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Parenting

Do we make him go to football?

16 replies

Dottydot · 12/03/2006 10:03

bit of a dilemma... Ds1 is 4 and is chronically shy - takes him ages (years!) to get used to people and different surroundings and only in the last year has he started to enjoy pre-school and make friends.

Last week I took him to a football course which is running for 5 weeks, as he's very athletic, loves running and is very graceful/sporty - can run really fast and loves it.

He hated it... got really upset half way through and it was a real struggle to get him to stay for the hour - I had to stay with him (the only parent on the pitch!), but by the end he'd managed to have a go in goal and quite liked it (I think because it was the only solitary place he could be!).

So, it's football again today and he's saying very adamantly he doesn't want to go.

A bit of me thinks I really should take him because he starts school in September and is going to have to get used to team sports and all that - he's going to have to interact with people whether he wants to or not - and the staff at the football were brilliant with him - very understanding and let him do what he wanted and let me stay with him. And I don't want him to think that if he wants to give things up he can do- because life's not like that all the time...

but the other half of me doesn't want to upset him any more and give him a massive complex about football!!

Aarrgghh..!

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Northerner · 12/03/2006 10:05

tbh at this age I wouldn't force it. Once at school he'll enjoy it more and he'll be with his friends.

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FrannyandZooey · 12/03/2006 10:09

I would leave it. It isn't going to achieve much if he really doesn't want to do it. I don't believe in this school of thought that says "Well they are going to have to do difficult / unpleasant things when they are older so they had better get used to them now." School can be tough for a 5 year old to get used to, but trying to make them get used to it when they are 4, or 3, makes the situation worse not better IMO. For some children the extra year or few months can make all the difference as to when they are ready. Giving them more security and more choices to do what they want at this age when they still can, makes things easier not harder when they get to school, again purely my opinion.

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salsa · 12/03/2006 10:10

I think 4 is a bit young. Once he goes to school then he will start kicking the ball about in the playground. He wouldn't be able to join a team until he was 5 or 6 I think. My nephew was exactly the same. If you force him then he might end up hating it.

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Hattie05 · 12/03/2006 10:11

I wouldn't take him. I did the same with dd who was desperate to go dance lessons, but after the first class didn't want to go again, so we havn't been back.

They are so little, really things should only be if the child enjoys them.

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JanH · 12/03/2006 10:14

Definitely don't make him go. It was a good idea to try it, but as he is so shy anyway better to leave it until he's a bit older and more confident. School will be a different matter altogether and they don't tend to do proper sport until juniors anyway.

You could take him to the park with a ball and practise kicking it to each other just for fun? Or try to teach him how to dribble? (Not properly, obv, but ykwim!)

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Dottydot · 12/03/2006 10:19

I know. Sigh... I was really hoping with it being sporty he'd love it - I suppose I'm worried and disappointed that he just doesn't enjoy being with other children or people.

It starts at 1pm so I think I'll see how he is just beforehand, but won't force it if he really doesn't want to go. I was thinking I'd take him today but as the last time (this is the 2nd week in a 5 week programme) if he really didn't want to continue.

I'm not a pushy Mum by the way - don't think I am anyway!! Just wanted to start to get him used to being in groups/teams before September...

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JanH · 12/03/2006 10:24

6 months is a looooong time at 4 though, Dot - they can grow up a lot just over the summer holidays. DS2 was an embarrassment when we went on summer term Reception visits when he was 4, crying when he couldn't have what he wanted, refusing to share and being all-round obnoxious Blush

The Reception teacher told us at the first parents' evening in the autumn that she had been expecting him to be a PITA and in fact he was fine and no trouble at all! So don't worry too much about September. Smile

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Dottydot · 12/03/2006 10:32

Thanks! Smile I really feel for ds1 - he's a complete introvert but being brought up by 2 extrovert Mummies and has an extremely extrovert little brother! My heart completely goes out to him when he's struggling to be with people - we're having to try to get him to do eye contact with people and say Hello - even his grandparents who he sees every week. The thing he loves the most is running and sport, so I was really hoping football would be his 'thing'. But having said that, his Dad is a fantastic cricketer, which might suit him more.

Ho hum. Thanks for listening to me wittering..!

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FrannyandZooey · 12/03/2006 12:02

Aw Dottydot, I know you just want to protect him from being hurt, but don't fall into the trap of making him feel like it's a bad thing to be introverted - he is going to struggle with it if the rest of you are confident sociable types anyway. Don't try to change him into something he's not - make sure he knows how you value his sensitivity and perception (am guessing but many shy people have those qualities :))

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harpsichordcarrier · 12/03/2006 12:09

god no. i agree with franny - I never "got used" to team sports after years of school misery. any extra for "fun" would have been unspeakable.
don't make him go. no good could come of it. find him something he likes doing.

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Dottydot · 12/03/2006 16:44

Hello! Just wanted to update you - we agreed he'd go today but if he still didn't like it he didn't have to go again, and.... he loved it!!!! He was v. clingy for the first few minutes, but there were lots of bits where the grown ups had to help, which was great, and he made a friend!!

Am soooooooo proud of him - he says he wants to go back next week! I think if they had to do lots of things on their own he might not enjoy it as much, but by the end of the hour today he'd gone to sit with the others (away from me!) and even handed his football back to the coach - something he'd never have done last week.

Smile

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FrannyandZooey · 12/03/2006 20:51

Yay good stuff Dotty and Dotty's ds :)

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GDG · 12/03/2006 20:53

Hurrah!!

I was just going to say, he sounds like my ds1 - he wouldn't have gone at that age tbh but now he's in reception he is happy to go because a few of his friends go to the same course.

If he's enjoying it now that's fabbo!!

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harpsichordcarrier · 12/03/2006 21:15

excellent news dotty Smile

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WestCountryLass · 12/03/2006 21:24

You have just just described my DS to a tee! And I am voting "no" on tis one, don't make him go. Maybe you could suggest just going and watching seeing as you have paid for the course and seeing if he thinks he wants to join in once he sees the other kids having fun but I see little point in making him go. School is another 6 months away and if he isn't ready for this now thats not to say he won't take to school like a duck to water (although I am expecting the worse with my DS).

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motherinferior · 12/03/2006 21:31

Oh hurrah.

And another one for 'six months is a long time'. Reception is a big step, but he will have changed a fair bit by then.

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