Urgen help..I have trapped a live rat under a bucket, what shall I do now??

(129 Posts)
Blu Thu 03-Jul-08 08:53:26

I have called the council...nrecorded message. DP is yelling impractical instructions at me (ME^!) as to how I should kill it, and it's right outside the rabbits door so I can't get in to feedthem. It's under an upturnd bucket which is weighted down by rocks.

What shall do??

BibiThree Thu 03-Jul-08 08:54:32

Um, no idea, but am shudding in sympathy with you

BibiThree Thu 03-Jul-08 08:54:47

shuddering

belgo Thu 03-Jul-08 08:55:23

Leave it until the council contact you? Or maybe phone RSPCA?

BroccoliSpears Thu 03-Jul-08 08:55:34

Can you slide a tray under the bucket and release it in a field?

<boooorn freeeeeeee etc>

LittleMyDancing Thu 03-Jul-08 08:56:13

Call Rentokil? Or wait until the council pest control office is open - the rat can't get out, by the sounds of things? Will the bunnies be ok without their breakfast for a bit?

How on earth did you manage to catch a rat?

tissy Thu 03-Jul-08 08:56:45

slide a tray or sheet of plastic or something flat underneath so you can move the rat and feed the bunnies.

Seal bucket so it suffocates?

Err...take bucket to far away field and let it go?

Err....

BibiThree Thu 03-Jul-08 09:01:04

Slip some of my leek and goat's cheese tart under there for it, that should kill it...

Blu Thu 03-Jul-08 09:01:12

Yes, I think I will have to wait til the council pest department are open.

I do not fancy the idea of driving it several miles to the nearest field..and I think it is ill anyay as I was too quick for it.

DP saw it out of the widow and I went out to investigate, grabbed the bucket and got it over it.

ugh. It's out there...under the bucket...9 am!

WelliesAndPyjamas Thu 03-Jul-08 09:02:40

respect to you BluTheRatCatcher

micci25 Thu 03-Jul-08 09:04:09

the most humane way to kill it is with poison but if you can bear it and you know anyone who has a terrier type dog go and borrow it release the rat and job done. its nature!

personally id just move the bucket and let it go but rats dont really bother me that much and i can understand why you want it killing!

2sugars Thu 03-Jul-08 09:04:38

OH MY GOD. My worst rat scenario. I hate rats with a passion. I can't believe you were brave enough to chuck a bucket over it. I would have screamed and run.

Put wellies on, remove bucket, and scarper? Possibly on a skateboard or with skates on??

Blu Thu 03-Jul-08 09:07:43

LOL at goat cheese tart.

Now wiating f councilto answer...I will attempt tray-under-bucket technique to feed rabbits in due course!

Blu Thu 03-Jul-08 09:10:27

micci - I have some sympathy with rats, but I really don't think it is well...and a rat proble in buil=up S London very quickly becomes rats in the house and nesting and dying under the floorboads with ensuing fly problems..I speak from bitter experience in my old house.

micci25 Thu 03-Jul-08 09:15:19

oh dear i have a terrier dog and she used to catch them all the time when we lived near a park! thats why i moved now dp has gone and bought a house right near the park!! so am going to be waking up to half eaten rats again! [sick emoticon] bleurgh!!

add that to the mice and birds my cats bring home!! ill have a parade of dead animals to wake up to! i hate it! my animals are muderders shock

pointydog Thu 03-Jul-08 09:15:53

leave it and wait for council. That's what I'd do. And don;t look at the bucket. Or maybe watch it closely in case rat escapes.Poor you.

Blu Thu 03-Jul-08 09:32:06

Council are coming tmorrow...but will call back shortly and see if they can send someone immediately!

If it's ill / dying it's probably best off protected by the bucket anyway, and in the dark - otherwise the neighbourhood cats will torment it. I could possibly steel myself to drop a paving slab on it and put it out of it's misery, but don't want to risk it springing back to life a la Carrie and escaping or running over my foot....

Goat cheese tart may yet be the best solution!

Blu Thu 03-Jul-08 10:07:52

Public health are coming to 'collect it' today. I have edged the bucket along and fed and watered rabbits - I could feel the rat scrabbling inside the bucket and at one point saw it's foot poking out. Feel sorry for it now sad

Lambeth are good at some things!

Anyway, crisis over - thank you!

Jux Thu 03-Jul-08 10:16:22

Council Council Council - let them earn the tax we pay them.

BibiThree Thu 03-Jul-08 13:55:05

Is it gone blu? Can I relax now too?

unclefluffy Thu 03-Jul-08 14:27:22

Ooh! Only just saw this. Don't start feeling sorry for it, whatever you do! I'm afraid I can only really tell you what NOT to do. My mum once caught one under a box. She managed to slide some wood underneath and transfer it into a large wooden tea chest, using the wood as a sort of lid. Dad gave it poison. The rat just sat there and looked at him. So he got annoyed with it and started chucking half bricks at it. It ducked. Repeatedly. Eventually there were enough half-bricks in the bottom of the tea chest for it to use them as a stepping point to get up to the rim of the box. At that point, Dad slid the wooden 'lid' back across, breaking the rat's neck. Rat still wasn't quite finished. Dad decided to burn it in a bonfire for hygiene's sake. There must have been an old glass bottle somewhere in the fire, though, because when the fire burned itself out he found a perfectly preserved rat at the bottom of the fire encased in a glass. Moral: rats are hard as nails and should be dealt with accordingly. Weight the bucket down with something.

littlelapin Thu 03-Jul-08 14:29:14

PMSL at unclefluffy's rat in a bottle! grin

serenity Thu 03-Jul-08 14:45:11

Crap, I wished I'd seen this earlier - could have bought you down some poison. MIL has a train track at the bottom of the garden, so has constant problems with rats and mice (luckily only mice in the house) so she buys huge buckets of the nasty stuff. Hope they've come and picked it up for you smile

Twiglett Thu 03-Jul-08 14:46:20

there's a rat in me bucket, what am a gonna do?

ajandjjmum Thu 03-Jul-08 14:48:11

I was in Spain once when one appeared on the patio. Ds was bum shuffling towards it, so I had to act. I got a golf club and hit a shot better than Nick Faldo - it disappeared down the steps. To make sure, I then poured a kettle of boiling water over it. All at 6 months pregnant!

DH was well impressed - although he said it was like one of those puzzles - you arrive home to find a dead rat at the bottom of the steps in a pool of water - how did it get there? grin

unclefluffy Thu 03-Jul-08 14:51:34

If my dad had been a golfer it sounds as though he might have had an easier time of it! grin

ajandjjmum Thu 03-Jul-08 15:01:21

I'm not a golfer - I suddenly became one though! Funnily enough, dh was out playing golf with Mum and Dad - they reckoned mine was the best shot of the day. grin

littlemisssplendid Thu 03-Jul-08 15:21:39

I had a similar situation with a mouse. I slid a trivial pursuit board underneath and then disposed of it the garden. The neighbours thought I was mad!!

JoshandJamie Thu 03-Jul-08 15:34:38

This thread is making me cry laughing. So glad it's not just me who uses mumsnet for wildlife in garden type disasters.

But am gobsmacked you can call the council for this. Really? They actually have a 'rat department?' Do they have a 'bird flew in the house' department or a 'a hawk is killing a bird in my garden' department?

fifibb Thu 03-Jul-08 15:56:57

when i was a kid my dad (a farmer) used to take me, my brother, neighbouring farm workers and their dogs rat-catching. this involved lifting up the bottom bales of hay in the big hay barn where the (not so little) buggers had been nesting all year. we all had to stand in a big circle and kick them back as they tried to escape so the dogs could get them. i was useless and let them run over my feet and out the door
anyway, on one occasion my dad's well-hard farming assistant picked up a bale and found herself eyeballing mummy rat with all her babies. mummy rat got cross, jumped up and bit her on the neck.... and held on!! well-hard farm hand squeezed rat hard and killed it. problem was, rat still didn't let go so she had to go to hospital to get it removed.
25 years later, if i ever see a rat - even on telly - i nearly pass out, so hats off to you blu for your bravado - and your bucket-wealding skills.

starkadder Thu 03-Jul-08 16:16:03

that's mother love for you. even if she was a rat...

CrushWithEyeliner Thu 03-Jul-08 16:20:58

wow you must be quicker than a quick thing they are so hard to catch. the council won't come out for a domestic rat you have to call rentokill. and it must be killed, they carry really awful diseases and would have been attracted by your rabbit....

Boco Thu 03-Jul-08 16:25:40

OH my god. Unclefluffy's post is the worst thing I've ever read - a grueling account of rat torture to rival any irvine welsh.

<puke>

unclefluffy Thu 03-Jul-08 16:29:27

Oh come one! Surely fifi's 'vampire rat' is worse!? grin

cocolepew United States Thu 03-Jul-08 16:29:57

I would pack up and move house. Seriously.

My friend had rats in her loft, she put on a pair of Marigolds, got a bucket of water, caught them with her hands and drowned them.

Boco Thu 03-Jul-08 16:33:14

<sob>

Why am I reading? Why?

<pokes self in eyes>

CrushWithEyeliner Thu 03-Jul-08 16:35:12

OMG cc that is hardcore - respect! 2 burly guys from rentokill couldn't get one with traps and poison in my kitchen once. That was utter hell.

Bundle Thu 03-Jul-08 16:37:04

<<impressed emoticon>>

this is what I did in a similar situation....weighted bin lid down while I went out...yes, it was in the kitchen bin (can hardly bear to type that) went to Wilco's and bought the most toxic volatile stuff I could, some kind of cleaning fluid, soaked a rag with it, slipped rag in bin, weighted lid down again, left it for several hours till I figured rat would be humanely dispatched. Then I took the bin out to the garden so I could dispose of the rat. I tipped the bin out, rat fell out...groggy but not dead!! So I had to grab a spade and kill it, felt like I was using my bare hands, and I was in total shock and swearing and screaming at the top of my voice, while the nice girls from the school nearby walked past to their hockey lesson. Was a complete wreck, but had about half an hour before I had to go to school to teach Y6 science. Luckily my very kind neighbour was available for me to debrief.
I totally aggree, rats are hard bastards.

TurkeyLurkey Thu 03-Jul-08 16:42:02

One of my friends cleared her bedroom out recently as they were decorating. When they moved their bed they found a dead rat underneath it!

She reckons it was a big old man rat and had died of old age.

She says she used to hear scrabbling at night and but thought it was the kids messing about.!!

Unclefluffy - Respect to your Dad, sounds like an episode of Die Hard or something grin

bearmama Thu 03-Jul-08 16:44:00

Am i missing something here? Is it outside?
Why dont you just let it go?
I have pet rats so not loving the whole hysterical poison thing hmm

cocolepew United States Thu 03-Jul-08 16:45:18

My Gran was sitting in her house when a rat wandered into view, she picked up her coal shovel, smacked on it the head and picked it up and threw it in the fire. The whole time carrying on with her conversation as if nothing had happened.

Rats may be hard, but my Gran was harder grin

TurkeyLurkey Thu 03-Jul-08 16:46:31

Now thats hard Cocolepew.

mazzystar Thu 03-Jul-08 16:48:03

respect to your granny coco

JoshandJamie Thu 03-Jul-08 16:49:38

LOL at Cocolepew's gran.

<bows down to all who are able to kill things>

I am a wuss of the highest order. If I had a rat in my garden, it would be carrying the pet rabbits away before I tackled it. Then again I wouldn't have pet rabbits either so either way, not a problem.

Boco Thu 03-Jul-08 16:52:48

I can't even kill an ant.

<glares in a Buddhist type way>

unclefluffy Thu 03-Jul-08 16:57:28

<tries to imagine Buddhist death stare>
<fails>
<wonders if they have any effect on rats>

Slubberdegullion Thu 03-Jul-08 16:58:14

I have never killed a rat sad

I've killed loads of other things though:

squirrel (2) [gas & directing traffic over]
fish [teaspoon]
mice [various methods]
kangaroo [car]
rabbit [car]
duck [car]

I remember my dad trying to dispatch a fatally injured swan by the side of the road once, and winding away at its neck and its body just unravelling away underneath. he was so ashamed, being a vet and all.

Slubberdegullion Thu 03-Jul-08 17:07:28

I would like to point out that I do not enjoy killing animals. All the previous cases were either horribly injured and I help put them out of their misery, or they jumped/flew in front of my car.

However rats are foul and horrid and if I had to hit one with a spade I would.

cocolepew United States Thu 03-Jul-08 17:08:36

You killed a fish with a teaspoon?!

Slubberdegullion Thu 03-Jul-08 17:12:30

yes, a goldfish. It was very unwell. So I bludgeoned it with a teaspoon before the flush (my dad always told me to humanely stun before the kill).

It was a very small goldfish, hence only a teaspoon required.

thebecster Thu 03-Jul-08 17:14:06

Oh brilliant... This has made me laugh so much, and made me feel much better about the rodent-genocide (mice, thankfully rather than rats, but I've killed a lot) I've been perpetrating over the past few weeks. Cocolepew, your Gran sounds amazing, like Jason Bourne in support stockings grin

Califrau Thu 03-Jul-08 17:16:45

you killed a kangaroo? shock
please change your name to Slubberdekangaroomurderer forthwith shock

cocolepew United States Thu 03-Jul-08 17:18:30

OMG that goldfish story is a classic

Boco Thu 03-Jul-08 17:22:37

Slubber! Are you some kind of serial killer of animals / fish? This fits in perfectly with Simon Bates reading your mind. <mutter mutter psycho mutter>

pointydog Thu 03-Jul-08 17:55:20

I can't imagine a teaspoon being very good for bludgeoning a goldfish

TooTiredToday Thu 03-Jul-08 17:57:27

I think if you leave the rat it'll get out....
The nice people at Wiggly Wigglers explained to me once that if a rat wants to get in/out of somewhere it will.
Sorry, and sympathy from someone who found a rat in the wormery.

Slubberdekangaroomurderer Thu 03-Jul-08 17:58:50

well actually it was perfectly sized for the job. I wasn't going to hit the poor little thing with a trowel was I? Not a very dignified death. I practiced a sort of squash type wrist flick with the spoon. Worked a treat.

And no Boco, I can hardly be responsible if animals are drawn to me at the end of their mortal coils.

Califrau, kangaroos are idiots, giant bouncing idiots.

unclefluffy Thu 03-Jul-08 18:00:36

I think you could use the lever effect to get quite a good stunning blow out of a teaspoon. I killed a bat once. Didn't have a teaspoon so I used a rock. It committed harikiri on a ceiling fan, landed on my friend's mosquito net, and then bled all over her sleeping bag all night. Poor bat.

thornrose Thu 03-Jul-08 18:02:51

Stop it, my stomach is aching, too much laughter! I once caught a mouse under a glass and had to watch it do a sort of horrid Marcel Marceau(sp?) act before I slid the glass across the table caught mouse in a bucket and hurled it into the garden. I thought that was pretty unique, it clearly is SO not!

Slubberdekangaroomurderer Thu 03-Jul-08 18:09:01

yes, poor bat. killed with a rock post ceiling fan entanglement. Not a noble death really.

Now I like the mouse in jar flinging.

Do we know what has happened to Blu's rat yet? Has it been "collected"?

Blu Thu 03-Jul-08 18:11:06

Well, it is an ex-rat.

yes, the council - notorious for it's spctacular reaches of dismal incompetence in education, health, housing benefit administration, parking management, planning, regeneration, etc etc is quick off the mark in live-rat crisis management. They probably have a good zombie plan too.

Two cheeky chappies came round, one gingerly lifted the bucket, and the other whacked it with a specialist tool - the handle end of a manhole-cover-removing thing - and the other flipped it into a torn plastic bin-liner.

Sorry rat-lovers - one less rat t get into my house / under the floorboards and cause havoc before dying and stinking the place out. Rats in cages - great - sweet funny intelligent little thngs. Rats on the loos, outside your back door - a verminous menace.

Slubberdekangaroomurderer Thu 03-Jul-08 18:15:42

hooray!

Good story Blu. I'm slightly disappointed that they didn't have a very very special rat killing weapon and merely used the manhole cover removing thing.

nevertheless, sounds like a skilled dispatch.

thornrose Thu 03-Jul-08 18:17:33

I read this as two cheeky chappies, one ginger and wondered why that was relevant to the story!

uptomyeyes Thu 03-Jul-08 18:28:29

<<rats on the loos outside your back door>>

HHmmm house trained rats in Lambeth [impressed]

sagacious Thu 03-Jul-08 18:32:06

Don't tell Rattus

LynetteScavo England Thu 03-Jul-08 18:33:14

Blu - his name is Hugo.

LynetteScavo England Thu 03-Jul-08 18:33:56

Sorry - was Hugo.

cocolepew United States Thu 03-Jul-08 18:43:42

My friends very expensive fish were killed by her young neighbour. He wanted to see them "go faster" so he stirred them with a wooden spoon.

Libra Thu 03-Jul-08 18:51:13

One night, irate by DS1's complete inability to put his cuddly toys away, I stood on what I thought was yet another teddy bear in the hallway.

I picked it up and stormed into the living room, brandishing it. He stared at me for a couple of minutes before pointing out I was carrying a rat's head.

The cats have a habit of bring dismembered things into the house.

I screamed and threw it in the air.

Then we couldn't find where it had gone and so we locked ourselves in the bedroom until DH came home to find the head. (Not my best day as a feminist).

cocolepew United States Thu 03-Jul-08 18:57:43

shock At Libra!

My DH went downstairs to the garden as the dog was barking. He came in and said it was a ball that had been kicked in from another garden, he said he kicked it back over. It was 2 in the morning so I knew this couldn't be right. We looked at his slipper and there were about 6 hedgehog prickles stuck in it blush

Califrau Thu 03-Jul-08 18:59:13

Kangaroos may well be idiots but until I see one actually get off it's lazy arse and actually bounce, I shall not believe they are giant bouncing idiots. I must have seen about 300 kangaroos in Australia by now and all they do is sit on their arses on golf courses. I haven't seen one do so much as the Australian "Bloody Flois" salute. They will remain spaghetti tree myths until one actually bounces in front of me. Not on a TV screen - actually bounces in front of me. When we go in October I am taking an airhorn. If that doesn't make the feckers jump I have no idea what will.

Hurrah for the brave and gallant redheaded Ratman btw.

Califrau Thu 03-Jul-08 19:02:37

my godmother, a Dr, revived a semi-dead goldfish in a saucepan on the stove! It was by the side of the bowl and the cat was looking shocked and guilty. My GM scooped the fish into a pan, warmed it on the stove (at less than a gentle simmer) and it lived happily for several more months! Being a Dr is obviously a vocation. Not once did she think to bludgeon it with a spoon.

JoshandJamie Thu 03-Jul-08 19:10:27

Right, that's it. I'm writing to my local council and am going to ask them to send me a list of household services that they will deal with because I am forever getting imprisoned in my home thanks to beasties causing havoc.

Do you think the rat killing squad falls under the remit of the MI5?

OMG Slubbers...I deduct any points I did award you int eh afternoon tea contest last year as we learly cannot have murder weapons as part of teh set......

Slubberdekangaroomurderer Thu 03-Jul-08 19:12:02

Califrau, you need to go into the bush. The proper bush not the '15 mins drive out of sydney bush'. Drive along at dusk and the dozey fuckers are nibbling away at the few blades or grass at the side of the road. They get startled by the lights and bounce along beside your car for a while and then they think, "I know, to escape the large loud metal movey thing I will jump right infront of it ha ha ha how clever am I".

And the bigguns will right off your car. Bouncing idiot bastards they really are.

And if you must know I did try all sorts to assist the goldfish back to wellness. The spoon was my final kindness.

lol cocole

and all the rest shock

i have a rat under my shed, runs out for my bird food. i chuck stones at it and keep letting my terrier out but she just ambles over, has a sniff and eats the bird bread herself

Slubberdekangaroomurderer Thu 03-Jul-08 19:13:17

lol at tea set murder weapons.

katierocket Thu 03-Jul-08 19:20:28

LOL at libra grin

LittleMyDancing Thu 03-Jul-08 19:22:34

Libra your post made me pmsl!

DP caught a mouse that the cat had brought in alive. He put a tupperware container over it, then lacking a lid, slid his hand underneath and turned it over.

We were then treated to the sight of DP running round the lounge screaming as the mouse dangled from his fingers by its teeth. (Friend and I were standing on the sofa screaming too, in best stereotypical women mode)

Eventually the mouse got bored of the game, let go and ran out of the house.

Ten minutes later the cat brought it back in again.

grin

katierocket Thu 03-Jul-08 19:23:39

have just read whole thread and I feel slightly, erm, switchy. Keep seeing things out of the corner of my eyes...

tyaca Thu 03-Jul-08 19:33:52

a dirty lambeth pigeon got into our bedroom. dh killed it but made me swear i would never say how.

TheMagnificent7 Thu 03-Jul-08 19:45:41

If you're in Lambeth just leave your mobile phone next to it and somebody will be along to stab it shortly

Boco Thu 03-Jul-08 19:59:47

EEW Libra's story reminds me of a friend who came into the sitting room to find her ten month old sucking happily on a small soft toy, only to find it was half a mouse!

Dp once picked up a mouse's head, brought in by our cat, it was tiny. He's very tall, 6'4 - I'll never forget the site of him straightening up and squinting at this tiny thing wondering what it was, then realising he was looking into the dead eyeballs of decapitated mouse and doing a classic scooby doo shriek and leaping into the air.

Oh dear, have just read the whole thread and am pmslgrin

Califrau Thu 03-Jul-08 20:01:26

there is nothing funnier than a genuine Scooby Doo shriek and leap!

My dad used to have a stables and one morning there was a power cut, the girl groom was in the feed shed with a torch and put the scoop in the bran box and came out with a rat in the scoop,,, cue one dropped and broken torch and one screaming groom grin

Blu Thu 03-Jul-08 21:36:59

LOL at Libra.

Tyaca -I think you are just round the corner from me - had I known about your DH's secret asassination methods for Lambeth Vermin I could have got him straight round!
And I would not have revealed his grisly secret wink
Oh go on...tell us!!

I feel v guilty now. I had an ailing goldfish, and my Mum put it down the waste disposal unit in the sink to give it a quick end...without trying the gentle poaching trick. Premature euthanasia. Now we know why it remains against the law.

1dilemma Thu 03-Jul-08 23:37:14

Blu am very envious at your speedy response I'm still waiting for response to my 2 rat complaints from earlier this year.
I innocently strolled past one wandering down our hall and surprised myself by blocking it into a radiator cover, dh removed it and put it in a bucket where it promptly died a couple of hours later.
Wr reckn it had been poisoned and come in to die in the warm (Feb).
There are big problems wiht them along the Streatham Hill train line at the moment apparently (probably are every year just this year someone has bothered to tell me grin
Anyway glad it's gone (I've only just stopped looking over my shoulder for 'our' rats family and friends!)

MrsJohnCusack Thu 03-Jul-08 23:58:35

this is v.funny

califrau have you seen my facebook status?

ChasingSquirrels Fri 04-Jul-08 00:09:24

fantastic thread

VeniVidiVickiQV Fri 04-Jul-08 00:29:44

ROFL at this thread! and Mag7's phone trick grin

slubber - I am stunned and your serial animal killing shock

Are you just a really bad driver???????

and gas?????

hunkermunker Fri 04-Jul-08 00:39:28

Genius thread - have been avoiding it all day as didn't think rat under bucket could be anything I wanted to read about - how wrong could I be!

I have been honking with laughter blush grin

CaliFrauthOfJuly Fri 04-Jul-08 01:48:21

OMG!!!!!
I'm going to MEET MRS JC!

HURRAH! grin

rattus Fri 04-Jul-08 07:54:09

oi blu you have my rat, I believe, can I have Hugo back?

rattus Fri 04-Jul-08 07:55:47

Have not read rest of thread so am assuming Hugo is safe and sound.

idilemma, yes dd and I have seen HUGE rats at SH station, plus the posters warning us all about them. Hugo posed for the photo, you know.

Blu Fri 04-Jul-08 08:26:54

Er, now, Hugo...I believe I may have missed the all-important thread about Hugo...anyway I am sure that my rat was IS not Hugo, for a starthe she was squeaking 'my name is Rolanda'..and just looking very un-Hugo-ish...anyway he she was last seen with the nice man from the Lambeth Vermin Hospitality Service and will be very well looked after, I'm sure..

So, are you all in Streatham? I'm in Streatham Hill. Are all these rats commuting in from Surrey to Streatham Hill station, do you think?

littlelapin Fri 04-Jul-08 08:41:32

This needs to go in MN Classic, am PMSL here grin particularly at with Libra!

cocolepew United States Fri 04-Jul-08 10:10:07

After establishing my stupid DH had kicked a hedgehog, "back over the fence", we went back downstairs to check. The hedgehog was still in the garden, climbing over some laders. OMG, they are so loud. It sound like a herd of wildebeast roaming the plains.

So not only is my DH a stupid fecker who can't tell the difference between a hedgehog and a football, he can't kick either.

Slubberdekangaroomurderer Fri 04-Jul-08 12:21:47

VVV, I really really want to make it clear that I am an animal lover, and in most of these cases I was being kind.

re squirrels and gas.

I was walking to school and came across one that had been hit by a car, but was not dead. Now I could have stamped on its head, but I was only 16 and had my nice new school shoes on. So I scooped it up in my blazer and took it to my Biology teacher and we gassed it wilth the stuff they use for putting the disection rats to sleep.

It fell asleep and never woke up, and that I think is a nice end.

And no I am not a bad driver. I am a steady driver. It is fuck wit animals that keep on running under me.

Kimi Fri 04-Jul-08 12:30:18

By cocolepew on Thu 03-Jul-08 18:43:42
My friends very expensive fish were killed by her young neighbour. He wanted to see them "go faster" so he stirred them with a wooden spoon.

Just read this ROFLMAO

cocolepew United States Fri 04-Jul-08 12:36:35

Slubber may not be a murderer, animals can get depressed. She's only a means to their end.

grin

wannaBe Fri 04-Jul-08 12:41:56

the most humane way of putting a fish to sleep is to chill some water with crushed ice and then put the fish in that.

We researched this thoroughly on various fish geek sites when ds' goldfish was ill and the vet informed me that it would cost £15 to put it to sleep. shock. the fish died naturally as it happened but dh did have to resort to this recently when it appeared one of our guppies had been picked on and was missing its top fin so just lying on the bottom of the tank unable to swim, and fair game for all the other fish. We helped it on its way.

RubberDuck Fri 04-Jul-08 12:43:53

wannabe: apparently that can be slow too as ice crystals form in their lungs.

Best method I was always told was vodka mixed with a little tank water in a small container. Either that or (I think) clove oil? Anesthetizes as well as dispatches. Is the goldfish equivalent of gassing. Alternatively sharp blow cutting off their head is quick and humane, but I could never do that.

cocolepew United States Fri 04-Jul-08 12:46:58

Or feed it to a cat.

Slubberdekangaroomurderer Fri 04-Jul-08 12:48:33

coco, maybe this is my special gift. Could I be an extra on Heroes with it. Would Sylar want me?

SheherazadetheGoat Fri 04-Jul-08 12:49:05

when i was growing up it was de rigeur to have a sock filled with lead (like a bean bag with attitude) said sock was hurled at passing rats. v. effective.

LadyThompson Fri 04-Jul-08 12:51:56

Oh my life, this is the best thread ever. A rat leapt out of my rabbit's hutch when I was feeding it once (WHY ARE THEY DRAWN TO RABBITS - is is the food?)- unsurprisingly the rabbit died about a week later. I still have nightmares about that kamikaze flying rat.

Kimi Fri 04-Jul-08 12:54:56

I am going to email myself this thread so I can keep it and read it on days I feel down

daisylaisy Fri 04-Jul-08 13:17:17

I'm bumping this purely to keep it in "my Threads" section. PMSL

Fimbo Fri 04-Jul-08 13:33:23

We have splat the rat at the school fair. wink

Dd came running from here room screaming there was a pigeon under her desk. Impossible thought I and go off to investigate.

Sure enough dying pigeon under desk, it was a hot summer day and the windows were wide open but the smell of dying pigeon will stay with me forever.

We ran out of the room and phoned dh to come home immediately.

He wrapped it up and tossed it into a neighbouring field.

BlueDragonfly Fri 04-Jul-08 13:39:26

i avoided tis thread until i clicked it in error just now. I am crying with laughter grin

onebatmother Fri 04-Jul-08 15:07:03

we had one a couple of years ago. Rentokil came round and put poison down. I had to leave for 3 weeks. DP lurked with an air-rifle, twitching.

After 2 night dp went outside and, out of the corner of his eye, saw the rat, at eye level, emerging from the lead flashings on the low roof of our kitchen extension with its horrid ratty teeth bared ... about to leap at his face!

He shrieked (inadvertently releasing a small amount of urine), swung the air-rifle round and prepared to shoot at point-blank range.

Then realized it was dead, and had been for some considerable time, poisoned by the clever rentokil man. His Clint Eastwood heroics were all in vain. Plus, DP had to call him back to remove the rat [wuss] grin

And if the truth be told, I have never felt truly comfortable in this house since.

motherinferior Fri 04-Jul-08 15:09:47

Blu, you know I'm going to suggest nipping round with one of our cats...

Blu Fri 04-Jul-08 16:36:29

Aaaargh - LadyThompson - are you now telling me that the rabbits wil be the next t go?

That's all i need shock

MI...y-e-e-e-es...but even I draw the line at feeding poisoned, toxic rats to darling fluffy-wuffy puddytats. hmm.

I once arrived as an international guest of a big festival to stay in the house of some VIP organiser The house was in uproar when I arrived - the young DS of my host and his friend had built a Lego house for the older DS's pet mouse and, unsupervised, had tried to stuff the hapless mouse into the house headfirst down the Lego chimney. Blood from it's little (deceased) snout was all over the VIP Dinner white tablecloth, all children in distraught furore, mother of visiting child in tense horror, lady of the house trying to offer me hospitable yet formal welcome...

LadyThompson Fri 04-Jul-08 16:41:30

Oh Blu, sorry! I should add

a) the rabbit was quite old and maybe died of shock

b) afterwards we found a hole chewed in the back of the hutch - maybe by the erstwhile rat? - so it could have been going on a long time and he could have been stealing her food.

Or maybe he was just a rat, head-over-paws with a wabbit, asking him to love her.

The rabbit was called Bumper. I don't know what the flying rat was called.

onebatmother Fri 04-Jul-08 16:50:41

that was a very touching vignette, LadyThompson.

stuckinthecorner Fri 04-Jul-08 17:23:22

I was sat at home one christmas, making pom pom snowmen, with dd who had chicken pox. Loud sound of breaking glass as a dim witted pigeon flew through the window... completely mangled itself, blood everywhere and getting worse as it flapped around. The room looked like a scene from Reservoir dogs!!! I too behaved in the truely feminist way and ran next door to the neighbour... poxy child and pom poms in tow. Thought dd would be traumatised forever - her only comment was "I wouldnt have been scared if it had knocked first"!!!grin

Monkeytrousers Fri 04-Jul-08 17:24:59

Can it cook? Get it to make the tea!

Monkeytrousers Fri 04-Jul-08 17:28:48

OMG Cocolepew - what a pong that would have made! Roast rat envy (that's not envy)

cocolepew United States Fri 04-Jul-08 17:42:05

My Gran had no sense of smell. My Mum, on the other hand, was running down the street, shrieking.

cocolepew United States Fri 04-Jul-08 17:42:05

My Gran had no sense of smell. My Mum, on the other hand, was running down the street, shrieking.

cocolepew United States Fri 04-Jul-08 17:42:37

OOps

cocolepew United States Fri 04-Jul-08 17:47:41

Just think if Bumper hadn't been such a slut flirt, he could still be alive today sad

FioFio Fri 04-Jul-08 20:03:37

Message deleted

CaliFrauthOfJuly Fri 04-Jul-08 22:04:30

I was ill when we moved into our 1st home. (I was suffering the tale end of the evil camylobacter food poisoning that DH had given me on our 1st wedding anniversary when he tried to kill me with a chicken). It was a very stressful time. We engaged the help of DS2's flakey godfather to help with the unloading of the truck as I was weak and baaad. DH was snippy and snipey and a general grot bag and I sat pale and wan on an arm chair in the middle of an empty living room weeping with exhaustion and stress.
<there is a relevant point to this story - bear with me!>
Once the truck was empty and DH had eaten he held my hand and took me into the garden to see one of our empty flowerpots. Therein sat a beautiful frog. He apologised and said he had been a git and that he though the fwog would cheer me up a bit. It did in an odd sort of way. 3 days later when I was feeling a leetle more chipper, I ventured back into the garden and the frog was still there - in exactly the same position - just starting to decay. My dearest darling had taken me from my convalescing chair to coo over a dead frog hmm

1dilemma Sat 05-Jul-08 00:06:13

Thanks for that Cali grin

pourmeabigone Sun 06-Jul-08 23:24:18

This is my first hit on this website...what a scream!! I thought it would be more along the lines of "would it be wrong to sew velcro into my little ones PJS so she will stay in bed?" or "why isnt NASA interested in the adhesive properties of dried on wheatabix" Instead I now know how to murder kangaroos, hedgehogs, mice, fish and rats!!

BibiThree Sun 06-Jul-08 23:32:32

Welcome to Mumsnet! grin]

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