Falling out with another mum.

(50 Posts)
Zombiemum1946 Wed 05-Oct-16 16:29:37

My lo had a friend to play (aged 5yrs and 6yrs). The 2 of them went out to play in the front garden with which there had been no problem before . I thought they had come back in. They wandered off and were found 20 mins later having made it within 20 meters from the main road. I didn't know they had gone till the dad came to pick lo up .Understandably the other mum was very upset. After that she was struggling to look me in the eye and was avoiding me. Things improved marginally until she told me that my lo had asked her lo why did we hate each other. I explained to the mum that I had told my lo that she would be very angry with me because of what happened because she was a good mum and that I would feel the same if it were the other way round . Since then she no longer lets her lo come round to play and looks upset whenever she see's me. I feel so bad for having broken her trust and upsetting her. She is a really lovely person and I don't know how to resolve it . She lives literally across the road and the kids were in and out of each others houses nearly everyday. I struggle with difficult situations and generally panic and end up just making a mess of things. I know I have to talk to her I just don't know what to say.

Ausernotanumber Wed 05-Oct-16 16:31:51

I'd be fuming. I wouldn't be friends with you either. You didn't supervise the kids at all.

TheTyrannyOfMAGENTA Wed 05-Oct-16 16:36:43

shock I would be livid at you.

Ginmakesitallok Wed 05-Oct-16 16:37:56

I don't think I could face you again either.

Zombiemum1946 Wed 05-Oct-16 16:38:01

As I said there had never been a problem before . This was the first time. I feel awful about what happened. This took place 2 mths ago . I will always feel guilty and it was my child that was at risk as well. I am under no illusions as to my culpability. I have never nor would I ,make an excuse for what happened.

Ausernotanumber Wed 05-Oct-16 16:39:03

Doesn't matter that it never happened before.

I would be absolutely raging. My kids would never be over next yours again.

Konyaa Wed 05-Oct-16 16:42:03

Feeling sick reading this. N wouldn't ever see you again, my kids would never go to yours again

lightcola Wed 05-Oct-16 16:43:26

Sorry, but I too would stop all play dates. I wouldn't be able to relax with my child under your care.

WatchingFromTheWings Wed 05-Oct-16 16:44:46

I wouldn't trust you with my kids either. You'd have to be out of your mind to let them play out unsupervised. 20 seconds is an unacceptable amount of time for them to be missing never mind 20 minutes! Anything could have happened.

DamnCommandments Wed 05-Oct-16 16:44:57

It's happened to me. My neighbour lost our Reception age kids and didn't realise for 40 minutes. They had taken the key and slipped out the back door so noone could see. I blamed the four year olds. They're now more closely supervised (by both of us) but still play together all the time. It would be cruel to punish them for poor impulse control.

DamnCommandments Wed 05-Oct-16 16:45:20

Took years off both our lives...

knaffedoff Wed 05-Oct-16 16:48:54

Is there any reason why you don't use your rear garden? I would not allow my kids at their age into the front garden without me.

I am sorry but I don't think this friendship can be salvaged

ayeokthen Wed 05-Oct-16 16:51:26

I've got to be honest, if one of mine had been able to wander off beside a main road and the mother who had them told me that, I'd go absolutely ballistic. If I'd been the other mum I'd probably have torn a strip off you there and then. I definitely wouldn't allow my child to go back to that house.

ayeokthen Wed 05-Oct-16 16:53:07

Have you apologised? I ask because you didn't mention it in your op.

RuralLibran Wed 05-Oct-16 16:53:18

I don't think you can resolve it to be honest, you cant undo what happened can you?

whensitmyturn Wed 05-Oct-16 16:53:20

Unfortunately it sounds like the friendship has come to an end.
I wouldn't try and talk to her, maybe send her a card/letter just re-iterating her how sorry you are but I don't think it will change things.
It's probably why the other lady is upset when she sees you, she may miss the friendship but feel her hands are tied as you betrayed her trust.

Try and be thankful that both the dc's were found and no harm came to them and move on.

TheVirginQueen Wed 05-Oct-16 16:56:41

You have learned from this though I bet?

You cant make her forget it but try not to give it too much headspace.

GipsyHill Wed 05-Oct-16 16:59:40

I would be cross at the time and wouldn't leave my child in your care again.

However it's obvious that you are remorseful and I see no reason for her to shun you and spoil a friendship- thankfully there was no harm done so dwelling on it wont help anyone.

Can you send a text or a note to say sorry and build a bridge from there? If your DC are good friends it would be a shame for their friendship to suffer.

Whatabloodyidiot1 Wed 05-Oct-16 17:04:13

She's got every right to be angry and sever all contact with you.
You were irresponsible and bloody dangerous letting two young children play unsupervised in a front garden. She trusted you with the most important thing in her life, her child, and you fucked up, big style.
There is nothing you can do but accept that she doesn't wish to continue the friendship, there are no words to make this right, no actions that can make up for it. Leave her alone, the only positive I can think of is that you learnt your lesson on how to look after children properly.

chaplin1409 Wed 05-Oct-16 17:06:00

To be honest I would be very angry with you. Not knowing where somebody else's child is while you are looking after them is not good anything could of happened. Surely you would of been out the front with them at that age?

Zombiemum1946 Wed 05-Oct-16 17:08:20

They would go in the front garden to look at the snails and take them into the back garden . I would always watch them but as I say honestly thought they had come back in. I did say sorry but as I say I'm poor at handling difficult situations. Thank you for the idea of sending a card . I accept that the friendship has gone and the guilt will always be with me. In 13 yrs as a mum this has never happened before. I think about it everyday and feel dreadful for what this has done to lo friendship.

ayeokthen Wed 05-Oct-16 17:09:40

At least you apologised, that's something. It's up to you to make the first move, just explain that you want the little ones to continue being friends and see where you go from there.

Touchmybum Wed 05-Oct-16 17:18:45

You have to be even more careful with other peoples' children.... the consequences could have been dire. You are lucky in fact that a lost friendship is the worst of it.

thisagain Wed 05-Oct-16 17:24:31

Personally, I wouldn't be angry with you or blame you. I would be horrified and upset, but not angry. My children would never have gone anywhere at this age when supposed to be in the house. If they had friends round, I could easily leave them to play and just check periodically. This could have allowed the same to happen to me. However, she clearly is angry and plenty of people on here say they would be too. How you resolve this I don't know but if you are not so great then perhaps get a sorry note (saying all you want to say). That should at least break the ice and take it from there.

nic25 Wed 05-Oct-16 17:29:25

You didn't do it on purpose, you made a mistake thinking they would be ok. All you can do is keep saying sorry. Can you move house? I know that's drastic but just so you don't have to see her and you can move on and put it behind you.

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