I split up from my husband two years ago, largely because he refused to make any changes to his lifestyle to accommodate the fact that he had two children, or a wife who actually wanted to work.
He's continued to work crazy hours, probably more now that he doesn't see the kids very much. He's a very devoted father when he does see them. When he's not around he's extremely absent - he makes perfunctory phone calls very occasionally. My family, including myself and my kids,have had a really gruelling two years, involving multiple bereavements, multiple serious illness, a road traffice accident, and various members of my family going mad. I'm now completely estranged from my own parents and very isolated. The kids, have, understandably, been adversely affected by this. They are both suffering from anxiety related disorders - the older one has severe OCD and the younger one is just super anxious, clingy and needy all the time. Recently the younger one has started to focus all her despair on the fact that she misses her father and she can't live without him. She is like a lamenting lover for him. Whilst I have sympathy for her feelings, it's somewhat shallow and quickly turns to irritation and anger. I am the one who is there for her 24/7 - he is not. I've encouraged her to tell HIM all this in the hope that he may mend his ways somewhat - and to put the locus of the problem on HIM and not on me. She has started to speak to him about his absence but still, EVERY night, she weeps and wails and cries (she's nearly 11) for hours about hour she misses him, and I have to say that I get very angry. I have twice overstepped the limits of my own parenting principles. Two weeks ago I told her I had nothing left for her - admittedly this was after 6 days of her being up till 3 - and last night I actually told her to fuck off. This is not cool. I am very aware of this. I am deeply sorry for her, and I've sought help for her general anxiety through camhs and the gp, which should be starting soon. But even one incident like that can scar a child for life. How the hell do I dig deeper and ensure that I NEVER EVER speak to her in these terms again? I'm really at my limits here.
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After advice, not judgment, here, please. Tricky post separation situation.
11 replies
wickerman · 26/03/2012 08:30
OP posts:
JessicaLuis232 ·
03/09/2016 08:29
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