What "bad" behaviour do you let your children get away with ?(110 Posts)
Just out of interest I am wondering what "bad" behaviour you let your children get away with ??
What I mean is that my MIL thinks its very terrible that sometimes my boys (2.5yo and 4yo) sometimes resort to silly language between themselves and start saying "willy, poohead etc etc" to each other and us all. MIL is very prudish in the extreme and regards any talk mentioning genital parts etc as inappropriate. Whereas I on the other hand am not particularly bothered by this sort of thing and think its just a stage and there are bigger battles to be fought than that sort of thing.
What doesn't bother you in terms of behaviour that may bother others ?
calling each other and me in a silly jokey game silly poobum stinky head, I say they smell like a rhinos bum and then they make me sniff them and I have to say they smell like roses, cue lots of giggles
jumping on the sofa
eating with their fingers cause they can all use cutlery but I dont think I need to force them for pizza or chips
Trinity, surely getting take-away is an excuse to eat with your fingers? DD2 loves getting fish and chips from the chippy because I let her eat them with her fingers
oh yes definitely with fish and chips
but I thought everyone did that
I would let ds do the silly talk too. If you want to stop it though, the best way I have found is to play a game with them.
I usually say something " oh well it is fine to say "willy/poohead (or whatever they are saying) but in this house we never say orchard (or any word that is a bit unusual but not rude sometimes I use treeman, curly hair oe anything really) and then watch then stop and look really puzzled.
Usually they protest that my word is not rude but as soon as they say the word I say " aghh don't say that word!" and cover my ears and play up to it. Also I then say thing like we never ever say "fake rude word" and then say " oh no I said it" which never fails to get a laugh. By then they have usually cottoned on that it is a game
This game works with almost all the young children I have ever tried it on. You end up playing the game and the naughty words get forgotten.
If I'm not in the mood for the game I just ignore the naughty words though as saying "don't say that" pretty much never works for me.
I also let ds leap on my sofas and eat with his fingers if it is pizza, chips etc though I draw the line at soup and mash!
Be prepared to be asked to play the game again though in various guides!
Mine are tame in comparison. DD is allowed to read at the breakfast table but not when it is dinner time. Not sure why I don't mind mornings, maybe because she eats while she reads [piss poor appetite].
She also calls me poo bum, fat belly or flabby baps. She is 9.8
My son and his female cousin would go on for hours with poo,willy,big bum etc.We left them to it thinking that they would grow out of it- my arse.They are now 26 and 29 and worse than ever.
Dd2 jumps on the sofa
I don't really let them get away with bad behaviour, they don't swear, they never hit anyone, they tidy up when asked and they do as they are told (most of the time).
I don't mind them eating with fingers as dd2 cant use a kniffe and fork due to poor motor skills.
Both my dd's are Autistic so i find it very important that they are well behaved as so many people asume Autistic children have behaviour problems .
I do not really enforce a strict bed time, they are allowed to have a mess in their bedrooms, they have to tidy away their stuff in the rest of the house though. When they fight I do not intervene, well not usually! Allowed to get dirty and wet - their favourite play area is around the stream bottom of the garden - that is unless we are dressed up to go anywhere, then I either lock them in a cupboard or tie them to a post until we are ready to go . They are allowed to splash through puddles. Allowed to play out with no shoes on. Eat with fingers, eat things that have fallen onto the floor, but I do that. Swearing, they do sometimes.
OK I am now waiting for social services to call!
DD1 (2.9) is currently eating a ham sandwich on the sofa in front of cbeebies, in a duvet, while I
mumsnet feed DD2 in the dining room . I know eating round the table together is important blah blah but to be honest she's knackered after preschool and needs a bit of downtime, and it means I can concentrate on DD2 for a little while (currently decorating her head with toast!)We do eat dinner all together.
Otherwise, jumping on the sofa, calling her daddy lots of variations of the word 'smelly', splashing in mud etc. But we're very strict on please and thank you in this house!
Eating on the sofa, food in bedrooms, 'talking back' (known as 'discussion' in this house ), 'silly' talk never been an issue.
I also allow mine to eat on the sofa (occasionally, just snack type things, not a full on roast dinner) and I also try not to intervene in fights unless necessary.
However I am a bit of a clean freak where mud and puddles are concerned so try my best to steer them around puddles if poss.
oh and the odd repeated swear word does not massively bother me. They haven't cottoned on to swearing really yet but have on occasion said "bloody" which in the scheme of swear words is at the lower end I feel.
Also 2.5yo has just come out of a phase of saying "Oh my god!" Which I think is cute and funny but MIL being quite religious does not....
'Potty' talk (poos, bums etc.)
Eating in the sitting room
Proper bad behvaviour (up to a point) if they're tired and/or hungry and it's not their fault (i.e. if they have eaten ll o their previous meal)
Jumping in mud and puddles (so long as they're wearing vaguely sensible footwear - other parents hate me for this but it's so much fun)
I don't do Oh my G**! either
am religious though.
Proper bad behaviour (up to a point) if they're tired and/or hungry and it's not their fault
if they have eaten all of their previous meal
slept properly the night before and the bad behaviour isn't violent and is directed at me
Just to clarify
I was relieved at first my dcs say "Oh my gosh!" as they go to international school with big American influence but now it's starting to irritate me.
I let them get very dirty and eat things that have fallen on the floor. My mum is horrified by both of these. Once we made popcorn without a lid on the pan as they wanted to eat it off the kitchen floor (something they had seen in a cartoon I think....)
I let them make noise in the house as long as it's happy noise.
When I'm feeling really brave, I let them make their own "recipes", but rarely eat the results.
I don't make them speak to random strangers who talk to them when we're out. DD3 has hair that attracts a lot of attention so lots of people try to strike up a conversation with her.
I don't mind potty talk but I have a sense of when it's going on too long and tend to say 'That's enough now' at a certain point. Can't really define the point where I feel it's gone on long enough...
Watching TV or reading during dinner is fine by me occasionally. Sometimes I just want to eat and not be bothered with sparkling repartee.
I'm not too strict about bedtime (9ish).
They choose their own clothes.
They can read anything they want, but I censor TV and DVDs and computer.
They are allowed to build houses and dens with the couch cushions/ under the dining room table, do gymnastics indoors to a certain point (until someone gets hurt usually) and jump downstairs, also play with scooters or rollerblades in the house but not while friends are over for the toys with wheels.
We've always let the kids get as muddy as they want when playing outside really, as long as they aren't wearing their super-duper new/smart clothes.
Only because when I was younger I was terrified of having a really good time playing outside because I was constantly worried I'd get muddy and that Mum would shout at me. Didn't really want that with ours so...
...And they don't really get muddy anyway! Just the odd grass stain and muddy knees normally haha!
Oh yes mathanxiety that's another one - I don't make them speak just to fulfil some etiquette convention. My mum gets REALLY squirmy about this - appearing polite (even when the person was being horribly rude or nosy) was always a big thing when I was growing up, which is probably why I don't want my dcs to have to do it. I've found that as they have got older they tend to cope with all that appropriately anyway, without being forced.
I remember once when I was about 18, a nosy friend of my mum's quizzed me endlessly about whether I had a boyfriend yet. She was so rude really. I was giving the minimum one word answers to let her know I thought she was nosy, and afterwards my mum had a big go at me for supposedly being rude to her friend!
I bounce on the beds and the couch with ds (nearly 2). It's called 'doinging' in our house. Our mattress is fucked. Not too fussed if he eats with a fork. Surely he will eventually. As long as he's clean when I first dress him not bothered about mud etc. Get annoyed when I hear parents say 'don't run you might fall over' surely childhood is about being covered in mud and grass stains and picking the scabs off your knees.
Draw the line at hitting, climbing on the dinner table and squeezing my shampoo down the plug. If he makes a mess I make him clean it up.
We eat all meals at the table because we've had to re-decorate twice in one year due to dinner up walls. It contains the mess.
Am totally with you on not forcing DCs into "polite conversation" with strangers.
Similarly I do not make DCs kiss each and every family/friend when they leave their house etc. I recall us leaving many a family party and me and my sister being made to go round the room and kiss each individual goodbye, again out of "politeness". If they want to they can but I am not going to make an issue out of it.
We live in military qtrs so have to be really careful about damage and marks on walls and all that rubbish.
I send the kids out to make a mess, I don't care what mess they make out in the back garden, I can hose it down (we're abroad) and we won't get charged for it!
I feel much better having read these, we do pretty much the same
Sparkle, I remember having to do that as well, too many wiskery kisses and that was just from the ladies !
On holiday the favourite game was shouting Bogie as loud as possible in the car
LOL at the whiskery kisses from the aunts (brings me back...)
I let mine climb on railings, the fence outside school etc, in fact anything within reason, but feel a little guilty when I hear other Mums telling their kids to get down - I think a bit of climbing practice is probably good for the co-ordination.
I have no problem with DD2 (4) using her fingers to eat, but DH and MIL go spare when she does this, mind you, MIL makes them eat an apple with a knife and fork.
I don't make them write thank you letters - I remember being made to wrack my brain for something to say to everyone who'd given me a present for each birthday and Christmas, and I can't face the pain of forcing my children to do it. We tend to see all the relatives at these times anyway, so I think a verbal 'thank you' is fine, and I'll phone or email anyone we've not seen.
Laughing a lot at these. DDs 1 and 2 and DS all did pretty much everything mentioned above up to about the age of 6, however since then (now 18, 17 and 15) they have been well mannered (both generally and at the table) and never got ill from picking up food from the floor to eat. DS3 who is almost two insists on eating EVERYTHING with a fork except spaghetti, (she uses her hands and is not impressed if it's cut up) and for a small person has table manners seemingly sussed. However she is possible the dirtiest child possible as if there's a muddy puddle to be had, she gets it. Mostly all over her.
She won't wear dresses and I just go with it.
Bounces on the bed every day and thinks the bathroom is a wetroom.
I'm quite sure that before long she'll be indulging in potty talk too!
With all of mine, if the need arose and I said a stern 'NO' (maybe shouted possibly...) they knew I damn well meant it and didn't argue!!
They are small for so short a time that quite frankly if they're are otherwise polite and well behaved in situations that demand it, you're doing the right things.
Too many people I know have revolting teenagers who grew up with mine being told off at every little thing and as a result have spent the entire time defying their parents, while their parents tut tutted at my, I suppose, quite blasé attitude to silly things, and said parents can't quite get used to the idea that I am having totally trouble free teenage years with them!! Karma I think!
or even DD3 in case anyone wondered why she won't wear dresses, as I've just seen I put DS3, and I don't have a DS2 anyway!!!
nose picking. think its actually my fault for constantly clearing her nose as a baby. can't stand bats in caves.
playing with food (as long as she's eating too). i see it as experimenting and showing an interest. don't want there to be negative associations with food or for meal times to be miserable.
I am very half hearted when dd says 'fuck'. She said it on her own, in frustration at her homework earlier.
I didn't even blink. I know she didn't think I heard her so I know she wasn't looking for a reaction.
i agree. my 2 year old told my 1 year old to 'bugger off' i know this is wrong but let it go. mainly because it has obviously come from me...
Hee Hee! Have loved reading this as it has reassured me about my lot! DS1 (10) says 'shit' when he thinks I can't hear him and DS3 (7) has been known to call his older brothers 'Fuckers' or 'Buggers' and has been told off and threatened with having his mouth washed out with soap! Poobum,stinky, weepants etc are very much part of all their vocabularies but with 5 kids in the house (6 including OH who is just as bad) I think I'd be more surprised if they didn't say that stuff.
Not bothered about dirt, would rather have them outside playing in the fresh air than spotless and glued to computer/nintendos all day.
I'm seriously strict on please and thankyou, but I think this may have been exacerbated by the fact that where we live in Spain nobody says it and the lack of manners/consideration for others really pisses me off (we're hoping to move back to UK soon!) Same with table manners, people here tend to eat with just a fork, mushing, stabbing and scooping at their food with it in their right hand. Grrrr!!! and the kids tend to pick this up when eating their school lunches so I tend to come down on that pretty hard too.
Thankyou letters AAARRGGH!! I don't make mine write them as I remember having to and it seeming interminably dull. MIL has a berzerker about it following every birthday and Christmas - I just make sure I'm not the one to answer the phone when she calls
I let them drink wine but not spirits and I don't mind smoking tobacco but draw the line at crack. I am rather strict though.
AtYourCervix - ha ha!
I'm pretty much the same as the rest of you. They can get as dirty as they like providing it's not their best clothes.
They choose their own clothes.
They can eat things off the floor providing it's not totally disgusting (once saw DS1 eating a piece of pear that the dog had tried and spat out!)
They can climb on the sofa (although cutting down on that now that they're getting bigger)
Potty talk is fine, but have recently banned it from the dinner table. Think I may have gone along with their potty talk just to annoy my mum
Haven't had to deal with swearing yet, but think i'll going to try and show them that there is a time and a place for it (ie if they swear at ME I'll be going berserk!)
I have a suspiscion that the other mums at school aren't too impressed with me letting them run by themselves until they come to where we need to cross the road, whereupon they'll sit themselves down on the pavement and wait for me. Mind you, neither is my OH!
DS (3) has no fixed bedtime but is usually asleep by 9:30; however the upside of this is that he rarely wakes before 8am, which suits me
I don't mind him:
blowing raspberries, we do it for fun;
bouncing on the bed or the sofa (unless he gets too out of hand and looks like he's about to fall off) - will probably curb this as he gets bigger;
eating with his fingers so long as the food is appropriate for that;
talking about poo (when he's done one, we sing "smelly poobag baby" and have done since he was tiny, to the tune of "fluffy little bunnies").
OTOH - he is NOT allowed to:
run by himself on the pavements or anywhere near roads/carparks (paranoid PFB, don't care what anyone else thinks, he's my boy);
call anyone stupid;
swear, say Oh My God, or Jee-zus (thanks DH!)
I'm sure there are other things.
I only let DS swear when he is playing COD
He has been warned about his smoking..i definately dont let him get away with that...
under any circumstance
My daughter is almost 10 and my son is 11.
They are both classed as gifted children, so any backchat is guaranteed to be clever and sly and engineered to make me laugh, and it does. My boyfriend laughs at me for being useless at disciplining them because I always giggle, but I can't help it.
I also let them get away with messy bedrooms, but make them clear away their things from shared living spaces.
I don't cook them things they dislike (they are very good, healthy eaters, but like all kids there are things they don't like), but if it's something new or something prepared in a different way, they must try it. If they hate it, they don't have to eat it again.
They're not angels all the time at home, by any means, but because I'm fairly easy-going with them they always know they've pushed me too far when I actually get cross. I am constantly complimented on their behaviour at school and outside. So I think I'm probably doing ok!
I let DD1, aged 10, bring her 'fart machine' which makes rude noises to the shops with us.
Tis very funny!
I allow a fair bit of silliness with my 6 yr old and 2 yr old, especially at home. I am more a stickler in other people's homes, as I like them to get used to following others people's rules when necessary.
I let both of my DSs (6 and 3) read on the loo. It's a good way of keeping them in one place for a few minutes, and besides DH and I both do it too, so can't complain
DD2 eats her bogeys, with lots of enjoyment.
Both DDs eat in front of the TV at weekends. And they love talking about poo, farts, pee etc.
What we do not allow is name calling, chanting, and calling someone 'stupid'.
Which is confusing when they visit DD1's best friend's house: friend is not allowed to say poo, bum and fart but her parents call her rat and stupid doughnut (in what they would see as a loving way, obv).
All kids think those words are hilarious and it's no big deal, it's just parts of the body and bodily functions at the end of the day.
I think bad manners and cheek is far worse
When my DSs were about 1 and 3 they were eating yoghurts and getting very giddy. They were smearing themselves with yoghurt, fingers in the pot and then wiping it all over themselves while screaming with laughter.
My usual response would be to tell them not to mess about with food but for some reason I just laughed at them. I got the camera out and have some treasured photos that bring back the memory of when they were little.
(They are now 12 and 15).
Bouncing on the bed - in fact this is encouraged when we change the beds, both children love this.
climbing over sofas.
silly talk, but like limburgse no use of the word stupid, nasty or that kind of thing, but poo/bum/fart/smelly breath whatever is fine in jest. But not in anger.
Staying up past bedtime once a week
Having pudding if they have not eaten all their dinner.
I grew up with a mum who had (and still does have) a horror of mud.
My favourite hobby BC was gardening, and I still wander in from garden/allotment covered in mud when I get the chance.
DS is thus allowed to jump in puddles, stick his hands in the soil, and such like. But just not when Nana is watching!
I also let him bounce on our bed, but on the proviso that someone is with him at the time as he could hit his head on the overhead cupboards or bounce off, knowing him... He's not allowed to bounce on any other furniture as most of it is
knackered on its last legs.
We also get the silly bum talk, though it seems endemic among the 3-year-olds at nursery.
Manners on the other hand are mandatory. I expect proper pleases, thankyous and pardon mes. And he'll get a rocket if caught barging or snatching.
i have 2dd's (12 & 13) and 1 ds (15) i gave up telling them of for swearing it just made them swear more.
their definately not angels but are good when they go to other peoples houses and know to be polite.
at school dd2 & ds are mostly well behaved (ds has adhd & asd) but dd1 is always in trouble.
i know most of her teachers on a first name basis but i cant help but think at least i'm not the only 1 she picks on
We think burping and farting is never-endingly hilarious in our house though we're trying to teach dd (4) that it's only acceptable when she's at home and with us.
I don't mind the DC using their fingers to eat or the silly name banter thing, though DS, 2.5, can only say 'bum' anyway and from him it sounds quite, well, cute!
I don't make them clear their plates, so long as they've eaten a good amount they're allowed pud.
Getting dirty, if you can't dirty as a child when can you?
One thing I do pull them both up on all the time is manners, I cannot abide it when people don't say please, thank you etc so that's one thing I am very strict about.
Oh gosh I feel terrible now, I am forever going 'stop it!' 'enough now' to my 2 bays (6&4) who spend hours at a time with will/pooh/bum talk.
I don't think I will bother now.
I am really laid back. The silly potty-talk never even occurred to me that people might not let their children say those things, how strange.
DS is allowed to climb on things as long as we're at home or somewhere meant for climbing like a park etc. He's been climbing stairs unsupervised since I felt he was competent - about 21 months? Whereas other parents I know still panic when their children climb stairs at 2+ - but then perhaps their children are less cautious than DS.
He's also allowed to use a (butter) knife, and use pens with me only half paying attention. He's pretty good at staying on the paper etc although he has drawn on a fair amount of his toys and books. Sometimes it's just anything to keep him quiet.
I also let him eat stuff off the floor, as long as the floor is mostly clean. I am baffled as to why some parents are so phobic about perfectly good food which has fallen on the floor for 2 seconds.
And yes getting messy. He can get as messy as he wants, if the clothes don't wash they weren't really fit for purpose. I've let him walk through puddles in normal shoes as well.
I don't insist he says sorry, but he usually does anyway. I tend to remind him to say please and thank you, but TBH again he usually says them anyway, because I've always said them to him. I don't do the witholding the thing until he says please/thank you thing.
I let him walk along on the pavement without holding hands, but I'm aware I can only do this because he's an only child (so has 100% attention) and not a bolter!
I used to let him eat whenever he was hungry but have decided to stop this now and he's eating his meals a lot better.
I let them have a snack on the sofa occasionally as a treat, when DH isn't around
Using proper words like fart instead of ridiculous euphemisms like fluff, bogey as well is fine.
We are atheists but don't condone Oh My God as it offends many.
Poo, bum, etc all fine. Not "idiot" though. Its funny, there are just some words that push your buttons.
DS plays ball in the hall. I'm a poet.
Pretty much same:
Poohead etc all commonplace in our home but not at table
Snacks on sofa - yes
Climb on sofa - yes
Jump on my bed - yes but only with specific permission
Raspberry blowing - yes
Play Orphan Annie (empty 1 x clothes drawer onto floor and sing 'it's a hard knock life' whilst throwing clothes around room' - Yes
Get away with bad mad manners - no
Be unkind/rude/answer back - no
Eat after brushing teeth at night -
Don't allow DS to say OMG and also to get down from the table without asking. Oh yes must always look someone in the eye when addressing them, and always acknowledge someone you know.
Realised another one today.
My dcs call each other "stupid" and "idiot" quite a bit when they're squabbling. No one seems upset by it or they would come and tell me, so I've given up fighting that battle. I wouldn't let them say it to anyone else, but actually they don't anyway.
Lots of people have said on this thread that they don't allow these words though. My lot fight quite a bit and I'd be forever having to get involved, which I can't be bothered to do unless someone really needs me.
Mine are teenagers and I have always taken the stance that swearing is allowed underextremecircumstances
So they do not do the whole f****** this and that in general conversation but DD has been known to utter the odd s*** under extreme circumstances.
No rudeness,backchat or physical violence in this house tho .
My mine one is that I allow DD2 who is 7 to go around barefoot, I get lots of hassle from my DM. While most people don't mind they go on about glass, dirt and dog poo but as long as she watches where she goes it is not a problem. Went to a cavalry today and the people at the next table were whispering to each other that the little girl has no shoes
I do not see why people find it strange?
DD1 (11) and DD2 often call themselves stupid, pig and other things.
Eating things off the floor, yes
Bedtime is flexible
Being silly to a point is fine
I demand they are well behaved outside the house
Gosh, I thought everyone lets their kids get mucky, eat things off the floor, eat with their hands sometimes and use silly language! I now feel positively liberated, a hippy-dippy mum and not at all a nazi disciplinarian my MIL describes me as.
I really don't mind if a small child doesn't want to say 'bye bye' on command. Get very uncomfortable when people hassle a reluctant toddler on my behalf. They aren't performing seals and they are too little to understand social niceties!
I also allow climbing on the sofa (within reason), bouncing on the bed (ditto, but not when I'm trying to do my ruddy make-up STOP IT NOW please), and walking along the tops of walls (as long as it's not a garden wall that is v. close to their windows).
Oh, and we have a three-second rule for eating off the floor. If it's still there once you've counted to three, it's too dirty to eat. Mind you, I'm not terribly good about mopping the kitchen floor so am reluctant to be lax about eating off it...
just to say i have so loved finding you all... and what a wonderful resource you all are... I am not alone! I love finding topical facts and soup recipes and lots of laughter.... thankyou... i don't know where i've put this.... but hello... and i'm happy i've made it!!!!!xxxx
just to say i have so loved finding you all... and what a wonderful resource you all are... I am not alone! I love finding topical facts and soup recipes and lots of laughter.... thankyou... i don't know where i've put this.... but hello... and i'm happy i've made it!!!!!xxxx
Jumping, generally lolling all over various bits of the sofa. Never had one when I was young, really wanted one!
Bouncing on the bed together since dd was tiny. It's good exercise isn't it!?
Getting muddy, filthy outside. But only puddles if got wellies on. Our village isn't over provided with puddles sadly.
And I encourage walking on walls - my fave thing when I was little. DP does not I discovered . But I do not let her run over people's gardens where there is no fence/wall - I think that is really rude!
DD is generally quite well behaved (I think!), and mostly sensible with roads/dogs/climbing out of windows etc. If she had been one of those escape artist types I might have come down a bit harder on her (and she might not have fallen out the camper van window that time ).
I'm such a sloven...
My kids often eat on the sofa (although I do insist on meal times at the table with all of us...unless we're having a takeaway)
Bouncing on the bed is one of their favourite games, especially when I push and shove them over Our bed is super springy despite being eighty years old, and I remember bouncing on it as a child.
They regularly makes dens in the living room, with my help.
Walking on walls is encouraged.
Three second rule for food on the floor.
Bedtime is flexible, although DS is a night owl and we do have to get cross with him most nights.
Muddy puddles are fun, apparently (Peppa Pig has a lot to answer for, I feel).
Silly bum bum talk isn't appreciated, but I try not to make a big deal about it, whilst making it clear that I disapprove. Calling someone 'fat' 'stupid' 'ugly' etc, is not tolerated.
I do insist on 'please' and 'thank you', as well as acknowledging people when they arrive/leave, even if it's just a hello and goodbye. Both DCs are great with animals as a result of being around them lots from birth.
But essentially, I'm still a slobby mum.
I am very strict about some things (politeness in public, handwashing before meals, bedtimes, consequences for bad behaviour) but not at all about others. In fact I suspect I am an odd mix of hippy disciplinarian.
draw on their own bedroom walls
eat in the living room (at weekends and when we have pizza)
get down from the table before everyone has finished
get covered in mud
swear, as long as they only do it appropriately (ie not TO their parents, in front of teachers, grandparents, other adults etc)
eat off the floor
They may not:
hit each other
be rude/nasty to each other or us
jump on the sofa (or the beds, since DS2 went through the slats of his cabin bed )
draw on any walls anywhere else in the house
run off in front of me when we're next to the road
go to bed later than their bedtime unless it's a special occasion
i was also made to hug or kiss family members and i hated it it, i still feel akward now when i meet new people because im thinking should i hug/kiss them do they want me too is it rude not too? its a minefield and i am really not a huggy kissy person (except with dh and ds)it also leads to a lot of head bumping ear kissing and once with my friend shoulder kissing he still laughs about it now.
I guess my rules can be pretty much summed up with:
Is it going to kill/seriously injure you?
Is it annoying someone else?
Is it going to damage something irreparably?
Is it wasting things (food, paper etc)?
No? Then it's probably ok and you can use your own judgement.
However I do try to keep to a rough routine as DS is terrible if I'm not really strict with this. Problem is I'm terrible at keeping in the routine. So often there's a clash over this and that is annoying.
Oh yes, poohead, bumbumhead, pee, poo and everything related suddenly became hugely funny with my DS at age 2 or so. To top it he regularly met 2 friends who were similarly minded - we couldn't take them out in public anymore when these three came together, they were mad but enjoying themselves hugely. Stopping it was impossible, it would just make it worse. I then just ignored it but made clear to him that other people don't like that and I stopped it at the dinner table.
Now they are all 5/6 and at school, DS still likes that sort of talk at times and being silly, and he has used some rude words, which I don't want to hear (what he does with his friends in school I can't stop anyway). Also he has a little sister (2) who is picking it up as well - but she is not so fussed about 'poo' language.
I think it's a stage for many children, they will get over it, and you just have to do what feels right for you.
Im fairly easy going my rules are not to strict I dont think;
jumping ok sofa ok if nobody is sat on it
sitting on the sofa to eat while watching tv ok in this house on a friday and satuday
eating with fingers is ok within reason
can leave the table before others have finished providing they ask first
muddy puddles are ok if they have wellies on
tree climbing/ wall walking/running is fine
eating off floor ok
silly talk is fine but not at the table
No jumping on beds (bunk beds so not appropriate anyway
toys must be cleared away before bed
please and thank you absolute must
must say hello when we see people we know or they come to the house and as we are in france a kiss on the cheek is expected to
at the end of the day we all do things our own way and allow stuff that others may consider naughty but non of us want to think that others are saying what brats our children are behind our backs, on the other hand also dont want them to be the child everyone considers strange one poor child we know still slept in a cot bed in his parents room at almost 5 and was not allowed to go upstairs on his own there were no reasons for this other than a very overprotective neurotic mother
I got rid of my dining table because it was just a crap dump and never got used for meals. We eat on the sofa all the time, I'm totally not bothered at all. They know how to behave when we eat out so that's all that matters.
I am a stickler for language, as dd is autistic and echolaic, so I avoid bad language in front of her so she doesn't copy me, but I swear all the time otherwise. DS is 19 and I still 'OI!' at him if I hear him swearing, but I know he swears when he's with his mates, doesn't bother me. I see it as being respectful and knowing when and where swearing is acceptable. My friend's son was allowed to swear all the time and doesn't know when to stop now, I just find it annoying, especially when every other word is profanity and not just in context.
Bumbum willy head smelly poo doesn't bother me, it's a bit of silly fun
I don't allow damage to furniture, walls etc, simply because it really depresses me to see my home looking scruffy and I can't afford to repair and redecorate all the time. I stay out of the kids' bedrooms on the whole, ds is 19 so can deal with his own space without me invading his privacy, and dd likes her things to be 'just so' so I don't like to go in there messing up what she spends a lot of time organising in her own way.
Please and thankyou are mandatory, it's the most basic manners and takes no effort so I don't think there is any excuse tbh, unless your child is so disabled they simply can't do it.
I was never too bothered about allowing DS to watch 15 movies and restricted games once he got to about 12, and 18s from about 14-15, although most of the films he likes aren't too offensive anyway, mostly comedy with rather puerile themes
dd is now too big to jump on beds/sofas without breaking them so that's out. I was fine with it when she was younger.
I am not bothered about table manners or niceties or anything much. At home is where she can relax. I put up with the occasional strop. I am quite strict about other things and if I was as strict about everything, it would be like living in prison.
allowed to get muddy, get clothes stained/ripped/torn - it isn't Armani. She could always choose what she wore from about 2 on (at that age though I'd just give her a choice between 2 things - this tshirt or that one), now at 10 obviously I am not involved in it -and I don't mind if a room gets turned into a viking settlement or some such thing. It can also stay like that for a while. We just move around it. I try not to look around when I go in her room but at times I despair. So much clutter , so much mess. Iti s starting to change (thank goodness)
I don't let her eat anything that has fallen on the floor though. Mind you as yet she is not showing a huge enthusiasm for doing that.
My DD1 has always been a little lady and hated getting her clothes dirty, DD2 will often get her clothes dirty and sometimes damaged, which is OK, but I hate it when she does it deliberately, whipping her hands on them for instance. Although don't mind if she gets wet deliberately example rolling down a hill into a muddy ditch, which was this mornings activity with our neighbours DD whose mother was furious
DD1 refuses to wear a coat or jacket when it is freezing or raining insisting on going out in just a blouse or dress, then freezes or get soaked, while DD1 hates shoes
OK done it again wiping not whipping her hands
I let 2.4yo DD have a full scale tantrum lying on the dining room table. It did feel wrong to ignore it but I knew if I told her off and put her in time out she would do it again. Time out seems to be a big game to her.
She hasn't done it since <<phew>>.
I don't make the DC's kiss or hug people either.
I'm okay with oh my god, even though i'm religious.
I don't have children yet, though.
I said Crap to my junior chorister (8yo) yesterday and he looked (but with an impressed smile) he said "that's naughty" (or something like that) - i said if you behave yourself, I will swear again for you. if you don't, I will just be horrid and mean.
I wouldn't call potty mouthing bad language!! I insist on politeness please/thankyou but still have to remind DS at times. No insistance in on talking to people here either. If its something he doesn't want to discuss I'm encouraging him to say 'I don't want to talk about it' then actually saying from there ignoring is OK.
No hitting, swearing, jumping on furniture though. (altho hes jumping across cushions on the floor copying the big red balls as I type!)
sorry paooty mouthing bad behaviour!!
Wow, so many people on here just soooo laid back!
I allow the silly talk. Ok, I sometimes initiate it as I have the sense of humour of a five year old.
I am not so convinced about a lot of people on here saying they don't "make" their dc's do thank you letters or speak back to grown ups when spoken to.
I definitely think thank you letters are important, if just to knowledge that someone has got you a gift.
It is hardly going to traumatise your kids to get them to do something they don't like.
Also, they should be encouraged (not forced) to speak to people who speak to them.
Someone said that children can't be expected to observe social niceties. Er...why not?
They are going to have to engage with society at some point so why not start em young?
Clearly I am a Nazi disciplinarian. Out and Proud
It might have been me.
I see a difference between politeness and etiquette. And it depends on age of course. I wouldn't expect my 9 year old to not want to answer a question from a stranger. But I would be surprised if my 4 year old wanted to, and a bit irritated if the person kept pushing when it was obvious the child was uncomfortable. But many people do that, often saying things like "have you lost your tongue?" Ugh.
I am quite a laid back
immature parent. My DCs are 14 and 11. I don't allow bad manners, being insulting, putting yourself in danger or wrecking things. Swearing is severely frowned upon. I swear a bit, but in this it's 'do as I say, not as I do'!
DS14, who is three inches taller than me, have a new game, where we play fight, and slap each others faces. The slapping is loud but painless and strictly forbidden against anyone else! I trust DS who is very placid to stick to the rules.
My mother was quite strict and an OCD clean freak, so I'm kind of rebelling! IMO a dirty barefoot kid is a happy kid!
aggghhh - I cant stand kids jumping on my sofa but no wonder if so many of you let them do it at home. It's cute when they are 2 but when ds's mates come round and I find hulking great 14 year olds doing it I know who to blame now don't I - YOU LOT!
Yeah aligator purse, pushy folk can be a bit obnoxious.
I guess it is something you can expect as the kids get older.
I have no qualms about dirt either, but I am really strict about My Things (make -up, clothes, cd's etc) and will have no truck with them being messed about with.
I won't allow jumping on the sofa either, cos when our sofa gives out, there is no money to buy a new one and we will have to sit on the floor!
bed or sofa jumping
silly/potty talk (usually initiated by DS1 or DH)
muck or dirt
swearing or blaspheming including bloody, crap & oh my god - I'm not religious just don't like it in children
eating with fingers except picnics or at a push pizza
not writing thank you letters (previously me but this year DS1 (nearly 5) had his first year of writing them. VPMM
Ignoring /not answering someone when they ask a question. DH does it sometimes so I know where DS1 gets it & it really bugs me
I'm embarrassed to admit this (even anonymously on the interweb!) but I let my dd drink the milk out of her cereal bowl, but she knows that she's NEVER to do it in front of anyone - not even me (I go out of the room!) and especially not Grandma!
Flippin hell... Compared to some of you I am positively raising dd to be a complete heathen!
She is allowed to:
Jump on the beds,
Get muddy- as long as in scruffy clothes/wellies
Drink from her cereal bowl- actually encouraged!
Lick the yoghurt lid,
Eat with fingers- if appropriate,
Get tons of toys out- as long as she tidies,
Talk silly poo poo language and call us silly names (dh and I actually join in)
Fart/burp (and laugh about it)!
run in the house,
Ride her scooter up and down the hall,
Jump down the stairs and off the furniture,
Say "Oh my God!" (and get a laugh as she's only little)
Sneak toys to school in her pockets (while I turn a blind eye)
Say not nice things about some of the kids at school (well she's just being honest!)
On the other hand I do not allow,
Jumping on my setees,
Drawing on walls or furniture,
Not saying please and thank you,
Not doing as you are told,
Treating others unkindly,
Playing with food,
Not trying your best!
That Bunny is about my list of don'ts too!! I always say to DS if he's respectful/ tidies he can pretty much do as he wants. If he can't then I'll have to put strict rules in place.
whatagradeA I'm absolutely confuddled why you feel so strongly about drinking the milk out of a breakfast bowl! What is so wrong with that?
Both of us feel as though we never stop going on at our kids to follow about 5 basic rules and they take no notice at all!
Interrupting/obliterating adult communication (wouldn't go so far as to describe it as conversation usually!)
Taking food into the front room and leaving sweet wrappers/crisp packets on the floor
Leaving wet towel on the bed/everything everywhere (dd)
Lights out at specified time
Other than that we would be quite laid-back. But we are always stressed out!
SAggy, I had a little at your post - my best friend was brought up as a mucky barefoot child by a hippy-style mum who was somewhat housework-averse - she hated it!
Not so much the mucky bit, although she is a bit fastidious now, but the housework-averseness - she couldn't do too much about the rest of the house on her own (she tried but it was like King Canute and the waves) so rebelled by keeping her bedroom spotless.
Missque - my mum would have a fit! We were never allowed to do it (hence NEVER EVER tell grandma!) Must be ingrained!
Yes I encourage the milk from cereal bowl thing too! Always happy to see them drinking milk as they are not that keen on it and wouldn't ever ask for a glass of milk so if they want it with bits of cornflakes in that's fine by me!
I like this thread.
My DC do most (read ALL) of the above, and I am fine with it.
I know my mum disapproves of a lot of it, and I have wondered in the past if I am just a lazy, useless mother.
The fact that my children are polite, kind and (very importantly) happy makes me realise that actually I am NOT shit. I just have different standards of what constitutes "bad" than my mum.
I take quite relaxed approach to primary school homework. They do it - but only to keep things happy at school. I can't say we're rigourous or committed about it and sometimes take short cuts.
They do very well at school, no problems at all. I can't see that religiuosly filling in a book diary will make you love books nor learning a list of random spellings (that they seem to forget in a couple of weeks anyway) will make you good at spelling.
Thumb, this is what my mum says too! Her mum was a a slattern! So she went the other way. It definitely doesn't apply to my DCs though, they're both untidy little buggers!
Mind you, they are also polite and well behaved when in public and wouldn't dream of being grotty when they are out so I don't really mind!
Other than that I think we're pretty much on a par with BunnyWunny with the do's and donts.
Sadly our hall isn't long enough for scootering but ds does a mean slide down the bannister to make up for it. I tell him not to, but I don't mean it really, and he ignores me anyway
blowing raspberries through straws. i let DD, DH doesn't. this morning, DD was doing it and I said 'stop that please' and she said 'why?' and I thought about it, unable to give a real reason 'because it is rude' 'why?' and that got me, why was it rude? no-one else present, so I said 'you know what? its ok by me!'
My DS (4) drinks his cereal milk through a straw I wanted him to finish his milk but as his coordination/fine motor are not up to the job of drinkin it from the bowl I offered an alternative - DM horrified!
He also still likes to randomly take his clothes off (at home) and often pulls his trousers down on the way to the loo, which my inlaws are really uncomfortable with when they stay with us. As far as I am concerned it is his house not theirs and as long as he remains clothed in public I am not fussed.
My DS is not allowed to climb on furniture, or call any sort of names. He is very literal (ASD) and we have to avoid all possibility of misunderstanding in terms of appropriate behaviour.
It's more what they don't do than what they do do.
My two younger ones greatest fear as that they might have done slightly (infinitesimally) more chores than their sibling.
Eldest one is Apergers so as long as he thinks its reasonable he will do it.
DS is only 2 so is allowed to do pretty much whatever he wants within reason. I drew the line at him using the book case as a ladder though, as it's full of my first editions.
Over the next few years he'll get away with making poo/bum/willy jokes, finding his bodily emissions amusing, bouncing on sofas and beds, rolling in mud, weeing in the garden and running around naked. He certainly won't get away with not saying please and thank you or with having crap table manners when a bit older.
whatagradeA - my children tend to drink milk out of their cereal bowl, don't see much wrong with it - at least they drink the 1/4 pint of milk rather than pooring it down the sink.
Agree with Ormirion about the
talking back discussion. I hope my kids can talk with me about pretty much anything.
In fact I encourage talking in general, rather than silent kids.
my dd (4.5) cut my ds (2) hair the other day! we had been saying he needed a hair cut and she did a pretty good job. I was just cross she didn't do it in the bathroom but my bed!
Seems that Ormirion's post has been deleted, but I wonder if it was to do with what I said about 'interrupting/obliterating adult communication'? It may have sounded as though I expect my children to sit silently while we chat, (hmmm, I think possibly dh did expect this!) but it's more to do with e.g. DH to me: "So what time do I need to pick up dc?" DS: "MUUUUUUUM! POOOOOOOO! YOUR BIG FAT BUUUUUM! LAAAA LAAA LAAA!" etc. That's what we can't tolerate! Always trying to encourage proper conversation but sometimes just finishing a sentence about something really important is just...really important!
Jumping on furniture (in their own house) - I gave up on that fight.
Let them fight it out a bit themselves, sometimes worse if I interfere, they get over it quicker.
Leave their dinner if they ate well all day. I think you have to gauge what they have eaten all day especially if it was a healthy day anyway.
Can't tolerate rudeness to other people, hitting or grabbing from others.
OK, have found that post now. Was an 'a' not an 'o'. Thought maybe you had said something really rude as I know you often call people a tw*t!
Another thing I have noticed lately and am a bit to admit is that I don't make my children wash their hands after the loo or before mealtimes. I have noticed that a lot of friends seem obsessed with the whole hand washing thing.
DS1 who is 4 sometimes washes his hands after using the loo and sometimes not (same with flushing) and I can't say as it really bothers me that much.
I must admit to not always washing mine and its never done me any harm as yet.
This is based on using the loo in our own (clean) home tho and not a public loo, then he pretty much always washes hands.
Lots of people thought I was bang out of order by not "telling off" DD when she wrote BOOBS on the car window condensation.
Then she drew a pair. Even funnier.
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