Grandparent has moved in! It's not going well...

[bkgirl]

Hi there, don't know if anyone would like to save my sanity but here goes...I am 48 married to a lovely man and have 2 kids (young teens). Sadly my dad died during the summer so my mother has moved in. My only requests to her was that she never tell me or my family to go to bed and that we have a happy home, we want to stay that way! My mother hated my father but wouldn't let him get a divorce, he was unwell and couldn't hold his own with her. She used to scream in his face she detested him. It was awful. Dad told me three days before he died he was finally going to leave her, I said I would help. Anyway she is nearly 80, very fit and always passive aggressive. The crunch came last night for me when my husband declined to go to the kitchen for a cup of tea because she was sat out there brooding. She has spent decades indulging in spite, unhappiness and vitriole and I am worried she is making our home toxic. Our kids avoid her because she constantly snipes at them. She even has the nerve now to go to dads grave (she must be swearing at him). I do love my mother, but she is undeniably and unbelievable snob - I means it's breathaking and really nasty. What should I do? Oh god, I pray for tolerance and wisdom every day but it's not really working.

[MidnightHag]

Why is she living with you? A sheltered flat might work better?

[rubyflipper]

Ditto midnightHag. Why has she moved in?

[roundandroundthehouses]

That sounds very unpleasant for your children, and you are right to worry that your home is becoming toxic. Did you look into sheltered accommodation?

[ottothedog]

Move her back out again in the new year

[VimFuego101]

Does she plan to stay permanently or is this an interim measure while she finds her feet without your dad? I agree, a sheltered flat sounds like a better solution.

[pictish]

Seems like she needs to move out again.

[Blu]

Goodness, this was never going to work with a personality like that!
How come your DH agreed to her moving in?
What has happened to the home she shared with your father? Can it be sold to build a 'granny flat' seperate for her? Or can she just move back? Now that she is over the first shock of your father's death?

You can't have your family feeling alienated from their own home. It will wreck your marriage and ruin your teens last years at home.

Develop a strategy for getting her to move out.

[Nonidentifyingnc]

You have to get her back out of your house - you owe it to your kids.

[lucy101101]

Why did you do this to you and your family? I considered having my FIL come and live with us in a moment of madness and mentioned this to my (amazing) GP who told me under no circumstances to do this... and he was right. FIL is not a happy man (this is an understatement!) and it might not be better for him but it is much better for us that he is in sheltered accommodation. It would have destroyed us.