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Sex in pregnancy (or lack of!)

6 replies

Sam29 · 16/10/2002 20:34

Am four and half months pregnant, libido upped and left at start of pregnancy and doesn't seem to have come back, do not want hubbie to feel neglected but do not want to duty shag either! Any ideas???

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Janus · 16/10/2002 21:33

I think we and our partners all go through 'stages' in pregnancy. In my first I think I was less than usual to start with (as mostly fell asleep on the sofa by 8.30!) and then around 5 months got rampant (as many pregnant women do)! However, a lot of partners then get a bit frightened that they could 'hurt' you or the baby and this sometimes reduces the amount of sex.
I'm pregnant second time around and completely knackered this time, more than first time and put it down to running around after a 2 year old! Anyway, sex has reduced although not stopped altogether and I'm hoping the rampant hormones kick in soon!!
Anyway, what I would suggest is talking to your partner about your feelings. I found the first time around when both of us went through different periods of wanting more or less as soon as we discussed it we both felt so much better and understood eachothers point of view with no hurt feelings.
Good luck with everything!

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Cadi · 16/10/2002 21:36

Oh dear I shouldn't really be answering this ... as I've got no ideas at all, but I do know where you are ... we didn't have sex for most of my pregnancy, DH didn't feel neglected but he did feel frustrated but knew there was an end in sight, don't know what he would have done if I'd gone way over my due date though :-)

If it helps my libido returned about a month after baby was born :-)

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Katherine · 17/10/2002 16:00

Sam29 - on my thrid pg, with DS went of sex completely, with DD couldn't get enough. This time completely off again (now almost 10 weeks) and poor DH is getting v. frustrated. Pesters me every night, not just for sex I hasten to add, but I don't even want to cuddle. Its as if my skin is hyper-sensitive. He is feeling v. rejected and unloved and I am feeling weary and annoyed. It is difficult. Don't know what to suggest as not handling it that well myself but hopefully it will pass soon and at least there is a deadline!

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Sam29 · 19/10/2002 08:47

thanks all for those, glad it is not just me! He is very understanding but that does not take the frustration away. Will look forward to the rampant stage!

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Ghosty · 19/10/2002 09:00

Sam29 - I'm sorry I have no ideas for you because I am in the same boat ... in fact Katherine's situation is identical to mine in terms of the hypesensitivity thing - I can't bear to be touched at the moment.

In addition to that DH was still smoking up until 3 days ago and the smell usually makes me want to chunder all over the place - I make him shower and brush his teeth and do listerine 10 times before he comes to bed and I still smell it ... yuk! Bless him, he is really trying to keep off it as the deal is that if he stays off them then I won't want to start again when the baby comes.

Back to the point ... I am hoping that I will get a bit better by 4 months (so is DH) but I am not banking on it ... my libido never really came back after DS ...

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Sam29 · 22/10/2002 21:19

Ghosty,
has your dh tried using the nicotine inhalator thing? Mine was a prolific smoker but stopped withing 3weeks of finding out about pregnancy using the inhalator. Have to say he still struggles with wanting one when in the pub with a pint in his hand but overall I've been amazed by how well he has done. Worth a try?