Daily school run stress

[Oggy]

Virtually every morning the school run becomes a battle to get the children ready for school (they are YR and Y1). Every part of the process requires constant ranting from me and bickering between the two of them over the most ridiculous things. I do start by encouraging them to do things nicely but it invariably ends with me shouting at them to finish getting dressed, brush their teeth, finish their cereal, get their shoes and coats on etc, all with a backdrop of arguments over who has the most cereal, who sits where at the table, who gets into the car first - it really is ludicrous.

I have tried leaving more time to factor in the fannying around but they just extend the fannying around to fit whatever time is available. I have tried leaving less time so there is no fannying around time but then we just end up running late and I am even more stressed and shouty.

I end up sending them in to school feeling like I have nagged and shouted at them all morning and then come home and feel terrible that I have sent them off like that. I do give them a kiss and tell them I love them as they wander in but that feels a bit hollow after all the events of the morning.

Anyone got any tips to improve the situation, or any successful stress-free morning routines to share? Or is this just how it is when you have a 4 and 6 year old?

Thanks in advance to anyone who has any words of wisdom (or reassurance).

[Cinders22]

I have no words of wisdom but am looking forward to seeing the responses you receive as I have exactly the same problem!

[clangermum]

Like cinders22 I feel your pain....

[Olbasoil]

Sounds like a normal school morning to me I love the holidays though nice and relaxed

[irishmum]

no advice...just sympathy...just came home and burst into tears with the stress of it all!
Uniforms,bags,luches etc all ready at night...its the fighting between the boys I cant cope with (13 and 6)...usually ends up physical between them
Ive kept them seperate...asked them to ignore each other...pleaded with them to work together...etc etc,am at the end of my teather and know they ALL went to school upset this morning....
Will watch with interest.x

[tomme]

This is probably going totally against what most other people on here will tell you but I still help mine get dressed, they are Yr3 and YR1 they are perfectly capable of dressing themselves and do on all other occasions, it just makes for a lot less of a stressful morning. My dh is away this week, this morning we all got up at 7.30 I helped them dress did dd hair etc and got myself dressed before going downstairs making us all breakfast and making their packed lunches. Sent them upstairs to brush their teeth and that was it all done by 8.10 am and we don't need to leave until 8.30am.

I know my children need to be independent and able to do all these things for themselves but on a school morning quite frankly I'd rather help them or even do it for them and its a much calmer and happier morning for all of us.

[W0rmy]

I have a 4 and 7 year old and have also had this battle. I had to put a stop to playing past 7.15, i had to put a stop to television. They argued too about brushing teeth, who had go to the loo first, who got to the table first, much like what you have described.

And know exactly what you mean about that hollow feeling after they've gone in.

In the end with a bit of team work I think we've cracked it.

Explain to them that you are not going to be late any more and you need their help to make sure everything gets done on time, - make a bit of a challenge out of it if you can. I used to set alarms to go off on my phone:- 7.15 beep beep "what does that alarm mean?" - "everyone to the kitchen" 7.30 beep beep - time to brush your teeth. etc

If they start to argue remind them it's not a competition - we are all helping each other to get out the door by 8.30 and arguing is going to slow you down.

I do lay their clothes out in separate areas so they're not getting in each other's way, - and the dressing bit is the last bit we do - mainly so I don't have to stress about breakfast or toothpaste on their uniforms

Then when we're finally out the door we do a time check and they get plenty of praise if we've managed it on time, or a 'not too bad, that argument over the toothpaste slowed us down didn't it? so we won't do that tomorrow'

I actually had enough time to read with them both this morning so things have really improved.

[Bonsoir]

You need to reduce, not increase, the amount of time and the number of activities before leaving for school in order to restrict the possible temptations for faffing.

[tomme]

The one rule I have is no toys, tv, ds, wii or whatever it is they want until they are dressed, breakfasted, teeth cleaned and shoes on. It does mean they want to get everything done more quickly to get sometime playing before we have to leave. If we had to leave earlier than 8.30, I'd just get up 30 mins/ an hour earlier and do the same.

[tomme]

Exactly wormy, dd started her maths homework this morning

[heliumballoon]

I feel your pain. My DD (4) was a nightmare this morning, and I only have one.
She is worse because she is tired so I should have put her to bed earlier last night.
I also bribe her with a "coming home snack" which she can choose if she gets ready nicely in the mornings.
Once I took her out with no breakfast as she was fannying around so much; I don't think she believed I would do it. That worked quite well actually. I have heard other MNetters taking kids to school in their pyjamas- again, only happens once!
Another thing which helps is if I get up early (yuk) so I have done absolutely everything and am not trying to dress myself etc to add to the chaos.
Sorry can't help on the bickering...

[BarryShitpeas]

Less talk. Seriously.

Don't engage with chatter, answering questions, whining etc.

Just speak very quietly about what they are going to do next, sort of broken record technique.

When they have done all their jobs, then they can chat about Ben 10 or whatever.

The quieter you are, the quieter they will be.

This should lead to less distractions= quicker out of the house.

Let us know how you get on .

[jasminerice]

I agree with no tv games etc until they're dressed, had breakfast, teeth brushed etc. It works for us. I also get DS dressed, brush his teeth for him etc, he's 5 in yr1. If I left him to it we'd still be here at hometime. DD, 8, is fine, can be left to get on with it.

[Chandon]

divide an conquer?

my two are a bit older now, but I sometimes had to separate them at breakfast(one in the living room, one in the kitchen).

I did this every time there was a fuss at the table. They like having breakfast together, so they tried harder to behave. If they are silly or annoying, I send one away to the other room (without shouting, i say i am not cross or anything, but they need to learn to have a calm breakfast)

Also, one gets dressed, the other does his teeth (somehow doing teeth together leads to struggle over the tooth paste, mirror time etc.).

Then one of them is ready, bag packed and I tell him to go wait outside, then the other gets ready.

At times, I even give one DS breakfast first. I think you have to let go of the idea of everybody doing the same thing at the same time. If one is upstairs getting dressed, the other can have a calm breakfast. Worth a try?

Also, I make sure I am dressed and ready before attempting any of this, so I can just focus on getting THEM ready whilst drinking my tea.

It is horrible starting the day stressed, and worth trying a new approach.

[Oggy]

Wormy, I like the idea of different alarms for when different stages need to be complete, I might steal that one. I also need to do what you do and make it a cooperation rather than a competition - they really are so competitive with each other it has to be seen to be believed (although it sounds like this is not unusual)

I confess, I do let them watch tv while they are eating their breakfast. They can't come down until they are washed and dressed and hair done (in daughter's case) so the allowing them to watch tv over breakfast was originally allowed as an incentive to get themselves moving out of bed but now it has created its own problem as they gawp rather than putting spoons in their mouths. I do concede I need to put my foot down and say no tv until breakfast is finished.

How long are people taking between getting children out of bed and walking out the door? We are about 45 minutes at the moment - is that too much time, not enough time, about right?

[W0rmy]

It's about an hour and a half for us, but that first half hour is quite chilled and then the serious regimented process starts an hour before exit.

[Oggy]

Wormy: do they get up of their own accord or do you have to wake them? I have to wake mine every morning and my son in particular is like a teenager about getting up so I prefer to wake them as late as possible so they get the sleep they need for school.

Thanks everyone for all the helpful and supportive replies.

[heliumballoon]

45 minutes sounds too short to me, especially with tv. I think you are right, tv is not your friend!!

[south345]

I am a childminder and do have 6 kids to get ready! At least I only have to put coat and shoes on 4 of them don't think I'd cope having to fully dress them all it still takes 20 mins to get in the car.

[Chandon]

We take an hour 15 mins, but then it is pretty much stress free and includes 15 mins for me looking at the news and MN and having a cup of tea! I can't just get out of bed and hit the floor running.

[Oggy]

Maybe I need to wake them up 15/20 minutes earlier and give them 15 minutes just to mooch around and relax before we start getting ready.

[W0rmy]

The younger one normally comes in to my room by 7am, so if the older one hasn't surfaced by 7.15 I will go in and start to wake him and make sure he's up by 7.30.

What time do they go to bed? - perhaps you'll have to threaten an earlier bed time if he's going to drag his heels in the mornings

[W0rmy]

x-posted - yes that would be good, then they get a bit of chill before you go all Sargent Major on them

[NeverKnowinglyUnderstood]

I know people think I am nuts, but... I have pictures of what I want the children to do.
there is a picture of pants socks trousers and top in their room, a picture of teeth brushing on the bathroom door. So my take on things before we go down stairs is to say to the boys, have you looked at your pictures and done everything you need to do? 90% of the time the visual clues without me nagging prompts them to get started.
On the back of the front door I have a picutre of book bag, water bottle, fruit, shoes and coat. If they want to play or watch tv I refer them to the picture, do you have everything ready? and again we have about a 90% success rate.

There are still the days when I repeat myself. over and over and over but it has really helped.

[WomanwiththeYellowHat]

I solved this by waking them and myself up earlier and we have no TV and no playing til everything is ready. We have to leave at 8 and I have a 3 yr old and a 4yr old so it can be pretty frantic but much better now we have extra time. They have never been allowed TV at breakfast - they actually still think the TV people don't start until lunchtime on school days