fun stuff

MrsJREwing Sun 26-Aug-12 00:11:16

Well I do both jobs, Mum and Dad and I and my kids think I am a fun parent. I was early twenties when I became a Mum and I am more of a softie. My kids friends parents are mostly in their fifties and listen to radio 4 etc. The kids friends tell them they think I am cool, which is nice to hear. I read trashy ok, watch towie, like chart music etc. I dont do it to be down with the kids, I just am young at heart I suppose despite being in my late thirties now.

I think being a fun parent means you dont get respect as much as more detached parents do.

molly29 Sun 26-Aug-12 00:13:44

Thanks for your much needed replys. Really appreciate it. Nice to know its not just me. Really made me feel like i was failing them.
My DH is brilliant and does help me out, but maybe doesn't care as much that they eat and go to bed on time. i'm taking on board your advice and going to set some daily time aside. Also some one to one time.
This Mummy is definatly getting on the FUN TRAIN!! I'm fed up of missing out! Why should Dh have all the fun.

molly29 Sun 26-Aug-12 00:18:41

MrsJREwing, i think its hard to strike that balance, like you do you get the respect? But even tho i don't feel fun i also wouldn't say i'm detached either.
Its good the kids think you're cool the can probably relate to you and talk to you easier.

MrsJREwing Sun 26-Aug-12 00:21:51

When I was married Molly, I was the fun parent then and the one who ran the house as ex was lazy. Ex was into sending kids to bed at 7 on the dot etc. I run the house differently since the uptight control freak went, kids go to bed fine. I have issues that they dont respect me, they did respect their Dad, they also didnt enjoy time with him as he was so uptight, he had time at weekends, he was lazing on the sofa, the kids would hang out with me when I was doing house stuff, gardening, cooking etc. I know they loved us both the same regardless.

molly29 Sun 26-Aug-12 00:24:27

Yeah thanks for that.
I really don't want the kids to see me like that.striking that balance is hard.

MrsJREwing Sun 26-Aug-12 00:25:29

All any of us can do is be ourselves, your kids will love you fun or responsible or what ever you call it. Sorry for using detached, my Dad and ex were detached people and authoritarians, using my experience.

molly29 Sun 26-Aug-12 00:29:16

No no i didn't take offence, its hard to come across clearly on here sometimes. I guess the fact we all think and worry about what kind of parent we are only means we care so much for our DC and makes us human.

MrsJREwing Sun 26-Aug-12 00:31:54

I am rubbish at dealing with loads of things, which I can imagine someone with your personality would be good at, so I let my kids down that way, where as you will give your kids a smooth ride in life. swings and roundabouts.

LemarchandsBox Sun 26-Aug-12 00:33:01

Can you have a chat with your DH about the bedtime routine? Agree that half an hour before you settle them it's a Winding Down period, so that you're not being the Bad Cop that is pointing to bedtime on your watch?

AlfalfaMum Sun 26-Aug-12 00:35:53

It's much easier to be fun if I only have one of the dc with me, when it's all of them I'm always getting frazzled, refereeing their arguments etcetera.

molly29 Sun 26-Aug-12 10:02:17

Thanks for replys.
Whenever i talk to my husband about it he always says but i don't get to see them all day, which i can understand, he walks through the door and its tea, bath, bed, so i do try to not nag him, like i said he is such a good dad. But i am going to try and talk about it as it is really getting to me and i don't want the kids to see me as just the bad cop, they already say that Mummy is boss!(think this is a nice way of saying bossy!).
They don't tend to argue amongst themselves so having the both of them is fine, its just the time factor(this may change as they get older) MrsJREwing i don't think either of us sound like we are letting them down, lets face it i have Dh to help me, you are doing it solo! But in the end we are both trying our best.x

MrsJREwing Sun 26-Aug-12 10:04:43

exactly, you are doing your best, playing to your strengths.

MamaBear17 Sun 26-Aug-12 11:12:19

I think that it is easy to fall into this pattern because you are the organiser of the household. I felt a similar pattern emerging with my dd (she is only 13 months though) and so insisted my hubby does his equal share of the boring bits. For example, he takes turns in feeding her and putting her to bed - two things that she is sometimes a little challenging with. I also made him let me do every other bath time - she loves the bath and I got sick of hearing whoops and giggles whilst I was downstairs washing up.

Lilka Sun 26-Aug-12 14:33:42

I'm single, so I have to do the routine, and set bed times, and set chores etc, and my teenager complains nearly constantly about it grin

I'm not fun in a 'best friend' way, and and I don't let them go crazy (and fun parent in a couple can often mean the one who lets them get away with things the other parent wouldn't, and does things the other parent wouldn't approve of). Compared to my friends, I run a very structured house with a clear routine (even though I don't use consequences/punishments nearly as much as most of my friends)

However, I try to set aside time to do 'fun things' with them. My DD2 still has a picture timetable of her routine, and when she was younger it used to have 10 minutes per weekday (more at weekends) marked on for her and I to do a fun activity which involved me giving her my full attention. We still set times to do things together now, and write it down. It's easier for me, because otherwise after a day at work and cooking it's too easy for me to think 'I'm too tired'. I try to be a happy, smiley parent. Easier said than done of course!!

Your role as providing them with food, setting them a routine etc is majorly important and affects them in a good way, even if you don't see them laughing about it! You are always there, dependable, consistent, and that is really important and they will respect you for that

colditz Sun 26-Aug-12 14:43:50

No, I'm bossy and demanding and horrible.

I worry about this as dd grows as DH is so much fun with her and they do lots of rough and tumble, animal impressions etc. However bath and bed is his job, so im.hoping she sees him as having a bit of authority too

I also love board games, jigsaws, stories, Lego and PLaymobil where DH doesnt so am hoping she gets to see I am a bit fun when it comes to these things.

Could you maybe do baking or something crafty that they love that is 'just yours' so they have fun with you too?

Molehillmountain Sun 26-Aug-12 19:00:22

I try to see us as a team. So team molehill is fun, although molehill herself is a little dull and naggy. smile

molly29 Mon 27-Aug-12 22:00:39

i

molly29 Mon 27-Aug-12 22:07:18

Its interesting to hear from single parents, you have my total admiration, i don't have enough time even with my Dh.
Was thinking of doing something crafty, i find the rough and tumble doesn't come easily, i am better at quieter fun, i think thats what DD meant by daddy is more fun, it comes so naturally to him.But i do need to prioritize quality time, there is so much to do day to day that its easy to get bogged down and kids grow up too quickly!
We are very much a team, but DH has the lions share of fun and now its mummys turn.

EyeoftheStorm Mon 27-Aug-12 22:17:43

Quieter fun - that's what I was thinking as I read your thread Molly29.

I am quite structured and keep things chugging along. DH with DCs much less and really enjoys rough and tumble and breaking the rules. That's his strength.

I play to my strengths. I do crafts with DD/ lego with DS or vice versa and a lot of reading with all 3. They seem to enjoy it even if there's not the shrieking and laughing there is with DH.

I also wouldn't be bothered if my DCs thought I was the bad cop compared to DH. I'm laying the foundations for them. It's not something they will realise until they're standing on top of the tower wink

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