god sometimes I just think my kids are really really thick

(157 Posts)
Twiglett Mon 31-Dec-07 09:51:22

my 3.5 year old just can't count

she just can't

1,2, pee ummmm pour 8 pie ten

and she wants to do these stupid letts study books because she loves them

but she's driving me mad

how difficult is it

arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Cappuccino Mon 31-Dec-07 09:53:44

I spent ten minutes screaming 'not SHUP! not SHUP!' at my dd1 (7) as she tried to spell out 'splash'

well I say 'try', she was staring at the ceiling. I think someone had switched her off actually.

Twiglett Mon 31-Dec-07 09:54:31

you see I'm shouting at her now .. cos it's genetic this stupidity

she won't go away

she wants to do it

she can't do it / won't do it

1,2,3,4,5

it's not tricky fgs

Twiglett Mon 31-Dec-07 09:55:37

ooo where is this off button of which you speak

Cappuccino Mon 31-Dec-07 09:56:03

I know exactly how you feel, if that helps any

SantaBabyBeenAnAwfulGoodGirl Mon 31-Dec-07 09:56:26

theres not much point tho much better just doing rl stuff

Twiglett Mon 31-Dec-07 09:56:36

right have just shouted at her to go away, calm down (because of the fake forced wailing tears) and come back when she can count to 5 .. DS will help her

I'm not cut out for this parenting lark

CarGirl Mon 31-Dec-07 09:56:43

the worst thing about dc1 being very bright, aca very early coherent talker, ademically able etc is the following dc seem exceptionally thick. I've found it so hard to adjust my expectations. DD2 didn't even realise I was pregnant (had read a books with the for the last month but not gone overboard) and asked whose the baby mummy was - she was 3.2!

Cappuccino Mon 31-Dec-07 09:56:44

I have been looking for it for some time but i think it is something they control internally

sometimes it just trips itself and there is nothing you can do about it

CarGirl Mon 31-Dec-07 09:58:20

also helping them learn to read is the pits. Learning to add up to 10 was tortuous and I ended up writing in her homework book that she didn't understand the concept - argh!

Twiglett Mon 31-Dec-07 09:58:35

Please listen

I DO NOT WANT TO BE DOING THIS BOOK

SHE DOES

DS has similar books that he loves and asked for and DD wants to do them too

but she's just too stooooooooopid

Cappuccino Mon 31-Dec-07 10:01:11

snurk at the fact that you don't want to do the book

I have been having - let's call it a discussion - with dh about cutting and sticking, which I think is a really easy thing to set up for kids, slight guidance, sitting down with cup of tea, etc

"I HATE cutting and sticking" he says

well it's not for you, I don't want to see your picture at the end of it

LOLLOLOLOLOL at this, but it is soooooooooo not funny.

I have been trying to teach dd1 her letters. She is interested now so thought it would be a good time. She recognises them and can write her naem, but when we do any other letters she seems to become a bit thick and does them all wrong, and I with the patience of a gnat at the mo esp, just get snappy and give upblush

I could never be a teachergrin

Cappuccino Mon 31-Dec-07 10:04:20

I am with you on patience of a gnat

Twiglett Mon 31-Dec-07 10:04:24

counting the pens now

one

two

pee

eight


arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrbgggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhh

FluffyMummy123 Mon 31-Dec-07 10:04:57

Message withdrawn

Also I HATE getting the playdough out as it gets everywhere, even with mat in place.

I know it isn't about me, but since I have to clean it all up afterwards and spend ages trying to pick it out of the carpet I think I am justified in not getting it out very often

ChippyMinton Mon 31-Dec-07 10:06:00

Hand over the computer and let her teach herself while you have a quiet snooze:
poisson rouge

CarGirl Mon 31-Dec-07 10:06:35

dd4 still tries to eat the play dough when she thinks I'm not looking - lovely (and the paint and the felt tips)

Twiglett Mon 31-Dec-07 10:07:00

because she wants to do this farkin' book that she gets stickers in a cauldron at the end of each double page and it's about counting to 5 .. and she can't do the farkin' book unless she can work out 1, 2, 3, 4, 5

she did the english one and we've only got the maths one left for ages 3-4

please note I do not want to be doing this .. I want her to be watching tv and leaving me alone

but she won't <sobs>

Julezboo Mon 31-Dec-07 10:07:54

lol i fell for you

After babyds got me up at 5am I managed to get him back down for a nap at half 8, said to my DS (almost 6!) please be quiet when you go past the babys bedroom door.

almost 6 yr old DS proceeds to shout so loud right outside babys door angry cue screaming baby and shouty mother hmm why do they not listen!!

paddingtonbear1 Mon 31-Dec-07 10:08:19

dd's playdough is on top of the wardrobe. She can't see it, and she's forgotten about it! I'm not in a hurry to remind her!

Am pmsl at one, two, pee......grin
and then eight, that is a big blind spot

DH actually taught DD1 to count by counting EVERYTHING, but she got the hang of it quite early actually, she could easily do 10 by age 2 [preen] sorry twig. but he literally did count everything with her.

and now she loves me 99 gringrin

ValnBen Mon 31-Dec-07 10:09:52

LOL grin you know, she’s not being thick or stoopid…she’s actually being very cleaver here….she has your full attention and is milking it for all its worth. Join in with her…take the fun out of it <evil> grin

Cappuccino Mon 31-Dec-07 10:10:23

<howl> at one two pee eight

it is a just like dd1 and 'shup'

by the end of it you are shrieking 'S! P! THERE'S NO SH! WHERE'S THE SH? IF YOU SAY SHUP ONE MORE TIME I WILL POKE YOU WITH A STICK"

I did say this actually. In front of dh, mil and fil. Very loudly.

HMM, watch tv and leave you alone. They never do when you want them to.

bran Mon 31-Dec-07 10:11:05

Have you tried counting chocolate buttons? DS is a sharp as a tack if you offer him 5 buttons but only give 3 or 4. grin

ValnBen Mon 31-Dec-07 10:11:06

She might even be being CLEVER blush

Twiglett Mon 31-Dec-07 10:13:12

if you do it again "I will poke you with a stick"

<weeps with laughter>

Tortington Mon 31-Dec-07 10:15:00

pmsl i love you twig.

real parenting hoorah!

i think what you need to remember is that teachers get training for this and have to have a wualification and what seems like apieve of pis to you isnt to her and most importantly

teaching is a skill grin

Twiglett Mon 31-Dec-07 10:18:10

hehehehehheh .. finally worked out how to do it

no, not counting

"DD" says I "can you go and tell me what's on the television please?"

off she trots

total silence, apart from whatever is on the tv of course for at least 3 mins

<snort>

PrufrockingAroundTheXmasTree Mon 31-Dec-07 10:19:19

Oh it is infuriating isn't it. One of dd's school books the other day was about Roy. That's R O Y. No "N". So why the fuck did she insist on calling him Ron every bloody time. 11 times this name was printed, 11 times she said RON, 11 times I said "Let's try again, sound out the letters" It took all my calm serenity and knowledge that my mother calling me stupid was how I ended up in very expensive therapy to not yell "Show me the N, Show me the N"

Cappuccino Mon 31-Dec-07 10:20:58

pmsl laughing at 'ron'

dd1 spelt out (eventually) apatosaurus the other day in her reading book

then ever after when she reached it she said 'pterodactyl'

any dinosaur name in a storm

I didn't know where to start

lilmissmummy Mon 31-Dec-07 10:21:01

pmsl at this thread!

I soooooooo know how you feel! I remember trying to teach ds1 to read he was 5 at the time and he would read a word and then 2 lines down the same word would come up and he would be completely unable to read it!!! and it was all the time not just a one off thing!! I could've killed him it was so frustrating!

I've never had the urge to bang my head against a wall so much! I think there was quite a few occassions where I just disolved into tears in utter rage!

I ended up refusing to teach him anything or to do his reading with him!

PrufrockingAroundTheXmasTree Mon 31-Dec-07 10:22:20

I do have a solution to your problem though twig - dd got a "school set" for Xmas - she'd been talking about it since the summer so has now taken over as teacher for ds - she very patiently helps him to add up and subtract using his fingers, and the other day he very proudly came through with a certificate she had given him with 9/10 for "gob fyrworks" (still got a bit of d and b confusio here)

lennygirl Mon 31-Dec-07 10:24:31

Message withdrawn

ROFL, SHOW ME THE "N"

SNORT, this is so funny, DD1 does that with song words, and you can't tell her thatshe's singing the wrong ones, it doesn't matter how many time syou correct her she still sings the wrong ones, sometimes totally made up words too.

Is so funny tho. Can't think of any exapmles nowhmm

MellowMa Mon 31-Dec-07 10:30:25

Message withdrawn

lennygirl Mon 31-Dec-07 10:32:11

Message withdrawn

Julezboo Mon 31-Dec-07 10:43:49

ohh mellow my DS calls in an intendo too i think its cute!

DD1 comes out with some corkers, but now I am sat here trying to remember some, I can'tangry
Damn my goldfish/post 2 babies memoryhmmgrin

MellowMa Mon 31-Dec-07 11:07:58

Message withdrawn

fpesha Mon 31-Dec-07 11:37:31

When bfing a baby ds1, dd (who was jsut 3 at the time) was doing a tweenies jigsaw. It was a simple jigsaw wih only a few pieces. I was bfing as I said and she was on the floor in front of me so I had to try and help her jusy by giving instructions. It was SOOOOOOOOO infuriating

'No that's Bella's foot dear, where do you think her foot goes? No not on her head dear. I think maybe her leg. Her LEG. That blue thing at the bottom. THERE. No the other way up. No not face down. I meant with the laces at the top. No the top of the shoe, not the top of her head'

AAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH

lilmissmummy Mon 31-Dec-07 11:58:15

My 3 yr old dd's favourite songs are:- I pwedick a why ot and miss you a merry mismas oh and my personal favourite incy wincy spidy.

Cappuccino Mon 31-Dec-07 12:00:51

lololol at jigsaw

'look at the piece! look at the piece! stop just jamming it in and LOOK AT THE PIECE'

motherinferior Mon 31-Dec-07 12:05:13

I am paralysed with cold horror at the prospect of DD2 learning to read next term (she starts school next Monday). I am SO NOT GOOD at being sympathetic and encouraging.

I bloody love their teachers. I want to shower them with chocolates for the simple ability not to degenerate into the screaming harridan that Reading Practice reduces me to.

Fubsyinapeartree Mon 31-Dec-07 12:14:27

ROFL at this - just like my house! DDs teacher is some kind of sadist - makes me read with the kids in her year who's parents are teachers and saints, so I end up thinking DD(6) ought to be able to read like they do.

She said to me once - (DD not teacher) "I dont need to read, you can do it for me!"

She always spells with as wiv - I was teased as a child for speaking posh, now im bringing up a child who talks like Jamie Oliver FFS.

Tamum Mon 31-Dec-07 12:23:57

I had to leave the room when dd was trying to do calculations involving time for fear I would end up screaming. I was already getting very loud blush.... I had just explained so many times.

She asked me the other day "where have I heard the name George Bosh?" which reduced me to tears of laughter for some reason.

moljam Mon 31-Dec-07 12:24:40

im so glad its normal to have no patience!!!!grinim rubbish,i start calm but end up saying you know it remember we did this 5 seconds ago.i hate explaining over and over again.im going to rubbish when they do exams.

FluffyMummy123 Mon 31-Dec-07 12:25:07

Message withdrawn

Fubsyinapeartree Mon 31-Dec-07 12:27:57

Im so crap at maths I got scared when DD came back with maths homework in yr 1! Partly because I dont know what "techniques" they use these days, and she gets vey upset when I try to explain something differently to school.

At the end of term she kept insisting that polar bears were hollow.

Checked it out - they had been told that their hairs were hollow. PMSL at bears with nothing inside!

motherinferior Mon 31-Dec-07 12:29:42

I had such a row with DD1 over her half term homework that DP had to intervene, not before I'd ended up in petulant tears blush

SueBaroo Mon 31-Dec-07 12:30:14

Proper LOL @ this thread!

MrsWeasleysmagicmincepies Mon 31-Dec-07 12:42:43

This thread is priceless I am saving it to re-read on days when things get too much for me. grin

Priceless, absolutely priceless. excuse any spelling mistakes I cant see for the tears. grin grin grin

stripeymama Mon 31-Dec-07 12:45:04

DD (4 and has known colours for two fecking years)"What colour is this Mummy"

Me (attempting to write essay for college) "What colour do you think it is?"

DD "Blue"

Me "Well then...."

motherinferior Mon 31-Dec-07 12:50:58

Perhaps you should ask the Home Edders, Twig <ducks and runs>

MN is profoundly depressing, too, because everyone ^else's' child is being feted for doing calculus while one's own is bumbling around being generally childish and infuriating.

stripeymama Mon 31-Dec-07 12:51:41

And as for making the sodding Christmas cards....

"Just glue a star on the top of each tree... no, the top, one star, on the top, no I don't want you to draw a pony on the top, just ONE STAR...."

Jigsaws always get me roaring too - "Look at the picture. Just look at the picture. Now you tell me if the dog has got shoes on. No? Well why are you putting the shoe piece there?"

newgirl Mon 31-Dec-07 12:52:00

i think hire staff for this type of thing

a lovely private tutor can do counting while you recline in another room

Crunchie Mon 31-Dec-07 12:54:10

ON numerous occassions have my children and me been reduced to tears with learning. DD1 hates doing homework and usually srews it up and throws it around the room (she is now 8) dd2 loves homework, BUT if she get anything less than perfection it all goes tits up too!! The whole YOU HAVE JUST READ THAT WORD 2 lines earlier send shivers down my spine

motherinferior Mon 31-Dec-07 12:55:45

Oh god, I am so dreading it all happening again.

SueBaroo Mon 31-Dec-07 12:57:03

mi, as a home-edder, I still think it's hilarious. grin

Crunchie Mon 31-Dec-07 13:00:16

I remember a thread a while back re Home edding and I explained IMHO SOME Of us are genetically not made to teach our kids anything. And that I would rather boil my head.

In fact yesterday DD1 had a riding lesson - her first ever a pressie fr Xmas. So I tried to explain the concept of your legs gripping the pony and your heels pointing down, what did I get for my troubles.. a screaming sodding tantrum, that child was lucky to be allowed to go!!!

FranSanDisco Mon 31-Dec-07 13:03:57

I learned my lesson when trying to teach ever eager dd how to tell the time. I gave up when I realised concerned neighbours may have dialled Child Protection. What a happy summer holiday that was - grrrr!!! I'm getting cross thinking about it angry At the end of it she said sniffily "well we don't do that at school so I don't need to know". YOU asked ME to teach you you little beep beep beep hmm

DaisyMoo Mon 31-Dec-07 13:07:12

Thank god for this thread. Teaching dd to read has reduced me to tears of frustration on more than one occasion. DD: "C....a.....t....erm, Brian?" Me: "AAAAAAARGH!!!"

weeping with laughter here - and with relief that I am not the only one to be rubbish at this particular mothering skill!

ValnBen Mon 31-Dec-07 13:08:15

I can remember reducing my dad to tears over fractions when I was about 7.
Seems I couldn’t get ¼’s…. insisted they were 4 halves of a whole…

Dad goes and gets an orange and a knife.

Dad –“what’s this?” <holding up an orange>
Me - “A whole”
Dad – “So, if I do this” <cuts orange in half> “what have we got?”
Me – “two halves”
Dad - “Correct, now if I cut them in half again, what have we got?”
Me – “4 halves”
Dad – erm, no, not 4 HALVES – 4 ¼’s.
Me – but dad, you said cutting a whole into two halves is 2 halves then you cut them in HALF again, so that MUST be 4 halves!!

This went on for about 20 mins before the orange pieces went in the bin and I was sent to my room!!

SevenRustySwansASwimming Mon 31-Dec-07 13:10:32

Don't despair -this all sounds just like what I went through with DD - but she got lots of As & A* at GCSE.

Mind you, at the same time she was acquiring said qualifications, she thought that Gordon Brown was a song by the Stranglers.....

FranSanDisco Mon 31-Dec-07 13:12:03

I can remember my dad, who is a bit of a genius at maths, saying to my brother, who isn't "You could stay at University all your life son but you'd still be thick" shock He's short on words is Dad smile

FranSanDisco Mon 31-Dec-07 13:12:48

Gordon Brown - LOL

WendyWeber Mon 31-Dec-07 13:12:52

For some mad reason this thread has made me quite nostalgic for those long-gone days when I did reading and numbers with mine - when in fact every session would end with tantrums and things being thrown (by me, obv).

Wish I'd had MN to to let off steam on grin - I am LOLing at these

MrsWeasleysmagicmincepies Mon 31-Dec-07 13:16:54

I'm still LOL at this thread, Kids think I'm mad!!!!! grin

<<whispers>>I have to say I love the learning stage! and I am always the first to suggest play dough (home made of course, because it cleans away so much easier than shop bought)

Mad? yep thats me grin

Ispy Mon 31-Dec-07 13:43:19

Sitting with dd 5 now who is trying to do one of those Tesco craft activities: Pencil Case decoration. We've already had one tantrum over the stickers and now she can't manipulate the paint pens to do perfect shapes. I find it so stressful when a fun/age appropriate activity turns into such a sigh-filled, tantrumy drama...

JudgeNutmeg Mon 31-Dec-07 13:50:03

Put play-doh with small child in an empty bath. Lovely smooth surface for rolling and no bits everywhere. You can then sit on the bog and read Heat magazine.

My 8yo who is supposedly v.bright still counts eighteen, nineteen, twenteen. grin

NomDePlume Mon 31-Dec-07 14:03:42

am snorting with laughter at this thread. Unfortunate as I'm actually at work blush

motherinferior Mon 31-Dec-07 14:27:10

It's the childishness of children which is so profoundly infuriating, I find.

Blandmum Mon 31-Dec-07 14:31:54

I have taught some children who were NT but so slow on the uptake I couldn't quite believe that they could stand upright and talk at the same time. I kept expecting them to collapse, or be rendered silent from neuronal overload.

To my credit I have only once run out of ways to explain something, and at that point the child still didn't understand but lied and said that she did. For both out well-being I accepted the lie.

I could never teach my own kids.

Teaching other peoples is easier...you just blame the parents wink

PrismManchip Mon 31-Dec-07 14:42:27

I love this thread
I have taught illiterate foreign people with learning difficulties to speak another language but I could never teach my own child anything and do not plan to try

becklesparkle Mon 31-Dec-07 14:42:35

Hehe! I remember teaching DS1 to count he always missed 8, I used to correct him and he ended up counting

1,2,3,4,5,6,7,9,miss8,10

He is now 7 and also got an Intendo DS for Christmas. Also, for some reason, we have an exservatory on our house!

DS2 starts school on Friday and I am dreading the whole helping him with his reading thing. Hopefully his attention span and ability to remember a word he has already read 3 times on the previous page will be better than DS1's was!

Blandmum Mon 31-Dec-07 14:46:28

At the age of 8 my dd went ape shit crazy (and I do mean that) because she wouldn't accept the definition of a prime number.

The conversation went like this

'Mummy what is a prime number'

'A number that can only be divided by itself or 1'
'Noooooooooooooooooooooo it isn't, it ,isn't'

'Yes darling, it is'

'NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO its ISN'T'

'Yes it realy is'

'WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGG GGGGGGGGG'

Me to dh' 'you deal with her, this is your fault'

I went out to meet up with some students who were woking at the school with me, and seeing my ashed face asked me what the problem was. They pissed themselves laughing and one said' Well, normal children are greatly over-rated'

melpomene Mon 31-Dec-07 14:51:28

Becklesparkle, we had a servercuhtry on our house until recently.

Lol at jigsaw conversations. When dd2 is doing a puzzle and I suggest "Try turning that piece round" she will turn it face down. Or if I say "Put it a bit higher up", she will lift it into the air. I think she's deliberately winding me up though.

brimfull Mon 31-Dec-07 14:53:28

I have periodically been trying to teach ds to put on gloves.

I always end up hollering at him ,I mean how hard is it ffs!Spread your farkin fingers!

He's pretty crap at mittens as well..beggars belief!

ohcomeALYefaithful Mon 31-Dec-07 15:10:43

This thread is both hilarious and reassuring.

I can relate to so many tales on here, particularly the 'but you read that wors two lines ago'.

Crunchie at vast expense and work we keep 2 rescued (free) native ponies in our field in the vain hope I could teach my dd to ride, I was so looking forward to taking her out with me, hacking around the beautiful countryside.

After 2 years of screaming, crying and throwing herself on the ground I am now paying for private lessons. Two ponies free to a good home, anybody???

MrsWeasleysmagicmincepies Mon 31-Dec-07 15:12:02

grin <through teary eyes> keep this thread going for ever PLEEEEAAAAASSSEEE its BLARDY PRICELESS grin I havent LOL so much in ages and my DD just said to other DD "I think Mummy is having a breakdown" then carried on playing with the Wii grin ROFL

fpesha Mon 31-Dec-07 15:14:59

OMG children and gloves are a nightmare! Ds1 always bmanages to get three in one finger and loses his thumb entirely. And his little fingers! They always manage to escape by the time I've got the rest in! angry

DD (yr 2) had some Maths homework the other day to teach them doubles. Dart board, 1-6 in centre and doubles round the outside. Throw 3 darts to add up to 24 in 9 different ways. She was so lost, kept saying she understood it then 5 seconds later obviously had no idea. We gave up at 6 and tbh I'm not sure she'd even understood that.
1 of the other parents at the school had decided it must just be scrap paper because it seemed so beyond her dd!

MrsWeasleysmagicmincepies Mon 31-Dec-07 15:15:28

TWIGLETT I just wondered who started this fantastic thread and clicked on your profile. I have sprayed coffee all over the computer at your family tree grin

I think I love you grin

PrismManchip Mon 31-Dec-07 16:03:12

Twig I have just remembered - you need this Youtube video.
Worked with DS
He now misses out fifteen <preen>
(I am Pruni btw)

Twiglett Mon 31-Dec-07 17:11:09

psychadelic pruni grin

wrappingpaperBOwZZAndribbons Mon 31-Dec-07 17:25:36

Twig you need to do what I have done. Keep your DD up late for several nights and then take her to a pantomime where she uses up tons of nervous energy being scared of Captain Hook, Nana, the Crocodile, the orchestra etc. Then let her fall asleep on the way home, and on arrival when your DS wakes her, ask in a nice, concerned mummy voice " would you like a bit more sleep in your bed, darling?". And that is where she is now.... grin

And DS is sorted with a DS (know you disapprove of them but they work grin).

So peace until our 7pm table at the local Indian.

twentypence Mon 31-Dec-07 17:39:08

Ds picks up most things marvellously - unfortunately this intelligence is rather ruined when he says;

"when I go to stool I hope they have hard maths"

He is gutted that the one sound he can't say is part of the place he is so excited about going.

On the subject of counting if you sing up a scale while you count you don't get missed out numbers (it only gets you to 8 though). I've heard lots of children do 1,2,8.

peanutbear Mon 31-Dec-07 17:40:11

I am laughing my head off at this thread and y 9yr old ds has come in read the op and said "god mom she should meet ds2 (aged4) that maks him look clever" !!!

obviously low tolerance for others learning runs in the family ds1 gave up trying to teach ds2 anything ages ago since he got a shoe thrown at him for his trouble

Fubsyinapeartree Mon 31-Dec-07 21:38:40

Oops - I have thrown out homework sheets because they came home with a drawing on the back, and I thought they were scrap blush

DoesntTheFestiveSeasonDragOn Mon 31-Dec-07 22:33:26

Snort. During craft activities I actually have to sit on my hands (if I am unable to leave the room entirely). Handwriting books were a challenge ("Just join the farking dots up!"). Jigsaws... [quiver] Reading [blanch]

On a reassuring note, however, at Ds2s (Y2) recent parent consultation, his teacher admitted that sometimes he explains maths concepts to his peers better than she does.

Fubsyinapeartree Mon 31-Dec-07 22:43:19

I really, really hate getting DD to write Xmas cards. She wants to send cards to the whole school (it is smallBTW, about 45) then spends an hour making and decorating one card.

Eventually I broke under the strain and bought her a pack and said just write their names, no pics or decorations!

So what doesn she do?

Leaves them in her book bag, so they come home on the last day of term and no teachers got a card from her, and they didnt get the one I gave her to give them from me.....

hunkermunker Mon 31-Dec-07 23:04:26

ROFL!

DS1 (3.8) can count, but jigsaws... <whimper> And drawing - he scribbles like your basic 2yo.

(Avoids mentioning that 23mo DS2 can count to five grin)

MrsWeasleysmagicmincepies Mon 31-Dec-07 23:28:03

LOL

twentypence Tue 01-Jan-08 06:31:44

Ds draws like he has had his fingers broken. He can draw one thing - a person, a bald person in the nude with enormous ears and a massive neck. If you question him on the nude thing he draws a shower head above the person to explain the nudity.

NomDePlume Tue 01-Jan-08 13:48:50

twentypence, that is brilliant !

DaisyMoo Tue 01-Jan-08 13:54:32

Perhaps we could have our own forum as an antidote to G&T? See you on the TAPS forum (thick as pig shit) grin

foxinsocks Tue 01-Jan-08 14:00:33

lol at these

My dd defies belief when it comes to homework <scream>. She had maths a few weeks ago, something to do with doubling/halving (yr3) and she said she wasn't sure what she had to do.

Now we are completely hands off with her homework because she drives us so mad so she does it all by herself but she asked me to explain one thing she wasn't sure of.

Took me about 20 minutes, I drew pictures, I illustrated the point by cutting up a pizza - she nodded throughout and I thought we'd had a lovely bonding moment and I was privately preening at my ability to explain to her.

So I thought she'd find the homework a piece of piss. First question, 'what's half of 20?'

She looks at me and says '4?' then seeing my face '5?' '6?' '7?' arrrrrrrrrghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

On being asked to write about 'why Christmas is special' (teacher expecting a page) she wrote 'Because it just is' <cries>.

Nightynight Tue 01-Jan-08 14:18:22

oh god how much I can relate to this thread.

dd2 (just 4) insists on 1, 2, 3, 9, 10 despite me determinedly ´singing 12345, once I caught a fish alive about a billiion times.

ds2 (8) reads soooooo slowly and still confuses the ds and bs.

lovecattlearelowing Tue 01-Jan-08 21:13:12

PMSL at this thread... I can't wait til DD (2.11) gets to this stage (not)!

Although, DH was having the jigsaw thing with her thisaffy after being round at our friend's house - his DD (3.1) is some kind of jigsaw wizard - takes a split-second look at the box then her hands are a blur of action and 30 seconds later the jigsaw is done.

Obviously DH took this as some kind of slur on his masculinity (testosterone levels of course being indicated by your infant daughter's ability to put a jigsaw together) and his competitive hackles were duly raised - so all I could hear this afternoon was 'no, a corner has 2 straight lines, doesn't it? Look. There. THERE! Yes, that's right, but that doesn't really fit, does it? Would the fairy have her head on her foot? No. NO! Try the other hole. THE OTHER HOLE!' - I kept well out of it...

Lmccrean Tue 01-Jan-08 21:37:28

great - I thought it was just my dd who read like that! (she makes up words loosely based on the first letter of the printed word) Mum had her at the shop a few days ago and dd picked up sweets worth 25p, mum argued that dd didnt have enough in her purse, but dd goes "of course I do nana - a 2p and a 5p..2 and a 5 is 25..." argh, mainly cause just 2 hours before I spent 20 mins in local shop explaining that concept over 55p milk. she also doesnt get why change in a shop is less than what i gave the person at the till in first place. how hard is that to grasp???

This thread is fab, brings back memories of the children I have worked with over the years.

My DGD (darling God-daughter)2.3 is starting to become aware of numbers and counts everything '2,4 2,4 2,4...' Quite cute now but we're hoping she adds a few more numbers to her vocabulary before too long.

A little boy,2.8 I teach at sunday school made me crack up recently whilst we were drawing pictures.

*Me, picking up a blue pen "What colour is this one?

*Child "Green"

*Me "No, it's blue, What colour is this one" Holds up pink pen

*Child "Green"

*Me "No. it's pink"

I picked up every non-green cloured pen on the bloody table and for each one he answered "Green"
So i picked up the green on and said, in a lovely calm voice

"This one's green, look a green one. What colour is it?

*Child "Yellow"

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAaRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHHH

Why do I work with kids????????

WHY?

WHY???????

MargoWishesYouAHappyNooNooYear Wed 02-Jan-08 01:04:14

You think you've got problems with your dcs?

I spent years teaching "silver surfers" how to use internet banking. I was extremely patient and would let them go through it step by step.

Then my parents got t'internet.

I was a seething ball of rage after spending about 10 mins with them.

I visualise hitting my dad over the head with the keyboard. (He has about 10 anti virus/anti spy/adware programs on the go) I scream inwardly when my mum prints the most boring e-mail. (Have you never heard of "SAVE" mother?) They're not old (only in their early 50s)

<glugs rescue remedy> Rant over, that's better.

MuthaHubbard Wed 02-Jan-08 01:05:54

He he!!!

There are sooooo many stupidisms my dc have committed that maybe they should be.....

DD (age 5) calls the microwave a 'waver'. So much so that I now call it that. She sings the wrong words to lyrics (she loves singing) and then I find myself doing the same.

DS never used to be able to say moustache and for several years called it a bistoche.

There are so many more I can't remember.

LOL - the glove thing infuriates me (me shouting WHERE IS YOUR LITTLE FINGER THEN???) so dd now as mittens!

Teaching reading or maths is the work of the devil.

Me - How many lightbulbs do we need? I need 3 for upstairs and 3 for downstairs, how many does that add up to?

DD - ten

Me - no, what's 3 add 3?

DD - nine

Me - no(holds up hands), I've got 3 here and 3 here, how many is that?

DD - 6

Me - so how many do we need?

DD - 8?

expatinscotland Wed 02-Jan-08 01:08:29

only read the OP.

i know dd1 is thick.

and dd2 isn't.

still not as difficult as managing my own fucking depression after all this shite so i consider myself pretty damn lucky.

tbh, i wish i were born thick. being otherwise had never been anything but a PITA. it hasn't done me a lick of good.

ignorance is bliss, IMO.

RosaLuxMundi Wed 02-Jan-08 01:16:16

Pink and sparkly - there is a book called Wobble Bear says Yellow whose author has clearly been in your situation!

suedonim Wed 02-Jan-08 02:38:42

Dd2 is pretty bright but has always had ishoos with observation. Hence the many conversations along the line of 'Oh, look at that tractor/horse/firework/castle/book/whatever that have concluded with her peering at the end of my finger. hmm

She's 11 now and still can't see what's right in front of her nose.
'Have you seen my hairbrush?'
'Yes, it's next to you on the chair.'
'Where?'
'There, where you're sitting.'
'Where, I can't see it?'
'RIGHT THERE, YOU'RE SITTING ON IT. DON'T YOU HAVE ANY NERVES IN YOUR ARSE, FGS????'

sallystrawberry Wed 02-Jan-08 02:39:14

dd - "mummy can I have a zip of your drink please"

me - "yes, but its a sip not a zip"

10 mins later

dd - "mummy can I have a zip of your drink please"

me - "yes, but its a sip not a zip, a zip is the thing on your jeans" hmm <<slight irritation>>

20 mins later

dd - "mummy can I have a zip of your drink please"

me - "yes, but I keep telling you its a SIP not a zip" <<getting really irritated now>>

bit later on

dd - "mummy can I have another zip of your drink please"

me - "OFGS!angry no you can't! go and ask your dad to make you one"

I swear shes just winding me up

Carnival Wed 02-Jan-08 02:51:30

My DD wil not be convinced that eleventeen isn't a number

Carnival Wed 02-Jan-08 02:51:31

My DD will not be convinced that eleventeen isn't a number

OverRated Wed 02-Jan-08 03:05:54

I Love this thread!

For some reason, teaching other people's children is never as frustrating as teaching your own.

twentypence Wed 02-Jan-08 05:41:04

Oh, I'm not sure I agree that other people's children are less frustrating - you have obviously not met some of my (now ex) pupils trying to learn the notes on the music stave.

Me:"This one here is A and this one is right next to it so it must be............"

The earth turns once

Pupil:"D?"

Me;"What comes after A in the alphabet?"

Earth turns twice

Pupil:"B"

Me"It's the same in music, so this one is an A and the one right after it must be........"

<I take ds and bathe him, pop on his pjs and put him to bed.>

Pupil:"F?"

Me:"okay it's time to do some improvising now"

seeker Wed 02-Jan-08 05:44:45

My ds's favourite song was "I predict a radish"

<howling with laughter here>

Thanks ladies I was dreading going back to work today & this has cheered me up no end.

I will now be late but turn up with a smile on my face & be nauseatingly cheerful!

ohcomeALYefaithful Wed 02-Jan-08 09:43:52

I am was so concerned about my DD's lack of attention span, abilities to do...erm, most things... (and general talent for irritating the hell out of me) I've just had her tested (at great expense) for Dyspraxia.

Dear God they said she's 'normal'! In fact it's worse, she is well above average (around 2 years) for all the intelligence stuff.

That means it must be me shock

<thud>

MrsSchadenfreude Wed 02-Jan-08 09:53:42

Excellent! DD2 (who is 6) islearning her tables and carefully wrote out her 3x. She showed me proudly, and yes, she had got them all right, but every 3 was back to front. Oh and the 7 as well. Before I could say anything she said "I know they're all back to front but I think they look better like that."

FlameNFurter Wed 02-Jan-08 10:01:41

grin

After DH listened to me "reading" with DD finally yelling "It's Like, like like, like, LIKE" he pointed out that that may not be the best way to get her to learn...

he may be right... she knows the word Like now though wink

becklesparkle Wed 02-Jan-08 14:18:22

DS1 (7.5): "DS2 just broke my model by purpose!"

me: "On purpose not by purpose. He broke it on purpose"

<beckle leaves the room>

DS1: "See DS2, Mum said you did break it by purpose"

ARGHHHHHHHH

Charlee Wed 02-Jan-08 14:21:43

My DS can count he just cant grasp colours though it's like this

'DS what colour is this strawberry'

'Green'

'Not quite it's red, what colour is this orange?'

'Green'

FFS!

Oliveoil Wed 02-Jan-08 14:34:58

lololololol at the jigsaw stories

so true

dd2 says Glubs instead of Gloves

I correct her all the time, drives me MAD

also, it is always Snow White and the Seven dwarbs.

Me: "can you say V?"
dd2: "V"
Me: "Now say Dwarves..." <<fake smile>>
dd2 "Warbs"

oh fgs <<gets Cinderalla off the shelf>>

AbbeyA Wed 02-Jan-08 17:09:25

I have hesitated to get involved with this thread in case everyone gets cross with me!
Your dd is NOT thick Twiglett, she is only 3.5 and has no concept of number so it is no good knowing the names.She shouldn't be on a work book, you should count stairs with her when you go up or down, count carrots into a bag for you in the supermarket, put 4 plates on the table, singe number rhymes, look at picture books etc, etc, etc. You need to go over and over things in fun ways.
The same with jigsaws, it is trial and error.
Someone is not thick if they don't get it the first time they are told!
Gloves are terribly difficult to manage!
With money you can play shops at home with a few tins and packets from the cupboard.
If you keep playdough in one place it shouldn't get trodden all over the house.
Children don't need expensive toys and the TV but they do need adult time.
I have written this once and then not posted because I am the first person not to agree but there must be someone else who agrees with me?

stripeymama Wed 02-Jan-08 17:12:38

Oh tis only a bit of a moan - I think we are all venting our frustrations about our kids here rather than actually at the poor children in question!

Nobody who has posted on here would ever actually call their child 'thick' I'm sure.

Cashncarry Wed 02-Jan-08 17:14:34

I can understand where you're coming from Abbey but I do think you're missing the point, whether deliberately or not I don't know.

this thread is about "parenting" not about the intelligence of children. It's funny because it's refreshingly honest and frankly I'm relieved that I'm not the only person who has these thoughts flash through my mind when dealing with the frustrations of spending time with a 3 year old.

there's a time and a place for talk of inappropriate language and children and - IMO - this is not the time. You have to chill out a bit I think smile

edam Wed 02-Jan-08 17:26:07

Sorry to be boring, but no-one is born understanding these concepts. And 'eleventeen' or 'goed' or similar are actually quite clever - the child is using logical deduction to reach a conclusion. And working out that it ought to be regular, even though they have never heard anyone say 'eleventeen'. That's really very bright indeed. Not their fault that the English language is so tricky.

edam Wed 02-Jan-08 17:27:12

(I do admit to hating bloody jigsaw puzzles, though, can't bear the 'no, turn it round, no, the other way' conversation.)

FlameNFurter Wed 02-Jan-08 17:35:49

I completely agree with Cashncarry

I very much doubt that any of us truly believe that this is a sign our children are thick or would even for one second think about calling them thick

It is about frustration.

Twig said very early on that SHE did not want to do the workbook. Unless I am mistaken it was a free Letts thing that seemed such a bright idea at the time, and it is only when you get it that you realise just how much parental involvement every tiny bit requires.

UnquietDad Wed 02-Jan-08 17:47:11

Edam, jigsaw puzzles are mind-numbing. My DW loves them and they drive me insane. I just refuse to do them.

UnquietDad Wed 02-Jan-08 17:49:47

Agree that it can often be frustrating, especially when your children won't do stuff that you know they can do.

The times I have asked DD to work out, say 31 minus 20 (helping her with homework) and she starts splaying her fingers out to count... I want to scream "NO! NO! Do NOT get your FINGERS out! You can DO this in your HEAD!!"

FlameNFurter Wed 02-Jan-08 17:53:08

Oooh yes - DD knows the word Cat - but she will sit and say "C - a - t.... Apple!" angry

She does it because she likes my face looking like angry. It must be a very pretty colour.

controlfreakyhohohohohohoho Wed 02-Jan-08 17:55:53

pmsl at this.....
i know it's a stage on but i was reduced to near nervous breakdown by trying to get ds1 (10) to understand acute / oblique angles....
am ashamed to say in end i said "ok. acute means sharp, like acute pain. see the acute angle made by these two index fingers? feel how sharp the angle is when i poke you? THAT'S ACUTE.... OK?"
it did work though. and he thought it was funny. really. hmm

Niecie Wed 02-Jan-08 18:34:27

Pmsl at this thread too.

I have just spent 20 minutes with DS1 (7yo) trying to write his Christmas thank you letters. Doesn't matter how many times I tell him he still does the tall letters the same size as all the other letters and capital letters are even smaller! Arghh!

And why can't he copy what I have written for him? You would think I could have written it out and he could simply have copied it word for word but oh no. I had to sit with him for every bl**dy letter!

And now DS2 wants me to build some Lego car which is way too old for him. He got if for Christmas from some kind friend who has no children and doesn't realise the tedium of doing Lego all afternoon and being told to put the laptop down so I can get one with it - "have you finished it yet Mummy?" What a treasure!

Oh well, one of them is back to school tomorrow.

AbbeyA Wed 02-Jan-08 18:43:04

Perhaps I am taking it too seriously, I have got past the pre school stage so look back on it fondly! I know it can be frustrating-I think it was just the thought of a poor little 3yr old wanting to learn and not getting it!

PrufrockingAroundTheXmasTree Wed 02-Jan-08 20:04:18

Abbey - I can quite safely say from knowing twig on here for a long time that she definately doesn't believe that her dd is thick, nor does she ever (OK often) let her see that she is frustrated with her "stupidity". So please don't worry that we are all actually saying to our kids what we are saying on here smile

AbbeyA Wed 02-Jan-08 20:07:48

Sorry-only just found the board-taking it too literally-apologies!

My early 7yo can not

tell her left from her right
get herself dressed or undressed
cannot zip up a coat, put on a hate, put on mittens, or even put on velcro strap shoes.

She is dim to the point where I feel like banging my head (or hers) against a wall.

She has a very poor concept of maths and her handwriting is awful. I keep expecting her teacher to call me in for a chat.

fortyplus Wed 02-Jan-08 20:19:42

When I was reminding ds2 (12) about the true meaning of Christmas, we had the conversation about the first Christmas and I was prompting him about what happened 2000 years ago. So he said 'But how do we know that Jesus was born in 2007?' Derrrr.....

fortyplus Wed 02-Jan-08 20:21:04

Sorry! Me being thick now! He said 'But how do we know that Jesus was born in the year 07?'

grin

PrufrockingAroundTheXmasTree Wed 02-Jan-08 20:31:26

Oi fortyplus that's not thick, just temporarily incapacitated.. In 1999 Dh and I were in Egypt at the son et lumiere show at the pyramids. They were advertising the upcoming millenium celebrations and I said "isn't it amazing to think that next year people are going to be celebrating the turn of the millenium at the same place as people celebrated it 4000 years ago" "yeah" he said " amazing" and about 5 seconds later we both realised....

MaLopez Wed 02-Jan-08 20:33:49

One day it will all fall into place as long as I don't teach ever!

Have fond memories of DD learning how to read. She will sound out D O G, and then say Goat.

The best one was asking her which number was bigger, 0 or 1. She kept saying 0! We went over all the facts. 0 being nothing, etc and then she said 0 was fat and round, while 1 was skinny. I went to bed after that

Swedes2Turnips1 Wed 02-Jan-08 21:31:13

It's lovely blaming the thick thing on the other side, the other parent - it comes so bloody naturally. grin However, should the lapse in clarity hail from your own genes the frustration is magnified x100 as there is nothing more infuriating than your own shortcomings, simplified and amplified. Gorgeous.

fortyplus Wed 02-Jan-08 21:36:44

PrufrockingAroundTheXmasTree grin That sounds just like the sort of thing I'd say!

Twiglett Wed 02-Jan-08 21:53:05

AbbeyA .. you're right (and rather brave too .. kudos grin) .. I was just mouthing off at my level of frustration rather than really thinking my kids are thick ... I found it more amusing to vent on here .. don't worry

and I farkin' hate those Letts books <harrumph>

AbbeyA Wed 02-Jan-08 22:35:10

My favourite with my ds was:
'one body' and 'all the bodies'.

Before he went to school I had to tell him that it was really somebody and everybody!

Oh god, just remebered the joys of trying to teach the concepts of floating and sinking, volume and quantity to 3-5 year olds.

I actually really enjoyed doing this but would sometimes want to bang my head on the table with utter frustration!!!!

Also, trying to explain money values to young children who want to buy sweets with the tiny bit of change you have in your purse that you've just given them, and you haven't given them the EXACT same coins

" He's got more than me"

"No, you've both got 20p, he's just got more coppers than you"

"yeah but he's got more"

*Deep breath, count to ten........*

MrsWeasleysmagicmincepies Thu 03-Jan-08 00:27:51

Dont worry AbbeyA you will soon learn who is who, so to speak, on here. Some names crop up more often and you get a sense of their level of humour. grin

OH BTW Welcome to the crazy world that is MN.

grin

ibblewob Thu 03-Jan-08 18:36:11

pmsl at this thread, agree with AbbeyA but her posts weren't nearly as funny grin

Where have I heard that the best thing for kids is not to have any formal education until they're 6 or 7? Sounds good to me... Means I don't have to worry about this with my little one for at least 4 years!

bluedomino Fri 04-Jan-08 00:40:20

My brother was called into school about his DD (approx 8yo ish). She had coloured in a waterfall picture beautifully, it had flowers, birds & a rainbow. Then she had to write about how the picture made her feel - "Lonely, dark, alone with only eggs to eat". Brother asked her if that was really how she felt, to which she laughed and said "no, I just love the look on the teacher face when I write that stuff".

This is the same child that when we were going out one day I asked did I look OK, she said yes, she'd seen people looking a lot worse.

MrsWeasley Fri 04-Jan-08 09:48:20

ROFL Classic absolute classic. This thread is wonderful grin

<<wipes tears from eyes before kids ask "Mum, are you on that thread again? >>

MuthaHubbard Fri 04-Jan-08 14:40:07

My dd came along to my ww meeting yesterday (as not back at school yet).

At the end of the meeting she kept saying very loudly - WHEN ARE WE GOING TO THE PUB/MUMMY WE REALLY NEED TO GO TO THE PUB - in a mad alcoholic-needing-a-fix type of way.

MuthaHubbard Fri 04-Jan-08 14:40:51

I should add that we were going for our lunch, not to ply her with alcohol!! (though sometimes I wonder....)

Years ago my dsis patiently sat & taught the theory of gravity to dd (then aged about 8). dd then proudly announced that she knew all about it & proceeded to give a very lucid explanation, which impressed us all no end. Unfortunately she spoilt it a bit by asking , 'but Auntie X, how does gravity get upstairs?'grin

Blandmum Fri 04-Jan-08 15:44:00

DD is 'doing' improper fractions. (she is 11, and at this rate will be fortunate to get to 12)

Or rather she is not doing them, And I'm about to have a thrombo.

2 7/8 as an improper fraction

'OK' says I, 'How many eighths in 1'
'dunno'

'OK' says I, how many quarters, make up a whole 1'

'Dunno'

I draw a circle, and divide it into 4. 'How many quarters in 1 whole circle?'

'4'

So how many Eighths in a whole 1?

'4'

ARRGGGHHHHHHHHHH. It was so hard it was not to yell, 'Oh FFS!!!!!!!!!!'

It was only years of training and teaching, let me tell you!

AnneMayesR Fri 04-Jan-08 16:10:55

Oh my god I laughed so hard reading this thread. I thought I was the only mum in the world who feels this way. My 2 year old is gifted and knows his time tables.

My older two are as thick as pig shit and I could strangle them.

Swedes2Turnips1 Fri 04-Jan-08 23:23:21

From a very bright 12 year old to aunt:
'Thank you for the party'

Aunt: Aw, thank you for coming, I hope it wasn't boring'

'Nah, I'v been to even more boring parties'

twentypence Sat 05-Jan-08 01:05:15

martianbishop - I usually end up teaching the "cabbage maths" type child (their expression not mine!) improper fractions because without it they will have no chance with understanding and reading music.

After a very frustrating 5 minutes ds (who is 4) can usually be heard to say from the living room. "8 quavers make 4 crochets, HOW LONG CAN IT TAKE TO GET THAT?!"

Funnily enough the music student's concentration is kickstarted by a 4 year old suggesting they are stupid.

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