Swagger Inn. Can you believe we are still Wenching and that is almost July?! Thread 31.

(1000 Posts)
MalcolmTuckersMistress Thu 26-Jun-14 11:06:05

I think we will end up like this forever.

Sparklegeek Sat 28-Jun-14 10:03:49

Off to look at TWATS. Now there's something I don't say that often

FolknNorah Sat 28-Jun-14 10:11:15

Oh I always say it <breezy>

QueenAnneofAustriaSpain Sat 28-Jun-14 10:14:58

Madame and Trev brilliant job, and Norah you are on fire with all this go back to everyone's first posts but I think it would be lovely.

LaComtessdelafere Sat 28-Jun-14 10:25:49

Sorry was unable to communicate after reading Malc's Porthos story. Fuck. Me.

I mean.



LaComtessdelafere Sat 28-Jun-14 10:27:21

<reads story again>

Morning Sparkle. I also loved the swirling pussy. Bet that takes practise Norahwinkgrin

LaComtessdelafere Sat 28-Jun-14 10:29:21

8pm just a general guideline. Your norks needed for general HBS all night really Norah. <snuggles>

<never wants to leave>

<downs HotMoodyFucker in one>

<reads the story again>

<feels inspired>

<might write one tonight>


Just caught up from yesterday avo. Going back to take notes and deliver response in Flopsy's Roundup TM style, but without the news delivery and bongs part, so basically just a list of acknowledgements/comments.

<licks pencil>

<flips new page on noetpad>

Exdp not around this weekend, so dd and I are having a girly day. This is involves loom bands olympics, nail painting, films, yummy chocs, fave meal etc etc........... or so it was meant to.

So far, it looks like this. Me on laptop mainlining coffee. Dd on Minecraft <- there's a whole other convo, singing like nails down a chalkboard sweetly, non stop <vein above eye bulges> in her nightie.

Sparklegeek Sat 28-Jun-14 10:38:20

Ohhhh WAILLLLLL. Voyage Prive has 2 nights in the Barcelo Praha with flights for £139!!!! WaIIIIILLLLLL

ApricotCrush Sat 28-Jun-14 10:40:40

Morning! Don't know what I'm doing today but really should catch up with routine stuff as washing basket is full, house is a tip and it's Free Listing on eBay which I've been neglecting lately nothing to do with being here all the time.

Lovely idea re first posts Norah <how would you do that?> <useless on Mumsnet, only joined for this thread>

Great porn story Malc grin Love Porthos.

Comtess will try to be here this evening with wine

Madame and Trev good job with the TWATS, will go and have a look. smile

LaComtessdelafere Sat 28-Jun-14 10:50:18

'Deeper and harder her kissed her'

Love that bit. It's erotic even before he gets his considerable manhood into play . grin

I have to say I was there in the moment as the table collapses. And I could feel my legs going twitchy grin Malc you are a fucking genius.

AnneElkMiss Sat 28-Jun-14 10:57:27

Morning lovely wenches.

Yes yes yeaahhhssssss to the Porthos story Malc.....I think I need to go back and have another read, purely to appreciate the literary construct of course no idea what that means...it's wank....but sounded about right

How lovely of mrComtess, are you saying friends came over from US several months early because of DS1s sleepover??.....that is dedication indeed grin.

MrE needs to do some wining and dining, but its not the same when you have to prime them to do it. He needs lessons in spontaneity, but today he is mending the ballcock not that one, although that one could do with an outing

MlleE has her dance school annual show this evening, she's doing swan lake.....I may end up with a speck of dust in my eye.....so I'll be on after to hold comtess' hand, I imagine a few glasses of wine ( <-- Barolo) will have been downed by then.

LaComtessdelafere Sat 28-Jun-14 11:07:50

US friends actually over for business but it was all kept quiet from me so he could spring it on me this weekendgrin. They're off to Europe for a few weeks then back to come on hols with us for a week in Aug.

MrC loves a surprise. He once flew me to Rome for dinner when I said I wanted to go out for an italiangrin. (Pre child days where we didn't spend all our money on children's shoes).

AnneElkMiss Sat 28-Jun-14 11:17:18

How's the Athos in a bath scenario coming along Comtess?

MavisGrind Sat 28-Jun-14 11:18:59

Aw Comtess your Dh sounds wonderful! Flying to Rome for dinner.....<goes off in a reverie...> Don't suppose you'd lend him out? I may be team Athos but I'd be happy to be on a rota? hmm

O.k, well despite my best efforts after re-read, most of it has left my head again. Few things that stick in mind, seem to be funny or violent grin.

Anne - nice to see you wench, to see you nice<shudders at Brucie on thread> congrats on not stabbing dh in eye with a screwdriver grin

I WANT A DYSON HOMESQUIRT!!! grin grin grin - is that one for the Dyson HQ suggestion box MrsB?? Bloody hell, just imagine if he ventured out into that market? shock shock shock shock <simultaneously squirms and winces>

Malcolm story for Flopsy Norah...... where to start.
Firstly - Malcolm! Has this always been in you, or are you really reading too much a lot of fan fic at mo? You definitely have a talent my girl!

I loved it. Let me stress this - it was gush inducing, brilliance. I pictured everything clearly and found Porthos extremely Phwooaarrr, and was very jel not to be there, in the actual Tavern cellar with him myself!

Buuuuuut, in true Tavern style, there was the odd moment of shock or grin too, which I loooooved grin. Notably.....

When Porthos called her a lady.

When he called her Norah, I also thought, how much nicer than Twit, which just wouldn't have had same ring. Like a screeching record/ice bucket on the moment. grin

I liked the hand stabbing wall bit. But, I need clarification - did the knife rip through his hand like a big rippy line, or did it kind of ping off just as Porthos catches it? I quite liked the gruesomeness of this grin Gave it an edge. The darker side of the Tavern.

When it said 'his hands ran through her hair' I couldn't help thinking - No! Porthos. Bad move!!! You will either get them stuck in there with all the unrinsed conditioner build up grin, or, and I think possibly worse, you will ignite the static frizz, leaving Norah with a two foot high bouffy helmet, for which, I don't think she'll be thanking ya! grin grin Cue mucho sniggering.

However, testament to your skillz Malc, things were swiftly brought back on track with the line 'strapped down by all that leather' <ping> <ping> <ping> I can practically feel it pushing through the thick leather trousers <ping ping ping ping ping ping> <gets out Dyson Homesquirt>

Swirling Pussy <- grin grin grin grin grin grin Best line EVER! The Dr Who influence at play here, hmmm?

I particulary liked the image of Norah/a wench being harpooned to the wall by his nob, when the table gave way <tries to banish images of swinging, dangly legs and Norah shrugging casually, as she's just hanging around > grin grin grin

It was sooo brill Malcolm. You write great sex scenes <sensuous tit parp> <gloving> xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

And in other news.........

Yes, we do all love Mr Comtess. We might need to harvest some DNA or something Comtess, so that we can make adjustments as and when needed, to the clones. Is that alright?

Also, Anne's comment about Porthos mention at meet up. Yes, iirc (if I recall correctly - for WW and other non MN wenches) Porthos is the only one ALL wenches would do. I think he generally was either favourite or second favourite, for shagability.


<goes for lie down>

Sorry to all who I have missed.

Oh and after thought, Norah, you have contributed plenty. What is this place called, for a start eh? Not the Blue fucking Pauldron thats fo sho. And quite rightly too. couldn't imagine this place being anything but the Swagger Inn. and not something more reminiscent of the Blue Oyster gay bar in Police Academy

LaComtessdelafere Sat 28-Jun-14 11:55:52

Well if you put him on the rota I will warn you that he's exhaustingly upbeat at all times, has energy of 20 yr old but has great pecs as a plus point. He wears me out grin

Wow! Just caught up with the thread. I wasn't on last night 'cause I had my own little romantic interlude a bottle of very good red, steak and chips then bed with Mr T (not that one!) Lets call him Mr TW grin. He's been away for a week so lots of shagging to catch up on. wink

Malc - you are filthy in a very good way! GTRH for Porthos now. Please, please can one of the dirty clever wench's write me some Treville porn? Please??

Holiday wenches - you've probably buggered off already but have fun.
Partying wenches - have a wonderful time shaving fish and chips grin and bbqing.

Mr C sounds lovely - what a thoughtful thing to do. Oh if we could clone him for all the single wenches....

I will be here at 8, my considerable boobage will be at your disposal Comtesse.

Badvoc2 Sat 28-Jun-14 12:37:51

My uncle is dying.
On life support but it's not looking good.
Mum flying back to Ireland tomorrow.
Since I turned 40 everything has turned to shit.

Badders, that's shit. Sorry to hear you are having a truly hellish year.

Please keep nagging yourself to go for counselling sessions, to help you process all of this stuff. It's easy to get bogged down by the misery. You need to let some stress out of the bucket <does bad job of remembering overflowing bucket analogy>


bloody hell Badders - you are really going through the ringer. So sorry about your uncle. ^ What Hannah said. wise words re: stress out of bucket. brew

Sparklegeek Sat 28-Jun-14 12:53:09

This time last week wenches!!!

Today I will mostly be channelling the fish & the chips & the brownies & this gorgeous man. Vamos Chile!

Sparklegeek Sat 28-Jun-14 12:53:50

Hand to hold Badders x

MavisGrind Sat 28-Jun-14 13:42:42

Lordy Badders what a crap time of it you're having. thanks wine We're here when you need us. <snog>

I hope we're not forgetting that 'pauldron' was mine? <pointed look at Hannah> IIRC I spent an evening looking at armour through the ages <FML>

I only have that and apparently potentially poisoning children so I'm not letting it go!

Flopsy28 Sat 28-Jun-14 14:02:59

Hello wenches, been on the football touch line cheering DD on since bloody 10am. Had egg on toast now though so feel better.

After reading malc's story last night I duly dragged Mr Flopsy (gonna have to rethink that on somehow) upstairs for shenanigans. He said this morning "nice evening, that's 2 nights in a row, what's got into you?"

a) I didn't realise our sex life was that sparse and
b) how do I tell him it was a wench-written Porthos-porn story that GMG?

And btw, the rest of you can feck off if you think you're jumping on in the Porthos queue. It's just me, norah and possibly helen. End of.

Mavis.Love, why the pointed look at me? I was referring to the use of the word Pauldron as discovered by Mavis TM, in the tavern name suggestions, The Blue Pauldron - being one of which. (And, irrc, you were in favour of at time?)

Me mentioning it, is complimentary to it's point of origin -> you <- not me trying to claim it. Besides, any wench RTFT, as is compulsory, always knows what came from whom and when, anyway.

In fact, I think I'm so good at RTFT, I could probably go on Mastermind. That, is how much attention I pay. <no life>

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