I'm at my wits end with youngest dd after today. Need some advice please!

[40andproud]

My best friend got married this pm and it was a lovely day for the most part except for the fact that my youngest dd (aged 4) started playing up this am from the time of swimming lesson (don't want to go), through the Registry Office service and finally, kicked up so badly in the park where we went after the wedding for photos that my dh decided to carry her kicking and screaming back to the car. Anyway, someone saw this and called the police! Apparently, the policeman was very apologetic and understanding but he ran our number plate through his machine and my poor dh was just about done in when I got back to the car with our older dd. I now feel very depressed about where to go from here. At swimming, I was accused of forcing her to go in - 'we don't force, we encourage' . So self-esteem is too low for words. Help!

[40andproud]

Thanks Kama. My dh did say that he explained to dd why the policeman came but I'm not sure whether she understood it. The trouble is that we're running out of patience all the time and behaving terribly ourselves at times and it's just become a vicious circle. My dh thinks she manipulates us but I wonder if we should just give up on the boundaries and not fight with her so much?

[Tortington]

depends ont he bounderies and what they are for.

many many sympathies

[cinderelly]

Hello,

I think you need supernanny! I have watched it religously since it started and it really makes you look at it from the childs persepective.

If she is uncontrollable try not to lose your temper with her as it will make her worse. SN suggests coming down to her eye level and talk quietly and calmly to her. If that doesnt work, allocate a certain part of the house where she can sit and calm down for 4 minutes then go back and see her. It really is worth watching. Channel 4 Wed 9p.m.

Good luck, one day you will look back and laugh

[Skribble]

Never give up on resonable boundries, just make sure your expectations are clear to her and stick to your guns. Giving in will only make it worse. At 4yrs she will still have some major tantrums ahead of her so stick with it.
Sometimes it can help to try to diffuse the situation and try a different tact, but never her let her think she has got one over you.
I'm sure it was a long day for everyone so just take each day as it comes.

[Skribble]

LOL if mine play up I threaten them with super nanny, they love the programme they slag the kids off for being so bad and are often shocked by the behavior, I hope they don't get any ideas .

[TinyGang]

Oh sympathies. My dd (nearly 4) has been having some enormous tantrums lately - the kicking and screaming meltdown variety.

She's fine most of the time (a dear little girl) and we never really had terrible twos or threes but boy does she goes for it now sometimes, especially if tired or worse, woken up. I think the intensity of it scares her too at times.

I've tried the reasoning and explaining and cajoling and even shouting back - all of which makes things worse usually.

Now if one starts boiling up and there's no distracting her out of it, I explain to her she's going in the kitchen or bedroom for a few minutes to have her tantrum on her own. This she does in magnificent style and if she comes out still in a rage, back she goes. It usually stops after a few minutes without an audience, and we have a quick cuddle, I don't make to much of it though and she's ok again. Quite contrite in fact if a bit hiccuppy.

Anyone seeing me struggling with a kicking 4 year old might look twice. How awful to have had to deal with the police too though.I'm assuming it's just a phase with my dd - hopefully a short one. Difficult to manage outside though; dh still found a step for her to sit on once when we were out though!

[40andproud]

Thank you all so much for your messages. I'm sorry I missed them last night - I went off to bed all sorry for myself in the end. And now it's another day and I feel like I have no energy for it today! I'm usually so optimistic and feel I can start again every morning but it's getting harder and harder. I must admit I do watch Supernanny and usually feel quite smug that my kids aren't that bad but I think the gap just narrowed! In fact, there are a lot of similarities between our house and the one featured last week, where one child was dominating and making everyone else's life hell. So perhaps I will work on a chillout area.

[Jimjams]

similar thread last week (about the policeman etc) you are not alone!

[40andproud]

Thanks Jimjams. I just read the whole of that thread and it made me realise firstly, how easy we've got it compared to you and your dh and secondly, how common this situation must be, especially for men. Stupidly, I hadn't really thought of it from that angle (paedophile etc), just that my dh must have felt so ashamed when the police came him being her dad and everything, just as I would have done. Of course, it does nothing for our relationship because all the backbiting starts and the recriminations! But hey-ho that's married life with kids. Thanks for the link anyway.