Worried about my relationship with DD

[freshstart]

I have got part of this mentioned on another thread atm but thought I'd start a thread all of its own as its worrying me now.

DD and I just dont seem to be getting on at the moment. I keep on trying to have a fresh start but within minutes we seem to end up falling out.

She is only 6 FFS! Yet our relationship is almost like a failing adult one. Anything I say she objects to, has refused to kiss me for about a week. Forever asking to go and live with her Dad and Nana.

Her attitude is completely teenage I cant imagine what she will actually be like when she is a teenager.

We have had intermittent probs throughout her life (wild tantrums etc).

She isnt naughty (apart from our ongoing issue with getting dressed) its just as though she doesnt like me very much and isnt particularly happy.

She is generally very good for everyone else.

[crazydazy]

Oh poor you Freshstart, it must be upsetting for you

I too have a stroppy and very cheeky 6 year old girl, I sometimes find that we do clash simply because she is very like me in her personality and is incredibly stubborn (which I am too). I find that she gets better if I shower her with attention.

[popsycalindisguise]

somethign in the northern water today - ds1 and me have been at logger heads and he is 3!!!!

[popsycalindisguise]

Sorry no advice mate - but justr wanted to let you know that it is nto just you

[freshstart]

I am convinced that because her Nana and Real Dad completely and utterly spoil her that she has become to equate that treatment to love and so when I object or discipline she sees that as the oppostive and believes that I am nasty to her.

What is worrying is that she has now long term deciding im not nice - this not kissing thing is upsetting how can a 6 year old actively decide to not kiss their mum? I keep thinking she will forget and naturally kiss me when I go to grab one but she doesnt.

[crazydazy]

Her Nan and Dad don't try and turn her against you do they? My little girl really takes things that adults say to heart.

[Sparklemagic]

What is your communication like with her dad and nana?

It sounds a but like the adults here need to BE adult, get together and agree the basic groundrules of your girl's up-bringing. It must be very very difficult for kids to make the transition between mum and dad anyway - and if as you say she is very indulged there, it's only making things more difficult for her. If he and nana don't see her much, I can understand that maybe on the first evening together they might go easy on behaviour or give her a treat or something - got to let her 'blow off steam' while she's making the transition. Then I'm sure it would help if she experienced the same treatment / discipline as at home. The same when she comes home, cut her a little slack because she's making a difficult transition. (Maybe you do all this anyway but thought it worth saying! I just wondered whether some of her difficulties could be to do with this?)If you think your ex might be awkward, why not write him and his mum a heartfelt letter, telling them how much she loves time with them but that you feel it's confusing for her at present as she matures, and she needs more of a feeling of stability, can you agree on some ideas, etc, etc....

The other thing with things 'breaking down' between you is maybe you could ignore much, much more than you normally would? Not things that are really dangerous to her obviously, but if it's annoying behaviour or remarks, just ignore like mad and be all over her like a rash when she does something you like, praising her to the skies.

One thing I've seen done on parenting progs on TV is close time - get her to make you up or do your nails or hair and do the same for her - even if you look like coco the clown!!!! Obviously this would have to be done at the right time but lots of girls love all this!

It just sounds like you're in a negative spiral together but I reckon it can be turned around, she's very young. Hope some of this might help?

[noknickers]

freshy can we talk abotu teh appearance hting?
have drawn finbars attention to this thread as she is having a thing like this wiht her dd and i was tellign her about yours.

[noknickers]

oh sorry it sme cod
was larking around

[freshstart]

just seen this

have had more run ins about the belly today and questions about is it because i eat all my tea up that im getting a big belly

what can i do????? i NEED for this not to be a problem so early on

[popsycalindisguise]

where is she hearing this fs?

[freshstart]

lord only knows

she keeps reelling off other girls in her class and saying "X doesnt look like me" "Y doesnt have a sticky out tummy" etc etc

Also I know that her Nana will say things about her eating but in a positive way but I think that this drawing attention to it cant be good overall

For example she will say "eeeeeeeeee isnt she great, you just cant fill her up she will just eat, eat, eat."

So she is saying this as a good thing but I think too much emphasis is being put on what she eats iyswim

She certainly doesnt get any of it from me - we always tell her how great and beautiful and fantastic she is.

The only thing Im thinking is that she may hear me say "oohhh no I cant have a XYZ Im trying to be good"

[popsycalindisguise]

It is so hard, isnt it, to strike the right balance.

[freshstart]

Its quite funny actually as after the fuss about various tops making her belly stick out she then went on to select a frilly top that is actually quite short so has walked around all day with stomach poking out!

LOL that made me feel better as I think it must be for effect as opposed to real self loathing

You think?

[cod]

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