Aaaghh mornings and bedtimes - shouty mum :(

(11 Posts)

We have all had enough. DD1 has started school and we now have to be up and out over half an hour earlier than before, including having had full, nourishing breakfast (at preschool they got proper breakfast, we just had a bite so they weren't going out on an empty stomach).
So they have to be up earlier, get going faster, and whereas preschool - if we were late it didn't matter, well, you know, school is non-negotiable.
Hence I am constantly chivvying them along - Come on, hurry up, eat up, drink up, do your teeth, brush your hair. The first, second and third times I never shout. Really, every morning I wake up full of resolve to be smiley, encouraging Mum, but on the 4th and 5th time... for everything... I have just HAD ENOUGH and sometimes I snap. Just when I think the patience will last - DD2 starts screaming (literally) that her bunches are too loose, her tights are twisted/too small/too big/the wrong colour/pattern.

So I am cross, they are cross and the whole thing descends into a shouting and crying match. I know they are tired so I have started putting them to bed a bit earlier - with the result that now evenings are like this too sad. Add into that homework (every night, at preschool they never did) and I can see our life turning into some sort of army camp.

Obviously I exaggerate but mornings and evnings that's what it feels like. And then when they start saying that "you're always shouting at us" I feel like shit. I always tell them that I hate shouting, but that I can't change the time and we just have to get on with it, and when I've asked nicely 3 times I have no other idea of how to get them out of the house on time.
Tell me what you do to make mornings better. They have no TV or stories or anything like that, and they are generally good, a bit grumbly, but TBH I know where they're coming from...

Rainbowbubbles Thu 23-Sep-10 10:21:41

I'm feeling your pain! Sounds a bit like me a year back. Jeez it's hard on them and you. I'm guessing you're doing your best so don't beat yourself up hey. Don't know if this helps but this is what i do....

night before try and get everything ready, bags packed and at the door, uniform ready, YOUR stuff ready to go.

I always get up earlier so i can get dressed, make up on etc. and the breakfast stuff out (goodness knows why as she gets to school and has breakie there too!)

They need to be dressing themselves whilst you make breakfast - if this is impossible do half as a compromise (on bad days only) and let them get on with it. I say that if you don't get dressed and stop messing around you'll have to go without toast. They hurry and learn the hard way.

Any bunch,pony/tights problems unless there is a genuine problem they get ignored. If a tantrum starts i leave them, they just get escorted to the car when its time to go with or without breakie, belted in and that's that.

In reception i cut out some stuff occasionally like teeth in the morning and homework at night if they are tired or running late. I thought spending quality time and having a laugh one or two nights a week was more important and i didn't want her to hate school. Year 1 our routine is brilliant and we even get to go through spellling/reading at breakfast at home. This said I also have 2 step children and when they are with us during the week the routine also runs like clockwork and the youngest is 4.

When i DO shout they know i mean business but if i do it all the time it's the norm.

Your not superwoman and kids don't always comply so relax it will all come good in the end.

Good luck x

Rainbowbubbles Thu 23-Sep-10 10:29:49

P.s. my boss doesn't get any different treatment either grin

Rainbow thanks.
What you describe is almost exactly what happens, it's just stressful.
Today I nearly didn't shout at all except when DD2 got told for the 4th time to put the recorder down and brush her hair, at which point she put it down... and promptly lay down on the floor to carry on blowing it (still not brushing hair!). I guess I should have laughed really but at 7.30 it's just not so funny...

OuchPassVodka Thu 23-Sep-10 10:56:43

get dressed and eat your breakfast, get dressed. eat your breakfast. Get dressed. <child starts eating breakfast> you need to eat quicker then that. eat quicker. hurry up. Put your clothes on. You need to put your clothes on. put your clothes on now. If you dont get dressed you go to school naked. put you shoes on. Put your shoes on now. This is your last warning. If you dont put your shoes on i will fish the buggy out of the garage and you will go to school in that. angry

that was about this mornings 45min saga. clothes were laid out last night and lunch box was made too. Literally all that needs to happen in the morning is me to get washed and dressed and ds to get dressed and eat breakfast. It still doesnt happen.

He can get up at 8:20 to be leaving at absolutely no later then 8:40 or up at 5:30am and we will not only leave at the same time but the amount of stress is so much less if we dont get up til 8:20am.confused

I feel your pain. Some time i am just going to have to accept that no matter what happens sometime children are no more morning people then adults and we are thus cursed to this. I am better when i have had coffee, i get less stressed.

wallababy Thu 23-Sep-10 11:14:46

I do everything I possibly cab the night before and get up to get myself ready an hour before waking the kids (half hour to feed my newborn and get her ready, and half an hour for my shower/hair/make up) the kids (6 & 7) have breakfast, then straight upstairs to dress themselves wash and brush teeth as soon as they are ready they are allowed to watch some tv until it's time to leave, this usually makes them get dressed quite quickly!!
We do the same in Eves, 1st thing is homwork/ Reading, then they play whilst I cook dinner then eat dinner, they are allowed some tv/computer time after this.
Not saying that it runs like clockwork every morning and the naughty step was my best friend last year, but it does get easier.

HughRinal Thu 23-Sep-10 11:18:18

I am sorry I can't help I just want to share your pain. Have turned into screaming banshee too. Hoping it will get better once they 'settle in'.

walkingonsunshine Thu 23-Sep-10 11:47:02

I share the pain of this too! and would second what others have said about getting as much done the night before as possible.

Also I have an internal clock so I know I must be out shower by 715, we must be downstairs by 730, final getting ready by 850 etc.

I had had enough though of this chivvying thing 2 weeks into term so after one partic stressful morning I started a quick incentive scheme! Not long term as I don't think these things really work in the long term but I needed something different to support me, be less shouty.

So I grabbed a box of toy soldiers and used these. I listed 6 'jobs' that each child has to do without crying or winding the other up -

getting dressed
eating breakfast and taking plates to sink/dishwasher
doing teeth
putting on shoes
getting bag packed
bonus soldier if all of above done in a team spirit, i.e helping each other, espec while I'm in loo myself

Every job done gains 1 soldier. 1 soldier = 5 mins time on computer, so max of 30 mins and they spend it on club penguin but could be any TV or computer game. I carry a little bag of these soldiers with me and physically give them out for each job so they have a constant reminder of the need to be cheery and get jobs done. It is working well for now but like I say it's only a short term solution.

Walking... in theory I like the idea of your toy soldiers but in our house it would be jsut another thing to fiddle with instead of eating breakfast/doing hair/cleaning teeth.

At least I'm not alone grin. Never thought I was, really, but feels like it sometimes.

Chins up! We can do this! Smile through gritted teeth...

Fluffyhamster Thu 23-Sep-10 12:41:58

The bad news is that it DOESN'T get better (sorry)

I have a nightmare with the DC - aged 10 and 8 FFS!

They just wind each other up and charge between each other's bedrooms when they're supposed to be getting dressed/ teeth cleaned etc.

Heather1977 Sat 02-Feb-13 19:52:49

My 3 year old was driving me round the every morning just refusing to get dressed basically to get a reaction. Instead of constantly telling him off (which I had been doing for ages), I decided to ask for help from his two lovely teachers in Early Years; every time he got dressed quickly and on his own, I would tell them when we got to school and they make a huge fuss of him and give him stickers etc. The positive encouragement worked in about 2 days, after about 4 months of hell!

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