Those 'Firsts' you don't write in the baby book. . .

(160 Posts)
FranknCock Thu 21-Oct-10 16:23:42

First steps, first words, first haircuts, great baby book fodder.

Today, DS (14mo) had another first that I won't write in the book:

In Mothercare, took DS out of pushchair to try something on him. He started walking a month ago and now wants to walk all the time, so I let him stay out and toddle (wasn't busy in there). Turned my head for a few seconds to look at something, looked back and he was gone!

Cue mad dash around area in a wild panic, mind thinking the worst, 'there's no one in here, how could he have been taken?'. After an eternity (15 seconds), spotted his arse sticking out from under a clothing rack where he was hiding, not two feet from where I'd been.

So, first time lost in a shop: 21 October 2010

And I can't remember the exact date, but we had a 'First shit in the bath' a few months ago.

Other 'Firsts' you'd like to forget? Confess them here!

BornToFolk Thu 21-Oct-10 16:27:40

First time you injure your baby (rolling off the bed, clipping finger instead of nail etc). Though that's more of a rite of passage for the parent than the baby.

DS (3) had his first poo in the toilet yesterday. I nearly posted out it on Facebook until I realised that no one apart from me and DP, and possibly my mum is remotely interested! grin

I got a bit teary the first time DS ate bread too. I remember thinking about all the bread he was likely to eat in his whole life, and here he was for the first time, trying it.

FranknCock Thu 21-Oct-10 16:40:40

I'll never forget that first (and only) time DH clipped DS's finger instead of his nail. I shouted and threw DH out of the room blush

First time I realised DS was more important to me than anyone else!

GetOrfMoiLand Thu 21-Oct-10 16:45:15

First shit up a wall.

Changed DD on a table in my XMIL's newly decorated hallway, reached across to get a nappy and dd did a projectile shit which hit the new wallpaper 3 feet away.

She was about a month old. Should have put that in the baby book. Along with a picture of XMIL's face grin

GetOrfMoiLand Thu 21-Oct-10 16:46:12

First time your dd tastes something sour (orange juice).

The face she pulled!

staryeyed Thu 21-Oct-10 16:47:32

The first time Ds1 pebble dashed me with his pooh.

Not a first but Ds1 doing the longest pooh I have ever seen in my life - it was like a snake I tell you.

Oh yes, first fall off the bed hmm

First binge on chocolate! I had a box of chocs for my birthday when DD was 14 months old. She was wedged between us on the sofa, quiet and contented, while we were watching TV. Had no idea that she had got hold of some and was happily sucking them until I looked down & saw that her face and hands were smeared with chocolate!

puppie Thu 21-Oct-10 16:54:44

First time he realised he had an orifice that wasnt his mouth, ears or nose...and tried to push a grape in!

moajab Thu 21-Oct-10 18:15:28

First time he bit me
First trip to A&E
First plate/bowl/mug they break
First toy they shove in the VCR
And the really great first for older kids - the first time they get nits!

nimbs Thu 21-Oct-10 21:14:12

first time I caught ds vomit in my hands - what was I thinking hmm he was standing on a laminate floor - and there I was with all this sick in my hands, crying child, miles away from the bloody loo/bin/bowl/sink to chuck it in confused

pointythings Thu 21-Oct-10 21:18:47


grin - done that too, but we have carpet. Still felt like an idiot, though.

FranknCock Thu 21-Oct-10 21:19:27

Ah yes, I remember the first time DS puked down my cleavage. Lovely. grin

moonminmama Thu 21-Oct-10 21:23:47

My ds is 4.2 and did a poo in the bath tonight, not a first but a first in a while... Yuk!

CMOTdibbler Thu 21-Oct-10 21:27:58

First infestation - actually, the first time ds had worms, dh and I (who don't have a baby book even though ds is pfb and only) thought it would be cool to have a dark side baby book - first tantrum, first caught biting someone, first swear word, first trip to a+e etc

ohsleepyone Thu 21-Oct-10 21:30:46

first face dunk in the bath :S (obv i scooped ds straight out but still, i felt bad for ages!)

and soooo glad to know i'm not the only one who's clipped the finger instead of the nail(in my case the thumb) as well as the rolling of bed (wasnt looking to 2 seconds and doof)

had the poop in the bath too, when ds was still bf and was all tincy lil bits floating and stuck to all the toys and looked espesh lovely when the water was let out!

and altho its awful i'm looking forward to the other firsts i wouldnt dream of putting in the baby book, first mooning in public, or first time ds says something to make me cringe like "wheres mummy" "having a poooo!!!"

LauraNorder Thu 21-Oct-10 21:31:38

Ah yes the first poo in the bath! EWWWW

The first projectile vomit.

The first supermarket breakage - ours was a huge jar of mayonnaise - in Waitrose blush

The first time she ate the cat food - ewwww

The first paddle in the toilet - that was DD1 she had stopped to put her wellies on first!

The first time they swear - unintentionally of course

KittyFoyle Thu 21-Oct-10 21:33:02

First projectile puke in my face.
First time they say 'go away mummy'.
First time you cut a sleep suit off because it is too full of liquid poo to get it off any other way.
First time they chuck a drink all over you.

bethylou Thu 21-Oct-10 21:34:54

The first stolen chocolate bar (in Boots last week aged 2.6! I'd like to think that he didn't understand!!)

MayorNaze Thu 21-Oct-10 21:38:05

first time they say fuck angry: ds, aged 11.2 - grounded for a week grin

First time they tell you a joke

MinnieMummy Thu 21-Oct-10 21:41:17

First time they find their willy.
First time they talk about it:
'Look mummy! It's gone all big!'

stressSeveredHeadOnaStickEric Thu 21-Oct-10 21:45:29

DD is 8 months old and we've had 3 today:

First rolling off sofa onto floor
First jumping out of pushchair onto Costa floor
First pushchair rolling away across car park as brake wasn't on

It's been a really bad day and I've learnt a few lessons about how mobile she is now


mrspickles Thu 21-Oct-10 21:51:05

First parental inflicted injury (PII): My 5 month DD2 is currently sporting a black eye after I dropped her she lunged off my lap and fell head first into the metal side of DD1's bed. She is clearly a neglected second child, as my PFB DD1 was 15 months before her first PII on hair straighteners left on the floor blush

sugarlake Thu 21-Oct-10 21:52:31

Oh FranknCock - our boy first got lost in a shop today as well. He was 'hiding'. hmm

<necks stiff gin for shock>

toomuchmonthatendofthemoney Thu 21-Oct-10 22:02:38

first time they stick their finger straight into your eye/up your nose/into your bellybutton and laugh themselves silly while you roll around in agony ...

first time they swear at their grandparents (see tumbleweed thread)

first time they say "i'm not your friend any more mummy!" sad

first time you catch your dh and ds together, both naked, both peeing into the toilet in identical stance, (left hand holding willy, right fist on jutting right hip) - oh for a camera for that one!

That feeling of not knowing where they are...
I was in Boots a few months back with dd in the pram. I stopped to look at something on a rail, turned around and pram was gone. I felt physically sick andmy heart hit the floor. Turned out the floor was uneven and it had just rolled back a bit - luckily.

FranknCock Fri 22-Oct-10 10:22:43

Partial - the worst part was in that 15 seconds of looking for him, I'd thought of Jamie Bulger, felt murderous towards the person who'd potentially taken DS, then decided I'd kill myself if I'd allowed it to happen. I'm sure that level of adrenaline can't be good!

On a lighter note, DS had his first major public tantrum at Rhyme Time recently. Complete with lying on the floor, kicking, and screaming. Ahh, proud moments.

sethstarkaddersmummyreturns Fri 22-Oct-10 10:25:46

first time they pull the whole packet of biscuits off the table and sit there surrounded by biscuits munching ecstatically.

DS2 did it the other day (12 months).
DS1 was nearly two, but when he did it it was our Christmas tin of chocolate biscuits.

kveta Fri 22-Oct-10 10:34:50

CMOT - a dark side baby book is a great idea

First major tantrum in public with DS was a few months ago - went to put him back in his pushchair in the park and he threw such a wobbly. I almost had to punch him in the stomach to fold him into the pushchair as he went ironing board stiff and just SCREAMED.

First time he hit me in anger - last week (he's nearly 13 months).

First aquatic turd was in the Czech Republic at the in-laws - DS just stood there, grunting, and laid a cable in his bubble bath. DH panicked beautifully

First nipple biting incident with teeth is also one I'd dearly love to forget (ouch!)

Sariska Fri 22-Oct-10 10:47:15

First (and, I hope, only) time they stick a finger into their wee-filled potty and then put said finger into their mouth. <Boak>

CMOTdibbler Fri 22-Oct-10 12:18:16

After consideration, I'd also like to add

the first time they discover their foreskin and what can be done with it

first discovery of the sudocreme pot

first explosive poo leaking onto adult

first time they say something to a stranger that makes you want to sink into the ground

CrystalQueen Fri 22-Oct-10 12:29:15

First time you drop them on the ground (my foot got tangled in the seatbelt when getting DD out of her carseat, I tripped and she hit the pavement).

First time they stick their finger up their nose, then lick their finger. Mmm.

I remember the first time I got poo-ed on very well.

BornToFolk Fri 22-Oct-10 12:45:22

Another potty training related first today. First time sprinting along the road towards home carrying a child saying "I need a wee!". Made me feel like a proper mum, that one!

Miggsie Fri 22-Oct-10 12:48:04

First time I did my jumping exercise and didn't wee myself

EauRouge Fri 22-Oct-10 12:51:20

First time I dropped something on the floor and DD said 'bugger' blush

First time she yanked my top down in the supermarket and showed off my revolting nursing bra to the whole aisle.

First time I smacked her head on the door frame whilst carrying her around.

FranknCock Fri 22-Oct-10 20:24:34

I fear DS's first swear word won't be far off. Riding around in the car with me, he hears the term 'cuntchops' all too regularly blush blush

roslily Fri 22-Oct-10 21:26:45

First poo in the bath- the one night dh was away and not doing bath time.

First time he I forgot to strap him in launched himself out of pushchair in mothercare

First time he eat some ice cream- the screwed up face of coldness, followed by joy at the taste!

MrsColumbo Fri 22-Oct-10 21:42:19

FranknCock - PMSL at your post! Best insult I've ever heard grin
First time your child points to someone in a wheelchair/ has a noticeable scar or birthmark and asks WHY, repeatedly...blush

WillYouDoTheDamnFanjo Fri 22-Oct-10 21:53:01

Different kind of first poo - first poo sans nappy

DD was toddling around the garden, nappy off, aged about 18 months one summer, when she started to have a poo. She reached down for a feel, blanched, and then hurried towards me whimpering with fear, arms spread wide and a poo half-in, half-out.

I think she thought she was losing a vital organ...

MrsMc82 Sat 23-Oct-10 19:34:17

Fist time DS (9mo today) did a bit of sick whilst his hand was in his mouth then wiped his sicky hand over my cheek and mouth was today........ I love him!

moajab Sat 23-Oct-10 23:05:13

Even worse Sariska in my opinion - the first and thank goodness so far only time they stick their fingers into someone else's wee filled potty and then suck on them....

sparkleshine Mon 25-Oct-10 14:56:55

First time he projectile vomited in my mouth [tasty emoticon] at 3 mths

First time I forgot to take his changing bag out with me and he just happened to do a huuuge sloppy poo which leaked everywhere.

My friends first was having her DD ( 2yrs) shout 'poo that smells mummy') as loud as she could when in Manchesters Trafford centre toilets.

onceamai Mon 25-Oct-10 17:01:36

First broken bone
First detention
First swear word
First ruptured ear drum
First snog shock

PlentyOfPockets Mon 25-Oct-10 18:47:40

first earwax
first bogie
first time sick in a pub (3 weeks old)

When they're teens you get to celebrate:

first wank-stained pants (boys)
first leg-hair encrusted bath (girls)
first hair dye disaster
first time they reek of BO

First time they fall down the entire stairs tumbling like a rag doll sad

First time they cover themselves and anything around them with Sudocrem.

And of course first visit to the Chinese Buffet.

domesticsluttery Mon 25-Oct-10 18:59:21

I can still remember the first time that I cut my child's nails and drew blood. It was September 22nd 2002. That is how much is stuck in my mind <sob>

PutTheKettleOn Mon 25-Oct-10 19:01:22

First time they shit their pants - 8am this morning. "muuummmeeeeee I've done a poo in my pants!" is not what you want to hear sat on the loo at 8am on the very first day of potty training! confused

< NB - when potty training buy v cheap pants from asda, do not let DD choose her own expensive M&S Charlie and Lola pants! >

EvilAllenPoe Mon 25-Oct-10 19:09:28

first time they bite a child outside family.

first swearword (DD already goes about saying 'God'ssake')

first dog-ate-sudocrem disaster (woken at 4am to sound of dog being merrily sick all over lounge. Thank god for carpet tiles..)

WingDad Mon 25-Oct-10 19:22:24

First sweetie-tasting session - DS2 stuffing Jelly Tots in DS3's mouth when he was just 3 months old. Bless him, he didn't want to let go of them as the wife pulled them out of his mouth grin

First PII here too - I was throwing DS2 up and down in the air when he was about 5 months and I threw him a little bit too hard, well.....his head made contact with the ceiling blush I still caught him though you'll be glad to hear!

First broken furniture - "Daddy, we broked the lamp, don't tell Mummy." says it all really.

First broken bone - DS1 at 7. Swings are dangerous things!

And a few from more recent times:

First detention.
First time being called into school for bad behaviour.
First time we completely lose contact with DS1 - His mobile was "dead" and he wasn't near a phone...apparently hmm

I do remember many of the others you've mentioned!

Curlybrunette Mon 25-Oct-10 20:03:49

I remember wanting to die the day ds1 (4) announced loudly after a dwarf walked past "oh mummy, look at that funny little man, why on earth is he so small" Awful.

laweaselmys Mon 25-Oct-10 21:43:13

First swear word was 'uck' 'uck' here. Thank god she can't say F. (I'd just smacked my head on a bookshelf)

First poo on your lap.

First poo spread around the cot, bedding, walls.

First time they break a tech item by sucking on it. (Car unlocker widget thing. Followed by my phone.)

worm77daisy Mon 25-Oct-10 21:43:30

The poos stick in my mind...

First catching of poo in hands whilst getting DD read for bath... First running up the hall whilst DD doing a poo in pieces all over carpet and giggling... first poo on husband whilst having a lovely bath with baby DD...

NonnoMum Mon 25-Oct-10 21:44:37

Another toilet training one here...

First, after a week of being dry and getting on really well, and a day out in public where I was on stand-by all day,

and then, get in the house, sit down on sofa with dd2 on knee, and relax...

and I get peed all over...

At least it was warm...

smokinpumpkins Mon 25-Oct-10 21:48:42

First poo smear incident
First bite of another child
First full blown tantrum in public (laying on floor, kicking and screaming)
First rush to hospital at 2am
First accident needing stitches
First time going missing in public
First time running off and straight across a road (this was last week at the school and scared the shit out of me completely, thank god for aware drivers at schools)

lobsters Mon 25-Oct-10 21:51:55

First time they merrily pass 20 mins or so laying down and rubbing themselves up against they're favourite cuddly toy in front of the grandparents

drippingwithbloodandbraingoo Mon 25-Oct-10 22:00:15

First time you hear 'I can't get this raisin out of my nose mummy'
First time they dial 999 by accident
First time they discover they can open the front door by themselves and escape up the road
First time they work out how hilarious it can be to embarrass you in public 'mummy has very hairy armpits' to everyone in waitrose blush

bilblio Mon 25-Oct-10 22:02:18

First time they trump and follow through slightly whilst knickerless.
That'll be today, she was sat with me in the armchair and thankfully on a magazine.
It took me a while to realise why she kept saying "Don't look Mummy" I thought she meant at the magazine she was reading, until she said "Don't look at the poo Mummy." "What Poo?!" shock

First time she projectile poo'd up me - 5am about 6 weeks old, just as I lifted her legs to clean her bum.

First time she projectile vomited down me - 3 months old in a motorway service station.

First time she projectile vomited and I caught it in my hands - 20 months old when we all caught D&V from a kid at Time for a Rhyme. (My first ever bout of D&V too.)

First poo up the back and down to the ankles when we didn't have a change of clothes was a couple of days later when we thought we were all okay so decided to go the supermarket.

First nosebleed - last month after bouncing on the bed and headbutting the wooden side.
Second nosebleed 2 days later when she decided she was a baby and needed carrying. She didn't inform me of this and she went face first onto the tiled bathroom floor.

MakingAMess Mon 25-Oct-10 22:05:00

First time they walk past a none-to-well looking lady being pushed in a wheelchair by two carers and announce (at full volume) 'that is a dead lady'. like taking a corpse for a walk is an everyday occurrence!

APixieInMyTea Mon 25-Oct-10 22:09:35

First time they get hold of a tin of paint, get the lid off and proceed to paint themselves, the 4month old cream carpet, the curtains, coffee table, sofa and my iPhone in lovely dark purple paint!

In case you never guessed we had to put in a rather large insurance claim today!

anonymosity Mon 25-Oct-10 22:10:53

Not baby, but first new word upon starting a new preschool:



First headbutt to my cheekbone (the first of many).

ByThePowerOfGreyskull Mon 25-Oct-10 22:19:56

first time they realise they can get a poo from their nappy and draw with it on the new cream carpet...
leads on to first time I run down the street at 7am in my nighty to pick up a bissell carpet cleaner from my friend!

I am totally loving the idea of a dark side baby book,, whoever suggested it needs to go to the dragons and get it made smile

MrsJessRabinovitch Mon 25-Oct-10 22:27:25

LOL WingDad - I just asked DH was he moonlighting on mumsnet cos our DS2 (3) was found ramming delicately offering DS3 choc buttons when he was 3 months old....he is 5 months old now & we are just weaning him -he is not too impressed with pureed butternut squash reckon he would prefer DS2 to wean him grin!!!

First time DS1 said to DS2 I am so not your brother anymore!

The first time the teacher had to pull me to one side to have a quiet word cos DS1 had been caught fighting in the yard....HE'S ONLY 4! Wtf!!!! Am now convinced we have the next Tyson on our hands despite protestations from DH that I am being irrational & it was a one-off!!!

The first time DS2 covered his beautiful little dimpled face in my black nail polish....that was today and he has been sent to bed with some still on as we ran out of remover blush-we have also had lots of sudocrem incidents!

First time DS2 realised he could post things out of the letterbox as well as in-toys, spoons, tampons!!! First time DS2 tried to wipe his own bum and realised he could "do poo patterns" on the floor - he was so pleased with the results shock!

First time DS2 wet toilet paper and realised it stuck to walls, floors, cupboards really well...........anyone noticing DS2 seems to be the common denominator in lots of these tales of woe!

bilblio Mon 25-Oct-10 22:32:05

First time they find and unwrap an entire packet of tampons and scatter them around the living room (9 months)

First time they're old enough to ask you what the tampons are for. I can't remember but I couldn't help giggling at the poor woman I overheard in the next cubicle in a service station toilet a while ago. She was trying desperately to avoid the question in so public a place.

SkeletOnLee Mon 25-Oct-10 22:48:40

Very glad not to have experienced some of these 'firsts'
But would go with:

First broken bone

First time called into school for bad behaviour


onceamai Mon 25-Oct-10 22:54:35

Lest I forget and to add to my earlier list:

First remote or mobile down toilet
First nits
First worms
First Veet depilation for DD
First time you leave them home alone smile

MakingAMess Mon 25-Oct-10 23:02:14

on the weaning of second born by first born - DS can probably rival Wingdad / MJR's DCs. DD born at home at 1130am; DS (then aged 2) went to a birthday party that afternoon. Came home and ran in with packet of frazzles from his party bag and shoved one straight in DD's mouth (approx 5 hours old at this point), saying 'you try crispy?'

bran Mon 25-Oct-10 23:06:06

First time they wee out the window onto a downstairs neighbour. hmm

First time they disappear on a freezing night and you have to call the police out. hmm

On the positive side, neither of mine have ever poo'd in the bath. grin

first amusing trip to A&E (ours was raisin up the nose)
first time they answer they door when you're on the loo (and your loo faces the front door blush

first tiem they realise they can take off own nappy and look so pleased with themselves

NonnoMum Mon 25-Oct-10 23:09:28

And another,

first time of eating the bread that had been thrown out for the birds...

That was today. Picking up stale bread of a very soggy lawn...

First time they wallpaper the toilet seat lid with an entire pack of Always.

First time they ask you a question you really don't want to answer- DD (then aged 10)- Mum, what's an orgasm? blush

No bath poos here either bran <grateful emoticon>

peasantgoneroundthebend4 Mon 25-Oct-10 23:23:38

Sorry for me when was ds1 the first black treacle super glue pooh in like nobody told me about this while trying to wipe treachle with baby wipe and moved wipe and pooh was like long bit of string that broke flung back on said ds1 arse and the bed where was changing him

And was not like a novice as had dine fair amount of baby sitting and nappy changes

CreepySutherland Mon 25-Oct-10 23:37:17

The first time they notice people have different skin colour.sad

I'd definitely second the first time they point out someones disability. (DS1; LOOK, TEENY-TINY LADY!/ PENGUIN MAN!/ LOST A LIMB! etc etc.) He is 2 and quite observant.hmm

First time they pull the curtains open while you are getting dressed.

First time the cat realizes they are small humans and not pink slugs that make an annoying noise.

Ryuk Tue 26-Oct-10 02:42:15

looks at bump suspiciously

...mine will be angelic. I have decided. smile

MissHavishamsDress Tue 26-Oct-10 06:01:33

The first time they say (dd at 2) on seeing a lady get on the bus in a leopard print coat 'Look mummy, why is that lady wearing a tiger?'

otchayaniye Tue 26-Oct-10 08:36:49

"first time they say fuck angry: ds, aged 11.2 - grounded for a week grin"

Mine said this at 14 months. I was mortified.

She also at 14 months shouted "mummy I want 'tit' NOW!" in the car-park

We try to swear less (but she's clever and knows when something is verboten no matter how rarely it slips out) and I managed to swerve 'tit' (she must have heard me moaning to my husband about sore tits as I had mastitis at about 11 months) into 'booby'.

The 'fuck' (she says this and 'pissflaps' and 'bumholes' quite a lot) I made her stand in front of a mirror and told her to say it and see how she looks and that it's a bad word frustrated adults use. She's too young to get this at 2 year's old but I hope she'll sense that I'm trying to show her it's bad, rather than shout at her that it's bad.

onceamai Tue 26-Oct-10 08:53:18


otchayaniye Tue 26-Oct-10 08:57:34

me too. Her vocabulary is extensive at thousands of words and she speaks like a 4 year old with a bit of 40-year old docker thrown in.

D0G Tue 26-Oct-10 08:58:08

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsTittleMouse Tue 26-Oct-10 09:03:44

At the newborn stage - first time they headbutt you.

Preschooler - first time they tell on you. ("Look Daddy, this is where Mummy went bump with the car into the... What's the square thing called Mummy? Pillar, Mummy went bump into the pillar" <looks proud at learning new word>)

Gory09 Tue 26-Oct-10 09:04:10

First time you have to take them to A&E and have to explain

for DD1 : that she had put her dads keys in the plug

For Ds2 : that while teaching DD1 to cycle, DH accidentally banged his forhead with the bike and cut it quite deeply.

for DS3 : that I tripped and fell on him (he was 3 month old on a sling)

Thanks God DD4 never had anything happening to her! Really hope it stayes that way!

Gory09 Tue 26-Oct-10 09:04:53

stays as well!

onceamai Tue 26-Oct-10 09:12:09

Sounds normal Gory. I managed to dislocate dd's elbow - accidentally - (oh that could have been another first) and the doc just said "we don't worry about the ones who tell us they actually did it"

Sugarmuppet Tue 26-Oct-10 09:29:05

First poo in the bath here last week. I thought DD had drowned or something terrible the way OH was shouting for me. Never ran up the stairs so fast, I was GLAD it was just a poo!!!

First time the dog realised DD was a person. She was sat in her bumbo on the floor eating a rice cake, he strolled past, suddenly stopped, sat down in front of her and gave her a paw! He was most pissed off when she shoved the whole rice cake in her mouth and he got none!

Jackstini Tue 26-Oct-10 09:49:13

PMSL at makingamess's dead lady!!

First time dd flipped her car seat upside down on the kitchen floor (4m)
First time having to tell dh we are at A&E [panic emoticon] (16m)
First time you lose your temper and really yell at them then cry & cuddle them sorry blush

notquitenormal Tue 26-Oct-10 10:17:47

First time they do a wee on the carpet and jump up and down happily shouting, "Yay, Mummy, done a wee wee!" and then can't understand why you're not happy too.

First time they shout, "Move you bastard!" when they're trying to move a toy and it wont go (picked up from Daddy, trying to do DIY in the bathroom.)

First time they swing the cat around by the tail, "Look Mummy, funny cat!"

trumpton Tue 26-Oct-10 10:18:04

onceamai did that to my DD as well and again a week later !! noboby warned me that it could come out again . Ah well back to A&E then with a shifty smile.

LotteryWinnersOnAcid Tue 26-Oct-10 10:50:24

Sugarmuppet, that is brilliant about the dog realising DD is a person!

spiderlight Tue 26-Oct-10 11:14:07

First lie: while trying to climb onto the table to reach a very sharp knife - 'Is mine, daddy! Mummy gave it!'

First time they get their bits out in public - 'Mummy, I've got Builder's Willy!' in the middle of Tesco's.

First time you're ushered aside at nursery pickup with the immortal words 'There's been An Incident....'

First swear-word, when we went to pick blackberries and they weren't ripe: 'Oh. We're f*cked, then!' This was also one of his first sentences, so he can't have been much older than 18 months :blush:

feetheart Tue 26-Oct-10 12:41:32

Spluttering all over keyboard at these grin

I can add:

- First trip to A&E - DS at 11mths
- First kitten vs 4 yr old incident - DD just after she started big school, her arms and face were scratched to bits
- First cat in dolls clothes incident - DD at 4, cat much more laid-back than above, just looked so pissed off
- First broken bone (leg) - DS at 3 after doing acrobatics with DH
- Second broken bone (wrist) - DS at 4,

Spot the pattern here anyone?

DS nearly 5 now and at big school, have warned them that I am prepared for the inevitable 'can we meet you at A&E' phone-call hmm

skandi1 Tue 26-Oct-10 13:11:33

First poo on the floor...

14/10/2010. DD was naked on bathroom floor while I filled her bath. She had been playing with bathtoys and suddenly went quiet.

Then there was a smell....

I turned around to see her putting her hands in a massive turd which had been dragged across the floor (she is a bumshuffler).

Cue shouting from me: "don't move - Don't touch - don't put your hand in your mouth" etc.

I had no wipes in bathroom so had to grab remainder of poo with loo roll and put in toilet and tiptoe around rest holding DD at arms lenght to her room for wipes.

As soon as I put her on the changing mat, she proceeded to wee everywhere and it ran over onto floor - obviously carrying bits of remaining poo with it.

Eventually made it into bathroom, put her in bath and wiped up poo from floor.

And when I looked up over edge of bath she had pooed again in the bath.

Cue more screams from me of "don't touch" etc etc.

Argh so manky.

TrudyVotion Tue 26-Oct-10 13:57:55

This is hilarious grin

First time you get smacked in the mouth with a nice full sippy cup of milk, remember that one.

First time they succeed in removing their nappy but don't feel the need to mention it cos it's far too much fun smearing the contents all over things that can't go in the washing machine.

First time everyone has infarctions because THE cuddly toy they can't sleep/eat/breathe without has gone AWOL - cue me walking up and down a very busy road squinting into bushes in case said toy had somehow been blown down the drive and into the road! It was, of course, hiding in the bin. Of course.

TrudyVotion Tue 26-Oct-10 14:08:21

Oh and the first time it's gone quiet and everyone's happily minding their own business safe in the knowledge that DH/SD/MIL is keeping an eye on the child, til you realise DH, SD & MIL are all thinking that too, at which point you all scramble to find the child, who is contentedly playing with something innocent but bursts into tears as four adults burst in on them all shrieking 'oh thank god' etc shock

I want a Dark-side Baby Book! We have two normal ones, given as presents, but they remain unfilled-in as they bore me......

feralgirl Tue 26-Oct-10 14:15:56

DS (2yo) had his first proper erection last week. He walked around trying it for size against all his toys and finding things into which he could push it.

I'm not really expecting him to ever grow out of this behaviour, no man I've ever met has.

feralgirl Tue 26-Oct-10 14:17:31

Def think there's a market for a dark-side baby book btw. I'd have one.

RockBat Tue 26-Oct-10 14:17:31

First lie yesterday. Wandered into living room chewing a biscuit.

Me - What are you eating?
Her - Nothing (clamps mouth shut)

NicknameTaken Tue 26-Oct-10 14:36:09

Ah, the firsts of potty-training. First time you take them on public transport without their nappy.

tinkhasboughtoutalltheshops Tue 26-Oct-10 15:12:13

agree first time they fall off of bed
first time they pooh in bath
first time they hit u

dementedma Tue 26-Oct-10 15:47:45

lmao - all of these, but the ones that stand out most are first time child goes "missing" - will never forget the blind terror of that one - first ambulance ride to hospital - likewise -, first poo which come up and out of neck of Babygro, first plaster cast, first crutches, first set of traintrack braces, first glimpse of pubes! and recently, first finding of teensy wee vibrator thingy under DD1s pillow shock
Still haven't got over that one!

NoMoreChocBiscuits Tue 26-Oct-10 15:49:06

First time DS found the pot of sudcream.

DH's first was having the pushchair roll out of the train onto the platform between when stopped at a station (he's sooo lucky DS wasn't in it at the time)

The first time I made the mistake of putting blankie in the washing machine right before nap time blush Because of this my DS climbed out of cot for the first time at just over a year old and had to go in the bed at about 18 months old because he kept getting out.

BoffinMum Tue 26-Oct-10 15:56:29

First time stuck half in and half out of cat flap.

BoffinMum Tue 26-Oct-10 15:57:24

First time you drive them somewhere and then realise on arrival you never strapped them in.

poobumfartbollocks Tue 26-Oct-10 16:09:04

First time they crash the car.

I know its not a baby book thing but still

BoffinMum Tue 26-Oct-10 16:12:51

First time they apologise to you for their teenage behaviour.

TrudyVotion Tue 26-Oct-10 16:17:57

First time you drive them somewhere and then realise on arrival you never strapped them in.

Er yes, been there done that, and its partner, strapping the child into the seat but not the seat into the car shock

DD crashed the car aged two, double shock shock

FlipFlop100 Tue 26-Oct-10 16:25:18

First time DS opened the car door while travelling at 80mph on the M74, aged 2 (finding instructions on how to activate child lock suddenly when to top of our priority list).

First blackmail: DD aged 3 said, "Mummy, if you don't give me a biscuit I won't love you anymore".

First poo artistically smeared on rear car window in transit.

First poo I caught in cupped hands. DH had just lifted DD out of the bath & coming up the stairs I could see it emerging which he couldn't. I was concerned for my carpet. Ran to the toilet to dispose of it shouting "AAARGHH! I've got a turd in my hands!"

First visit to A&E with Munchausens. DD aged 4 keeled off chair sideways, Del-Boy style, and unable to move arm until given attention by lovely young (handsome) doctor.

First time DD sneezed specks of vomit into DH's open mouth.

First time dd swallowed a plum stone and having to squash and examine poos for following 4 days.

First time ds fell off his bike.

First school disco "you go now mummy".

Poshpaws Tue 26-Oct-10 16:58:46

First sleepover

First girlfriend

First detention hmm

All related to DS1 (9) grin

StrangewaysHereICome Tue 26-Oct-10 18:29:33

First time dd1 dropped dd2 on her head
First time dd1 drew dd2's blood
First time dd2 fell out of the pushchair into the road
First time dd2 wee'd in a strangers handbag...

wodalingpengwin Tue 26-Oct-10 18:52:12

First (unintentional) headbutt they give you that makes you see stars and want to cry.

First broken window.

First lie.

SecondToughestInTheInfants Tue 26-Oct-10 19:14:40

First time DD (6mo) scratched a huge mark down visiting baby's face shock

Note to self: cut DD's nails more frequently...

purplefeet Tue 26-Oct-10 19:33:54

First time vomited in the bath.

It was floating.

dockate Tue 26-Oct-10 19:43:05

My first Mumsnet post! Loving this thread...

First liquid projectile poo (straight up the wall of DS's incubator on day 20 in SCBU) - lovely nurses cleaned it up (and all the wires and tubes that were also covered).

First time DS age 4 bit DD age 2 months ("I wanted to wake her up cos she's been asleep too long")

First time DS noticed DD didn't have a willy and asked if she was broken (she was 2 days old)

First operation - DS was approx 18 months old and it was awful; I remember him sobbing "No more hurt, Mummy, no more hurt" when his dressings were being peeled off and it still chokes me up.

So many more...

First time eating cat biscuits (four months) shock blush

First time pooed on MiL (4 hours - good lad!)

First time got something stuck up nose (2 - DD this time).

First time fell out of window (at ground floor level) (DS 14 months)

First time managed to undo car seatbelt on motorway (18 months DS)

First time threw mummy's purse and credit cards out of window on motorway (DD 2.5 angry).

bilblio Tue 26-Oct-10 21:31:24

First black eye - 2 days before 1st birthday. Inflicted by her new, still boxed tricycle.

First serious run in with the cats - 2 days after her first birthday - She had a Harry Potter scratch to go with her black eye.

First minor run in with the cats was before she was born, they'd sit on my belly, she'd kick them off, cats looked most dischuffed.

First time she drew on the walls - 19 months, I've just found the photo I took of her being made to clean it off... she's 3 now and hasn't done it since.

AgentPoorlydisguisedVampire Tue 26-Oct-10 21:56:48

We had the 1st trip to A&E for a dislocated elbow with DD1, then twice more with DD2.

We've also had the 1st sneeze in the eye resulting in an eye infection for DH.

1st lie with an hmm attatched, DD2 drew on our stairgate and blamed her sister. DD1 wasn't even in the house at the time and DD2 had written her own name!

DancingOnMyBladder Tue 26-Oct-10 23:20:39

First time they lock themselves in the bathroom and can't get out again! DH had to kick it in!

Ds1 was 3 and I'd gone into hospital for a night. Came home to a broken bathroom door, two sorry boys and a very tired daddy.

edam Tue 26-Oct-10 23:37:00

Some of these suggestions are horribly familiar...

First shoplifting - ds half-inched a whole tray of chewing gum from Sainsbury's when he was a toddler in buggy. Am a Bad Mother and didn't even notice until we were half way home - I just hadn't looked down into his lap. Had wondered why so many people walking towards us were looking at us a little oddly. grin

WingDad Wed 27-Oct-10 01:24:12

I mentioned this to my wife today and she came up with a few so I thought I'd add them in:

- First time they lock themselves in somewhere: Our old house has old doors which had locks on them. DS2 decided he would lock himself and a friend in one day. I came home to a worried wife and a not-arsed son. We ummed and arred over the situation, then eventually I kicked the door in. That hurt my foot, a lot (damn sturdy frame).

- First time they try to stick metal things in the plugs. Spotted DS3 trying this when he was 2, cue me running in slow motion "NOOOOOOO!" just like in the movies. Turned out DS2 had told him to do it, "because it would have been funny to watch him buzz." [hmph]

- First brotherly free-for-all. DS1 unhurt, DS2 bleeding lip, DS3 crying his eyes out with a bruised hand. Didn't occur to DS1 that a 7 year age gap over his little brother was a little unfair, so he was grounded for an age. As was DS2, but for less time. DS3 got off with a warning because it was clear he didn't start it nor did he want it to (he was only 4 bless him).

- First acne. DS1 was utterly disgusted. Yelled "I've got a spot on my nose and it's all yellow" from the bathroom one day. Put me right off my breakfast that did.

- First blackmail. "If you don't let me go to the party, I'll phone Childline and tell them you're horrible to me. I know our address." DS1 back when he was 4/5. God knows how he knew the Childline number but luckily he never called :P

severedhead Wed 27-Oct-10 02:03:56

first time you take dd out not wearing knickers..this happened last week dd went to loo before we left house and i didn't notice total lack of undies under her lovely flouncy skirt..realised an hour later after pushing her in pushchair through streets/park and town. i thought people were giving me least i'm not just paranoid. dived into nearest shop..

first time they tell you they don't love you or ask if they're adopted

when you both realise game's up vv santa/tooth fairy
first dead pet

and for the teens..
first time you realise they smoke or have tried drugs..
frst time you hear strange tapping/ listen intently and realise it's ds and girlfriend shagging..ewww
first time (and hopefully last) they get arrested
first heartbreak...

TorturesInAHalfHell Wed 27-Oct-10 02:23:56

Edam, my toddler has lifted:

A packet of socks (her size) (dept. store)
A singlet (supermarket)
A rubber ball (pet shop) and
A teaspoon (cafe).

She's not yet two. Now I make sure to check under her when she's in the stroller before leaving shops.

nooka Wed 27-Oct-10 07:03:02

Boy you lot have good memories. I can't remember half of the whens and wheres of good or bad first moments for my children. And I remember being very annoyed when my mother was just the same!

BoffinMum Wed 27-Oct-10 09:15:55

Ah, first theft.

I was cooking spag bog and realised DS2 (aged about 2-3) was using software in the corner of the room I had not seen before. He had pilched the Happy and Max book and corresponding software from nursery, placed it surreptitiously in his nursery bag, brought it home, taken it out, installed the software on the kitchen PC and was merrily playing away. Serious intent, I call that. grin

edam Wed 27-Oct-10 10:09:34

Blimey boffin and tortures, that is quite impressive. grin Especially mini-boffin lifting the software and installing it! Makes ds seem quite respectable... (bugger was I don't even like chewing gum - why he couldn't have grabbed the chocolate I do not know).

I once offered to pay at the till when I realised ds had grabbed a tomato and was busy chewing. Lovely teenage lad gave me a very funny look and said 'I think Sainsbury's can afford one tomato, don't you?'

maighdlin Wed 27-Oct-10 10:26:11

First time they figure out how to get tablets out of the blister pack. That could have been so much worse DD 13 months, and she got a tablet out of the foil and ate it. luckily it was her tablet that she would have got in an hour, but it scared the hell out me that she could do it. im on some hard meds and now keep them in a locked box on the top of the book case.

I have yet to have the first poo in the bath. I hope it happens when DH is bathing her. grin

I have had the first dirty protest though. We kept her naked and on inco sheets when she had chicken pox and she done a poo got it in her hand and smeared it all over the (leather thank christ) sofa.

makeminemango Wed 27-Oct-10 13:46:35

First journey in an ambulance: DS at the age of about two and half when he drank some of my lavender essential oil. The paramedic who arrived by bike was not taking any chances and DS loved the excitement of it. He was fine BTW and we felt strangely relaxed throughout the whole experience.

First time DS (almost3) blamed DD (10 months) for farting.

First chocolate binge: DS about 10 months. DH was minding him at the time and I only found out months later when looking at photographic evidence on his phone.

Mumwithadragontattoo Wed 27-Oct-10 15:08:09

The first time DD (2) said she didn't love me:

Me: I love you, DD
DD: I don't love you! I love Daddy! And I love my brother! And I love Nana and Granddad! And I love this restaurant! And I love my balloon! But I don't love you!
Me: sad

notenoughsocks Wed 27-Oct-10 15:13:48

I am so relived to know that it is (almost) normal to cut your baby's finger instead of their nail. It only make me feel 50% better though. Every time I cut LO's nails he screams so I managed to snip a mini slice off both his thumb and the tip of his index finger before I realised what was going on blush.

I read him his favourite story to calm him down, which he managed to get a bit of blood on so we have a permanant reminder of that day.

stubbornstains Wed 27-Oct-10 16:51:42

First wee on annoying HV's diary- 8 months. October 10 a very damp day in some quarters!

ROFL at all of these, but especially FeralGirl. Go the Cornish sproglings and their unruly willies!

iLikeDots Wed 27-Oct-10 18:13:23

Frankncock, the time that my mother 'wok'd' my DD when she was a baby tends to spring mind when thinking about you question. I never imaged or knew (for ovious reasons) you could 'wok' someone untill DD was became a victim of 'wok-ing'.

My loopy mother was in her kitched playingn with DD, who was having a good time until mum did that popluar/coomon that loads of people do, throwing the baby very very slightly in the air then catching them.

DD was laughing so much , I gess she was having a fun time. Unfortnatluy mum walked of to the end of the kitchen where pans/pots hang from those things from the ceiling, she must of misjudged the 'height' of the gentle throw as the next thing DD was screaming. Poor mum had just 'wok-ed' my child.Mum was mortified , as was I and DD. Needless to say , my mother has since been banned from such things and the 'look' DD gave my mum immendately after eposide as if to say; "WTH did you do that for...."

Stangirl Wed 27-Oct-10 18:15:41

My DP excelled himself getting drunk till 4am with my Dad, coming to bed and waking me up unable to shut the window blind. Shouted at me when I said I wasn't going to help as we knew that when it was snagged in this way only he could undo it - which he couldn't as he was too drunk. His shouting woke DD who i then went to settle, when i returned DP had passed out in the middle of the bed and i couldn't move him. Next morning he was full of apologies and was taking care of 9mth old whilst I showered. Sudden screaming. He had let newly crawling DD move onto marble and she had fallen forward onto her head. She had her first bruise. This happened today.

blackeyedsusan Wed 27-Oct-10 20:25:20

first trip to a&e @2 DAYS old vomitted blood which turned out to be cracked nipples, which i had checked but not spotted.

first escape from highchair and straps result,first fall from computer desk, first call out of ambulance, first Xrays but no broken bone

first vomit on the new carpet

first time of using poo as play doh, feeding it to the toy dolphin and smearing it over the not so new carpet

first poo in the bath,

first poo in the bath on me

first wee in daddys face/hair, will he listen when you tell him to cover his willy, no they have to learn the hard way!

first time dd weed in a toy fryingpan and it overflowed whilst dh was "watching" dd

BabyGiraffes Wed 27-Oct-10 21:07:32

too many to mention (okay, trying hard to forget grin
dd1 first A&E visit after she 'helped' mummy close the stair gate, pushed it straight through and tumbled all the way down the stairs on to the tiled hallway, aged 20 mths shock
dd1 trying to get something out of cutlery drawer while sitting on work top and going down head first on to quarry tiled kitchen floor... shock
dd1 dancing in the kitchen and slipping on an acorn collected from the park earlier that day,and hitting the corner of Victorian skirting board with her forehead... shock

there seems to be a head injury thread here - all within about 6 months... she has been fine since and seems reasonably lucid most of the time... Luckily no serious injuries yet for dd1 (9 mths)

More benign... first chocolate button: dd1 aged 2.6, dd2 aged 8 mths blush So much for second babies...

legspinner Thu 28-Oct-10 07:54:02

First broken bone (youngest DD, earlier this year)

First bike rear-wheel skid that ended up with same DD at hospital...

First really nasty tummy bug (I don't remember ever having them so was completely panic stricken...and experienced this with twins who caught the bug on the same night)

First time DD escaped from the buggy straps and tipped it over backwards (!) luckily ok

First experience of headlice (ugh)

First threat from DS aged 4..."If you don't do what I say I'm leaving this family!"
Unfortunately MIL and I just laughed, which rather took the wind out of his sails!

First nightmare horror ferry trip with DCs...huge waves, all 3 vomited on cue, and spent the rest of the time with their faces in sick-bags like little ponies...

First time DD did a wee on me in public (we were on a train blush

holyShmoley Thu 28-Oct-10 09:23:05

First time being mortified in public: Nephew aged 3, me and sis were having lunch at mcDonald's a lovely cafe, nephew started playing with a boy at the next table. other boy points to his family and says "That's my mum and my Dad and my sister". Nephew says in return "That's my two Mummies".
How do you even start to explain.

Tamashii Thu 28-Oct-10 12:46:28

First time the little petted bottom lip slowly rolls out and they start to cry - I never realised this really happens and can't remember at how many months old but it is soooooooooooo heartbreakingly cute (as long as they aren't crying at anything bad of course!)

It's just the way it rolls out like a rollerblind (?!?) and you just know a WAAAAAAAH is on it's way. Then it disappears and they never do it again but the full on tantrums aint far behind!

Lavenderboo Thu 28-Oct-10 13:09:37

First hysterical trip to A&E with new born, leading to....

First (and hopefully last) paediatrician's evil look which I knew she reserved for morons worried mothers and mentally put me on a list of munchhausen by proxy suspect, weirdos.

First free-fall/ no-nappy poo: luckily I had my foot on the peddle bin and DS's poo arched nicely in.

First baby projectile vomit, leading to... first 'find the noxious substance': saw said vomit leave DS's mouth at a million miles an hour, reached for cloth, where had it gone? Low and behold: DS's top pocket.

And now we know why they put pockets on baby clothes grin

First major poo-leak on public transport... followed by full change of clothes and nappy on our laps (thank god there were two of us) - DD 4 months (it was a train)

beenaghostlately Thu 28-Oct-10 14:08:40

First time DS1 uttered a recognisable word. Driving along a country lane, another vehicle passed us on the other side. "Car," he said. I was so excited, but wasn't sure if I'd heard correctly. Then it happened again. "Car," he said. And again. "No, that's a van," I said. "Van," he repeated. He was able to spot the difference and correctly identified cars and vans.

Got a bit more complicated with other vehicles.

"Lorry," I said. "Nanu," he repeated.

"Landrover," I said. "Nova nova," he repeated.

Can't begin to spell the weird utterance he made for 'tractor'.

SpookilyDoodleydoohoohoooooo Thu 28-Oct-10 14:13:42

First (and only) time dh left in charge of dd at service station with friends. Too busy talking sport with his mate to notice that dd had fled the scene and was in the shop by the door to a service station on the m6. She was 18 months, I was having a wee stop and dh was meant to be holding her but put her down so she could have a run around hmm, the thoughts that went through my head at the time - out onto the road on her own, someone taking her......Divorce was mentioned. Since then she has come to the loo with me.

(DD could only have been further away if she had gone up the steps to services on the other side of the motorway.)

sparkle1977 Thu 28-Oct-10 14:14:16

One "first time" that I won't forget in a hurry is when both DS's were in our bed early one morning playing/chatting when DS2 (age 2) launched himself backwards and straight onto my face (I was lying down in the bed) and fractured my nose!!

mummytinks Thu 28-Oct-10 14:20:22

ooohh too many horrendous memories all involving my two ds bums and willies.

Ds1-peeing in park-'look mummy amt I clever' (shock)

In the pet food shop, hearing the proverbial "uh-ohh mummy" turning round and seeing steam resonating from Ds1 trousers.

On holiday and hearing Ds1 chant " nanannanana" as he moons them, (they had just arrived that morning, maybe he was welcoming them!!)

And lastly, Dp explaining very proudly that he had taught Ds2(18mths) to trump on command!!

Like the idea of an alternative baby first book!

dexifehatz Thu 28-Oct-10 15:22:35

marriednotdead - sounds like a very difficult question wink!

I can't remember my exact response but it was followed by 'I know you have been reading magazine problem pages and I told you not to' blush

Woodlands Thu 28-Oct-10 22:42:15

ooh I'm a parent now and can join in some of these!

first A&E trip was at 3 days old when he was jaundiced and had low blood sugar and wouldn't wake to feed
first major poo leak on public transport was yesterday on a train from Leeds to London on my own with him (he's 3 months) - and the baby changing cubicle was out of order... had already changed one nappy on the floor in the vestibule, but had to ask the guard on this one who took me all the way through first class with poo practically dripping through my fingers to the baby change toilet there.

MrsShriekTheScared Fri 29-Oct-10 00:05:45

oooh, pmsl - ohhh such fond memories hmm grin

first poo on the carpet (please don't tell me it's just my lot who have done it?)

playing with "Happyland" and the farmer tells the fireman to 'piss off' blush

First time your little darling tells the grandparents what Daddy said when someone drove out of the side road in front of him

first time they eat someone else's lunch or biscuit as well as their own...

MrsShriekTheScared Fri 29-Oct-10 00:14:08

OP - my ds2, aged 23mo at the time, got lost in Meadowhall shopping centre, in Next to be precise. He'd decided to climb out of the car-thing that we'd hired to push him round in supposedly to entertain him, and next thing, gone.

Me : almost hysterical, running round the shop like a loon, they put three staff on the doors and stopped anyone going in or out.
Him : trots about for a bit, then decided to take himself round the back of the cash desk (realising they couldn't see him from the front) and said "I've got out of the little car but I really need to find my mummy back now". Said shop assistant picks him up, he points me out, job done.

MaMoTTaT Fri 29-Oct-10 00:23:08

DS1's first "open" usage of the word "Penis"

HE's always known what the proper word was since he was young, but always referred to it as a "pee-pee" in front of me and around his brothers - so they call it the same thing. He's said the word to me often enough in quite, private conversations but nothing more.

But yesterday I had the delight of hearing him yell


at the top of his voice, next to the dining room window, which is single glazed, at the front of the house and lets even "normal" conversations filter through.......

vole3 Fri 29-Oct-10 06:56:54

Thank god I did my keigels as can barely see from crying and laughing so much.
Thanks for a great start to my day

DS first 'there's been an incident' at nursery was deciding to have a pee up the garden fence, just missing his key workers feet

fluffy123 Fri 29-Oct-10 10:19:06

Stripped of naked in a soft play area.

ImaginaryBongos Fri 29-Oct-10 10:26:22

First time he got travel sick...on a long distance train, voluminously sick down my top, it went all down in my bra and collected in pools, all down my back and in my hair, all over the middle of the carriage floor...

<still traumatised>

kingbeat23 Fri 29-Oct-10 12:55:35

First time DD - 18 mo - farted on my lap and then forced another 3 out because I was laughing so much - yesterday!

PinkIsMyFavouriteCrayon Fri 29-Oct-10 13:33:50

First time you attempt to tell them off (DD pulling phone wire out of socket, say NO! loudly, DD looks at you, repeat three times, DD cries, --Mummy immediately picks DD up and cuddles-- Mummy stays strong and enforces her discipline.

DD's first period, THREE DAYS OLD! Blumin BF hormones, good job myself and huge portion of family is nursey otherwise would've crapped myself.

DancingIceDragons Fri 29-Oct-10 14:26:02

First anaphlatic shock
first peadiatric appoint - Pead was a twat but ds peed into his mouth.
First exploded nappy, and accompanied first 3hour clean up of nappy innards from child, child's cloths and cot, floor and everywhere else.

first time they discover how babies are made (the mechanical aspect ie penis in vagina bit) combined with the first time you realise that you really really have to check the contents of the science information book you have let them look at because you didnt know they could read that well. blush

Ds' first realisation that you have to left the errection subside in the morning before you can get dressed.

the first time they get brought back by a policeman

the first time they make grandmother puke because the describe in detail how to gut a fish. Complete with all gore and explanations as to what each internal organ does/did for the soon to be fried for tea fish

The first time you realise they are never going to believe in things like father christmas and the tooth fairy

God help me when he gets to be a teenager the kid is only 6.

saffy85 Fri 29-Oct-10 16:27:10

The first ever poo- <shudder>

The first time we played hide and seek and I thought "ooh DD is bit quiet" (aged about 15 months) she was under the table calmly attempting to swallow a 2 pence piece.....

Followed up by first frantic call to NHS direct.

The first proper tantrum in public. Wrestling with a 1 and a half year old and losing badly. Buggy goes over as you try to cram them back in while everyone walks past tutting, and the only person who stops to help is a drop dead gorgeous builder....

First time DC kicks a stranger in the face. A stranger mummy quite fancied. blush

First time DD nearly got hit by a car when she forgot how to stop her scooter. Cue my hysterics when I get there just in time. Mind you this was also first time she said "I love you mummy" off her own back smile

sickoftheholidays Fri 29-Oct-10 17:23:22

One first I clearly remember - the first christmas play. DS standing at the front row of "angels" age 4 years 1 month, alternating picking his nose and eating it and playing with his willy with his hand down his trousers. Got that one on video for the ritual humiliation when he brings his first girlfriend home

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