Mumsnet Talk

Every morning, before he leaves the house, my son goes and hides in a box to become a "DS-in-a-box".

I have to turn an imaginary crank against the side of the box whilst singing a tinny version of "half a pound of tuppeny rice" getting faster and faster until he pops out, when I have to look shocked. He then gets his shoes on and we head out the door.

Does anyone else have any strange things their children insist on doing or insist that you do?

Hahaha! DS and I sit on the sofa fishing for sharks quite often. Not as funny as yours though x

Is he anything like his dear mama I wonder?

My son makes me stroke down his nose 13 times every night when I say goodnight to him. That is once for every year of his age, plus one for luck. He has made me do this since he was 4. It is called 'fodding', because when he was learning to talk, he said 'fod' instead of 'soft' and it's stuck. My entire extended family always say 'fod' now, for anything which feels soft/fluffy when you touch it.

I keep thinking he'll grow out of being fodded, but not yet, and he insists he'll still want me to do it when he's 30.

My dd insists I hold her feet every evening. After she has changed into her pyjamas she likes to lie on the sofa and put her feet in my lap, I then have to hold them firmly. She is 3.

DS insists on coming into our bed to sleep on my chest every morning I've tried getting him back to sleep and gently placing him back in his cot, but no, major waaaaaaaah if that happens and our neighbour is sensitive to noise [more ]

Other than that, he's just bossy.

My 3yo DD makes me re-enact what she did at Pre-school that day. She is the teacher, I'm the Pre-schooler.

Last night she taught me how to cross the road (in our living room).

Aww some of these are lovely rather than just bonkers like my DS.

Particularly loving Toby's fodding. [aww emoticon]

Your 3yo sounds lovely MrsBloomingTroll

<ignores RockStock>

We can't just walk to school as mother and daughter. We have to be kittens or rabbits or puppies or vampires.

I have to be "Mrs getdressed" and talk in a Jean brodie voice if i want my dd to get dressed in the mornings. Also her white fluffy dog has to first ask for her shoes then "eat" them before she'll put them on.

After my dd's bath, she has to "walk" into her bedroom on her knees. This is a new thing, but she is showing no sign of wanting to stop.

My DD 2 year old, insists on waking that only mummy can pick her up out of the cot and hand her the milk. If Daddy does it, it is major meltdown. After she has devoured the milk, she will then and only then address Daddy.

@ eating shoes.

DS does like to be a robot as well and will only do things if I talk in a robotic voice. All fine until his sodding father taught him to say "does not compute".

Robot DS, Robot mummy says hang up your coat:

Does not compute! Does not Compute! (ad infinitum)

pixiepie151 - fast foward 20 years and I bet she'll need that first cup of coffee of the morning to get going!

The 'Daddysaurus' has to come stomping up the stairs every evening to get DS (3) out of the bath. The Daddysaurus often is then squirted from a water pistol or else DS pretends to be a tiger until it runs away.

When you put DS' shoes on, if you start with the right one then you cannot put the left one on until you have attempted to put it on the right foot, on top of the other shoe.

I did this ONCE as a joke probably when he was 18 months or so. He's now three! Every time!

Also insisting that if you start to walk down/up the stairs in the wrong order we have to go right back to the top/bottom and start again. Sometimes he insists on walking upstairs backwards too but only decides this when we are halfway up which means we need to go all the way back and start again.

The latest one which I think is hilarious is that if he says something and your reaction is " Pardon?" he will hurriedly announce "I was joking!" and then refuse to repeat whatever it was that he said, even if the query was because you didn't hear him correctly.

Another one with a foot fetishist DD. She lays on the sofa with her feet in my lap. I have to pull each toe individually to make it crack then get the whole lot and waggle them back and forth. She calls it massage

YY to being a different person/animal.
Last year when I was driving DD to school we had different nationalities in the car. Some days I was Scots, others Indian, Russian, German, Irish, Nigerian, Thai, Aussie etc. The only accent I am rubbish at is Hawiian. Who wouldn't be?

DS is going through a phase where he likes his back hair being stroked when he is lying down watching TV. Yes you read that right. He has back hair, he has the hairiest back ive ever seen on a child... hairiest back ever seen on anyone actually. When we call him a little monkey it's not far from the truth.

I have to do a taxi driver voice ('Where to Guv'nor?' type) when driving the car.

My DCs insist on a Florence and the Machine medley every morning.

whyme I totally understand the holding feet firmly thing. I love that. Or to get dh to sit on my feet.

DD will only get up if I talk to and stoke her feet.

Good morning right baby foot its time to get up now

Good morning left baby foot its time to get up.

Dd is almost three, cannot possibly do a wee unless she flushes the toilet FIRST, and then of course after... Can't wait for this quaters water bill considering she will do half a droplet of wee 10 times in half an hour so that's a nice 20 flushes

About age 2, when kissing goodbye or goodnight, DS insisted you have to do TWO kisses. It's become the family law. As a family we always kiss twice now!

Sometimes I surprise other friends and family by kissing them twice, because I do it without thinking now!

ooh AmazingBouncingFerret my DS had back hair too! It's soft and fluffy and just continues down his neck and back to the top of his bum. He's going to be a hairy man when he grows up, you can actually see the swirl it grows into in the middle of his back!

DS will only go to bed once I have read brown bear three times.
I have to say 'I love you more than' and he says 'Sunshine' before I turn out the light or he screams.

DD made me pretend to be broccoli for about an hour the other day.

Oh and when I pick him up at lunchtime, He says to me 'To make my bunches grow, sing' and I have to sing back 'Milli Measure' much to the delight of his TA.

Then we can go home.

"I keep thinking he'll grow out of being fodded, but not yet, and he insists he'll still want me to do it when he's 30."

Fast-forward fifteen or so years...

"AIBU to think that MIL and DH are fucking WEIRD for doing this?"

Then comes a massive ranty thread about how OP's MIL insists on popping in to stroke her DH's nose before bed each night. Everyone will tell her to get to a refuge.

Buppers, that made me snort mince pie crumbs out of my nose

You're welcome.

Nene just a thinking out loud sort of observation type thing

DD3 likes to sit on my knee and twiddle my ear which bugs the fuck out of me

My DD insists we all lift our feet as we drive over railroad tracks. She is 14!

On mornings when DH is dropping DS to the childminders on his bike I have to do the 'funny running'. This is where I run along side the bike until DH picks up enought speed and I'm left behind waving. Every now and then DH deliberately cycles slowly and I make it all the way to the end of the road in my work suit and heels. Both DH and DS think this is hilarious...

When DD was little I once said 'Night Night Sleep Tight, See you in the Morning, I love you'. 6 years later I have to do it every bedtime for her and DS and wait for the little answering 'Love you' 'Luff vu' from their rooms before I can go downstairs and crack open the wine.

DS has to walk on one side of the road to take DD to school, on the way back we have to walk on the other side crossing immediately outside the school gates. The second we leave the gate he starts shouting 'Cross the road, cross the road' and dragging me towards the edge.

my dd has to hoover the landing before she goes to sleep

i have tried suggesting she might like to do the stairs while shes at it but no its just the landing

tethersend broccoli? Any other veg?!

Ghouly I still lift my feet when we go over rail lines....and I also lift my feet off the floor when I'm in a plane that's touching down. I have NO idea why I do the latter, but have done it since I was 4.

The feet up when driving over rail lines started when I was at school and all the girls seemed to do it whenever we were on a coach so I've done that since I was about 11.

My DDs insist that only Francois can wash their hair at bathtime. DH has to leave the room, call for Francois and then he comes back in with a French accent and discuss all things related to hair and holidays. They think it is hilarious and have done it for about 4 years now. Sophie from Australia steps in to help should Francois be away!

I had no idea the foot holding was so popular - I have four dcs and it is only the youngest who demands that I "holdee my foots mama". Personally I can't bear anyone touching my feet.

One very annoying thing my dcs do when we are in the car and only when I am driving is when we go round a corner (fast or slow) they all manically sway to the side as if I was going at top speed shouting "whooaaa" at the same time.
Drives me absolutely crackers

When we're walking in public and DS (3 yo gets a bit tired), he pretends (very loudly) to be a train 'chugga-chugga-chugga'. And then stops dead. He will not move until you have pretended to top him up with oil (so I pretend to be holding an oil can over his head saying drip drip drip) and water (so I pretend to pour water into hs mouth saying wooosh) and only then will he continue to walk on the pavement. Until he next decides that he is 'empty' and we start the whole process all over again ...

DD (22 months) would desperately love to do something like this. I avoid all her little traps. DH, on the other hand, is a sucker. She bit the flannel once or twice when he was washing her face and now they have to do it every time. She bites it, and he waggles it like it's a dog toy.

Honestly can't think of anything: except DH hasn't been able to sit and watch a single episode of Strictly. As soon as the theme music starts up DD pulls daddy out of his chair and they spend the entire episode dancing around the floor

DS1 who is still sleeping in our bed <sigh>, tries to put his cold feet in the just a bit down the top of my pj bottoms to snuggle against my obviously ample bum.

The only answer to Are we there yet? in the car, is to reply in the style of Mr Incredible "WE GET THERE, WHEN WE GET THERE"

DD aged 3 nearly 4 likes she feet rubbed/ back rubbed/ hair pulled, like actually pulled till it hurts she even says no mummy like this hard

When DS was younger I always had to say "May the force be with you" each morning when leaving him at school. I wasn't 'allowed' to say goodbye. The teachers often gave us strange looks. His parting words were always "You don't know the power of the dark side". It went on for 2 years.

Now I'm lucky if I get a grunt before dropping him off!

If we are out in the woods and DS picks up a stick he has to shout "Fetch!!!" when he throws it back. We don't have a dog, but it's apparently what you Have To Do when you throw a stick.

When my DS stays at my parents he insists they put a 'toast blanket' on their bed first thing in the morning, which in reality is a towel to stop crumbs getting in their bed! In our house there is no time for toast or breakfast in bed, so purely a grandparent one! Lol

When I get to the door of my DC's room to leave at bedtime, one of them shouts 'Joke!' Then they both tell me an awful joke. This happens every night. I've bought them joke books for Christmas so at least they have a decent repertoire.

3yo ds insists on me racing him to the loo when he needs a wee. Woe betide me if I win though... .

starfleet Love that, I might insist on it when I leave for work every morning.

Oh some of these are brilliant!

getdressed that is absolutely classic!

<snort> @ bupcakes vision of the future, but we have to get the new blood of MN from somewhere.

TobyLeWolef - I think that's lovely!

My dd (5) asks me to do a sort of 'round the garden' ritual (without words) on the soles of her feet (I think she got the idea from In The Night Garden when she was tiny). I don't know how she can bear it with wriggling because it must tickle.
It's not strange really but I love it and will be sad when she no longer wants or needs it

without wriggling

After bath-time in order for Dd to be transported from the bathroom into her bedroom she has to ride the Daddy horse, or whichever animal she decides DH has to pretend to be that evening.
Dh then has to crawl/bounce/slither/boinging,jumping across the landing with dd clinging onto him whilst he is making the appropriate animal sounds. This started when she was about 12months old, and is still going strong at 4.

When she is in bed and about to go to sleep I have to tell her how much I love her, she prefers it to be expressed in monetary terms, increasing in amounts as I leave the room, and finally shouted up from downstairs " I love you a million pounds!" she usually replies " and I love you forty pounds"

my dd (6)gets up with me each morning and waits at the top of the stairs so that she can hold my hand when we walk downstairs. I love it lol

Toddler has to be the one to switch the bathroom light off whenever she goes out of the bathroom.

She has to also run from my bedroom door to my bed to get dried. Refuses point blank to get dried and dressed anywhere else after her bath

Oh, and in the morning, she insists on drinking her breakfast milk out of one particular cup. Nothing else will do. Even though we have identical replacements, she knows the difference.

wow your kids are weird

And yet I find this thread strangely reassuring

DD does an interpretive dance of the food we will be eating,

Her sausage and mash dance was particularly interesting.

It was all boingy and squat, then she would leap into the air eyes closed and arms tight to her side to represent the sausage.

Gammon and red cabbage tomorrow.

when DS (3)gets out the bath he needs to lie on the bathmatt and be covered in the towell while saying "night night". When he is ready, he then clambers into my lap and I have to wrap him tightly in the towell and sing "Rockaby Baby" while rocking him, I am allowed to then dry one body part before doing it again. Adds a good 10mins onto the end of bathtime!

After this I put sudocream on his nappy area and he puts it on his knees then each of his toes, counting them to "chekc they're all there"

When DS was around 2, he insisted on being wrapped in a white towel and being called my polar bear.

All cute and normal up to that point.

His insistance that I use his head to open and close his bedroom door on the way to bed, not so much.

DDs insist on a long list of words that rhyme with "sweet dreams"

so we say, "goodnight, sweetdreams"
DDs "custard creams", "Baked beans", submarines, tambarines, ect

Dd likes it when I put my nose in her eye, I have no idea why.

ds3 (age 3) also lies down on the bathmat every night to 'be an egg', covered by a towel. I have to be amazed to find the giant egg and he then hatches out of it as a baby monster/dinosaur. after watching me crawling round the bathroom muttering and scrubbing on several occasions trying to work out what was whiffing, he finally confessed that he was also doing a tiny dribble of wee while he was under there. not so 'aaah'.

I love the Star Wars one. Have told DH we must start it at once. Wonder how long before it gets old

On occasions when I drive and DH is a passenger, DD likes it if I play the driving off a bit when daddy opens the door game. If we forget to do it, she shouts at daddy to get out of the car

When I collect her from nursery and we walk to the car she has to say "bye train" (the boiler room or whatever it is has two small chimneys which I guess is what she is referring to), she then has to count the letters that make up the brand of the industrial size wheelie bin and then she has to select a leaf to bring home. This MUST all be done no matter how desperately her pregnant mother needs a wee.

Similar to yours sununu (but without the wee).DD (4) has to be a parcel when she gets out of the bath. I have to discover the parcel covered in a towel, make a few guesses and act surprised when it turns out to be a DD

DD1 (3.6) runs around to dry off after a bath, no towel, just in the buff

She always wants me to pretend to eat various different fruit when tucking her in. She offers me all sorts and instructs me that I have to chew them for ages because they're very chewy ones - I have no idea on that one.

DH & I are howling at the interpretive dance. I have actual tears down my cheeks.

Please let us know what tomorrow's dance looks like!

DH and DD have all manner of strange routines they share during bedtime routines or on the school run. I leave them to it, lol!

All these bath related ones reminded me that DD likes to stand up in the bath when she has finished. She stands absolutely still whilst I wrap the towel around her head and then I half-lift/half-drag her out. Then I point her in the direction of her room and she has to make her way there, head swathed in the towel. She used to ask me to tell her directions but last week I got distracted by DS and directed her into a door. Luckily her head was well protected.

DS also has a sulky tent in the kitchen (airer covered with a blanket). When he doesnt get his own way (quite a lot), he says 'going to tent' and stomps off. He sits in there in the dark with his legs in front of him, arms crossed, lips pursed emitting the occasional humph. If you stand by the tent and say 'where is DS' he will shout 'I in tent. I sad and cross. Go way.' No one else is allowed in the tent and its sole designated purpose is for DS to sulk dramatically. I would like a sulky tent.

Forgot to mention we absolutely have to ask where DS is. If we forget he will start shouting 'Mummy, where is DS. Where is DS. I sad.'

When we are in the car, my DCs 15 and 12, make me shout at people in a boad irish accent! along the lines of "FECKIN BEJEESUS! Did ye get yer FECKIN drivin license in a FECKIN LUCKY BAG??" They find it hugely amusing, even though I have to do it EVERY time we go anywhere!!

My DH used to wrap DD and DS in ludicrously tight towel-cocoons every night. He would then lie them down on the floor and command them to escape their cocoons. Cue much huffing and wriggling as they tried to free themselves from these improvised strait-jackets.

Not sure who it was who insisted on this happening, but it went on for years.

Oh how strange! My DD (4) also insists on being wrapped in a towel on the floor after her bath. DH has to 'sit' on her because she is a chair.

at all of these.

DD1 (3) often insists that I pretend to be my sister. So we will spend entire mornings with her addressing me as my sister, asking where my boyfriend is (ie my sister's boyfriend) and what he's doing, saying she likes it at my house (ie our actual house, which she is pretending is my sister's house) and so on. It gets quite wearing!

She recently pretended I was Granny in the playground, calling me "Granny" loudly, and I got a bit worried that the other parents thought I actually was her Granny (I think if people thought I was a couple of years older and if both I and DD's (imaginary) mother were young teenage mothers, I could just about be her granny).

She also likes me to pretend I am the pre-school teacher like a poster earlier on the thread. I have to read out her homelink book to a pile of cuddly toys or sometimes her baby sister the rest of the class.

She pretends to be a stone every evening when she gets out of the bath. This involves crouching down and covering herself in her towel. This kind of behaviour seems common among pre-schoolers on this thread!

She is a railway signal each time we brush her teeth. When her arm the signal is raised, we have to stop brushing. When it is lowered, we can start again.

I'm sure there are loads of other things!

When I drop DD off at pre-school, she has to squeak like a mouse and I have roar (quietly, so as not to disturb the other children) like a lion.

This thread is fab! My DS is now 8, but still insists on the Calpol sachet routine when he is ill: (intoned solemnly whilst waving sachet in air to mix contents and squidge them down to bottom) " Naughty, naughty, naughty, naughty, Naughty Mr Calpol. You should be on the spoon, not flying to the moon"... there are many other rhyming variables, and suitable gestures to match. Have no clue how or why this started...

Not with me but my DS1 is obsessed with Transformers and told his one to one TA that she has to be Bumblebee and he is Optimus Prime.

Hearing him cheerily shout, 'Good morning, Bumblebee!' as he walks into the playground every morning always makes me smile.

She's taken on the role very well though, even researching who Bumblebee was so she could play him at her best. He adores her

The car ones are very funny - reminded me that when we drive down hills, my two like to throw their hands above their heads and shout "woo hoooo!" and pretend to be in a rollercoaster.

I am absolutely loving the sulky tent

DD has only just grown out of lying on the floor after her bath, covered with a tower, and pretending to be a pile of rubbish.

I had to pick up the 'pile of rubbish' and dump it in the bin (her bed).

Where do I start? When walking into town, we have to go by the big church beside the library because it has the best BONG in town. We have to go by near the hour so we can listen to the chimes leading up to the enormous BONGS. Since this happens at 10am, so we can be home for lunch, DS now believes that clock only chimes 10. Ever. And I quite often have to pretend to be the clock when he is obsessing about it at home.

He has to put his wellies away on the bottom step, near the shoe rack. I am not allowed to do it, and if I do, he comes and rearranges them in some other order until he's happy.

If I really want him to eat dinner and he is not feeling great or dawdling for some reason, I have to tell him the story of the three bears, complete with voices and hand motions. Then he'll eat anything and his eyes do not leave my face.

Wow - some of you are so indulgent patient!!

Sleeping on the bus - I hope this isn't cos she's gone to uni

I do love the Sulky Tent though!!

He's discovered his cave good & early hasn't he!

SingingSands - mine do the rollercoaster thing as well!!! We also used to have to yodel when we went thro' tunnels or into multi-story carparks, latest about 4 years that one!

Loving Starfleet's - suspect this will start a nationwide trend (well worldwide in my case!)
DD (2) likes to be 'little cat' and I have to be 'mummy cat' and lie down and wrap round her to like a cat and it's kitten pretending to sleep. This has evolved into DS (5) then being a 'puppy' and bounding up woofing and waking up the cats. hmmm maybe we're just weird

Oh, lordy, an interpretative sausage and mash dance. That is utter, utter genius.

I'm so glad to know it's not just our household! DD won't let me put her socks on unless I have enquired politely of each foot whether it is cold, and they have assured me that they are indeed cold. And after I have put the first sock on, the second foot starts squeaking about how cold it still is, help, so I have to hurry up and besock it.

Thankfully the phase seems to have passed, but for a long time every time we got on a bus, for the benefit of DC1 I had to put up my hood, pull the drawstring closed so that only my nose protruded, then hum the Pink Panther song.

When we lived in Switzerland, DD and DH started giving tunnels marks out of 10. I was happy to join in. She did flummox the Father of a friend when he was driving them somewhere. She asked him how many the tunnel was worth and got very when she had to explain.

DS insists I feed him and provide snacks every 2-3 hours - you can set a watch by him.

My DD (3) has a pre-shower ritual. When all of her clothes have been taken off she has to run into every room upstairs and do a little bum wiggling dance, finishing up in my room where she can see the bum wiggle dance in the full length mirror.

This is purely a pre-shower ritual, she will not do this dance if she is having a bath.

Every morning, DS (3) gets in bed with us, snuggles up to me and puts his little hand on the top of my boob and rests it there. Must be a comfort thing because he does it during the day sometimes when he's tired or upset.

Wonder when he'll grow out of that! Could be a bit like 'bitty'.

I have laughed so hard at some of these I have cried.

As I cranked the DS-in-the-box handle this morning, it just didn't seem so mad any more

Surprising how many little rituals there are when they get out of the bath!

My DS has 2 teddies. He's had them since he was born. He decided when he was 2 that they were called Kevin
Both of them
Green Kev and Blue Kev.

I used to have to 'tell them off' every night and tell them to 'look after my boy or there will be trouble'. Sometimes I had to pretend they were interrupting me as I was lecturing them.

This went on until DS was around 7. I suppose I'm lucky to just get away with the fodding now.

valley! I used to get my mum to do that. And nose in ear. And we'd invent all sorts of different kisses. My favourite was the chicken kiss where you had to peck each other on the lips at high speed

My 4yo DTs often pretend just to be friends and quite often one DD will bound out of school asking if their 'friend' (i.e. other DT) can come over for a sleepover. I am obviously very encouraging of these playdates and so one DT leads the other home, commenting along the way "this is our neighbour, this is our driveway, etc". When they get home, the invited DT gets introduced to all of (her) toys, shown where she will sleep (her bed)....and so on. It's a brilliant game which I love as it totally negates the need for any additional playdates!

I know this is mainly about our DCs, but there's something my mum got my brothers and I doing when we were little that we still do today.

Every time we were going to on a car journey that involved anything remotely resembling a motorway, we would apparently start bugging her about how long the journey was going to take, how we needed a sweet, how so and so was picking on me and so on and so forth.

To try and get us to stop arguing and whining when we were going out, mum got us trying to get the names from the front of Eddie Stobart lorries. At first we didn't believe that lorries had names so were quite surprised to find that they DID have them.

Since then, no matter how long the journey, or who we happen to be with at the time, we start looking for Eddie Stobart lorries in the hopes that we can start a list for that trip and we're always dead quiet until we get where we're going (I double checked that with my brothers a while ago in case I was the nutty one )

I'm 30 now and I still get annoyed if I miss a name when an Eddie Stobart lorry passes by and I miss it, or ridiculously excited if I catch it and automatically turn to show off that I got the name first. DH thinks it's slightly bonkers about how intense we become when we see those lorries.



P.S. Our record is 22 names in one trip

DD recently discovered the shock of cold water poured over bath warm skin and she loved it! I had to tell her if she got cold water from the tap then i assumed the bath was finished.

No bath is now allowed to finish until she has grabbed a jug full of cold water and it has been dribbled over her head and body.

Why??????????????

When you get DD dressed you have to kiss her feet and then her knees - right side first always)

When getting into bed, you have to do up the gro-bag, and then pass her first woo-woo and then spot (stuffed dogs)

And her bed toys have to give her kisses in the right order, Rabbit, then Owl, and then Teddy, and Teddy has to attck me with lots of kisses.

Maybe OCD is genetic... Poor child

I have to check which animal 4YO DD is before asking her to do anything.

If she is a dog, she only answers to the name 'zellabellella', cat, squirrel, otter and meerkat name is 'sophie', snake, monkey or horse is 'sidney'. If I get it wrong, she doesn't answer. Occasionally (but not always) she will make the noise of the animal in question to give me a bit of a clue.

DS (2.10) tells us that we're going on "holiday" normally to a different room in the house but insists that I must wear shoes. Can't be slippers, socks or anything, always have to put shoes on.

bambino, we have that one. going to the park located in a corner of the kitchen. we have to have wellies if we want to jump in the muddy puddles while we're there.

i beleive all these little rituals are invented to torment us for past crimes of rationality

DS (3.11) has lots of little things he likes to do.
Whenever he had his bath, and before his night nappy went on, he would run out of the bathroom shrieking "naked baby!" and get Daddy to chase him round the house, trying to catch him before he dives back into the bathroom to be dressed for the night time. If Daddy isn't around, I do it - but it's not quite as good.

He loves being stroked; either his face or his feet and insists on having one or other in my lap when he goes to sleep. He also has a thing for stroking the mole I have on each arm - it's a real comfort thing for him. We still co-sleep much of the time and for ages he would go to sleep stroking my arm. I had to stop it though because he started scritching at it with his nails, and that was really sore. Now when he wakes up in the night, he has to have my hand to cuddle to go back to sleep. (yes yes, I know, rod for my own back, blah blah)

toby that's brilliant! make sure you tape it for his stag do

green kev and blue kev! toby your son is a legend!!!

dd (6) still has a lot - and quite a few the same as pps.

After a bath, she lies on one specified towel and wraps in another specified towel. Then the bathgiver has to guess what she is in the parcel.

When I come in to do the bedtime stories, she hides and I have to be surprised. There really just aren't that many options for this .

Until recently, we had years of having to guess what she was every morning, e.g. mouse, squirrel, kitten, bunny, hedgehog....

And we must always go down the stairs together, as if racing - but she must always win.

Since before she was 2 DD2 has insisted that I count as I go down the stairs after I've put her to bed...I also have to read her the same (mercifully) very short poem about a fairy, and have done this every night for over 5 years...

When taking DC's out of the bath, I have to wrap them up in a towel so that we can't see their faces and carry them 'baby style' to my bed (they are 4 & 6). I then have to ask DH if he fancies a jacket potato for dinner, to which he replies "ooh yes please". We then have to unwrap the potatoes and be AMAZED to find they are actually children. We then sing 'one potato, two potato' at the end of which...

... Dr Tickle arrives. Dr Tickle is a very strict lady from the far away land of Tickliska. She speaks in a heavy Eastern European accent. She tells stories about the customs and ways of Tickliska and if you tickle the palm of her hand, she will tickle your feet. If you manage to touch her palm again, she transforms (whilst eyes roll) back into Mummy who, to this day, has NO IDEA how this happens or who Dr Tickle is.

After Every. Single. Bath.

Since tiny DD1 has crawled into bed between us at the weekends, so she can be the filling in the Mummy&Daddy Sandwich...and we have to then guess the filling...she's nearly 9 and still does it. I'll be gutted when she stops

DD still enjoys me sitting on her when she is in bed. She stays under the covers and I have to pretend I dont' know what the lumps are in the bed so I must flatten them out with my 'huge squashy bum'.
She still does the nudey dudey dance before getting in the bath/shower. She only does that at night though. She told me this morning just before her shower that 'nudey dudey is a night time thing'. She is so pitying when she tells me stuff like that.

My 18 mth old always greets me with a cheery 'Hiya Daddy' when he sees me.

I am not his Daddy btw

(daddy doesnt look anything like me)

This is a very funny thread

My DS insists on a quick BF and has obviously taken on board my screams of, "no twiddling the other one, DS, noooooo twiddling" because he crept into bed with me this morning and totally disarmed me with, "Mummy I love you and I love the twiddling"

I was mostly feeling unamused and rod for your own back and how will you ever leave your child with a babysitter?...

but the sulky tent is the best idea ever!

damndedoubtance your DD sounds FAB! she's no doubt going to be on the stage!!

I love this thread - reassures me that even in this digital age, the imagination and creativity of our little ones is as good as ever xx

Not my baby but me! Whenever it was my birthday, say, my 6th, my mother would tuck me into bed saying 'night night little five year old', implication being I would be grown up and six the next day. I am now 34 and my mother died years ago but my Dad still says it for me on the eve of my birthday - 'Night night little 33 year old'!!

These are lovely and ShireHorses, that is very sweet

my dd2 loves to hold my hair in her hand before she goes to sleep

My three year old insists on being called Gloria even though that's not her name. We don't even know anyone called Gloria. She has named her little sister Popkin and then now the smaller one follows the older ones cue and they BOTH get upset if I call them anything else at home. It's OK to use their names outside the house though for some reason.

She refused to come out of the wardrobe for half an hour last week because Granny had the affront to call her by her actual name.

My ds liked to be wrapped up in his towel after a bath and rocked while I sang "rock-a-bye baby". This went on until he was 8ish and then he grew out of it. I was really dissapointed.

We always said "night, night, see you in the morning, don't let the bedbugs bite, I love you" to dd every night. I still text it to her if she's away for the night - she's 17!

These are as lovely as they are funny!

Laughing out loud at Dr Tickle SlightlyJaded

DS has little rituals at his GPs as well. The favourite there is to hide under a blanket and be a cushion. His GM or GD have to then go to sit on him and act surprised when they find that its not really a cushion, its a boy!

I was reading these thinking DD doesn't have any funny rituals... and then I remembered Squeaky Bean...

When DD was tiny, I gave her a bath, wrapped a huge towel around her like a cocoon and took her out of the drained bath. As I lifted her up, she saw her reflection in the bathroom mirror and let out a squeak of delight. I said 'Ooh, squeaky bean!'

She is now nearly 7 and I still have to lift her up (nearly kills me!) out of the bath, both of us look in the mirror, she goes 'eeee!' and I say 'Squeaky Bean!' - every bloody bath! DH also goes along with the madness too, but at least he can lift her up...

shirehorses my mum does this to me and my brother and has done every year for as long as I can remember!!

I have to do a Poo Dance.

DD used to (aged about 3) hold in poo until it made her constipated. Ongoing battle, now sorted.

To help the 'stuck' poo, she would sit on the loo and I would have to do a dance. To the music from the Guinness advert: the dancing is similar too. The bathroom door must be open and I have to dance across the doorway (singing the der-nurnur, de-nurnurdenurnur song). Sometimes I go backwards. Sometimes I wiggle my bum. It all helps the stuck poo.

She still asks me to do it, I am less keen but sometimes will, in the interest of bowel health. To be fair, she offers to do it for me but I don't find I require the same level of help.

These are great

My DS (age2.6) makes me giggle every night with his little go to sleep ritual. After the bath we snuggle in my bed for a story or ten. Then we have to go under the duvet with him saying 'hide hide!' and shout for someone to find us. Once DH or DD has obliged we can brush teeth then into bed.

Then its sing Ally Bally mum, then Bob the Builder (he HAS to announce the song) then as soon as the last word is sung he says GO AWAY. No night night or love you from him just go away . Makes me chuckle every night as I leave.

Oh God, poo dancing! I'd forgotten all about that until I read your post, Sue!

DD had similar loo issues and would take forever to get on with it, usually when we were eating out somewhere. I stupidly devised a rhyme and a wiggly dance and was then stuck with saying it every bloody time for nearly a year!

'Come on poo poo, out you come
Don't get stuck in DD's bum
In the loo and down the drain
It will not be seen again
Come on poo poo, quick quick quick
Don't make DD's tummy sick
Out you go and go away
Don't come back another day'

I should go for laureate status, shouldn't I?

There's another one in our house which I was unaware of until tonight. DS gets his pajamas on with DP because 3 of us in there is too many in a small bedroom. Then I come in and brush DS's teeth and we have a story, etc. Apparently, before he gets his pajamas on, DS has to take each teddy and doll out of his cot and places them on Dada's rocking chair, so their little hands and paws are touching, as if they're holding hands. He is fascinated by this Twinkle Twinkle Little Star video on YouTube where the star and a little own hold hands and fly through the clouds, and now is asking about and reenacting hand-holding all the time. He had his Jemima Dolly and Purple Dolly (both made by me) hold hands last night because they are "best friends", he said. Aww.

These are all so funny- and make me feel normal!

We went through a phase where after the bath, ds would hide and I would have to pretend I thought the ironing board was him, and dress it in his pyjamas, remarking on how skinny he had become while the dds giggled uncontrollably

I wasn't allowed to kiss ds for a while unless I became a maiasuarus (good mummy dinosaur) and made little crooning dinosaur noises, to which he responded with baby dinosaur noises.

The dds have a ritual with my dad about their nighttime cuddles. There is the squeezy cuddle, then the lifty-up cuddle, then the tucky-in cuddle. Even at 6 and 8 there are tantrums if one gets missed or in the wrong order.

And I am forced to "tell us the story about the time..." where I have to tell the same old stories ad nauseam, and am flamed for missing the slightest detail out.

I frequently have to turn my children into sandwiches using cushions as bread and them as the fillings

My fiance plays his six year old daughter like an electric guitar -puts her on his knee, holds her arms up and 'strums' her ribs./

Mine (inevitably) involves rescuing animals.. from the hedgehog being used as a football by local brats to the duck.

Oh, the duck.

DD2, then 11 years old, was frantically whacking the front door. "It's open!" I shout, knowing that she was due home from school. More whacking.

So I go to the door... and there she stands with a duck under her arm... but not any duck, oh no, we don't do these things by halves chez DogsBestFriend, but a ruddy great Muscovy. I mean, have you seen how BIG those things are?!

In she and the duck waddle where Beyonce, as she was later called by our vets, took up residence. The poor (I can't say little) mite had a broken wing. DD had found her wandering around the High Street, looking confused (as was I when she came through my front door under DDs arm).

She was perfectly friendly and made herself comfortable in a dog basket. My 45 kilo German Shepherd came in, took one look and fled! My other two dogs watched with that, "Oh bloody hell, she's found another waif and stray" look which they reserve especially for the purpose.

Having ace vets Beyonce was given treatment and handed to the care of rescue.

There's no getting out of it... if it's lost, if it's injured, if it's at risk of harm, it comes here. DD insists.

My 2.8 yo DS makes me repeat EVERYTHING he says to me word for word.

If I try not saying anything, saying "really?" or similar normal conversation type thing or even repeating a bit of what he has said (in an effort to mix it up a bit) he will continue to say it over and over and over until I give in.

So if he says "Thomas crashing into trees. Oh no!", for example, I have to repeat those words, in that order. He says "Thomas crashing into trees. Oh no!" quite a bit.. grrrrr. Most boring train in the world....

The only exception is if I address him or ask him a question. But any time he talks first I have to repeat what he's said.

I'm on maternity leave at the mo, but was working 5 days a week before having DS2. 3 days a week he would be in creche. At one stage in creche he wasn't eating a lot as he was ill so I got them to give me a bottle of milk for him on the way home (he loves bottles). From that day on, he would INSIST on getting a bottle when he left creche, regardless of what time of the day i picked him up, and he would never get a bottle at that time on the other 4 days in the week. When I went to collect him he would shout "mummy!!!" and would make a beeline for me, but not to hug me. He wanted the bottle that was normally in his bag, which I would pick up in the hall before going in. If his bottle wasn't ready, he would go into the hall and shout at the girls to hurry up with it.

When he hears the timmy time theme tune he INSISTS we all dance. Shouts at us if he doesn't think we are giving it enough.

Other than that, he has LOADS of eccentricities, but more his own routine than making us join in. Like how he NEVER wants to sleep in our bed. He'll sleep in any bed, as long as he's on his own. I think the only time I have held him while he was asleep in the past 2 years (at least), was when he was sick in hospital with a v bad tummy bug.

DS1 (17m) loves reading, especially my magazines. Yesterday he brought me my new mag and insists we read it together. He turns the pages and points and I have to read it <sigh> He now knows all about 'wow factor table settings' and 'notes from the beauty desk'

I have also been known to read the tv guide!

...with 2 primary age DD's, DH and I are required to:

...to run at them, shouting as loudly and threateningly as possible..."HERE I COME TO WIPE YOUR BUM!!!!" upon the occasion of being summoned to check a challengingly-dirty-bumwiping event (or perhaps they literally can't be arsed!?!).

...to join in every dance when Strictly's on....and have been required to do so since the show began just after DD1 turned 2. Thankfully DDs' dress code rules have been relaxed since oldest turned 7. Will miss this so much!!

When someone says "I love you" and the response is "I love you too" the other person has to say "I love you three"

the reply is: "I love you four" then the numbers get bigger e.g. "I love you five" "I love you twenty" "I love you three thousand and sixty six"
etc etc (depends how old the child is) and the brinkmanship continues until somebody (usually DC) says "I love you a googolplex" (biggest number in the world with a name) and they win.

DS loves it - but then he also loves anything to do with numbers (and he makes up some very interesting big ones!

DS1 needs three verses of 'My Bonnie Lies Over the Ocean' and a kiss on the top of the head every night, or he looks very folorn.

He is 10, so that's 3,650+ renditions and counting...

DD1 has 'You are my Sunshine' which was chosen for its brevity as much as its sweetness

<splutters tea all over the keyboard at lovecat's Poo song>

DS aged 2 insists that when we he's going upstairs to bed we make him a 'tunnel' to climb through (between our legs and arms) and that when he gets to the arms we pretend to squash him and cuddle him. Then when he reaches the top of the stairs he has to go through the stairgate first and close it so we can't get through. He then says "Oh no!" and then opens it for us one at a time! If we go through the gate before him or forget to make him a tunnel there is trouble!

I didn't think we had any but I've remembered!

DS has to have every toe kissed before his pyjamas go on and then he has to turn all the upstairs lights off before we go down for his milk.

On the way up to bed I say goodnight to inanimate objects and he replies "Goodnight Daddy" and giggles after each one.

Oh! And DP always brings his milk in for him while DS is on my lap. DS shouts "Thank you Daddy" at least ten times until DP has adequately assured him he is very welcome!

When ds1 and dd were younger we had to do the pants dance whenever I put their washing away.
This involved all 3 of us putting a pair of pants (clean!!!) on our heads and dancing like maniacs around the room.
And before dd would go to sleep I had to kiss her chin, nose, both cheeks and finally her forehead before saying "I love you millions of dinosaurs piled up to the sky baby. Sleep tight.". She's 12 now and she still likes me to surprise her by telling this at bedtime.
Ds2 (22 months) has many rituals. Every night when he comes out the shower he runs into the living room wrapped up in his dressing gown shouting "mell me". Whereupon we all have to smell him and tell him he smells gorgeous and that includes his almost 18 year old brother.
Then he likes to dance around the living room naked before getting into his pjs.
At bedtime dh and ds2 march around the living room looking for Bob (ds's teddy). Ds shouts "no here" in every corner of the room but finally they find Bob in his cot. Then ds dives into cot on top of Bob and he's ready to sleep.
Kisses from me must be - dummy kiss, rubba noses then forehead kissy. No other way is acceptable.
Oh and ds2 loves having his feet rubbed. I'm sooooo glad that's one thing ds1 grew out of his teen feet reek