Mumsnet Talk

Overparenting is as harmful to children as neglectful/abusive parenting. My eldest DS has been building den at bottom of garden since 8 am aith DS3 - aged 3 and 5.DS2 is out 'visitig in neighbourhood, we know all neighbours and he goes from house to house so not entirely sure where he's at atm. DDs are watching cartoons/napping in playroom- nappy changed but still in PJs. DSs have helped selves to breakfast ( I can see evuidence ) and DDs had it with me - all happy unstressed and have just seen stressed out shgouting neighbour with one DS traipsing off to musuic/museum trip/shoe buying - do it online lady !!

Um, good for you? [hmm ]

But why bother - stressful/horrrid for child and parent ? Chill out and each doing own thing is much nicer more beneficial for all !!

I suggest you use all the free time you have to think about how you can become a nicer person and not post prim threads such as this one!

She came round to borrow a booster seat for her DS's friend too - she is taking them to riding lesson later !! The boy started crying at mention of this ... He is 6 ffs - v sad. I said 'does he need to know how to ride a horse ?' She looked puzzled ... DD1 asked why they don't use buses instead of horse.

You sound insufferably smug.

My gut tells me you feel a teeny bit uncomfortable about the fact that you either do not know where are dcs are or they are watching tv. Nothing wrong with that per se (actually, maybe the one where you do not entirely know where he is, but that depends on the age i guess), but to lord it over your neighbour who is heading out today (we all have to go out occasionally lorcana and sometimes, gasp, children play up) is unfair.

also, why did you interfere with your ridiculous comment 'does he need to know how to ride a horse'? Goodness sakes women, butt out and find out where your son is!

Do we have a 'Smug of the week' award?

There is absolutely nothing wrong with what you are doing- and no doubt any number of MNers are doing the same.

But the way you have worded your thread it is impossible to read it without getting the impression that you are jumping up and down going "look at me, look how clever I am, I am better than you". Which is the kind of behaviour most of us tend to discourage in 4yos.

And what is wrong with learning to ride a horse if you happen to be born into a horsey family. I was taught to sail a boat and ski, because of where we lived. You don't think there could be a certain amount of ....errrr....jealousy mixed in with your superiority?

I never have much success with buying shoes online

Not jealous - just wondering why parents do so much 'stuff' with their kids when it is entirely unnecessary. By all means sail,ski n ride but only if YOU and kids actually want to surely ! Kids like to do own thing - and if you work all week then so do parents ...

YABU .

FWIW, my 3.5yo plays contentedly for hours by herself but I see this more as a personality thing than anything I have encouraged (I know several hand off parents whose DC are clingy). So I'm never smug about it.

Well, most parents I know who work all week, such as my husband and I, like to spend time with our children on the weekends. Not 'doing our own thing.'

And you do sound smug.

Smuggery <gavel>

So your kids are all happy - what do you want - a medal? Plus you have a playroom and a big enough garden for your kids to build a den in. Some parents don't have either of these things.

Well, most parents I know who work all week, such as my husband and I, like to spend time with our children on the weekends. Not 'doing our own thing.'

Exactly Tee2072

By all means let them play their own games and have some freedom but from what you've said OP, parents who might want to do their own thing are looking after your son who has gone 'visiting'?

Sounds to me like pretty lax supervision of your under 5's - 2 at the bottom of the garden for 4 hours in sub zero temperatures, 1 roaming the neighbourhood

Museums aren't so much fun online.

And I am very happy to let children mostly do what they want. You do sound very smug.

Good for you Lorcana.

I wonder if the neighbours think you are as great as you think you are - they are trying to get on with their day, perhaps with their DCs, but your DS is going "from house to house."

If a friend of one of my DCs was constantly turning up at the weekend I'd be muttering under my breath something to the effect of why don't his parents do anything with him so that he is not constantly hanging around with other families trying to find some entertainment.

Quite right too. My DD has been out round the neighbourhood since last Tuesday, what could be more fun for them than to have her smiling face at the door at breakfast time? I'm sure that they're also grateful that I am modelling this Parenting Lite style for them - gives them something to aspire to.

Of course, when she does turn up (should be sometime in the next few days), we'll be logging onto a fascinating online museum. Well, looking at pictures of other people having fun, mostly. None of those pesky RL experiences for us, onoes. Frees up so much more time for Judging Others too, I find.

It occurs to me that this is not so much 'parenting lite' as 'not parenting at all.'

But I could be wrong. I often am.

Sue - I have not seen my DCs for a month or so. We released them into the wild and told them to have fun and make their own way back home. Haven't seen them for a few weeks now - guess they must be having too much fun...

this has got to be a wind up

Sadly, I do not think this is a wind up.
Pretty sure though that OP has got the msg loud and clear from the responses.

'Lite' is completely the wrong word. I honestly shudder to think of not knowing where my 4 year old son is, just presuming he is visiting one of the neighbours.

Scornful of parents who want to be involved with their children. Odd.

Hope this thread has rid you of smuggery OP.

You're an inspiration to us all, kumquat.

Doing their own thing only works for a few hours at best round here, after that we have bored, irritable kids and mess everywhere. I'd rather go out with them somewhere and do something. Hanging round the house all day makes me feel trapped.

It was a genuine observation on the irritating helicopter parenting of some middle class parents !