Organ donation , what are your thoughts?

[ariel]

After watching a progamme called " death" on channel 4 last night, which follewed 3 terminally ill people till they died, dh and i chatted for a long time about what we wanted to happen after we died, i have allways felt vert strongly in favour of organ donation and if possible i want to donate all of my organs , but dh is very strongly against it .I would never go against his wishes, but then the sticky subject of what would happen if one of our children were to die, again i feel very strongly that i would want their organs to help other people, but dh was really upset by this , he said if we were in this position and i went against his wishes regarding any of our children that he would never forgive me, infact he said he would divorce me. Although this sort of decision is a very personal one and i would never go against his personal wishes regarding him self i truely beleive that if something awfull happened then i would go ahead and give the doctors all my support in useing any of their organs, Im i wrong to think this, should i put dh feelings before mine. I must say i am sorry if this sounds quite morbid, but with both of us haveing such strong views i really think this is an important subject that has to be delt with.

[ariel]

sorry meant "very " not "vert"

[bundle]

ariel, I'd be interested to hear how your husband would react if one of your children needed an organ transplant - would he refuse ????
Like you, I'm a keen advocate of organ donation, I even think we should have an 'opt out' system, to help ease the huge shortage there is in donor organs.

[SimonHoward]

Ariel

I have been a card carrying donor since 18 and all of my family are the same.

We let each other know our feelings on this and all agreed to it being a good thing.

I think your DH is being very strange but each to their own.

[bundle]

sobernow, I'd forgotten about the blood thing - and thanks for reminding me, I haven't been since dd was born...I need to go & give a pint! I hope to persuade dh to come along, even though he's a complete weed and has resisted in the past.

[ariel]

One of my arguments was indeed about what would happen if our children needed an organ, all he could say is that he could not accept one of his children being "mutilated"(sp?) after dieing. We have been very close to loseing two of our children,dd was born at 32 weeks and got a severe infection, we were told she would not live through the night but she did, and ds3 was 11 weeks premature and quite ill.It was because of dd needing an emergency blood transfusion that encouraged me to donate blood regularly.Imo once you or a child dies they have no use of their body or organs so why not let somebody else have them, but unfortunatly dh wont be persuaded, i do worry that if in the future this could be a huge problem if were ever in this positon.

[Harrysmum]

Whilst believing hugely in organ donation (all in both families have cards etc) I can sympathise with the thought that if it's your baby who has died then someone interfering/invading their little body could be just too much. I like to think that should (God forbid) the worst happen to ds that we would have the courage of our convictions to carry us through but I can see that it may be too much for some people (I am a lot more sensitive to such issues post ds!!). You never know, if it came to the crunch he may change his mind - probably not worth pursuing in terms of potential angst until the occasion (if ever arises). On a slightly different note, does anyone know if I can continue to give blood now that I have been in receipt of a blood transfusion?

[SueW]

DD and I are both registered as organ donor. I just ticked the box when I registered us at the GPs. I didn't discuss it with DH beforehand but we're both in favour of it anyway. I'm not sure whether he's registered but IIRC he said NZ (where he's from) has an opt-out system so he's always expected it.

Not sure how I'd cope if we disagreed. Probably just keep my fingers crossed nothing happened to DD until she was old enough to give her own consent or at least voice her own opinion.

As for blood donations - I have given blood about a dozen times over the years but seem to be excluded most of the time - either becuase I've been overseas and have to wait a year after my return or I'm preg or breastfeeding or have a cold or goodness knows what else.

Transfusions - according to the National Blood Service website (click on 'Who Can Donate' at the bottom) you can give after a transfusion but you have to wait a year and meet the other criteria.

[JanZ]

I've registered on-line at the organ donation site, plus have stated it on my driver's licence. The only reason I don't carry a card is that my purse was stolen and I've never got round to getting another card. Dh knows that I would want my organs used.

Unfortunately dh himself does not want his organs used and I would have to respect that. He has a fear that "they" would not "try hard enough" if he carried a card and they knew his organs would be available. I think that's ridiculous, but that's what he feels.

I don't what our joint approach would be for ds. I'm nearly sure that he would agree for his organs to be donated, if, horror of horrors, something happened to ds, because at least that way "something" of him would live on. But he would also have been able to witness the efforts that would have been made to keep ds alive (unlike his own fears about what might happen to him!).

Unfortunately I'm not able to give blood at the moment - I keep on visiting South Africa and because part of it is a malarial area, my blood is not wanted for (I think) a year afterwards.

[PamT]

Ariel, DH and I are the same as you and your DH, I am all for it but he won't hear of it. I suppose I would have to respect his wishes if he died but I hope he would do the same for me. A lot of bereaved parents find some comfort in the fact that their loss has helped other people to live. I don't think anyone can really imagine how they will feel when put in that situation though and we may all feel different if, heaven forbid, the time came to make the choice.

[Lucy123]

This is very strange - I thought my dp was just being odd when he said he was dead against donating his organs - maybe its a man thing? Also PamT is right about potential comfort from donating your child's organs - and I'll argue that till I'm blue in the face should anything happen to our dd.

[bundle]

interesting about the man thing. I just found
\linksociety.guardian.co.uk/alderhey/story/0,7999,431865,00.html\this article in the Guardian{} - warning - definitely not for the squeamish, but really thought-provoking

[bundle]

whoops!

[Marina]

As a family we are all in favour of it, for all of us. Here's my reason why:
I have a friend whose wife developed pre-eclampsia suddenly, early, and was not seen in time. The baby was stillborn and although she survived she is now permanently on dialysis.
Last summer they felt their best option was for him to donate one of his kidneys. The transplant did not take. I think, like others here, we should be obliged to opt out of donating organs, not opt in.

[janh]

My DH and I both carry organ donor cards from years back, though are not registered anywhere, how would we do that, please?

None of our children is registered either, I have always assumed that if one of them died we would do this but we haven't really discussed it with them or each other. There was one of those heart-rending cases locally this week, of a young lad killed in a RTA, there were 3 in the car and the other 2 survived, thankfully, but anyway his family donated all his organs and in their position I would do the same - if it was our child needing a kidney or whatever I would be grateful for the rest of my life to the parents of the donor child, even if it failed.

I am amazed about all these men feeling they can't consent - they can't really believe the NHS is an organ factory? It must be the cutting-up business they can't cope with...but after a sudden death they get cut up anyway (post-mortems), you have to just blank that out, surely.

What does happen if the parents don't agree on donation when a child has died? Does anyone know?

[jenny2998]

I also agree with an opt-out rather than opt-in system.

I know it is an emotive subject, but surely in the awful event of losing someone, you can gain comfort from knowing that another life (or maybe even several lives) can be saved. All life is precious and our priority ought to be the living.

[Snugs]

Janh, nhs organ donor registration

[Snugs]

And for those who are happy to donate blood, have you also considered registration for bone marrow donation? The Anthony Nolan Trust is always crying out for more registrations.

[ariel]

Im pretty sure all the doctors need is one parent/guardian to consent even if the other one doesnt.

[PamT]

snugs, do the Anthony Nolan trust still ask for a donation before they can test you? I know that the government has recently offered a lot more funding for bone marrow testing as a result of a mum from my area standing up to Tony Blair during question time and asking for help for her daughter. There have been many appeals in my area for people to offer their blood for initial testing but on one occasion most of these volunteers had to be turned away because there weren't enough staff or funds to do everyone. BTW I'm not aware that Alice Maddocks has found a match yet for her bone marrow but I'm sure that a lot of other people will have been helped by her mum's persistence.

[sis]

ariel, I agree with you on organ donation but I have to say if my dh was as opposed to it as your dh seems to be, I would not donate any of my ds's organs should he die (it is hard just to type those words!. I'm not sure why, it isn't that mine and your views are not as valid as your dh's but more to do with the fact that when there are two opposing views on whetheer to take action or not, the non-action option seems to be the least "harmful". I know i haven't explained myself very well, but I hope you get the gist of what I am trying to say.

Also, if the awful situation did arise, I don't think anyone should beat themselves up for not donating their child's organs because the other parent was strongly opposed to it.

[SueDonim]

My impression, Ariel, was that Drs' wouldn't take organs if there was a family dispute over it. Not sure why I think that, though.

As for blood transfusions, there seem to be so many limitations on who can give that there can only be about 3 people in the entire UK who are eligable! As I understand it, America is even fussier and won't accept blood from anyone who has lived in the UK after (?)1983, because of BSE, which is a shame as my DS has just gone to live in the US and he has yummy O Neg blood.

It's all a far cry from the days when my DH used to sell his blood in the US to help finance his leisure pursuits!

[janh]

Thanks, Snugs, I have registered and sent it round to my nearest and dearest as well.

Suedonim, I sold blood in GREECE (eek!) and Israel in the 1970s - always a useful source of funds! (They didn't insist on a 6-month delay either, you could empty yourself in a couple of weeks if you were really desperate for money.) I wonder if those countries still do it.

I agree strongly with jenny2998 (can we just call you jenny???) about life being precious, and the comfort of knowing that your own loss has led to several other families' lives being immeasurably enhanced. In a way this links in with the Religion thread because I have no belief whatsoever in an afterlife, and the loss of a child, with no such spiritual consolation open to me, would be very slightly easier to bear this way.

[ariel]

I agree that in an ideal world both parents involved should be in agreement to any donations of a child, but personally i know i would be able to make sense and mourn easier(if thats possible) knowing that my child has helped another person to live, i suppose therefore makeing some good come out of a terrible situation.Its so distressing even writing about this subject , but it does happen, and as parents it has to be disscussed and dealt with.

[ariel]

If any one is interested ,theres a site at www.uktransplant.org (sorry cant do links) where you can join the organ donation list online ,its really quick and easy, just add a few personal details and there sent to the organ donation list.