Nursery Rhymes

[jenny2998]

Just got this in my inbox...


JACK AND JILL
Went up the hill
To have a little fun-
Stupid Jill
Forgot the pill
And now they have a son.


LITTLE MISS MUFFET sat on a tuffet,
Her clothes all tattered and torn.
It had not been the spider
that crept up beside her
But Little Boy Blue and his horn.


SIMPLE SIMON met a Pieman
Going to the fair
Said Simple Simon to the Pieman
"What have you got there?"
Said the Pieman unto Simon
"Pies, you stupid bastard!"


HUMPTY DUMPTY sat on a wall
humpty dumpty had a great fall
all the kings horses and all the kings men
had scrambled eggs for breakfast again.

GEORGIE PORGY Pudding and Pie
Kissed the girls and made them cry.
When the boys came out to play
He kissed them too 'cause he was gay

HEY DIDDLE, DIDDLE,
the cat did a piddle,
all over the bedside clock,
The little dog laughed to see such fun
when it died of electric shock

or alternatively...

Hey diddle diddle
the cat did a piddle
all over the bathroom floor
the little dog laughed to see such fun
so the cat did a little bit more!

[SoupDragon]

lol

Mary had a little lamb,
She tied it to a pylon.
2000 volts went up its bum
And now its wool is nylon

[susanmt]

ROFL you have cheered me up I was having a blue day!

[SoupDragon]

I wish I could remember some more...

Mary had a little lamb,
The doctors were all surprised.

[Lucy123]

I love these - this is my favourite (has to be read with a Northern accent)

Mary had a little lamb
Its feet were black as soot
and everywhere that Mary went
his mucky foot he put.

or..

Hickory dickory dock
3 mice ran up the clock
the clock struck one
and the other two got away with minor injuries.

[susanmt]

My brother told me this one tonight:

Jack be nimble
Jack be quick
Jack jump over the candlestick

Poor old Jack
Should have jumped higher
Goodness gracious, great balls of fire!!

[Jendy]

Jenny2998 thought you might like to know or not! The Jack & Jill rhyme is actually incorporated in to (the naughty version) of a song from the 80s called 'Rappers Delight' by the Sugar Hill Gang. Another part of it is although not necessarily a nursery rhyme is spoken from the part of jealous rival to Superman for Lois Lane's attention (the comic strip figure). Hope I don't offend anyone but its a bit rude.
'He's a fairy I do suppose, flying through the air in his panty hose.
He may be able to fly all through the night but can he rock a party till the early morning light.
He can't satisfy with his little worm but I can burst you out with my super sperm.
Obviously the shy retiring type.

[titchy]

LOL! How about:

Mary had a little lamb
The doctors were astounded
Everywhere that Mary went
Gyneacologists surrounded!

Or dd's favourites:
Little Miss Muffet sat on a tuffet
Eating Irish stew
Along came a spider and sat down beside her
So she ate him up to!

and

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall
Eating green bananas
Where d'you think he put the skin
Down the King's pyjamas.

He he he

[XAusted]

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall
Humpty Dumpty's a bit of a twit
That's a stupid place for an egg to sit!