trouble with my friends's dd

[vittel]

my friend has 3 kids (1 boy, 2 girls) and is preg with 4th. Her dd1 is (to use my friend's words) a PITA. Now obviously i dont live with them so dont see this but i really think they have a problem relationship. Whatever dd1 does my friend is annoyed with. The other day whilst my friend and I were on the phone, dd1 started shouting at dd2 because she had been playing with her toys and she wanted them back (having just got in from school). MY friend ended up yelling at dd1 because she was being horrid. DD2 can do no wrong in my friend's eyes. DD1 was like this before dd2 was born so not necessarily a displacement thing but i am really feeling for her. If dd2 is crying/screaming about something, friend will tell dd1 off for annoying her thereby making the scene dd1's fault.

What can I suggest without falling out with her?

[kid]

I don't think there is much you can do without upsetting her really. I suppose if you actually saw that her DD2 was responsible for starting some trouble, you could point it out to your friend but not in front of the children.

[steffee]

What's a PITA?

I don't know if this is a being-the-oldest-sibling thing but my mum blamed me for everything when I was young. I can't really remember (though my younger sis can) but once, my sister broke an ornament in my grans house. My Gran came in and asked who did it, and I said I did, so she told me off. Then my uncle went to have a quiet word with her and told her he'd seen my sister do it, but I'd taken the blame. So since then my sister got the blame from my Gran, though usually I was to blame.

This is getting confusing lol... my dad the other day said to me "[sis] was always very honest and you were less so, so you got the blame for a lot"

In short, I think it's a mix of eldest child does tend to be a scapegoat, often one child is 'naughtier' than another so is usually scapegoat anyway and if, in this case it's the eldest then it can explain it. My parents both say that the oldest of them in their sets of siblings always got blamed for things their younger siblings did too.

I guess all you can do is if you see your friends dd2 do something wrong, and dd1 gets the blame, tell your friend that actually it was the other dd... or start up a conversation about one child in a family usually being blamed for something they haven't always done and see if she realises.

I pray I don't do this with my children!!