Is anyone really happy?

(34 Posts)
lemonysnickett Fri 05-Jan-07 19:53:41

I ask this question because recently have been very surprised by things people have said....went to xmas party with colleagues, one of them brought hubby along..married for 2 years. Seemed happy enough to me, he was a bit quiet but thought it was because he didn't know anyone. In the past she has always spken about him fondly..seemd very content..said they had recently bought a house which they were decorating..etcetc..then, the other day she told me she is very unhappy and wants to leave him. she is bored and frustrated..they have different interests, he doesn't seem to want to socialise much..doesn't make her feel special...she seems certain she wants to leave him.
I was very shocked...I used to look at her sometimes envy the fact that she seemed so content and happy....not in a jealous way ...more in and admiring way.
I thought about how a lot of what she had said was not true. She had painted a picture that wasn't reality.
another situation...friend of mine always talks about her boyfriend in a very positive way..he cooks for her..seems to dote on her really...recenty she has said some things that make me wonder if this is all true or she has tried to make it seem happier than it is.
someone else I know ...again always acted very happy with her marriage..cut a long story short..they divorced.
I have to admit...sometimes i go into work acting hunky dory ..when really i feel miserable cos of an argumetn or something.
Is anyone really happy and content and fulfilled with their lives?
Are all men completely selfish?
The friend i mentioned at the beginning of this message is a lovely, beautiful, intelligent girl....her husband doesn't seem to appreciate her ...he has blown it!
Is anyone really happy?

Floatinginthemoonlitsky Fri 05-Jan-07 19:59:17

I've never been really happy, although I do have "good memories" usually of crazy younger drunken days lol.

But I am always living in hope that one day I will "get there" - to some sort of contentment. Whether or not I'm kidding myself, I don't know. And you know what, I think if I did life would actually be quite boring!

I do feel this year though that I am closer to being happy than I ever have been before in my life. I think it's because I've worked through a lot of my "issues" over the years & slowly they are sort of fading into insignificance & the real me, my real priorities etc are coming to the fore.

I hope, anyway!!

mummytosteven Fri 05-Jan-07 20:01:02

There are 2 sides to every story - maybe he is miserable and antisocial and ignores her, or maybe she suggests going out clubbing when he would prefer to go to the movies, and wants flowers and lots of romance. I think that in the long term all relationships have ups and downs, doesn't mean that essentially people aren't really happy, any one of us can home in on one really good or bad thing our partners have said or done and distort the picture we give others of our relationships.

Posey Fri 05-Jan-07 20:08:37

I'm happy.
Have always had a pretty happy personality. Was a happy child, teenager, adult. Of course some things made/make me unhappy, and have had some shitty things to deal with, but am generally an optimist. Am also a realist, and practical, and if something makes me unhappy and there is anything I can do to change it, I do.

Don't have a "perfect" life, but am happy.

ShowOfHands Fri 05-Jan-07 20:11:58

I'm perennially happy. And it is in my marriage that I am happiest.

<-- see, happy!

costababe Fri 05-Jan-07 20:12:25

i think the meanng of happy tends to change as u get older or ur life style changes, when younger pre kids iwas happy just to get through the working week and get out at the weekend, a bit of shopping, a lot of socialising and loads of male attention, now i have a dp, two ds and a better working life, my overall life is happier i just yearn sometimes for the carefree days of youth and think on thoose days that im not happy with my life, if any of that makes sense, sorry if not

charliecat Fri 05-Jan-07 20:13:11

I am happy. My dp makes me miserable though. Constant negativity.

Jimjams2 Fri 05-Jan-07 20:15:03

I'm pretty happy, interspersed with moments of "downess" but they're entirely predictable now (ds1's birthday, Xmas and 2 weeks after any major intervention/assesment with ds1). So I just wait for it to go away usually lasts a few weeks. I'm booking time off around ds1's birthday next year as I know I'll be useless for 2 weeks. So I'm just going to schlep around.

I never believe people who tell you how wonderful their life is, always think its a front. I moan all the time, but I'm pretty content really

Posey Fri 05-Jan-07 20:15:59

Agree CC about negativity. Its really wearing if someone is always negative. I had a "friend", actually the mum of one of dd's friends, and she is so negative all the time about everything. Wears me down and so see less of her than I might.

lemonysnickett Fri 05-Jan-07 23:31:20

interesting to hear all your views but i really feel nowadays more than ever people put on a front...if you think about programmes like desperate housewives..if anyone watches is obviously light entertainment but based on some premise that we all live different lives behind closed the ones we portry.personally, i miss my carefree days too...although fee quite content most of te time..but i wiuld be lying if i said my life really excites me...have a pretty normal routine day in day ou...i would like to go out more, get dressed up more...feel more like i used to..sorrry to sound so negative...just the way i feel sometimes..
i thinkd on the whole i agree that people that make their lives sound great ..have got to be fibbing...god, i have become so cynical!!!

lemonysnickett Fri 05-Jan-07 23:32:53

sorry about all the spelling 4 year old has pulled some of the keys out of the keyboard on my laptop(just a phase he was going through!)

expatinscotland Fri 05-Jan-07 23:33:39

No, but I never expected to be, either.

crunchie Fri 05-Jan-07 23:39:23

Well I am happy, I truely think I am a lucky person and it's not down to DH or anything. I am just the sort of person where things simply go OK.

That might sound smug, but I really believe that I am blessed with a happy gene, I do get down at moments, I do have a firey temper too. But I always bounce back and always land on my feet.

Partly I think what helps is that I am not jealous or enveous of anyone else. I never look at what others have and want it. I I want something I find a way of getting it. However I also don't have daft ambitions. Yes I would like a pair of Gina shoes, but I am really happy with Office ones IYKWIM

BTW I do have a good relationship with my DH I simply can't imagin ea life without him there.

I am very happy. I have off days lke everyone else. I have a wonderful husband, a beautiful daughter a nice house, I never want for anything. I think everyone goes through good and bad times, I think its how you deal with the bad times that counts. You also need a positive outlook.

singsalot Fri 05-Jan-07 23:48:02

sometimes and that is good enough for me

sometimes I am also very

think it all balances out, mostly my glass is half full, sometimes it overflows

pointydog Sat 06-Jan-07 00:11:07

Yeah, I'm happy. Depends what you think you need to make you happy, though.

I've always been very happy, always felt loved even when single, which I think affects so many things. But that's the only thing I don't control myself - all my other happiness I work hard at achieving and maintaining. I'm all for being responsible for your own happiness (ironically 99% of the time that involves thinking about other people and not dwelling on yourself.)
When I'm feeling down I try really hard to count my blessings and focus on the positive.
Just read a great book on marriage btw if anyone wants cheering up.

foundintranslation Sat 06-Jan-07 10:13:05

Happiness is a bit of a difficult concept to define, but yes, I think I am happy. I seem to have one (usually minor in the scheme of things) difficulty or complication after another, and I'm finding bouncing back a bit tough at the moment, and I'm certainly not 'fulfilled', but rather on my way there - but I have very many people and things in my life which give me great pleasure and intense happiness. I'm certainly lucky - not in terms of everything going right, but in terms of coming through things pretty much intact.

WideWebWitch Sat 06-Jan-07 10:18:15

I am happy.

I have a lovely husband, a good marriage, fantastic children
a job I like, with people I respect (mostly) and where I laugh quite a lot
I like where I live
I'm happy with my friends (although I could do with a bit more time to spend with them)
I'm getting on well with my family atm
We have enough money, can afford things we want
have things to look forward to
have no awful things going on in our lives.

I'd like to lose some weight (which I'm doing) but other than that I really am happy. And that's somethnig I can fix and doesn't affect me (mostly) day to day as dh still fancies me it's just how I feel about it that bothers me. But hey, I even feel happy that I'm doing something about it.

There's an article in last month's Economist about Happiness and what constitutes happiness, will see if I can find it. (Only reason I bought it)

WideWebWitch Sat 06-Jan-07 10:21:30

bit of it here
Has anyone read the Oliver James book? Isn't that about how we're unhappier since the 50's despite societal advances in many areas?

WideWebWitch Sat 06-Jan-07 10:23:08
marthaepsilonmoo Sat 06-Jan-07 10:44:03

I haven't read all of that ST article yet but children don't make us happy, apparently

I think people were probaly happier in the fiftys. Life wasn't so complicated for people. Technology has never made anyone happy.

ludaloo Sat 06-Jan-07 11:29:20

I'm happy...

I adore my family
My husband is my best friend and I love him loads (and as far as I'm aware he feels the same)
I like where I live
I have some brilliant friends
I'm happy with my weight (strangely I'm the thinnest I've ever been and I've had three kids!)
Not soo keen on my new hairdo but hey!

I am not happy with the general state of the world though and even unhappier I can't do anything about it!

SmileysPeople Sat 06-Jan-07 11:33:46

Lots of people here are listing the external things that do/don't make them happy e.g. nice husband, nice area, nice children, nice job etc....

Actually it's not the external things that make us happy, it's more an internal state, hence some people still unhappy went they seemingly have everything and others happy despite their lot seeming a bit shit.

I know this because the Dalai lama told me (in a book, we're not best mates.)

Sobernow Sat 06-Jan-07 11:34:56

I'm a glass half empty, negative person who always looks for the bleak in everything, but even I have to admit that this period of my life is the happiest I have ever been.

noddyholder Sat 06-Jan-07 11:35:54

I think happiness is a deep down feeling and can't be measured by 'things'.Developing a more relaxed and spiritual approach to each day has really helped me and when you are truly happy deep down you just know and feel it.It does take work though and learning to live in the day and appreciate what you have really help

iota Sat 06-Jan-07 11:42:44

I'm happy (usually) and whilst I agree that happiness comes from within, external factors can have a huge impact on your state of mind - if you have money worries for example, it can cause you so much stress that you find it hard to enjoy other aspects of your life or even to afford things to make your life better.

Of course, lots of people are happy even if they have money worries

WideWebWitch Sat 06-Jan-07 12:01:58

Yes but the external things have a lot of impact on your internal state of happiness imo.

noddyholder Sat 06-Jan-07 12:27:03

They impact on your day to day satisfaction but true happiness can't be tainted by things like money ime.I have had real financial problems and other times when we have been quite comfortable and although my life is easier with more money etc and when my health is good I am not any less happy without

iota Sat 06-Jan-07 12:32:14

Maslow's hierarchy of needs is intersting

blossomhill Sat 06-Jan-07 12:35:05

I suffer with depression and am a very anxious person so that can affect how I feel but I am generally happy with my life.
I know I am very lucky.
I love my husband and I think that goes a hell of a long way.
My main aim this year is to see things from a positive and not regret things. I regret a lot and as dh says it's pointless.
The one thing that affects my happiness the most is my dd who has sn. When she is happy and everything is going well I know I am too. It's amazing how when she is going through a bad phase so do I.
All in all I am grateful for everything I have in life and that we are all healthy and basically have everything we need

southeastastra Sat 06-Jan-07 12:36:07

i find i'm quite happy most days, but some days the general competetive nature of the world (or maybe juse where i live) really gets me down.

my town used to be full of people who'd say hello in the morning, these are now getting few and far between, people just seem more interested in house prices and schools and couldn't really give a stuff about anyone else. i find that makes me depressed but then again maybe i'm just stoopid.

UCM Sat 06-Jan-07 12:40:34

I think there is a lot of truth in the sentence 'only you can can make yourself happy'.

There is a tendency in todays world to focus on the negative, as someone mentioned earlier, there might be one thing in your life which isn't good right now and it inhibits you being happy in other areas.

For example, I am sitting in a state of unhapiness waiting for my baby to arrive really.

What I should be doing is focusing on the fact that I already have a lovely DH, DS and enjoying this time we have together without the restraints of work/new babydom as we are both off work.

But - what am I doing, I am sitting on here moaning about my lot. It's self explanatory really.

I wish I knew the trick to focusing on the positive rather than the negative.

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