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Is this really a "British thing"? Or a "European thing" for that matter? (a bit long)

36 replies

colinandcaitlinsmommy · 22/02/2006 17:01

To start off with quickly, I'm an American living in America.

Last night my friend was asked by her (originally from London) neighbor to watch her 3.9 yo DS at 11:30 pm while she went the 40 miles to pick up DH from airport. Friend thought it was a bit odd as they've only spoken to neighbor once briefly, but agreed. When 11:30 came, neighbor came by and dropped off not the child, but a baby monitor and set of keys to the house so my friend could sleep while "watching" the child since it was so late. Needless to say, friend didn't sleep until the parents returned after 1 am, and worried about the child waking up because the child has barely seen her and never talked to her. So my friend called me this morning to tell me the odd story and decided it must be a "British thing" to let people that you barely know watch your child late at night from next door. I told her I doubted it, but she figures it must be a "European thing" then. So tell me ladies, would you do what the neighbor did if you were in that position?

(FWIW we both decided if it were us in that position, we would just take DS with us and let him sleep in the car and have DH find us in the parking lot of the airport because it is a VERY small airport and the parking lot isn't very big at all.)

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RedZuleika · 22/02/2006 17:10

Sounds a bit loopy to me. I'd take the child with me. I'd have to have more than a nodding acquaintance with someone before I'd leave the dog with them, let alone a child.

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tex111 · 22/02/2006 17:12

I'm an American living in England and I wouldn't say that's a 'British' thing. I do think that people generally feel safer here and do things that would seem risky to Americans but what you've described does sound extreme.

I'm thinking more of things like leaving a child strapped into a stroller just outide a shop while Mom runs in to quickly buy something, keeping the child in sight through the window the whole time. I would do that here but I wouldn't feel comfortable doing that in the States.

In my experience there is a cultural difference. Americans seem to expect the worst and try to prevent it happening whereas the English are more likely to think better of a given situation. This is obviously just my experience though.

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LIZS · 22/02/2006 17:12

No not normal ime anywhere although I think things are more relaxed in Europe. In Switzerland , which is supposed very safe , have known one German lady do the school run (about 25 minutes round trip) whilst her younger child slept with noone even knowing he had been left and a Swiss who used to cycle to the baker's while baby napped at home, so I'm sure does happen occasionally. I used to have a monitor and keys for my downstairs neighbour (in a secure apartment block) for her to do a 15 minute run to pick up her ds whilst dd slept. How nearby was the child to your friend ? Fire and security would be my biggest concerns. In that position I'd also have taken ds or more likely told dh to find his own way home !

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OldieMum · 22/02/2006 17:15

Good grief! Neither I nor anyone in my acquaintance would dream of doing this. I think it's got more to do with common sense than nationality or culture.

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OldieMum · 22/02/2006 17:17

tex111 - I would have thought that the Jamie Bulger case made most of us unwilling ever to leave young children unattended, even for a moment.

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DumbledoresGirl · 22/02/2006 17:20

I can't imagine anyone doing this. Not only would I not leave my child with a near stranger (or leave a monitor with them), but I wouldn't even take my child out at night to fetch dh from the airport! I would expect him to get a taxi or have transport provided from some other source.

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mummytosteven · 22/02/2006 17:22

agree with everyone else - it's not usual british parenting behaviour!

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colinandcaitlinsmommy · 22/02/2006 17:22

LIZS, it is one of those subdivisions where there are giant size houses on teeny little lots, so there is only 20-30 feet in between the houses. But what friend found odd was she wasn't told where the child's bedroom was in the house (she's never been inside). Friend's house is a large 2 story house, and neighbor's house appears to be a bit bigger from the outside.

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heavenis · 22/02/2006 17:22

I wouldn't leave my children with a neighbour let alone give them a monitor to listen to them. This must just be something she feels happy with doing. Surely you would take child with you and arrange for dh to meet the car.

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mummytosteven · 22/02/2006 17:22

agree with DG - rather than dragging DS out at night, the travelling partner would be expected to make their own way home by taxi.

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expatinscotland · 22/02/2006 17:23

When we were living in Singapore, there were mostly Euros around us, particularly a lot of Dutch - well, duh, we were there w/Shell.

But it just seemed more people had no qualms about leaving their kids w/people they didn't know particularly well.

We'd come from S. America, where the kidnapping risk was high, so it took us aback a bit.

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Lacrimosa · 22/02/2006 17:24

OK Im just going to say it, I dont think its British behaviour, I thinks its bloody aufull, Is there no laws about leaving children on their own?

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LIZS · 22/02/2006 17:25

So not that close then. Does sound bizarre that she wasn't even expected to be in the house to baby sit him. Let alone that they were not close friends and her ds wouldn't knwo ehr.

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bobbybobbobbingalong · 22/02/2006 17:26

I'd take the child, let dh find his own way from the airport (he's a big boy after all), get dh's parents to pick him up or (a last resort) let dh's parents have ds overnight.

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VeniVidiVickiQV · 22/02/2006 17:27

Dont get why that kind of behaviour is deemed as "British or European".

Awful in any case. Friend should have refused.

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colinandcaitlinsmommy · 22/02/2006 17:38

I'm afraid the taxi thing isn't practical here, MTS. We live in a very rural town about 50 miles away from the airport, and there is only 1 taxi service with a few cars here, and it would be horribly expensive.

That's why I asked, VVVQV (love the name, btw). I pretty much knew the answer anyway (seem to remember a thread about how far would you go out of your house and bring a baby monitor) but don't want my friend to think its a british thing. Now I can show her what you all have said.

We thought the baby monitor thing was a bit odd, but what really got us was the fact they don't really know the neighbors. She was just so stunned when the neighbor came over with the baby monitor that I think she didn't really know what to do.

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Jasnem · 22/02/2006 17:47

I agree with the other posters, and would never consider it, but I do know of a mum who regularly does this (although she does know her neighbour very well.)

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Jasnem · 22/02/2006 17:47

I agree with the other posters, and would never consider it, but I do know of a mum who regularly does this (although she does know her neighbour very well.)

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LeahE · 22/02/2006 18:04

Sounds odd to me too. Must be an American thing

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Anoah · 22/02/2006 18:09

I'm another American living in England. I have always thought that this kind of "parenting" was more common in the US. I have known many parents in the USA that leave their children alone. I don't ever see this in the UK. That doesn't mean it doesn't happen here, but I think it's more common in the US to be honest.

I don't know many latch key kids in the UK. But when I was growing up in the USA my friends and I were all latch key kids. We walked home alone after school, came home to an empty house and were alone until 7PM when parents got home from work. That was from age 6 upwards. Don't see a lot of that here in England.

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alison222 · 22/02/2006 18:10

never in my wildest dreams would i do that. What if the child got up and you didn't hear it on the monitor/
I would however let my neighbours on onw side babysit as i know them and theor childrne very well but thats another kettle of fish altogether.
In this position i would have put the child in the car with me to the airport.

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christie1 · 22/02/2006 18:12

I am a canadian who lived in UK and would not say it's a british thing at all, just a parenting thing, bad parenting that is. While there are cultural differences and we north americans tend to be more hyperparents (not sure if that is such a good thing) what this story sounds like is a very careless or really stressed parent who made a bad call. Most parents british or otherwise just wouldn't do that.

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ggglimpopo · 22/02/2006 18:23

Message withdrawn

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FrannyandZooey · 22/02/2006 18:25

Personally I would call this a "barking thing".

Quite odd. I guess the child never, ever, ever woke up in the night?

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getbakainyourjimjams · 22/02/2006 19:51

My Mum and Dad used to leave me alone in the house and go out to parties and the neighbour used to pop in every half an hour or 40 minutes or so. In fact it used to happen regularly when my dad was away (navy) and my mum was bell ringing- I would go to the neughbours house until bed time then she would put me to bed at 8pm and my Mum would get home at 9pm that is a bit barking isn't it (I was about 7).

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