Coping strategies with two under 2s - what are yours?

[Em32]

Is it me or does anyone/has anyone found it difficult leaving the baby crying whilst bathing and putting the older one to bed? I feel like evil psycho bitch mother from hell on wheels when I have to do the routine on my own Did feel better though when found out that my friend straps her 2 year old into his highchair in front of a DVD (so he can't escape) while he eats his dinner and she baths and feeds the baby. She's also weaning using jars this time and it was all Annabel Karmel last time.

[Lonelymum]

Do them together, whatever it is you are doing. That is what I did when I had 2 under 2. They still do everything together and they are 9 and nearly 8.

[MarsLady]

I was gonna say vodka... but I don't know if that helps you lol

[Em32]

Difficult to breastfeed whilst bathing and dressing the other one though .... however, I can drink a beer while breastfeeding I've discovered (or have I lit the blue touchpaper there.......)

[HuggyBear]

Cbeebies!

[Lonelymum]

I forgot what I did when ds2 was being breastfed - probably gave ds1 a bottle!

[muppety]

It is really hard. I breast fed ds1 for 6m, pureed food etc. ds2 however only briefly BF and is being weaned on jars. I just couldn't cope otherwise. DH not around for bathtime and life is just too short to cause myself more stress than needed. Now ds2 is 5m, it is getting easier as they do bath together, but ds1 is very hard work. He is up at 530, no daytime nap and is seriously intent on hurting ds2 which is cauing a lot of upset

[JessicaandRebeccasmummy]

nice things to be posted only please.... jess is 15 months and rebecca is 8 days!

dh is still off at the moment but im dreading him going back to work next week..... how will i cope????

[Bozza]

Right I didn't have two under two but this is what I did when DD was little. Breastfed (if she wanted it) DD while DS was having his tea. Then we played for a while. Then bathed them both together (from when DD's cord dropped off). So DD in last and out first. Get everything needed together in bathroom. Undress both children. DS in the bath and washed and toys out. Then DD in bath, washed and a little play. Then out, dry and dressed and left on bathroom floor to kick (or winge). Then DS out, dried and dressed and teeth. Then into DS's bedroom. If DD happy just lay her down somewhere (floor/bed), if not breastfeed while reading DS's story. No matter what DD is doing put her down while I kiss, cuddle and tuck DS in. Off to DD's room (our bedroom to start with) finish off/start breastfeed then settle as necessary.

[Bozza]

I would definitely try and do as much as possible for them together.

[Lonelymum]

You will be fine JARM! That is, you will be fine if you are prepared to let some of your high parenting standards slip a little. When you have one child and she cries, you would run to her straightaway wouldn't you? Well, with two, you can't necessarily do that. You tend to make a snap decision as to which child needs you most and act accordingly. Often it is the baby that is left because you don't want No 1 to feel pushed out. At east that is what I reasoned. No 2 got left a bit more - also because he was the baby and I knew he couldn't go anywhere! It is why second children are often a lot easier and less attention seeking than first children - because you don't run to them the minute they cry.

It won't be long before you will find that Jessica keeps Rebecca amused for a few minutes and then you will appreciate that having two isn't really double the work of having one!

[noops]

it is realy hard at first and having the both of them cryning when you are worn out too is horrible...
but then a pattern emerges and bit by bit you can get on with the day and have anice time
my ds2 does get left to cry alot more than ds1, but this means that i can put him down for a nap awake and maybe he will cry 2 mins and then off to sleep.
at this stage with ds1 i was still manically rocking, walking, pushing, driving him around to achieve the same.
so it is easier to deal with the second baby becuase you have learnt so much from the first.
the first child adjusts and gets to watch tv for once.
i was very proud (smug mner alert) that ds1 never watched tv until the baby arrived, now we do watcha bit.
of course this means ds2 will be watching , so he will have watched tv from day1, so what is the point of not allowing tv for ds1??
anyway, you will find a coping strategy that suits you and as lonleymum says, it is funny when the older one starts trying to get the younger one to laugh or starts to tell him things that have happenend.
My two are 26 months and 11 weeks old.

[muppety]

I think if ds1 was not such an actice child (trying to think of polite way to say it!) things would be ok. As it is ds2 is covered in scratches from him and gets regularly jumped on etc. I can't use my side by side double buggy anymore for this reason. Basically they have to be seperated as much as possible. I suppose in that case the personality of the older one is probably the most important thing. ds1 is 26 months but I couldn't leave him for a second to 'entertain' ds2 as it would end in tears.

[Nemo1977]

arghhhhhhhh getting scared..lol MY ds will be 26mths when baby is born next month so not quite 2 under 2 but close enough.

I was thinking about bathing both tots together but didnt even think about waiting until cord fell off. I am lucky in the sense that even though ds is only 25mths he is quite a 'sensible' and helpful toddler [most of the time]

[clary]

I only just had 2 under 2 IYSWIM but I would broadly agree with Bozza?s timetable.
Honestly cannot recall it being a big problem.
We used to bath the baby in the tummytub bath at some stage - started off being later but then I got in the habit of doing the baby first while toddler was eating/playing.
Yes, a small baby is fine to kick on the floor/watch proceedings from bouncy chair for a fair while. She?s not going to go anywhere and you don?t need to dance attendance on her all the time.
I think I got into the habit of running to ds1 every time he breathed, but with dd I was a bit more relaxed. Poor old ds2 barely got a look-in! lol
I know it?s tricky with breastfeeding, but you can read while you feed/put on Cbeebies/sing some nursery rhymes etc.
I b/fed all my 3 (gaps are 2 yrs and 22 mo) and made their own meals as well (tho ds2 was very quickyl eatign what we all ate!) so it can be done.
Not trying to earn myself a halo, just saying, don?t panic, it will fall into place.

[fennel]

it is hard but will be worth it when they are compatible and best friends. my 5 and 4 year olds are so close.

remember that actually if a baby cries it's not the end of the world it doesn't make you a bad mother. just a busy one.

if you can face it, having the baby in a sling while you do the rest is very good for keeping the baby happy while being able to deal with toddler. not everyone is comfortable with this though.

can you feed baby just before sorting the toddler so baby is napping or at least full and happy for a few minutes?

do bathtime a bit earlier in the day, even midday or morning, when both children are less ratty.

remember it's a very short time that the newborn is quite so fussy - soon they'll be bathing together etc.

it does get better and easier. and in a few months you'll probalby be glad you had them close together.

[Kelly1978]

get used to being the evil psycho bitch from hell. I used to hate putting the dts to bed on my own, as one would be screaming while I was sorting the first one out. dp went back to work after two weeks, and I was dreading it! You have to get used to the crying a bit, and jsut do the most important thing first, either the baby or the toddler. It is a big adjustment when you are only used to be one, but you'll be surprised how quickly you get used to it. It does get easier very quickly.

Congrats JARM - I didn't know you had your baby. I must have missed that one. I looked in birth announcements but cnat find a thread.

[Em32]

The problem for me is that the timings just don't work. Ds goes to nursery three days a week and those are the worst days as I pick him up after I've fed dd at around 5pm and he gets home at 5.45/6pm. Then he needs a snack (has had early tea at nursery but will now be hungry again). Meanwhile dd is getting tired and grouchy. By the time he's finished eating it can be 6.30pm and I put ds in the bath. dd is now desperate to go to bed and have her last feed but ds is in the bath. Can't bath dd with ds as she hates it - she will only happily go in with her dad (all works swimmingly when he's home but it is awful when he isn't). Can't leave ds any later as he gets unmangeable and starts kicking off bigtime. So the result is that I'm trying to read to him and sing various nursery rhymes as requested in a calm and soothing way while listening to dd now REALLY hungry and tired and screaming blue murder. I've tried feeding her whilst trying to do him at the same time but found it impossible. I don't usually manage to get to her until 7pm and it takes a good 15 minutes to calm her down enough to feed properly! I know she isn't suffering exactly but it is hard work anyway........ I suppose it will just get easier in a month or two's time.

[Kelly1978]

ok, cant u feed the baby and put baby to bed first then bath ds? Or have the snack ready made and let him eat it on the way home, so he is ready for bath when he gets home? Bath ds in the mornings instead?

[Lonelymum]

I have to say, I did get very adept at breast feeding while doing other things, even frying the dinner on a few (naughty) occasions. I really don't know how I would have coped if I could not have breastfed and multi tasked.

[fennel]

so is it those 3 nursery nights a week that are the biggest problem. can you not bath ds those nights?

is there a friend who might come round sometimes to hold the baby for a bit while you deal with ds? bribe them with a glass of wine or something?

could you pick up ds a bit earlier from nursery just for a couple of weeks, so the time isn't so critical and it's a bit more relaxed?

can you just insist that DH picks up ds from nursery for a few weeks. tell him you will have nervous breakdown and walk out if he doesn't?

or, really slacken the routine. as soon as you get back from nursery get you, ds and baby all in front of tv (cbeebies etc) with pre-prepared snack. no bath, no proper meal, just cuddly all together on the sofa. also get big glass of wine for yourself at this point. then it all seems less worrying.

it really does get easier fairly quickly so all these are very temporary measures.

[Em32]

Fennel thanks some of your ideas are the best so far I think ( at the wine idea) Can't force dh to come home though, he's a doctor so does regular on-calls. Not only that he's also in the airforce so disappears off at random times to go to Iraq/Singapore/the Ascension islands etc etc etc As he's always telling me, I knew what I was getting into when I married him (well umm actually I didn't as you don't know what to expect until it starts....)

[fennel]

Em32 - yes, wine does seem to feature a bit prominently in my ideas, doesn't it?

i had a 17 month gap. and then with my 3rd used to have all 3 some evenings with newborn, 2 year old to fetch from nursery and 4 year old from school. we did go for the sofa and tv routine for those evenings. i actually got to enjoy them in the end despite dreading it at first.

[handlemecarefully]

Em32,

I had to do this when ds was first born (there are 21 months between mine).

Would just shove him down in cot, leave him to cry and deal with his older sister.

The bonus is that he is now excellent at getting himself off to sleep without lullabies, CD's of soothing music and all the rubbish I used to have to go through to get his older sister to go to sleep.

I can put him down in his cot awake and he sees this as normal, and just gently get's himself off

[Bozza]

You could definitely ditch the bath on nursery nights. Or let DS have snack watching TV while you feed and put DD to bed. Then straight onto DS. Just how old is DD?

[Em32]

Bozza She's 9 weeks....