What is the most unintentionally funny thing your DP has said or done?

(169 Posts)
Psammead Wed 23-Jan-13 21:34:31

When I was in labour with Dd2 and having fairly strongish contractions, I asked Dh to play some silly games to take my mind of it all for a bit. Just something really easy and childish where I wouldn't have to think too hard. I suggested 20 questions. I went first and he guessed it quite quickly (heliopter, I think), and then it was his turn. I must have asked 50 questions. Totally clueless. Very frustrated. No closer to guessing it than I was after question 1. So I asked him to just tell me the answer. You know what he had picked? As something simple and easy as a quick distraction while his wife was preparing to push out a 9 pounder?

The Nobel Prize for Physics.

The Nobel fricking prize for sodding physics.

I laughed so hard when he revealed the answer that a midwife came running in as the comtraction chart went all screwy.

MrsWolowitz Wed 23-Jan-13 21:36:55

Whilst doing the sexuals DH whispered sexily "I want to cum in your eyes"

I made this hmm face.

He looked like this shock and said "I have no idea why I said that. I really don't want to cum in your eyes"

VitoCorleone Wed 23-Jan-13 21:38:52

You know them shabby chic freestanding words people have? My mum bought me one for the bathroom that says "bathe" my DP said (very seriously) "bath with an E?"

He felt like a right twat.

goonyagoodthing Wed 23-Jan-13 21:39:59

Watching TV one night and the programme was about beauty routines. The subject of bikini waxes came up and DH said "Why would a woman need a bikini wax? Her boobs couldn't be THAT hairy".

SoleSource Wed 23-Jan-13 21:42:14

Oooh haha goony!!!!

MrsWolowitz Wed 23-Jan-13 21:42:24

Oh and DH also called a bl

SoleSource Wed 23-Jan-13 21:42:32

That is funny!

MrsWolowitz Wed 23-Jan-13 21:43:20

Whoops!

DH also called a bloke "Ferdinand" for about 6 months.

This man is not called Ferdinand. His name sounds nothing like it. hmm

Behindthesofa Wed 23-Jan-13 21:44:39

Just last week DH was going through the sky+ recordings.
He said "The dumpLing ground" has been viewed, shall I delete it"
So I thought he was taking the Mickey & said "no, I haven't perfected my dumplings yet".
Oh ok, he says.

I laughed tilli cried. He really had misread it &thought it said the dumpling ground. He said to me that as I watch so many cooking programmes, it didn't occur to him that what he said was wrong.

Quite possibly, you had to be there. hmm

DoingTheBestICan Wed 23-Jan-13 21:45:05

When I was pregnant I was sitting up in bed reading and I spotted a spider running across the floor,I shouted dh to come and get it and for some reason he went on all fours and chased it,he was going that fast he sort of bounced off the bedside shelf and landed backwards.
He had a dent in his head and I swear I nearly peed myself laughing at him. This sounds like I'm a bitch but honestly you had to be there and it's a running joke in our house that dh always bangs his head.

Youaresoright Wed 23-Jan-13 21:46:50

At a wedding reception, DH couldn't get a phone signal. "This reception is shit" he said. Very loudly. The bride's parents were standing right next to us.

NotYouAgain Wed 23-Jan-13 21:48:27

Maybe this was only funny to me...

We were searching for a new car and dp said, oh "I'll google and see if there's a vauxhall garage in Chesterfield"

I was a bit confused

It came up on google "Blakes, Chesterfield" and he was "oh yeah, I forgotten that one was there"

He only used to work there! grin

MrsWolowitz Wed 23-Jan-13 21:49:01

Doing that's hilarious! Not so much the head nagging but the fact he chased a spider on all fours! DH is asking what I'm laughing about grin

MrsWolowitz Wed 23-Jan-13 21:49:38

*nagging = banging.

Pollykitten Wed 23-Jan-13 21:50:01

My DH went in for an operation on his knees and the nurse handed him the gown etc to change into. When she pulled back the curtain for the 'reveal' she was falling about with hysterical laughter. He had put the paper pants on his head and put his ears through the leg holes. I'm pissing myself even writing this...! Poor love didn't know they were pants...

DoingTheBestICan Wed 23-Jan-13 21:51:51

Dh has just asked me what I'm laughing at and I told him I'm laughing at you denting your head,his face is like this hmm and that's making me laugh more.

ThinkAboutItOnBoxingDay Wed 23-Jan-13 21:52:23

He once very seriously informed me that his mobile battery ran out faster when he called the states because it had to work harder because it was far away.

Oh and apparently you don't have to wash towels because you only use them when you are clean.

WeWishYouAMerryNameChange Wed 23-Jan-13 21:52:59

Desperately trying to think of something that DP has done, but i can't think of a specific incident because I keep laughing at Nobel Prize for Physics - ha ha ha ha ha

grin pollykitten

DoingTheBestICan Wed 23-Jan-13 21:55:41

Thinkaboutit-my dh has just said that makes perfect sense about the towels,good job we don't rely on him to do the laundry.

MrsWolowitz Wed 23-Jan-13 21:58:01

Pollykitten DH and I are wetting ourselves at that!

desertbaby Wed 23-Jan-13 21:58:34

I've read the post about 'the DumpLing ground 'several times and I desperately want to get it blush

LegoAcupuncture Wed 23-Jan-13 21:59:19

Dh once asked where his boyfriend cut jeans were hmm

Also, when his dad died, we were sitting in the living room with the caretaker sorting out the funeral arrangements, everyone very somber, when an ambulance with siren blaring whizzes past the house. DH in all seriousness says "He'll never sell ice creams going that fast". Caretaker was like this shock

ArtVandelay Wed 23-Jan-13 21:59:54

You are - that is fantastic!

My DH has English as a second language so there are many but recently we were at a petrol stop on the highway and he asked me, very seriously, if I'd ever cleaned a windscreen 'with my panties'. I said no... He continued that ladies panties were the best thing to clean a windscreen with. Intrigued, I asked him who's panties did he use and he said 'my mother's' at which point I nearly expired. Anyway it turns out he meant pantyhose / tights but I think I laughed from Aachen to Lelystad.

ShowOfHands Wed 23-Jan-13 22:04:11

When v sleep deprived, dh was singing baa baa black sheep to dd and finished wearily "... and one for the little boy who lives down the drain". He didn't even realise. Similarly, he was singing along to a Show Of Hands tune once which has a line "I've got a wife and three little kids" and he sang "I've got a wife and three little pigs". He works hard and sleeps very little. grin

Jojobump1986 Wed 23-Jan-13 22:04:52

Well....

Me: "If we had a pet chimp I could train it to fetch me coke & chocolate & crisps! What more does a girl need?!"
DH: "A man?" <long pause, me giggling> "What?! Oh, I didn't mean like that! I just meant... Oh, never mind!"

"If snow were black it would melt a lot faster."

"Was I being too loud? I was preaching to the Christmas tree."

"Before you go to sleep, if you're driving the car & you hear a rattling sound, it's a snail shell under the bonnet."

"I suppose God invented KFC for occasions such as these!"

Singing Old MacDonald: "With a duck, duck here..."

"It seems like an appropriate time of day for a poo."

Beginning to wonder why I married him...! grin

florry88 Wed 23-Jan-13 22:05:07

hey Lego hes been watching morcambe and wise

LegoAcupuncture Wed 23-Jan-13 22:07:49

Snort @ duck duck here.

foslady Wed 23-Jan-13 22:13:08

1st exh on me winning him some fishing gear so he could start fishing again after giving up a few years earlier and regretting it 'This is the best thing you could of got me - every time I've being driving in the car and passed water I've thought about fishing......'
And another time when he was dropping me off at the station for a weekend away, on realising how many bags I'd stupidly brought I said the biblical (mis)quote 'Pick up thy bags and walk'. He couldn't work out why I was laughing when he replied puzzled 'But you've only got 3 bags, not 5......'

PommePoire Wed 23-Jan-13 22:13:47

Last week (when it first snowed round our way) I had to go for a smear test and afterwards, was telling DH about something the nurse had said to me that made me laugh. It was freezing cold in the room and she jokingly offered to warm the speculum on the teeny tiny hot air blower heater thing, under her desk. Obviously she was joking so I duly laughed and made some lame quip along the lines of 'better not; if it got really hot it might cook my insides.' Tee hee.

DH looks utterly baffled and then hestitatingly ventures: "But isn't the speculum for seeing better?"

Me: Well, yes, but it's more for access really, isn't it? Because it holds the cervix open.

DH: But... but... oh my God, I thought it was like a floor lamp so they can, you know, see up inside you?

Me: Whaddya mean floor lamp? Up?

DH: Well, I dunno to light up your insides, when you're standing there and she's like kneeling there... ...DH grinds to an embarrassed halt as he sees my face.

He only thought you have a smear test STANDING UP! Standing up over a kind of Ikea up-lighter flood light thingy (called a speculum) while the nurse kneels between your slightly ajar thighs wielding her wooden lolly stick, I suppose.

SirBoobAlot Wed 23-Jan-13 22:14:45

I was in the day unit waiting for an operation, on NBM, we had been in the hospital for about five hours. DP popped out to text my parents and update them, and to move the car. He came back about half hour later. Asked him if he was alright as it had taken quite a while, he said it was fine, but looked a tad guilty. I was anxious as hell, so asked for a hug, he came and wrapped his arms around me, and I realised his jumper was covered in pastry crumbs.

The sneaky fucker had gone for an apple turnover without me shock

I called him on the crumbs, and he got very flustered, eventually blurting out, "I was so bloody hungry, I ran down to the bakery, and then drank a bottle of water so you couldn't taste it and it wouldn't make you hungry. I'm really sorry, I just needed to eat."

It was hilarious, he felt so guilty. I had a pastry delivered to me on the ward the following morning wink I'm due another operation in six weeks time, I have started winding him up already...

When he was reading out loud to me a newspaper article that he'd found funny. "I couldn't understand why I felt so fatig-ud" I was like "you what? Read that again?" After he read it several more times I snatched the newspaper from him to see that fatig-ud was actually fatigued.

Another time was when we were at a famous landmark on holiday and there were lots of tourists with cameras. DH turned back to me to point something out but as he stopped it was too late and he was standing bang splat in the middle of a group of Japanese tourists who were lined up behind him smiling for the camera. All 6 foot 4 of him pointing his hand and arm at full length just as the photo was taken.

tethersend Wed 23-Jan-13 22:18:23

DP is French- he says a lot.

Tonight he looked at me with concern and told me he thought I was a bit run over and I should have a rest.

He's got a point.

DH taught DS the concept of BOO! When DS was 2. Cue hours of endless pretending to be scared at his cute Booing.

Few days later, DH is having a pee, usual stance, legs wide hips forward.... DS creeps up and shouts BOO. DH pees all over floor and has a complete fit of rage.

I couldn't stop laughing for hours. He still doesn't see the funny side.

DH informed my poor, impressionable ds5 that cavemen and women were alive....^with the dinosaurs^.

And when I finally stopped laughing and told him: er no, actually, they weren't, he googled it because he didn't believe me!!!

His explanation: what about all those movies with the dinosaurs and cave people in?

PommePoire Wed 23-Jan-13 22:29:05

Oh tethers I love that you look 'a bit run over.' I used to have a French house mate who said things like: "I was wolfing down the stairs..." Or "it's so cold, I have duck bumps on my arms." He was always very indignant if we tried to tell him (ever so nicely) that wasn't quite right and would insist that what he'd said was correct English.

HoobleDooble Wed 23-Jan-13 22:30:23

The time he walked into a lamp post while watching a boat leaving a harbour.

The time (on the same day as the lamp post) he tried to cut into a pie in a pub, and managed to launch it off his plate and into the handbag of the woman on the next table.

The time we were getting frisky in the car and he asked me if I'd "cook his sock" - totally killed the passion!

betterwhenthesunshines Wed 23-Jan-13 22:30:27

Weekend away with friends, lovely specialist cheese shop so we send in DH to buy some lovely cheeses. There is a big queue of <tsk> tourists in there so he is gone a while and finally comes out grumbling slightly about how long he had to wait. So we get home and unwrap the bag of presumably unique and interesting cheeses to find he has bought... cheddar. Cue new nickname for him, hereafter known as Cheddar.

When DH was my boyfriend, we went to the cinema to see American Pie. The first one - it was a long time ago! He bought a BUCKET-sized Coke as he didn't read the sign properly.

He got up in the middle of the film to go to the toilet (see aforementioned bucket of Coke), tripped on the top step and did a full arse over tit, forward roll fall down the central stairs before landing on his feet and leaving the room. There was a sort of stunned silence in the cinema for a few seconds.

When DH made it back from the toilet, the entire cinema gave him a round of applause. He took a small bow. Still makes me grin.

parrotsandcarsnips Wed 23-Jan-13 22:38:33

lego you mean undertaker rather than caretaker??

scripsi Wed 23-Jan-13 22:45:47

My DH thought that you paid per letter on text messages. Which explains the yes/no texts I had from him for weeks when I first knew him.

My mum thought you should use the maximum amount of characters in each text or it was a waste! Loads of kisses and unnecessary bits of whimsy. Bless her.

LemonMousse Wed 23-Jan-13 22:52:07

DH told me 3 times that we needed a new hour shed.

I was "What?"

Him: "A new hour shed FFS"

When I said I had completely no idea what one of those was (and I really didn't!) he pondered for a minute, then realisation dawned and he said

"Fuck me - it's a SHOWER HEAD!" grin

ThinkAboutItOnBoxingDay Wed 23-Jan-13 22:56:23

Scripsi, why? Why would he think that? He must have really misread something!

Mockingcurl Wed 23-Jan-13 23:01:07

My husband,in a very bad mood, stomped off to go into the garden. He didn't see the cat, tripped over it, and landed arse first in the well used litter tray. grin

ots Wed 23-Jan-13 23:13:18

We were playing a quiz game on the Wii with some friends. It was a quick fire round, and DH's question was 'name something black'.
He was quiet for a few seconds and then said "squerrrrr". Then looked all embarrassed. He said that he meant to say squirrel, but actually meant skunk confused grin

MushroomSoup Wed 23-Jan-13 23:34:17

When I was dating my DH he took me for a romantic candlelit meal. He leaned over the table, took my hand and told me that I look beautiful in the dark!!!

stargirl1701 Wed 23-Jan-13 23:35:43

My DH thought I said. 'There's a walrus' when I was in labour. I actually said, That's my waters' grin

EllenJaneisstillnotmyname Wed 23-Jan-13 23:55:42

My ex H was moving some furniture into his new flat when he tripped and fell over the kerb, landing flat on his face. Luckily he was carrying a mattress at the time. grin He just lay on the pavement laughing...

Omg I've really got the giggles at this thread, especially "cook my sock"

Baahaha!! grin

Psammead Thu 24-Jan-13 07:47:19

Omg some of these are brilliant!

If my mum was here, she might tell you about the time my dad was in the loo, and we could hear him blowing furiously every few seconds. Pffff! Ppfffffff!!! Pffffffffffffff!!! It was hysterical. When he finally emerged, we asked him what was all the blowing about? He replied 'Well, I was sitting there, you know, and a spider came down from the ceiling! And I didn't know what to do, so I blew it, but it kept swinging back towards my face so I had to keep blowing it and blowing it' at this point, mum and me were in tears of laughter. So dad huffily grunted 'well laugh all you want, but it worked. It ran back up its ladder'

That cracks me up just thinking about it!

FruOla Thu 24-Jan-13 08:26:13

The other day DP was talking about the Oscar Wilde film he'd just watched on TV. He decided to Google Oscar Wilde and was reading the Wikipedia entry. The conversation went something like this :

DP : I didn't realise that he was imprisoned in both Wandsworth and Reading gool
Me : Jail
DP : No, gool
Me : No, jail
DP : No - it says gool
Me : How's it spelt?
DP : G A O L
Me : Yes, G A O L is pronounced jail
DP : confused what do you mean?
Me : Jail can be spelt J A I L or G A O L - they're both pronounced jail not gool
DP : blush
Me : grin <roar>

LegoAcupuncture Thu 24-Jan-13 08:28:49

Oops yes, undertaker blush. I always get those two mixed up. Maybe I should be a bloke as well?

IDrankAllTheGravy Thu 24-Jan-13 08:33:02

Hahaha love some of these!

The only thing I can remember at the moment is from years ago when we were living in Newcastle, DP walked down to meet me from work and was stood near that church opposite the train station and there was something like a bishops meeting going on.
He rang me all excited saying "gravy, you should see the amount of Popes stood outside this church!"

Ahh it proper tickled me, still laugh about it now!

IDrankAllTheGravy Thu 24-Jan-13 08:34:45

Oh well I've learnt something new from FruOla, always thought that was pronounced 'gay-ol'!

PulyaSochsup Thu 24-Jan-13 09:02:49

Finishing emails with chow smile

BeaWheesht Thu 24-Jan-13 09:03:47

Ds recently took us out for lunch and when we got there he said 'I wonder where the kids play bit is?' - I told him there wasn't one an he insisted saying there was a 'family run' because it said on the sign - presumably a bit like a rabbit run but bigger????grin

BeaWheesht Thu 24-Jan-13 09:30:14

Dh not ds

Cortana Thu 24-Jan-13 09:48:21

DP once had a tooth out and needed lots of numbing injections, they didn't work, so the dentist gave him sedatives and some other bumpf in a big needle.

Driving to Tesco after to pick him up some soup. He leans over to me in the car and says ever so seriously "I keep tasting hotdogs"

In Tesco he was no better. He t-rexed round with the basket all excited for soup, then giggled and loudly said "BEEP" every time something was scanned.

MadameOvary Thu 24-Jan-13 09:54:36

After explaining the concept of vanilla sex to new DP, who hasn't a kinky bone in his body I was amused when he referred to it as "magnolia" grin

MiniEggsinJanuary Thu 24-Jan-13 09:57:24

DH thought that 50 Cent's song In Da Club contained the lyrics "Go, Charlotte, it's your birthday"!!!

He also once had a sore throat in France and confidently declared to the pharmacist "Je m'appelle Strepsil ... Limon Strepsil". All said with a very French accent. He was most embarrassed about forgetting the word "citron"!!

Bless him!

TheCatIsEatingIt Thu 24-Jan-13 09:59:16

Friend comes to stay, and we arrange to meet his sister for a drink, as she lives near me. For at least a week I'm telling XP the plans, meeting Dfriend's SISTER at this pub, going out with DFRiend and his SISTER on Saturday night, ooh, must remember to tell DFriend's SISTER her favourite band's touring soon etc - we get to the pub, twat ex asks friend and sister "how do you know each other then?"

ToriaPumpkin Thu 24-Jan-13 10:01:16

I think magnolia sex is a pretty perfect description of some encounters I've had grin

DH made me a birthday cake one year. He knows that my favourite cake is chocolate sponge with raspberry jam in the middle and melted chocolate on the top because that's what my mum made when I was a child.

So he made a beautiful light chocolate cake, smothered it in melted chocolate and then realised there was no jam. Instead of going out to get some, or filling it with buttercream, he filled it with thick shred marmalade. Points for trying but I cannot, and never have been able to, abide marmalade.

LittleMissStupid Thu 24-Jan-13 10:01:34

when discussing birthing options with DH, i made a joke about having a C-section and tummy tuck at the same time. DH pulled looked all shock and sad and said but i dont want you ' to get cut from your fanny up to your ribs' confused

I asked him that the hell he was on about, and he explained that he though CS were done by cutting up from your fanny, all though your public bone, and up to your ribs. confused He looked a bit relieved when i told him it was normally just a small scar bikini line level. He should really know better, he has a daughter already!!

cyanarasamba Thu 24-Jan-13 10:02:03

Not DP, by my DM. Her and my DF were chatting about their holiday to Gran Canaria, abroad, and said they were planning to take their scrabble board with them so they could play every night after dinner.

I suggested that the games room in the hotel might have a set they could use. DM looked at me all confused and said "But won't it be in Spanish?".

FruOla Thu 24-Jan-13 10:16:07

Perhaps not quite as daft as it sounds, cyanarasamba, I think Scrabble has different amounts of each letter relative to the language of the country that the game is sold in, IYSWIM. But I see what you were getting at grin

A few years ago DP and I were on holiday in Suffolk. One day we stopped at a pub for lunch and the table we were sitting at was facing the chalkboard listing all the guest beers, which included one from the brewery local to where we live (and which owns our local pub). Pointing at the chalkboard, I said "oh look, DP, they sell X beer. That's unusual for a pub so far out". He looked at the list of beers for a while and then, with a rather perplexed look on his face, said "but what's 'Guest Beer', I've never heard of it?" It took me quite some time to explain that it wasn't actually a brand of beer ....

spiderlight Thu 24-Jan-13 10:17:00

This will totally out me to everyone who knows me, but sod it.

Home birth. 7cm dilated, about twelve hours into labour, sitting on teh sofa chatting to the midwife in a brielf lull etween contractions.Phone rings and DH picks it up:
-Hello? Yes, she is. Who's calling please? OK, hold on one moment.
tries to pass receiver to me
-It's the bank.
The midwife and I just looked at each other. There was a long, long pause, and then DH took the phone back and said - and I quote - 'Actually, could you call back another time? She's having a baby at the moment.'

I then spent the next seven hours of labour worrying in case I was overdrawn or somebody had cloned my card hmm

MummyPig24 Thu 24-Jan-13 10:19:23

The other night Dp and I were in the bathroom, me cleaning my teeth, him having a wee. He was talking to me then oulled this hilarious "rodent orgasm" face and shuddered. I lost it, couldn't stop laughing for ages especially as it was totally involuntary.

ThedementedPenguin Thu 24-Jan-13 10:19:23

These are brilliant. I'm away to think of some and then shall be back smile

DH : Where's the Paedophile?

Me: confused

DH: You know, the paedophile! Where is it?

Me: confused confused

DH: I want to do my feet!

Me: <penny drops> I think you mean the ped-egg, not the ped-o-file. grin

A friend of ours recently told us that her mum was an identical twin. DP pipes up 'oh, so does she have a brother or a sister?' - 'um, she's an IDENTCIAL twin'... He looked nonplussed for quite some time as I sat crying with laughter. His defence 'well I thought they could be different sexes but have the same face'!!

fuzzpig Thu 24-Jan-13 10:49:06

Took me a while to work out what was wrong with "with a duck duck there..." blush

We were in Nandos a few years back and DH vigorously shook the ketchup bottle (one of the retro glass ones), but the lid wasn't on properly and ketchup went all over the pristine white walls of the booth grin

He says daft things so often that I don't really remember them IYSWIM, but I was confused and shock to learn that until he was in his early teens he didn't realise that women poo. He thought only men/boys did!

FarelyKnuts Thu 24-Jan-13 11:05:15

Having a conversation about a colleague with my DP and I said "I think he's a Mormon" she pipes up "that's a bit harsh, he's not that bad"..... She thought I had called him a moron grin

SaladIsMyFriend Thu 24-Jan-13 11:16:57

I was splodging a load of Farrow & Ball testers on some card yesterday and ran through the colours with DH. He came back later to look at them dry and announced:

"I like that one - kelp"

<Runs to colour chart to check if "kelp" is a real F&B colour>

Absy Thu 24-Jan-13 12:09:13

DH's dept was having a "mini Olympics" and he had been chosen to run in the 400 m relay because he's the youngest but he wasn't exactly that fit at the time.

One evening, I was stood in the bedroom and he just started shuddering and moving to the other side of the bed - I honestly thought he was having some kind of fit. When I asked him what the hell he was doing, he said "training for my race".

Flobbadobs Thu 24-Jan-13 12:35:25

DH this morning tried to sneak up on me while I was drying my hair, he crept all the way from the bathroom to to bedroom with his hand poised for a bum pinch as he got close enough. He genuinely didn't realise that I could see him very clearly in the large mirror I was looking into at the time! grin

FruOla Thu 24-Jan-13 18:12:08

Flobbadobs, my DP does this frequently also. It never seems to occur to him that we have a large 'overmantel' mirror in the bedroom which I use when I'm drying my hair - but he doesn't just go for my bum, it's also a 'boob grab' - I can see you DP, you idiot! hmm grin

I've just remembered another one from a few years ago when we were on holiday in Cornwall (we live in London). We went to a newsagent to buy the newspapers. Or rather, I was picking up a selection of papers whilst DP was hovering.

DP : Fru, don't forget The Standard
Me : What Standard?
DP : The Evening Standard, of course (with a 'you idiot' look on his face)
Me : So .... you mean the London Evening Standard?
DP : Yes (the 'you idiot' look was still there!)
Me : DP, we're in Cornwall - that's a London paper, what makes you think they sell them here?
DP : confused
Me : <and newsagent> grin grin

makemineamalibuandpineapple Thu 24-Jan-13 18:47:57

grin Pollykitten, that is hilarious!!

ruby1234 Thu 24-Jan-13 18:59:52

On holiday many years ago we drove up the Cheddar Gorge.

My husband didn't believe it was the Cheddar Gorge, he even stopped and checked the map. When I asked why, he said "I thought it would be orange like cheese".

cathpip Thu 24-Jan-13 19:08:18

Not my dh but my ds was wearing a cheap plastic ring (on his middle finger) and in the middle of the pub one Sunday lunch literally flicked my dh the bird and shouted kiss my ring daddy, i nearly wet myself (as did half the pub)smile

happydotcom Thu 24-Jan-13 19:09:51

My DH is very academic but lacking in the common sense dept.

" hair removing cream??? WTF does that do??!!"

Sigh smile

MegaClutterSlut Thu 24-Jan-13 19:14:55

I suppose the most funniest thing my DH has said (pre dc) was "I feel sorry for women that breastfeed"

Me = why
DH = well they have to put a needle into there nipple so the milk can come out

Que me crying with laughter, bless him. It's what his friend told him apparently grin

onetiredmummy Thu 24-Jan-13 19:22:50

Going camping last summer with DC's of 6 & 2 in the car, we decide to play a game of I Spy. Mine are nice simple ones like tree, & car. 6 years olds are road & window. DP has us going for ages with 2 words starting with a & b. Guess what it was? Arcove barrier! I'd only ever known it as a central reservation how the kids were supposed to get it is beyond me grin

My dh once described my vagina: "some women look like a packet of ham but yours is lovely"

redwellybluewelly Thu 24-Jan-13 19:27:40

After watching one born every minute I said something about a VBAC, DH looked a bit confused and said he couldnt see the point.

I pondered this response and said that some women want to have a natural birth despite a CS first time.

He looked rather bemused so I asked him to describe what he thought one was. The twit thought it meant the incision is made and then the baby is pushed out through the birth canal.

Frostyfoxy Thu 24-Jan-13 20:17:34

My dh when he was married to his exw was in France with her and they fancied a bit of the other but didn't have any condoms so dh went to the pharmacy but couldn't see any on the shelves. He asked for "an aperetif" cue a confused looking assistant. He said it quite a few times to her bemused at her stupidity after all he was speaking her language...... but then it dawned on him he should have been asking for a "preservatif" not "aperetif" which is something completely different!! grin

Please excuse me terrible spelling of the French words but you get the gist!

voscar Thu 24-Jan-13 20:43:11

My English (we live in Kent) DP asked me upon preparation for his first trip to Scotland (my home country) with me if we needed to "change our money up".

I howled then promptly called many people to share in the hilarity.

BabsAndTheRu Thu 24-Jan-13 20:47:25

MadameOvary

Sorry need to ask, probably showing my age here, asked DP who didn't know either. What is vanilla sex?

babs grin
I'd bet good money it's what you do!

HavingALittleFaithBaby Thu 24-Jan-13 21:03:28

When I finally got a positive pregnancy test and proffered it to DH, he first asked what it meant, then he asked me: Why did you test? Were you bored?! hmm

thegreylady Thu 24-Jan-13 21:07:12

When we were driving down a country road a sheep was ambling along in front of us-dh said "If that sheep's not careful it will end up as bacon!!"
It took him ages to see why dd and I were giggling.

DawnOfTheDee Thu 24-Jan-13 21:07:46

For my DH is mostly animal related stuff. Have no clue why.

DH: Look! Cows!
Me: They're horses

Other things he has said:

"Do monkeys have fingers?"
"Giraffes walk on 2 legs don't they?"
When looking at a toy triceratops "Is it a giraffe...no, wait...it's a triceratops...or a cow..?"
"Do foxes have feet? Or hooves? No...it's feet isn't it"
"What's a baby horse called? Is it a donkey?"

Readers....I married him....

BabsAndTheRu Thu 24-Jan-13 21:16:10

SquirtedPerfumeUpNoseInBoots

Now I really need to know.

BertieBotts Thu 24-Jan-13 21:20:36

Vanilla sex = nothing kinky, just normal sex.

BertieBotts Thu 24-Jan-13 21:21:32

This thread is amazing.

Megglevache Thu 24-Jan-13 21:22:25

The xmas shop.

<<dines out yet again on the same tale>>

NewRowSees Thu 24-Jan-13 21:24:33

We were watching a new show on television, and I decided to read the reviews online on my tablet. The first one I saw was the Guardian critic's, and he wasn't impressed. I said to my DP, "Ooh this review's pretty scathing".

His response: "Scathing good or scathing bad?"

grin

Megglevache Thu 24-Jan-13 21:28:46

This thread is genius.

OPeaches Thu 24-Jan-13 21:31:21

Megglevache, I loved your Xmas thread grin

MrsDeVere Thu 24-Jan-13 21:33:00

I was in a video shop with OH.
There was a film showing on the shop's tv.

Me 'oh I was named after this film'
Oh 'really? Whats it called?'

hmm

Mind you he also unwittingly helped two women escape from Holloway prison once.

Bless.

OPeaches Thu 24-Jan-13 21:35:11

Prison escape? Spill!

MrsDeVere Thu 24-Jan-13 21:36:42

voscar your post made me think of my OH. He is a Londoner born and bred, as am I.
My family moved out before we got together.

Whenever we used to go to visit them OH would insist on servicing the car, changing oil, checking tyre pressure etc etc. He would spend a good couple of hours sorting it all out. Getting it ready for the road trip.

Very sensible you might think...

My family lived in Dunstable. Its half an hour up the bloody M1 hmm

I don't have a funny story to add, but just wanted to say this is the funniest thread I have ever read! I'm all alone and laughing like a loon grin

MrsDeVere Thu 24-Jan-13 21:43:48

It was years ago Opeaches
We lived right near the prison. OH was a security guard at the time.
Anyhow he pops home one day between shifts and tells me these two girls asked him for a lift home. He says Nah but drops them off at the nearest tube.

He happened to mention that one of them had an injured hand (that is why he stopped to help).

He went back to work and I was watching the news.

'Two prisoners have escaped from Holloway Prison. Police describe them as xxxxx and one of them is thought to have cut her hand as she climbed through a broken gym window'

I literally spat my tea out. Called OH and told him he better get on to the police pretty darn quick before someone else did and told them they had seen a big black geezer in a uniform picking these girls up.

When the police came round they were pissing themselves. Mind you at least OH could tell them exactly where the dozy mares were going...hmm

thisthreadwilloutme Thu 24-Jan-13 21:50:10

My ds was reading the tv pages and said in a French accent "les deni. What's that?" I looked and it was Les Dennis! Still makes me laugh.

OrchidFlakes Thu 24-Jan-13 22:02:09

For fear of outing myself...

My DH says super-flu-ous rather than su-per-flu-ous. I cried with laughter the first time thinking if a super hero called fluous!

He still says it to this day insisting he is right. hope to God I'm not wrong or you'll all get a good laugh at my expense!

LittleMissStupid Thu 24-Jan-13 22:04:18

SquirtedPerfumeUpNoseInBoots , HAHA! your reply was very funny! bless you babs!

TiggerWearsATriteSmile Thu 24-Jan-13 22:18:00

I read this through tears from laughing.

I got to the end and I'm still laughing at cook my sock

mummyplonk Thu 24-Jan-13 22:26:07

Funniest thread in ages.

DH has developed a rather peculiar bedroom habit. When he is really exhausted and goes into a deep sleep he does, what can only be described as a 'Woof' when he exhales. hmm At first I was crying with laughter, now as soon as that first 'woof' starts I feel like taking him to the vets to be put down.

ThedementedPenguin Thu 24-Jan-13 22:32:55

This has nothing to do with my dp but when I was at university at Lancaster.

Me: I'm gonna ring my mum back in a minute

Friend: it's a bit late, what's the time difference?

Me: what between here and Northern Ireland?

Friend: yes I thought you were an hour ahead.

I just walked away laughing haha

JoyceDivision Thu 24-Jan-13 22:38:51

When visiting Holy Island, dh asked 'How did the tide stay out long enough for them to build this?'

Looking in the car rear view mirror one sunny day he noticed the sunshine making his ear look red... 'Look, you can see the daylight right through my ears'

Dh is a very very clever bloke so was chuffed when he hade the cock ups I usually do!

JoyceDivision Thu 24-Jan-13 22:40:40

I did tell dh on phone earlier this week 'But the sky is so grey, I can't believe it's not snown'

Snown ffs!

BabsAndTheRu Thu 24-Jan-13 22:51:25

BertieBotts

Thank you, disappointed now, thought it was something to get excited about.LOL

BabsAndTheRu Thu 24-Jan-13 22:52:47

Sorry meant to say this is a great thread, should be in classics. Can't think of any examples for laughing so much.

Growlithe Thu 24-Jan-13 22:53:04

Not DH, but a friends DBro. His mum was going away for the weekend in December, just after her birthday, on a 'Tinsel 'n' Turkey' coach trip.

On her birthday, he presents her with an envelope full of Turkish Lira. 'Thanks, but what's this for?' she says.

Him 'For your weekend away'.

Her 'But I'm going to Blackpool'.

Him 'You said you were going to Tinsel, in Turkey'.

Tigerbomb Thu 24-Jan-13 23:42:33

Took me ages to get "with a Duck Duck here" too

MiniEggsinJanuary - is it not "Go Charlotte, it's your birthday"?

Not my DH but my mom. When my XDH was in ICU I sent my mom a text letting her know what was happening and she sent a response saying, "How awful, LOL". She was convinced LOL meant lots of love

One pancake day, dp was sent to the shop to buy a jif lemon. He came back with a jif lemon cleaning spray... hmm

ots Fri 25-Jan-13 00:18:06

Tiger, it's "go shorty..."

Love this thread grin

AudrinaAdare Fri 25-Jan-13 00:29:48

I always sing, "duck duck" unintentionally blush

DH could reel off hundreds of mine, such as thinking that the channel tunnel goes through the water or that under-pitch heating is to keep pampered footballers warm, but I have one:

Me: DH why are you walking along in the road with PFB in the travel system?

DH: I AM LOOKING FOR A DROPPED KERB AND THERE ARE NONE FOR METRES AND METRES!

Me: Why?

DH: BECAUSE I NEED TO PUSH IT UP SAFELY ONTO THE PATH!

Me: How about gently tipping the bloody gargantuan thing that you thought best up a few centimetres? I mean, DS is in a harness in a carrycot on a sturdy base one hundred million times bigger than he is. I don't think he is going to notice.

DH: Really?

Me: Yes. That's what you do with pushchairs.

ripsishere Fri 25-Jan-13 00:55:29

My DH is very well educated and pretty sensible.
He picked up an item of DDs clothing and, genuinely, asked what it was.
It was the same one of five stretchy bra things that she's been wearing for weeks.
He thought it was a pair of knickers because it didn't have hooks and eyes at the back.

DawnOfTheDee Fri 25-Jan-13 09:32:08

Audrina - my DH does that too. He mooches miles up and down roads and pavements to find the 'essential' dropped kerb...grin

namechanger11111 Fri 25-Jan-13 09:47:37

I had just been shopping with ex and he was putting it away. The bathroom was downstairs through the kitchen. He walked out of the bathroom saying i can't get this thing open. I turned to look at him and his mouth and nose were dark blue, he had a blue loo in his hand and was trying to get the wrapper that dissolves off with his teeth!

He was stained for days. It still makes me laugh now thinking of it.

FruOla Fri 25-Jan-13 10:11:02

<SNORT> namechanger11111. Also MrsDV's OH unwittingly aiding and abetting the jail break grin grin

Psammead Fri 25-Jan-13 10:31:56

Laughing like a drain here a DawnoftheDee's husband's animal ignorance.

DH is German. We were having a very slight disgreement once, right at the start of our relationship possibly about the best route to take somewhere or other. It was all quite gentle and fun, sort of ribbing each other a little, when all of a sudden he semi-shouted 'You are such a DICKHEAD' at me.

I was shocked and more than a little upset at this out-of-the-blue outburst and let him know. He was mortified. Dickkopf means a stubborn person in German. He was just calling me stubborn grin in a jovial, mock-angry way.

KitCat26 Fri 25-Jan-13 10:34:07

My DH is anal about following washing instructions, turning things inside out so they don't scratch the machine etc. This causes some tension in our house as I think life is too short, so separate whites and go for it (normally when he isn't about).

Anyway, I'd checked his work trousers pockets, done up the button and washed them. He went to pull them on and there was a huge rip down the seam - crotch to knee.

DH 'Didn't you check these'
Me 'Only the pockets, why whats up?' (thinking oh god what is it now)
DH 'Look. Didn't you see the staples?'

He then proceeds to tell me that his trousers had ripped at work (manual job) so he had used a stapler and stapled them back together. hmm grin

He still wont admit its funny, I think its hilarious. And the precious washing machine survived unscathed.

Psammead Fri 25-Jan-13 10:40:54

Ooh I just remebered in the telling of the dickhead story, right after he called me a dickhead and I protested, he said 'wait. I didn't mean dickhead. I meant thick-head. You're a thickhead' i protested again and he said 'but you a bit of a thickhead, you really are'. It took us ages to get to the bottom of it. Bloody miracle we're still together grin

DawnOfTheDee Fri 25-Jan-13 12:05:16

I have a little book I note them down in Psammead...might try and dig it out and let you have some more.

DawnOfTheDee Fri 25-Jan-13 12:15:34

Ahem...here are some more gems....

Hippos are bigger than dogs, aren't they?
Do spiders have heads? Nah, they don't do they. They're just a body with eyes.
Can you imagine if wasps were as big as dogs? They'd fuck us up.
If ants were as big as dogs they'd rule the world...I mean..they could throw cars at us!

DH: (having just finished eating a whole seabass) You know there's a way to tell which bits of a fish you can & can't eat.
Me: What's that then?
DH: Yeah, it's like on telly when a cat eats a fish and ends up with just the head, backbone and tail left.
Me: What?
DH: You know, like in the....no, hang on, I'm thinking of cartoons aren't I?

DH: (pointing to large moth flapping about on the floor) Is that alive?
Me: Yes. Yes it is. You can tell by all the moving about it's doing.
DH: No. I mean, do you know what it's going to do next?
Me: I really don't
DH: I'm not asking the right questions. I mean, is it going to die?
Me: Maybe. It doesn't look very well.
DH: (quietly) I wasn't asking the right questions.

DH: Have you seen those eggs on the buffet?!
Me: Which eggs?
DH: There are whole eggs on the buffet! I mean, how are you meant to eat them!?
Me: Well....
DH: (interrupts) Are you supposed to eat them raw?
Me: No. They're boiled eggs.
DH: Oh. (sits quietly for a while) Is this going in your book?
Me: Yes.

There are more....

Psammead Fri 25-Jan-13 12:24:49

Oooh. i think I've fallen a little bit in love with your husband. Especially after the moth one grin

Fluffycloudland77 Fri 25-Jan-13 12:24:50

In a posh wine shop.

Me "these wines are Bordeaux that's why their so pricey"

Dh "ports French isn't it?"

Me "no"

Dh "where's port from?"

Me "Portugal" desperately trying to tell if he's winding me up because of my upbringing with alcohol loving parents it's obvious.

Dh "no really where's it from?"

I laughed a bit.

Yes, I am a cow.

SocietyClowns Fri 25-Jan-13 12:51:41

Dawn How old is your husband? He sounds like my 5 year old asking random questions grin

AudrinaAdare Fri 25-Jan-13 12:54:16

I can quite understand why your DH failed to learn from the pushchair / kerb incident the first time Dawn!

Jojobump1986 Fri 25-Jan-13 14:06:40

I tweet the stupid thing my DH says. Following his 'if snow were black' musing I said, "You know what I'm going to say..." DH: "You're going to tweet that. sad"

In fact, most of the silly things he says are followed by "please don't tweet that!" grin

I do even it up a little by tweeting the occasional stupid thing that I say. The most recent one was:
Me: "The car on the front of this booklet looks just like ours."
DH: "It's the owner's manual... hmm"
blush

DrGarnettsWinterMixture Fri 25-Jan-13 14:39:39

I actually did laugh at loud at Cortana's DH t-rexing round Tesco, all excited for soup and BEEPING at the checkouts grin

And MrsDeVere's DH accidentally helping a jailbreak!

DawnOfTheDee Fri 25-Jan-13 14:43:25

SocietyClowns He is 33 confused

SocietyClowns Fri 25-Jan-13 16:11:22

dawn grin

FruOla Fri 25-Jan-13 16:51:21

Dawn, your DH's animal/creature related comments are beyond hilarious grin

"If ants were as big as dogs they'd rule the world...I mean..they could throw cars at us!".
<SNORT>
<helpless laughter Chez FruOla>

spiderlight Fri 25-Jan-13 19:26:39

Dawn your DH sounds fabulous!

This was my dad, not my DH. we went to see him just after he'd listened to a programme about bats on Radio 4: "Did you know - bats have midwives! Some female bats actually go and help others when they're giving birth.To be honest with you, I always thought they laid eggs....'"

Mynewmoniker Fri 25-Jan-13 20:07:27

DH: "If we bought a cordless phone would we need to pay line rental?"

DH turn at making tea...Finding large amounts of crisp iceberg lettuce on a plate with steak n kidney pie, peas and mash. "It needed using up"

DH came home from the commute home looking red and subdued. I asked him what was wrong but he wouldn't tell me.
Later on, after some wine, he did eventually tell me.

At the time we were potty training DD3 and she was at the let out a bit of wee then wail that her knickers were wet stage.
So we always used to take clean underwear with us everywhere.
DH was on a very crowded tube, felt himself about to sneeze and grabbed his handkerchief from his pocket. As he blew his nose, he realised people were looking at him and looked down to find he had his nose buried in a pair of DD's knickers.
The tube stopped at that moment and he made the decision to get off and wait for the next train.

FruOla Fri 25-Jan-13 21:20:59

Aww, come on MNHQ - I suggested this thread was moved to 'Mumsnet Classics', not 'Other Subjects' ... nobody will be able to find it confused

(Actually, I've already reported the 'strange move'. Who's got their finger on the button this evening - too much haggis and whisky chez MNHQ? grin)

ArethaSnellHutt Fri 25-Jan-13 21:56:54

DawnOfTheDee laughing so much at your DH there are tears!

ArethaSnellHutt Fri 25-Jan-13 21:58:08

my DH insisted I shouldn't have taken my neck pillow on honeymoon with me as it took up too much room, he said it would be just as much use if I just to let the cat sh1t on it!

ArethaSnellHutt Fri 25-Jan-13 21:59:29

but the best one is my DFiL I actually write his down, brilliant! Advert on TV for a 3 bird roast, DFiL "oh we had one of those last year, chicken, turkey and ham"

Mynewmoniker Fri 25-Jan-13 22:07:58

I keep laffin at bats n eggs spiderlight

timidviper Fri 25-Jan-13 22:42:25

My DH once suggested to save money I should buy mince that is minced more finely because you were paying for less air inbetween the meat. Despite pointing out you bought mince by weight so it didn't matter, he just could not see it. This is the highly qualified engineer who knows all about physics, maths, etc

grin Dawn. "Is this going in your book?" hahahahaha brilliant!

DP calls his down below area his "appendice" instead of appendage.

Eglantyne Fri 25-Jan-13 22:50:11

I've read the whole thread, and my prize goes to Pollykitten's DH grin

Wereonourway Fri 25-Jan-13 23:05:40

My ex and I went looking for a new bed and pulled into a retail park to see a new shop had opened, the Bed Depot.

"Oh how lucky is that" said ex "there's a bed dee pot".

He thought depot was prounounced dee pot, like tea pot.

DH (biology graduate) and I took his SIL out for a drink after the arrival of her first child. Went out early as SIL mentioned that, what with the stitches, she couldn't really stand so needed to be sure of a seat.

Coming home, DP comments "I didn't think SIL had a CS"?
Me: Umm, no, she didn't
DP: So where are the stitches?
Me: [Provides explanation of where, and why]
DP: shock
Me: [Laughter for next ten minutes]

It got better though. Mentioned story to DM, in DP's presence. She snorted and came out with "Well, I had stitches too, but we only had shiny loo paper to wipe with back then". Why didn't I have a camera for that one? grin grin

CloudC Fri 25-Jan-13 23:41:04

Passing the Lewis Grassic Gibbon centre I suggested we stop and visit and have afternoon tea. As we got in the door, dh looks around and says "I can't see the monkeys" me "what?" Dh "maybe they are behind the curtain" me grin

DawnOfTheDee Sat 26-Jan-13 12:01:10

I can't resist. Here are a few more (not animal related though)....

Sat in hotel lobby waiting for bingo to start
DH: (looking at bingo machine) What's that number?
Me: It's....
DH: (interrupts) Is it the number of people in this room?
Me: No. It's the bingo machine.
DH: I can probably count the number of people in this room.
Me: Only probably?
DH: I mean, I definitely could
(There were approx 30 people in the room. DH did not attempt to count them. The number on the bingo machine was 72.)

DH: (pointing at purple-ish sunset) What colour would you say that is? Purple or blue?
Me: Mauve
DH: Morph?
Me: No, mauve
DH: Morph is brown
Me: Not Morph, mauve!
DH: Oh. What colour is that then?
Me: Sort of purple-ish
DH: Hmmm, mauve. How do you spell that then? M A U V E?
Me: Yes.
DH: Mauve. I'm learning stuff

DH: (smugly) I know what you think when you look at me.
Me: Oh yes?
DH: Yes. You look at me and think 'penis'.
Me: Yep. Not going to argue with that.
DH: (no longer smug) That came out wrong

Mynewmoniker Sat 26-Jan-13 17:45:06

Yer never too old to learn eh? MAUVE grin

Mynewmoniker Sat 26-Jan-13 17:48:10

Not DH but MIL years ago after meeting VERY lovely, friendly and gushingly camp neighbour

"He's lovely he is...I don't know why he's not married." hmm

FruOla Sat 26-Jan-13 18:39:59

Thanks, OliviaMNHQ! How often does the Classics Nomination Sub Committee meet?! Do we need to supply you The Committee with gin, cakes, chocolate <insert vice of your choice>?

I do hope The Committee can see its way to moving this to Classics in due course. wink

(At this rate Dawn could have a thread all to herself about her DH's sayings grin)

ThistleDown Sat 26-Jan-13 18:40:28

I am sitting here laughing like a loon! Mauve, trexing, spiders being bodies with eyes!!! Hahahahahaha, I'm in pain and weeping.

Thank you OP grin

Cortana Sat 26-Jan-13 19:16:07

"Morph is brown" grin That is Classic <hint hint hint MNHQ>

DawnOfTheDee Sat 26-Jan-13 20:01:26

DH makes me laugh so much. He's like an alien....I love it grin

One more...

DH: What are girl horses called? I know boy horses are stallions.
Me: Mares
DH: Oh (looks unconvinced)
Me: You've heard the word mares before. What did you think it meant?
DH: I thought it was a type of horse
Me: What do you mean a type of horse? Name another type then.
DH: Stallions
Me: No, you know that's a boy horse
DH: Donkeys then. They're like baby horses.
Me: They're not though
DH: (suspiciously) Oh.

FruOla Tue 29-Jan-13 18:46:43

Dawn, my DP thinks the aliens his friends are going to come and take him 'home' some time soon ............. in fact occasionally he makes me leave the bedroom windows and curtains open so they know where to find him hmm .............. but he seems to be a little better 'trained' by his alien friends than your DH. Mine only comes out with the odd daft remark. Yours is a true idiot genius grin

DawnOfTheDee Tue 29-Jan-13 19:56:32

I wonder if they're from the same planet FruOla...? Depending on how their society works I think DH is either their king or the planet idiot grin

FruOla Tue 29-Jan-13 20:17:09

Given their respective ages, I think my DP is the 'old guy idiot' that they just pander to (and I secretly suspect they don't actually want to collect him at all, just leave him here with us Earthlings to deal with!). Whilst, at least, your DH is young enough for 'more training' <SNORT>

Kione Fri 01-Feb-13 23:18:46

thank you, crying with laughter and just marking the spot as I have to go now but i will continue reading tomorrow

CatDilemma Fri 01-Feb-13 23:27:06

It was ds birthday and his presents were hidden away upstairs. Dp said I'll go and fetch them you'll only drop them or something. Two seconds later he fell down the stairs with all the presents.
We were in bed and ds was winding dp up tickling him and running off. Dp had enough, jumped up to get ds got his foot caught on the bed and fell flat on his face. Ds ended up sat by his head looking shocked. I can't breathe for laughing every time I remember this and it was over 2 years ago now.

Thingiebob Fri 01-Feb-13 23:53:54

I've said this before, my DH told me very seriously that he needed to see a doctor about his vulva.

He meant uvula. I was really tempted not to correct him.

FruOla Sat 02-Feb-13 09:17:25

The other evening DP accused me of cooking a 'beige' supper. When I asked him what he meant he said "well, it's all beige .... all one colour .... I wanted some colour on my plate" (we had a pie, mashed potato and cauliflower cheese). It wasn't so much that he wanted green vegetables, just some different colours confused. I told him that next time I'd put some food colouring in the mash grin

DawnOfTheDee Mon 04-Feb-13 10:11:22

This weekend me and DH were talking about a maths test he has to ake as part of a qualification he's doing. It should be really easy but we were joking about him having to count on his fingers, etc

DH: Haha...well let's see...I've got 8 fingers, 2 thumbs and 4 toes. Wait...that's not right is it?

<face palm emoticon needed>

FruOla Mon 04-Feb-13 17:34:28

I have literally laughed out loud at that, Dawn!

Not only at the fact that he's lost count of how many fingers, thumbs and toes (various) he has - but I have a vision of MrDawn having to take his shoes and socks off, during the maths test, to use all 20 wiggly bits to do his counting <SNORT> grin

<now weeping with laughter, goes for a lie-down to recover!>

Jollyb Mon 04-Feb-13 17:49:40

At my 12 week scan the sonographer pointed to a chair and said to my boyfriend that he should sit there if he wanted to get a good view of his baby.

He turned round and said 'I'm not even sure if it's my baby'. The sonographer didn't know what to say.

DP still doesn't know what made him say that. I have just about forgiven him.

BertieBotts Mon 04-Feb-13 17:59:33

grin Dawn you should write a blog or something! Then when your DH gains a following you can get rich by selling all of his hilarities in book form and on t-shirts.

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