What do your dh/dp's do with the children?

[Earlybird]

Just spent the morning with a pal who is upset. Her husband works very long hours, and barely sees the kids during the week. According to her, he feels a bit "out of it" on weekends as he doesn't quite know how to fit into the established family routine that carries on largely without him during the week. At the moment, he's opting out, sitting on the sidelines, and complaining loudly/bitterly to her.

I suggested to her that perhaps he might want to set up a few routine "Daddy" things that he does with the children on weekends so that he has a defined "role" and "purpose" within the family other than provider/breadwinner.

What sorts of things do your partners/husbands regularly do with the children - both chores and play? Any other suggestions for her? BTW - they have 3 children under the age of 6.

[flamesparrow]

DH is addicted to his bloody game at the moment, so lately he tells her to go ask mummy!!!

Could he start doing swimming with them once a week? I always loved it when my dad took us swimming. Weather never got in the way, and it was very much dad time.

[handlemecarefully]

My dh works long hours so doesn't see much of the children in the week.

At w/ends he doesn't do specific daddy things with them on his own, we all tend to go out together as a family for 'family outings', which may be as low key as a walk or trip to the park, or might be swimming or a zoo visit etc

[coppertop]

Dh works Mon-Fri. On Saturdays he takes ds1 and ds2 into town and they do the shopping together while I stay at home and catch up with the housework. The boys get to choose a comic and a small toy each and dh gets the chance to spend time with them both on his own. They're usually gone for about 3hrs or so.

[NomDePlume]

We have 3 children - DS1 is 13, DS2 is 12, DD is 3


DH does DD's bath 7 nights out of 10 on average (sometimes he works late/away so I do it). He does the bedtime stories too.

DH cooks most of the weekend meals, as he finds it relaxing spending hours in the kitchen poring over a new recipe/ingredient.

He does lots of other little things too.

Maybe your friends DH could take the children to the local park to feed the ducks and play on the swings every saturday morning or something, as well as being involved in bath-times and story times ?

[handlemecarefully]

That sounds attractive coppertop

[handlemecarefully]

i.e. you getting some time 'off' (even if it is for the housework)

[NomDePlume]

swimming is a great idea, can be done whatever the weather

[Lizzylou]

We both bathe Ds every night, except for Thursdays (DH's Squash night) and when DH works late/away. On the weekends DH makes a "Boys Breakfast" for him and Ds and they sit down together and eat this (often whilst I clear up pans!), Dh also takes DS out for walks/the park etc or just plays in the house whilst I have a nap/relax/tidy up. I have noticed that as DH has been working away a bit more recently that DS has been more clingy to me and has taken a while to warm to DH when he is back, but Ds is only 20mths.

[dinosaur]

I work four days a week and DH is a SAHD. On Saturday mornings I take DS1 and DS2 to their swimming lessons. On Saturday afternoon I usually take all three DSs out somewhere, although it is usually only to the park or the Library. We tend to be out most of the afternoon if we go to the park as we always stop for a cup of tea and then we have to pass a toyshop on the way home...

On Sundays either we all go out somewhere (which is fairly rare) or I take DS1 and DS2 to church (DH moans about this as he is stuck with DS3) and then I take all three of them out in the afternoon, weather permitting. If we stay at home I do baking/playing/making things etc in the afternoon.

I also give them their tea on Sat, and we all eat together on Sun.

[flamesparrow]

How can I convince DH to take DD out by himself more?

The only "me time" I get is when I run away to my mums and leave her home with him... I'd love to be in the house alone!!!

He doesn't like swimming (to the extent of swimming once on a week's holiday in Cyprus - he just got hot). Money is a bit of an issue, so playcentre type places is out... and they aren't much fun by yourself anyway. Its winter and soggy, so park is out

[frannyandzooey]

Dp does swimming here as well, and also goes to the local soft play centre which is a novelty for him, but a complete yawn for me after nannying for 10 years. He gets much less bored than me about going to the park to kick a ball around, walks in the local woods, trips to the beach - even in cold weather as they wrap up warm and just mess about with their bucket and spade. Out to fly a kite, classic Dad stuff. Library visits or trips to B+Q if wet.

Chores around the house, they enjoy gardening (weeding / watering), clearing out the shed and going to the tip, 'helping' Daddy do flatpack, putting the ingredients in the breadmaker.

Also does bathtime. Dp is 100% better than me at just being available while ds mucks about aimlessly. I get bored and try to organise things! Your friend's dh probably has similar strengths that are different to his wife's, he just needs to discover them.

[Seona1973]

DH works lateish hours during the week but if he's home on time he does the bedtime stories with dd. At the weekend he baths her on a Sunday morning (or has a shower with her-just tried this in the last couple of weeks). At the weekend I also 'let/make' him get her dressed in the morning and get her jammies on in the evening, and take his turn with nappy changes during the day. We tend to go out as a family at weekends e.g. for lunch, shopping, visiting, etc but occasionally she has stayed in with him and 'helped' him to make cakes (mostly packet mixes e.g. tweenies, postman pat, etc). She likes making them but rarely eats them!! I try to get him involved cos he does miss out on her company a lot during the week - poor soul.

[HuggyBear]

My Dh is so good with the kids, he has done more than his fair share of everything and is the best father i could ever have asked for, for my boys

[stitch]

my dh does sod all with my kids

[clary]

Nooo flamesparrow, park is still there even in the rain! Put on wellies and kick through the leaves, splash in the puddles etc.
Or how about a simple shopping trip, my kids love going to ASda and picking out the fruit etc.
Earlybird, to answer yr original post, my dh has the kids on a Monday all day anyway so he?s got his own routine. But I agree with others, how about some ?daddy? things for yr friend?s DH to do and let her have some time alone. Some good ideas here including swimming, soft play, park, etc. Do they have weekend activities which it can be his job to get them ready for and take them to (eg dance class, drama class, gym, footie coaching, swimming lesson?)

[myalias]

I work a few nights a week and I have 2 ds my dh helps my eldest ds with his homework and reads to both the boys before bedtime. Once a week he hires a dvd and they have popcorn. On a Thursday night my eldest ds goes to football practise and on a Saturday he goes with dad to watch him play a rugby match. Dh also makes bacon sarnies for the boys at the weekend.

[flamesparrow]

Park is still there for me n DD in the rain... it seems to magically close for DH - he seems to have a fear of getting wet!

[ninah]

maybe she could just go out and leave it to her dh to find something he'd like to do with the children? I find this works, they will shop, wash car, go out on bike, go to park etc

[crazydazy]

My DP takes the kids swimming on a weekend, I sometimes go but prefer not to, I usually get the food shopping done!!!

He loves doing things with the kids though and takes them to the park regularly too!!!!

[ninah]

Just think if he's already feeling a bit on the sidelines 'telling' him what to do with them might not be best approach
Best to clear off out of the way and let him sort it, at least to begin with

[anniebear]

Baths them (4 year old twin girls )

Takes them to the park or out for a walk (to give me a break!!)

Bit hard in the house as one has SN and wants me all the time

But he is really great and helps a lot

[saadia]

Dh also gets home lateish, around 7.45pm, but he does a lot with ds1. Ds2 (2 in March) is usually asleep by this time.

Ds1 (4 in Jan) sleeps when we do (around 10ish so he and dh get some time together. Dh has started teaching ds to read, they cut out words from a newspaper, stick in a scrapbook, dh explains their meaning, draws funny pictures, asks ds1 about his day, anything interesting that's happened and notes it in the scrapbook. Ds really looks forward to this time. They also play rough and tumble games.

I know it's not ideal with ds having to wake early for nursery, but the alternative is not seeing his dad all week and that would make them both sad. He catches up on his sleep in the afternoon.

On weekends they go and do the grocery shopping together and basically dh is very involved in whatever the dss are doing.

[boredsenseless]

Dh is great, he does loads with the boys with no prompting.

Also he'll clean everywhere and iron too.

Really appreciate it!

[doormat]

dh does everything with the kids
i cant fault him as he has been looking after them since last week except when they let me home for weekend
he is a gem

[Outdoorsmum]

My DH takes our DS to the park, to woods, generally doing boys stuff together, and spends time playing inside with him. Does play with him a lot at weekends.

I tend to be the one who does the cooking/cleaning etc, getting things together while DH looks after DS. It seems to work best for us that way. DH also tends to look after DS while we are out visiting places.