Swagger Inn doors open for the weekend. Wenches Wenches everywhere! Come and get us you cheeky Musketeers.

(1000 Posts)
MalcolmTuckersMistress Fri 04-Apr-14 18:53:53

license name above door

I'm delighted to announce the opening of the Cunelingus Lounge. Yes that's right...CUNELINGUS. Put it in to google images I DARE YOU! Lie back and enjoy. We always love to hear from New wenches. Although I must make it clear that the Athos queue now extends right round the circumference of the United Kingdom.

Armand will be serving behind the bar this evening. He's looking into your soul and warming up his fingers...

Now that opening post would have been funny if you'd said Armband.

Lost opportunity there Malcers, lost.

QueenAnneofAustria Fri 04-Apr-14 19:20:30

Lines up the tequila's for all the wenches later on when the other thread is finished.

Extra shots for MTM

Oblomov Fri 04-Apr-14 19:20:45

MTM , you woz cunning. You never even posted me in the right direction!! And you know how useless I am at finding next threads.
Bet you woz busy, off drawing Capaldi's hair!!

LetsFaceTheMusicAndDance Fri 04-Apr-14 20:08:03

Well if new wenches are welcome Malcolm, I'll have a pint of your finest sack and I can't make up my mind whether to have a nunchion now or a rear-banquet.

And which winchester goose do I have to queue up behind to have a go on Porthos?

QueenAnneofAustria Fri 04-Apr-14 20:16:24

Firstly, hello and welcome. <that was very formal Anne> <yes, I like to be polite>

Secondly, back to the other thread. Drink gets really upset if we come over before we are finished.

Thirdly, wench Twit manages the Porthos queue. Negotiations are taking place as I type so I would be quick or you'll just end up cleaning the sticky floors.

Fourth and final point, I don't know if you have read the threads or even the last one but if you can't take a joke, if you are easily offended or if you can't read between the lines then it was nice to meet you but you might be happier with the Red Guards in the tavern across the street.

LetsFaceTheMusicAndDance Fri 04-Apr-14 20:20:19

Thnaks for your kind welcome Anne and Anne.
I posted on the very first one and have lurked a lttle bit but not read them all.

I can't hang about though as DH is working very odd hours and we have a 'fuck window' of about 45 minutes while one DS fetches the other from Scouts.

Is it wrong to hop on and think of Porthos?

Laters....

Alibabaandthe40nappies Fri 04-Apr-14 20:36:30

LetsFace not wrong at all. Variety is the spice of life, after all!

QueenAnneofAustria Fri 04-Apr-14 20:50:05

That's precisely what I would do.

But for future ref and you wouldn't know this, so I bear no grudge. But I am Anne and that is Elk! <tetchy but forgiving>

When you come back post on the other thread!!! Unless we have finished of course, which is entirely possible.

MrsBurketeer Fri 04-Apr-14 21:16:47

It's finished. Promise never ever to criticise the truly excellent script ever again can't help thinking it though

MrsBurketeer Fri 04-Apr-14 21:17:30

<waves hello to Letsface>

MrsBurketeer Fri 04-Apr-14 21:20:14

Oh no it isn't. Oops. <reconsiders more wine and heads back>

MrsBurketeer Fri 04-Apr-14 21:25:53

King duelling nephew. Genius. I love the King.

MavisGrind Fri 04-Apr-14 21:25:57

I'm not here. Not yet.

MrsBurketeer Fri 04-Apr-14 21:26:29

FFS <closes window on new thread so as not to fuck up again>

MavisGrind Fri 04-Apr-14 21:34:30

Aramis just punched Treville! <might be connected to action sandals>

Hahahahahahaha Malcolm! Am fucking pudding myself and getting glared at for Cardinals cock up me.

I always miss the last post. It's usually you or as recently Drink.

Second to last, I'll settle for.

QueenAnneofAustria Fri 04-Apr-14 21:35:09

Duke of Savoy has a crisp body ignores own 3 stone as previously discussed

QueenAnneofAustria Fri 04-Apr-14 21:35:24

Not fucking crisp - crap!

Twit Fri 04-Apr-14 21:35:45

<drags Porthos up the cellar stairs by his ankle, looks around, goes to find a handy chicken coop>

MavisGrind Fri 04-Apr-14 21:35:48

Hannah, despite 12 or so threads of protestations you know Athos only cares about me. His pauldron goes with my hair. <sticks out tongue>

Oblomov Fri 04-Apr-14 21:35:57

Athos. End of savoy fight. Open shirt. Billowy. Sweaty chest hair. F**k me, so sexy.

Oblomov Fri 04-Apr-14 21:36:23

I have come to apologise. I was over zealous.

I am not pudding myself.

I was pissing myself.

Jesus fecking Christ (sorry Drink), is it just me or are ifuckphones getting worse??

Sometimes it's funny. Sometimes it just steals impact.

QueenAnneofAustria Fri 04-Apr-14 21:37:22

This is a good Dog episode. I am enjoying him tonight.

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