Mumsnet Talk

I intend being lovely for ever so I can avoid my own hell.
In my hell I would walking a vomiting rottweiller and would be followed by a bagpiper playing arrangements of popular tunes. The whole place would smell of hops and broccoli. I would be naked but for a pair of cripplingly high heels (or crocs). I would not have my glasses so I would not be able to see.
What is your personal hell?

Oh, wow, imagine if hell really is that personal!

You've thought about this A Lot, haven't you?

PMSL at the vomiting rottweiler and the odour of your hell.

Mine is:

Being late for something unspecified but important, rushing, flustered, having not had enough sleep... No, hang on, that's my life.

So, my own personal hell:

It'll have a shipwreck in it. Barnacley, eerie and with strange, pale, darting fish and the occasional almost-picked-clean skeleton.

<shudder>

An eternity of smelly tube train rides, being groped by some lecherous 'gent', whilst having to inhale the bodily odour of the dubious looking 6ft tall man boy, who looks like he would be quite happy to murder everyone in the vicinity.

Mine would resemble a shopping mall with muzak, thousands of shoppers and having to wear 'fashiobale clothes'
ugh.
Cribbs Causeway in Bristol to be precise. See, they've built my hell.
Oh, and add my mother to it for that extra experience.

Butlins

It would involve rodents and cheap perfume and a bumpy twisty car journey.

Ah, yes, the odour would be Angel perfume. The worst perfume known to humankind.

Toddler group.

being locked in a lift with a moth/butterfly naked whilst take that tunes played in a loop, and all i had to eat was mushrooms

Being in a locked room with one or more spiders.

Tesco today

Gave the car keys to DD, forgot to get them back, did the shop, got back to the car, where are the keys DD, 'I threw them in the road mummy'

DS screaming

Me carrying him and the shopping and washing powder

DD running in front of cars

40 mins later I found them

Mine would be underground in a water filled pot hole, with the strains of Cliff Richard singing Miseltoe & Wine being played loudly whilst others threw tinned cooked tomatoes at me, with bats flying about and cockroaches climbing the walls

Mother and Toddlers, I hated it; The kids loved it; therefor we went.

Mine would be having to copulate with a bloke called Dean who I used to work with, who had hair like Elvis, wore cowboy boots and had a Lord of the Rings ring.

"I threw them in the road mummy"

<weeps with laughter>

A eternal caravan holiday.

Itsy bitsy teeny weeny yellow polka dot bikini is playing on a loop.

The only food available is tofu.

It's raining cats and dogs and I'm stuck in the van.

With Richard Madeley, Jeremy Clarkson and Dean Gaffney

And they want to play strip poker.

nothing to read....

Yes Capp it is very funny now

Mine would be to be stuck in any soft play for all of eternity.

Even worse, a Butlins soft play.

I would be sitting on a hard chair in a cold draught, surrounded by 21 year olds complaining about something really important

MIL would be sitting in the corner with an endless supply of tacky gifts and patronising comments. There would be Mantovani-type muzak on tape loop, alternating with early Pink Floyd. The fridge would be empty of everything but cheese, and there would be nothing but cheap red wine to drink. The wardrobe would be full of 1980s fashions, and there would be Ugg boots and nothing else to put on my feet. There would be nothing to read except chick-lit, butterflies would flit gaily around day and night, the room would be completely covered in mirrors and would smell of cabbage and Stilton. Cali's bagpiper would occasionally give her 12 hours off and stand outside the room with a dozen of his mates playing a selection of military airs at top volume (having brought along a drum corps to keep them all in time).

<shudder>

If WWB has my piper then I am sure that Mary J Bilge could come and entertain me for a while.

My legs would be paralysed but I would be able to feel them so it would feel like they were trapped all the time.

DP's mother would be there, crying.

It would be cold, wet and windy.

It would smell of sour milk.

I would have to listen to Love Shack by the B52s ona loop.

I would be forced to work out percentages over and over again.

I am stuck for eternity in a villa on some ill-advised holiday with two other families with whom I have fallen out spectacularly. They have odious children.

It is always 90 degrees in the shade. There is no breeze.

There is only tripe and hard-boiled eggs to eat.

My dh and children are not there.

Oh, and there is a perky bimbo who wakes us every morning at 5am for 2 hours of aerobics.

In hell it will rain hairy golden syrup