I was making a sock monkey and it went wrong, so so wrong...

(136 Posts)
tabulahrasa Fri 23-Dec-11 19:47:30

I'm not an arty crafty person, so I expected it to be a bit wrong, but this takes it to a whole other level of wrongness.

It's for my 10 yr old nephew's Christmas confused I thought I'd finished it last night (bar the eyes), until I picked it up and looked at it.

Like I said, I'm not good at this stuff, but my nephew had asked me to make it after I'd made one at a class, for his birthday in September - I didn't have time and bless him he never even asked what had happened to it, so I thought, I'll do it for Christmas.

So, um, behold... The worst sock monkey ever blush

That's a very well endowed monkey wink

MoTeaVate Fri 23-Dec-11 19:49:02

Is that it's tail, or <ahem> something else confused?!

Trumpton Fri 23-Dec-11 19:49:28

At least he looks (ahem) happy. grin

tabulahrasa Fri 23-Dec-11 19:49:55

It was a tail - till I sewed his face on backwards blush

GincogniHoHoHo Fri 23-Dec-11 19:50:03

Oh dear lord grin

I'm sure there's a market for that kind of thing...

It's lovely <snigger>

That's made my night. It's like stuffed toy porn.

MoTeaVate Fri 23-Dec-11 19:50:41

Can you amputate his head and reattach? <hopeful>

charitygirl Fri 23-Dec-11 19:51:19

Oh this makes me very happy. Sorry OP.

chipmunksex Fri 23-Dec-11 19:51:32

Tee hee

He looks great actually-you just need to switch his head round, or his tail it's a bit hard to tell-so he has a lovely tail instead of a massive willy grin

SanTEEClaus Fri 23-Dec-11 19:51:53

It's, um, well.....

::falls over laughing:::

Sausageandmash Fri 23-Dec-11 19:52:13

As you said, a whole new level of wrongness. But it is the thought that counts.

KD0706 Fri 23-Dec-11 19:53:03

Thank you tabulah you have given me a fabulous laugh.

Other than the fact his tail is on backwards though he is a very good monkey I think. Is it salvageable? Could you do a John Wayne bobbit on him and then reattach his tail at the back. (I am soooo not crafty so maybe that's a really daft suggestion)

lisad123 Fri 23-Dec-11 19:53:29

That is wonderful. Think it might a adult only monkey! grin

tabulahrasa Fri 23-Dec-11 19:53:40

I'm fairly sure I can fix it, but it's made me laugh so much that I need to share it...I couldn't even be upset properly at having stuffed it up because it was just such a ridiculous result.

My friend has christened it the cock monkey, rofl

cookielove Fri 23-Dec-11 19:54:51

That is a really good monkey grin

KD0706 Fri 23-Dec-11 19:55:29

Yes you definitely needed to share that with us. Thanks. grin

BertieBotts Fri 23-Dec-11 19:55:56

Keep the photo, and you can send it to him in a Christmas card in about 8 years time. "Nephew, dearest, remember that sock monkey I made for you a few years ago...??" grin

KalSkirata Fri 23-Dec-11 19:56:11

I have actually laughed aloud and snorted wine out of my nose

natashakaplinkyplop Fri 23-Dec-11 19:56:31

Oh dear grin

I've got 3 of them to make next week.
If I do that, then it's all your fault! grin

BalloonSlayer Fri 23-Dec-11 19:59:09

God that's made my day!

I almost never actually LOL and have tears in my eyes over the internet.


Saddough Fri 23-Dec-11 20:01:21

Now that is what I will think of next time someone accuses another poster of being a sock puppet grin

OP I'm sorry but I'm actually laughing out loud grin

ReduceRecycleRegift Fri 23-Dec-11 20:04:03

it's fantastic grin by far the best sock monkey I've ever seen!

bluebump Fri 23-Dec-11 20:04:04

Haha grin that's brilliant!

VJayJingles Fri 23-Dec-11 20:04:05

Im crying with laughter here grin

openerofjars Fri 23-Dec-11 20:04:20

HOW much cooking sherry had you had? grin

SanTEEClaus Fri 23-Dec-11 20:04:39

OMG saddough, it could be the new MN bat!

what a schlong!

how on earth did that happen? I like it...you need to keep him

PPPop Fri 23-Dec-11 20:05:46

I can't stop laughing.

Dare you to wrap it up as it is.

BeerGrinchPotter Fri 23-Dec-11 20:06:22

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

tabulahrasa Fri 23-Dec-11 20:07:27

Feel free to laugh as much as you want, I have been, I can't look at him without giggling...

I made the first one at a craft class that I started going to when DC were younger, it's a put your children in a creche, go make crafts and drink coffee in adult company type thing, it's been a running joke that I'm bad at the craft part, spectacularly bad, but even I didn't think I could get it this wrong, lol

mrsred Fri 23-Dec-11 20:09:41

Think it's brilliant, very funny and made me laugh out loud. Save until nephew is 16 and he will too find hilarious (maybe 14?)

daft question but why are they called sock monkey's? Are they made from socks? confused

GooKingWenceslas Fri 23-Dec-11 20:11:46


QuietNinjaMincepie Fri 23-Dec-11 20:12:13

He'd be absolutely fine if he didn't have a tail like penis <snigger>

tabulahrasa Fri 23-Dec-11 20:12:15

Yes they're made from socks, new ones, well mine were...I suppose you could make one from an old pair hmm

agedknees Fri 23-Dec-11 20:12:55

Oh that is so funny. DH and I have not stopped laughing.

Unpick his face and put it on the right way and it will be lovely. It is made with loads of love and thats what counts.

tabulahrasa Fri 23-Dec-11 20:14:31

The thing is his tail just looked like a tail, till I sewed his face onto the wrong side, once I did that, well... suddenly all the purple bits just looked obscene confused

TidyDancer Fri 23-Dec-11 20:15:16

Hehe. I can't even pretend to be grown up when looking at your photo, he's too funny!

On the plus side, he looks rather well sewn together.



KatieScarlettsCrackers Fri 23-Dec-11 20:15:41

It's the Dirk Diggler of Sock Monkeys

<seriously crying with laughter>

yellowraincoat Fri 23-Dec-11 20:18:18

That's hilarious.

I teach English as a foreign language and this reminded me of the many many times I have tried to draw something on the board and it has come out looking like a penis. Normally when I try to illustrate a rocket/a bottle.

When my students just snigger, it's not so bad, it's when they look at me, utterly perplexed as to why I'm drawing a cock on the board.

bonkersLFDT20 Fri 23-Dec-11 20:18:42

Never mind the cock monkey...those cards are NEVER going to get there on time are they?!

tabulahrasa Fri 23-Dec-11 20:19:50

lol, the cards are for neighbours, I just need to send my small people round with them tomorrow

SparklyGingerbreadMuffin Fri 23-Dec-11 20:21:30
LittleWaveyLines Fri 23-Dec-11 20:21:34

I am actually crying with laughter - and DP insisted on seeing what I was laughing at as well.... he loved it! grin

Raahh Fri 23-Dec-11 20:23:52

pmsl @'Dirk Diggler'

This has made my nightgrin

therugratref Fri 23-Dec-11 20:25:10

had to log in. this has made my day- actually crying with laughter......cock monkey ha ha ha ha

sunshineoutdoors Fri 23-Dec-11 20:25:44

I love it! Laughing out loud too!

I think you should put it on ebay and we can all bid on it, see how high the bids get

therugratref Fri 23-Dec-11 20:26:09

this has all the hallmarks of a MN classic

PPPop Fri 23-Dec-11 20:26:23

<snort> at the clowns. What were they thinking??

Raahh Fri 23-Dec-11 20:26:36

omg -the Clown cactus!

Dawndonnathatchristmasiscoming Fri 23-Dec-11 20:28:45

I think he should go to Aardman for an animated porn part!
He's brilliant and I want one just like him!

BarfTheHeraldAngelsHeave Fri 23-Dec-11 20:30:47

Oh so funny!!


sunshineoutdoors Fri 23-Dec-11 20:31:06

I can see a whole new career for you, should you want it. How many people would pay for one of these?

CotherMuckingFunt Fri 23-Dec-11 20:32:07

That is fucking brilliant!

KatieScarlettsCrackers Fri 23-Dec-11 20:33:19

cock cactii

<wipes tears>

kerrymumbles Fri 23-Dec-11 20:36:08

i thought this would end up being a sock monkey made from a wank sock or something

oh my god - he actually has pubic stubble. shock

SantasStrapon Fri 23-Dec-11 20:40:25

Oh dear God. grin

You could have just invented yourself a whole new cottage industry.


MmeReindor Fri 23-Dec-11 20:41:42


I think I love you,Tabulahrasa.

You have to keep it for his 18th birthday party.

CotherMuckingFunt Fri 23-Dec-11 20:41:50

I'm afraid I've reported this thread.

It's in Chat and it will disappear so I've asked for classics as I need to keep this picture for the shit days smile

KatieScarlettsCrackers Fri 23-Dec-11 20:42:58

I did too Cother

So MNT could come and look


HAHAHAHAH!!! Sooo funny!!

liveinazoo Fri 23-Dec-11 20:48:14

thats so fab in a wierd and wonderful way.made my evening

Islagiatt Fri 23-Dec-11 20:54:28

can't. actually. breathe.

Do NOT take it apart.

I'll buy a MN raffle ticket to win it. Cock Monkey must live on.

BlueBallsandBaubles Fri 23-Dec-11 20:55:19

Hilarious, will now have to go and read cactus thread. This reminds me of someone (not sure who's) ds made something (can't remember what) out of clay and it looked like a massive penis.

<has clearly just proved how bad memory is>

KatieScarlettsCrackers Fri 23-Dec-11 20:57:29

cactii are on this thread further up

<and they are indeed, erm, "up">

ThatVikRinA22 Fri 23-Dec-11 20:58:29

grin is all i can manage!

BlueBallsandBaubles Fri 23-Dec-11 20:59:04

They are indeed some errrr ...... clowns that should be happy with themselves

Grumpla Fri 23-Dec-11 20:59:22


Cock Monkey rocks!

KatieScarlettsCrackers Fri 23-Dec-11 20:59:55

liveinazoo calls it "the pleased to see you monkey"

love it

HedleyLamarr Fri 23-Dec-11 21:00:33

That is utterly brilliant! I'm laughing so much...

SparklyGingerbreadMuffin Fri 23-Dec-11 21:01:10

Ah sorry baubles it isn't a thread, just a pic I googled after tabulah reminded me of an email I was sent once, am also a primary teacher and we like to share the fuck ups joy smile

A lovely teacher at my own school once made Christmas candle pictures with her class. There were two big sprigs of jolly either side of the candle and she unfortunately backed them in pink paper and stuck them to the window.

It looked like thirty cocks with hairy balls all lined up in rows grin

CrotchFlakes Fri 23-Dec-11 21:02:50

That is the best cock monkey I have ever seen.

and those clowns shock

SparklyGingerbreadMuffin Fri 23-Dec-11 21:02:53

* holly - not jolly!!!

VeronicaSpeedwell Fri 23-Dec-11 21:03:05

Hahahahahaha. I am nearly crying here.

agedknees Fri 23-Dec-11 21:03:42

Your sock monkey made my dd cry.......

with laughter.

Lets name the monkey.
Biggus diccus

Ismeyes Fri 23-Dec-11 21:07:35

That is the best sock monkey, made me snort!

debka Fri 23-Dec-11 21:09:05

OP I love you grin

PishWife Fri 23-Dec-11 21:10:56

Thank you, thank you, thank you, OP grin

I think there might be a market for these, you know...

southeastastra Fri 23-Dec-11 21:11:50

my eyes!!

Onemorning Fri 23-Dec-11 21:12:13

<wiping tears from eyes emoticon>

As soon as I work out how to do it, I'm going to change my name in its' honour.

EduStuckUpTheChimney Fri 23-Dec-11 21:12:18

Weeping, I'm actually weeping grin He needs a lady-monkey-friend!

5inthebed Fri 23-Dec-11 21:16:00

Brings a whole new meaning to the term "wank sock" grin

flapjack77 Fri 23-Dec-11 21:18:49

That's made my day op, thank you for sharing grin

BrassMonkeyBaubles Fri 23-Dec-11 21:20:37

Just take off his head and re attach the other way round. All will be well. grin

BlueBallsandBaubles Fri 23-Dec-11 21:24:29

That's ok, all's forgiven. The picture conpletely made up for my thread expectations

BlueBallsandBaubles Fri 23-Dec-11 21:24:58

That should obviously say completely

1973magpie Fri 23-Dec-11 21:26:40

Thank you so much OP, that's the best laugh I've had in ages grin, and I too think cock monkey should live on, have you got more socks to restart another for DN?

herbietea Fri 23-Dec-11 21:42:35

Message withdrawn

MoTeaVate Fri 23-Dec-11 21:44:04

MN could auction it for charity maybe? grin

BramblyHedge Fri 23-Dec-11 21:49:07

Oh god, I did that at school. I made a stuffed duck which could lick its own behind after I attached the head back to front. I was in hysterics and my teacher found it less funny.

Pantofino Fri 23-Dec-11 22:16:30


OliviaSeaBornInAMangerMumsnet (MNHQ) Fri 23-Dec-11 22:36:32

hhmm, which charity would want to benefit from stuffed toy porn a lovely sockmonkey!?

@ agedknees *
Lets name the monkey.
Biggus diccus*

He must surely be christened Spunky the Monkey grin

habbibu Fri 23-Dec-11 22:43:22

Oh, my eyes! I am weeping with laughter here. Not helped by the fact that I've just read Brambly's post as "made a stuffed dick"...

SanTEEClaus Fri 23-Dec-11 22:44:09

OMG those cacti!!!

Sidge Fri 23-Dec-11 22:44:33

Gosh he's a limp chimp isn't he?

OliviaSeaBornInAMangerMumsnet (MNHQ) Fri 23-Dec-11 22:48:47

Nb I shall move out of chat to other subject for now so it doesn't get deleted

BobbinRobin Fri 23-Dec-11 22:48:54

Could you not just stitch the eyes to the back of his head and call him Quasimodo Monkey?

DillyTinsel Fri 23-Dec-11 22:49:06

Spank the Monkey <falls about in puerile laughter>

hehe oh I love your style DillyTinsel the monkey must be named Spank

OnemorningXmasCockMonkey Sat 24-Dec-11 08:27:50

Another vote here for Spank the Monkey

LIZS Sat 24-Dec-11 08:39:27


tabulahrasa Sat 24-Dec-11 10:04:49

Lol at spank, he's still intact, I've not had time and ironically I've done a really good job of stitching his face on.

BobbinRobin Sat 24-Dec-11 11:00:04

Hmm, you could always just say he's meant to be like that and call him Jake the Peg Monkey. Maybe you could fashion some little shoes for his three 'feet' so as to enhance the illusion?

teacoupons Sat 24-Dec-11 11:02:27

This has made my morning. He is very well endowed! I'll have him ;).

Ha ha ha.

Gosh it's HUGE shock

andaPontyinaPearTreeeeee Sat 24-Dec-11 11:33:56

hahahahaha yes put it on eBay. Brilliant. grin

Gracie123 Sat 24-Dec-11 15:08:26

This is amazing! I was just considering making some tiny sock monkeys out of DSs baby socks for nieces - I'm definitely going to make a cock monkey for their parents too!

empirestateofmind Sat 24-Dec-11 15:50:50

hahahahaha OP grin.

kitbit Fri 06-Jan-12 12:35:11

Please can I have the pattern?


MinnieBar Fri 06-Jan-12 13:10:30

So good I've added it to the MN Pinterest board

thell Fri 06-Jan-12 13:24:09

He's even got pubes!!!!

<falls over laughing>

dreamygirl Fri 06-Jan-12 13:32:28

I have just come across this via the roundup email and laughed till I cried when I saw the picture. Thank you for cheering me up on this grey and glum day.

BoffinMum Fri 06-Jan-12 13:35:26


I think you have just won the MN Village Show handicrafts section.

You've made my day, anyway. grin ROFL grin grin

IslaDoit Fri 06-Jan-12 14:37:53

I missed this first time round. Hilarious grin

pixiestix Fri 06-Jan-12 15:30:17

Beautiful! grin

ImpatientOne Fri 06-Jan-12 15:49:10

That is brilliant and cheered me up on this miserable day at home with a chest infection. The laughing has not helped the cough though - but it was worth it! grin

dutchyoriginal Fri 06-Jan-12 16:24:28

So what did DN get in the end? smile

katieblue32 Fri 06-Jan-12 16:44:53

Love this! I also found via the round up email and laughed so much I woke my 6wo ds! Not sure he appreciated it as much as I did.... smile

CokeFan Fri 06-Jan-12 17:59:55

DH has suggested an alternative name... King Dong.

Yay4may Fri 06-Jan-12 21:53:07

Posts like this is why I LOOOOOVE Mumsnet. Thanks!

ninedragons Sat 07-Jan-12 05:14:24

I want to win it. PLEASE raffle it!

I love the lack of eyes. Evidently generations of nuns were right, playing with yourself WILL make you go blind.

tabulahrasa Sat 07-Jan-12 11:06:16

Rofl, he's got no eyes because once I realised what I'd done I didn't sew them on...

I can't keep him sad

My sister thought he was hilarious too and we decided to show DN him and I'd tell him him I'd make a new one for him - he smiled at it, looked at us giggling away in that are you insane? Way that only children can manage... And said, can you not fix it?

I felt bad for him, so I said yes.

Though actually thinking about it, I might just lie and say it didn't work (blush)

ninedragons Sat 07-Jan-12 11:44:47

You could make quite a little business, selling mutant and obscene soft toys to bored women on the internet.

It could be quite challenging writing a business plan when you went to the bank manager for a loan, though.....

iscream Sat 07-Jan-12 21:09:32

That is the best monkey ever!
Chenille is much softer than wool. Never saw a non grey work sock one before.
Move the tail and sew some trousers on him?

Jackstini Mon 09-Jan-12 21:07:32

Hilarious - bless you Tab.
Didn't think I could laugh any more after this - until I ready Sparkles 'hairy holly cocks' story. Did the teacher not realise??!!

Ranelaghmammy Thu 02-Feb-12 22:03:50

Oh how I laughed, thank you. You clearly have very special skills.

QOD Sun 21-Jul-13 22:06:27

Linked from the funniest moment thread and I think the funniest post ever

IncogKNEEto Sun 21-Jul-13 22:21:45

This has got to be one of the funniest threads I've read on MN (and this is second time round as I remember reading it when it started....did Tabula's DN ever get his 'unique' gift?) grin

Onesleeptillwembley Sun 21-Jul-13 22:36:24

Loving the cock monkey! grin

themidwife Fri 26-Jul-13 08:02:49

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!

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